Arby's Seared Duck Breast Sandwich

Thanks Fat Murica, Arby's did it again! They came up with another fucking gimmick to lure in the untapped neophytes into their dumps... And this fat fuck again as well. Jesus, why am I such a sucka for this garbage... Maybe because I am so lonely. When they say "We HaveThe Meats", they kinda mean it, somewhat... They are the only fast food chain to have offered pork belly, venison, elk and now, the duck. Let's see what they have to say about it online...
"True hunters know that successful pursuits in meat hunting begin with dedication and patience. Our Duck Sandwich is no different. Our Duck Sandwich features a premium duck breast, smoked cherry sauce, crispy onions all on a signature Arby's bun."
Since, my pursuit in meat hunting for chicks on Saturday night in midtown was a total failure like most weekends, I had a fool proof plan to slay another bird the next day. Arby's is only making these  birds available at 16 locations throughout the nation and the only location offering this gimmick in Atlanta was on Roswell Rd and Wieuca. Ugh, y'all gonna make this muffin top drive through Buckhead to get some play... They better have this shit in stock or else I'll just have to go to Popeyes right up the street. 
Let's take a gander shall we...


Hmm, it doesn't look anything special from this PR pic... Fuck, did I make a mistake driving all the way over here? Fuck it, you fat slob and just do it... You know you want to.

I have never paid $7 for one fast food sando ever before... I'm kinda regretting it already but it's got a sticker with a duck on it. Seriously, how good can it be? You motherfuckers better do some witchcraft on this meat craft... Or give me some weed first to give me the munchies or chant some sorcery shit. Open the damn box already...

Like usual, the visual of the real thing is nothing like the picture... At first glance, it looked like a cow muffin between two buns. I'm kinda disappointed already. Let's see what's under the hood...

That is some sad ass fried onions. Wait a minute, nevermind the fucking onion straws... Is that skin on that piece of meat thinger? Let's take a closer look...

Fuck me. That is a seared skin on something... Let's cut it in half and find out what this mysterious meat is.

Jesus, is that a moose knuckle? The meat hunt is over... Look at that bloody gash... It's fowl looking. Kinda reminds me of this fat hillbilly slob that took me home after a sloppy night of quarter pitchers in college... She was a beast. She did things to me that shouldn't be done to farm animals. Is it bad that I kinda wanna do an American Pie on it? I can imagine eating this is almost like going down on a heavy set broad... There's usually a lot of mons pubis to gnaw on. I better grab a handful of napkins before I even attempt to work on this bloody hatchet wound.

Let's take a closer look... Seriously, how is this possible... From Arby's? That is a pretty thick ass piece of pink duck breast. It is even a bit on the bloody side to make you do a double take at the buns. And the seared skin is kinda amazing to find on there as well. Took a bite and the thick breast meat fills up your mouth to satisfy that carnivore carving. It was tender, juicy and had a nice chew to it... Unpossible! And the skin was seasoned pretty well, too. There was no way this was made in this kitchen. They had to have prepped and cooked all these duck breast at another location and vac packed these beauties with instructions on how to reheat because there was no fucking way these slack jaws working here can sear a duck and render the fat this precisely. I hate to say it but did they sous vide these duck breast? I mean, if they're in vac packs already, then all these retards have to do is throw it in a hot water bath. However they prepared it, it was kinda worth the $7 to sample this mons pubis of duck.

I must admit, this might be Arby's best showing of exotic meats that they have been introducing on a limited basis. Sometimes, gimmicks do work and whatever gives them the most attention puts them on the radar for people who usually don't eat at fast food joints. The only time I even go to an Arby's is for their gimmick meats because it's just so ridiculous... Hey, believe me, I still waiting for their next gimmick to fail so miserably so I can rip them a new asshole... That's because I'm just returning the favor. If they come out with a bone-in Tomahawk chop or a wagyu or kobe steak sando, you can bet on my fat ass that the Pouch will be there. This is their 4th limited edition game meat, so, maybe their 9th mystery meat will finally kill the Pouch from curiosity. But I wouldn't bet on it.

Banshee

This may be the only new joint that hasn't got as much hype as all the other new openings in this one horse town... What gives? What is wrong with this place? Is it EAV and how ghetto it has become? Is it the owners/operators? Did they burn some bridges in the industry? Who knows but let's check Yelp... Those retards don't give a shit as long as they are the first to review. Surprisingly, there are only three rave reviews and 4 pictures of the neon sign and menu but no pictures of the grub... How can this be? Wait, they prolly didn't get any freebies is my guess... No reviews for you! 

Now, the Pouch's interest has been piqued. So, a little bird gave me a play by play during a recent visit about how awful the food was, especially, the braised duck mezzelune which was a salty cesspool... I must admit that I get excited and turned on by slop. I had to go and see and feed for myself since I haven't been to a shitty new resto in such a long time. So, I snuck in there quietly around 9:40 on a Friday night, it was packed but that didn't surprise me, what did stumped me was that the host said the kitchen was closed... On a Friday night before 10PM. Let me say it again... kitchen closed before 10 on a Friday night. Do they want to go out of business, is that their MO and business model? Jesus, don't make me go to Octopus Bar, they have gone downhill so much these day which gives me sad panda pouch face. The host said I could hangout at the bar and get drinks... Why would I when the bar looked like the Thunderdome... Master Blaster was in the weeds with the pigs around that trough. I got the fuck outta there literally in 21 seconds and wasn't gonna stay in EAV waiting for a gun fight to erupt on a Friday night... That's because I was only carrying a small Kahr, I will remember to bring my CZ Scorpion Evo 3 next time. 

I was kinda over this joint with that ridiculousness, but once the Pouch gets an hankering for new slop, it doesn't let go... I had to do it for my one reader since I haven't posted any new slop joints in so long. So, I got real fucked up on Saturday during the day so I can make it here early at night before the ghetto herd arrived. Got here around 5:30 to dine with the blue hairs and it was kinda crowded already. Whatever, as long as the bar is flowing and the kitchen isn't closed by 6PM we should be all good. 

Let's sample some dishes and see if it lives up to my low expectations I already have deemed them to be...  

I drank so much booze during the day that I had to piss like an inflated fugu... Don't worry, I will be enjoying myself in the shitter, I might even light my farts on fire in there for extra enjoyment.

Fry Bread, pepperoni butter, sesame, scallion. The fry bread was nothing special but the pepperoni butter was what I was interested in... How can this possibly be good? It's grease on fat... But y'all know what, it was surprisingly edible and a taste that was quickly acquired. It wasn't craveworthy enough alone to bring me back here but I would order it again if I was here again depending on the rest of the dishes.

Butternut Squash Ravioli, white bean, pumpkin seed picata, parmesan crisp, brown butter. Look at this plating... Where the fuck is the rav? It looks like it's hidden under a coral. If Nemo peeks out from beneath I will swallow that lil fucker like I did in college pledging. Let me re-plate this for them... Amateurs.

Voila! How difficult was that? Now, I can see all the actors in the bowl... That ravioli, one ravioli, looked so lonely in there all by it's lonesome. Is it too much to ask for two ravs? Not like it's filled with foie gras and truffles... It's squash for crying out loud. The parm crisp is nicely made, the white bean puree was velvety smooth, the ravioli pasta was toothy, the squash inside was fine and the entire execution was seasoned nicely. It's a good lil dish but don't be so friggin' cheap with just one veg rav... It's take two to make a Pouch feel right, it takes two to make it taste outta sight.

Wagyu Rare Beef Salad, peanut crisp, togarashi mayo, pickled carrot, tatsoi, soft egg. I was real skeptical about getting wagyu beef in EAV... It could be from the plethora of roadkill found on Bouldercrest... That road is filled with shady roadkill creastures. Ok, let's start from the top... The soft egg was spot-on, can't complain about that at all. The salad was more of a pickled veggie tasting. The use of exotic sounding Asian greens like tatsoi annoys me... Like they discovered some new breed of greens. It's just a friggin' spinach mustard thinger. Let's get to the main actor here... hidden under all that shit soaking up all the juices. The thinly slice manmeat wasn't as rare as stated but it tasted just ok, nothing really stood out on the flavor because it's been marinating under that mess. Not that it was putrid, either... But I wouldn't get it again because it got real tiresome after the perfect soft egg.

Pork Cheek Skewers, shishitos, garlic chips, dragon sauce. This will either be a big hit or a massive miss... And then this came out... This beautiful skewer of chubby swine cheeks sandwiched between shishito peppers looked amazing. There was no dragon sauce on the plate but it looked to be glazed on the cheeks. This dish was pretty damn tasty... the cheeks were tender as fuck and had a hint of sweetness and heat from the so called dragon sauce aka spicy soy sauce. This was good enough for the Pouch to put in a second order. Now, this was craveworthy enough for me to go back for more.

Pappardelle, sauce portugaise, shiitake mushrooms, fresno pepper, sage gremolata. Paying $16 for a small bowl of pasta usually pisses me off since pasta is low rent filler grub. This bowl may have been worth the price of admission if it wasn't all stuck together... I had to quickly rip the ribbons of pasta apart like a hair wax strip. The sauce and shiitake was pretty good and hearty but it coulda use a bit more seasoning. Every time I look at this bowl of pasta it reminds me of the 40 year old virgin. Oh, nipplefuck! Kelly Clarkson! I bet she likes to eat sticky pasta...

Pork Tenderloin, fig olivada, charred leek, almond, port jus. There was no fucking way in my rational pea brain I was gonna get the duck mezzelune but I really wanted to experience that nightmare... Alas, I played it safe since this entire visit has been going way better than expected. You can't fuck up a pork tenderloin, right? And that seemed to be true with this dish.. The medallions of Ms. Piggy were tender and moist, the figs were sweet and the port jus gave it that hint of richness. It's not a generous portion by any means but the execution was good enough to not make me mad for over paying for this tapas size portion. 

I was buzzed and all psyched to rip this joint a new brown balloon knot, but with the very decent visit I just had here, I have nothing really that crass to say... But then again, I didn't order the duck. I may just have to next time and then finish it off with the pork cheeks to cover up that salty cesspool in my cesshole.
The service was pleasant and prompt, their signature cocktails were ok but just stick with the classics like the old fashioned and sazerac along with the pork cheeks... And your night will not be a total shit show like the rest of EAV on a weekend night. I hope they can make it last in this shithole.

1271 Glenwood Ave
Atlanta, GA 30316
www.banshee-atl.com