Thursday, September 17, 2009

Taverna Fiorentina

We didn't land on Taverna Fiorentina, Taverna Fiorentina landed on us."

"I must emphasize at the out start that the Honorable Gastro Gnome is not a P.C. Yelper. So, I'm not here this afternoon as a Republican, nor as a Democrat; not as a Mason, nor as an Elk; not as a Protestant, nor a Catholic; not as a Christian, nor a Jew; not as a Baptist, nor a Methodist; in fact, not even as a Fraudie Buddha, because if I was a Fraudie Buddha, the problem that confronts our Stomach today wouldn't even exist.

So I have to stand here today as what I was when I was born: A Hungry man.

Before there was any such thing as a Citysearch or a Yelp, we were Hungry.

Before there was any such thing as a Liquid Nitrogen or a Foam, we were Hungry.

Before there was any such thing as a Blog or a Twitter, we were Hungry people!

In fact, before there was any such place as Taverna Fiorentina, we were Hungry!

And after Taverna Fiorentina has long passed from the scene, there will still be Hungry people.

I'm gonna tell you like it really is. Every negative review, these friends of Yelp are sent up here to pacify us! They're sent here and setup here by the Sponsors!

This is what they do!

They send Antipasto from Publix down here to pacify us!

They send Kroger Brie down here to pacify us!

They send Inedible Insalata Mista down here to pacify us!

Why, you can't even get Hot Bread in Here without the Owner's permission!

You can't get Real Pappardelle in Here without the Owner's permission!

You can't get Al Dente Risotto in Here without the Owner's permission!

Every time you break the seal on that Chocolate Mousse Mix, that's a Jell-O Pudding seal you're breaking!

Oh, I say and I say it again, ya been had!

Ya been took!

Ya been hoodwinked!

Bamboozled!

Led astray!

Run amok!

This is what he serves..." - Gastro X

I got hornswoggled and flim-flammed. This was truly one of the worst meal I have ever eaten, let alone put in my mouth. Pictures say a thousand words. When 3/4 of my entire meal is left uneaten, wouldn't that be a sign? I wouldn't serve this gruel to an orphanage... You won't see Oliver Twist asking for seconds or even firsts. Hell, I would request for a transfer to another orphanage.

$45 and 3 hours of my life I will never get back... Keep the change, you filthy animal.

ZERO STARS.

3324 Cobb Parkway
Atlanta, GA 30339
(770) 272-9825

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