Popeyes Hottie Sauce Chicken Nuggets and Sandwich

In case you're reading this ridiculous food blog for the first time... 

My name is Pouch and I'm a fat marsupial fuck. 

Hi Pouch... 

I'm addicted to cheekan, OK, mostly fwied cheekan... And I like fast food fwied cheekan, especially, Popeyes. 

So, they have been plastering the airwaves and interwebs with their new sauce, Popeyes Hottie Sauce, being pimped out by Megan Thee Stallion... 

Who da fuck is Megan Thee Stallion you axe?

It's Sly's daughter... Duh. She's one of those dark Eyetalians, you know, from the southern coastal area near the tip of the stiletto of the boot. She was in Demolition Man, she was in the background making chimichangas at Taco Bell.

I know what y'all are saying... Ginzos do not eat fried chicken. Did my beloved Pops fuck up with this gimmick... Is it time for Megan to sleep with the fishes? Let's go check it out... But if this doesn't pan out, there's always a back up plan (surprise)...

Chicken Nuggets-

They don't look like nuggets... They look more like kid's size tenders. They were crispy and tasty but really nothing that special. It just doesn't compare with their amazing bone-in cheekan... Spicy, of course.

I got both the Sweet Heat and Hottie Sauce to compare...

There is no difference at all visually. And it also tasted the same... They should call it- WEAK ASS HEAT by Chad Thee Chode. It's more sweet than spicy... Chickfila's Polynesian sauce is spicier.

Enough of the kiddie tenders... Time for the big guns.

Chicken Sando-

This ain't no regular Pop's cheekan sando which still reigns supreme in the cheekan sando wars... This is the Hottie sando... See the "H" on it? They are so SMRT to label it. Finally, working for that $15/hr... 

Bun looks kinda flat... Let's see what under Megan's gigantic bread bra...

That is a handful of fowl mammary... GMO, saline or silicone? Not much Hottie sauce on it... Need to add more but they are really chintzy about it... They may give you two if you axe nicely.

Double nipple pickles and a smear of the Hottie Sauce I assume... Kinda looks like slutty Chino nuclear sweet & sour sauce.

The double side boob... Wooo, what does it mean? Oh, it's so beautiful. The cheekan sando is great but does the Hottie Sauce make it even better? Fuck no. When this promo/gimmick runs it's course and if you really like it, you can always order the regular cheekan sando and get a few Sweet Heat sauces... Believe the Pouch, you won't notice the difference.

So, Pouch, what's the surprise that your lard ass was hinting at before?

The nuggets were just OK, the cheekan sando was good as usual, the Hottie Sauce was a dud and this corpulent chode is still hungry... But the Pouch is SMRT and always have a backup plan... Viola! A fucking box of goddamn dericious SPICY bone-in golden fwied cheekan... Heaven, it's heaven.

Y'all know how it tasted... No review required... OK, here's my three word review... 

PUMP PUMP SQUIRT...

Dagu Rice Noodle

Anyone remember Tempo Doeloe and JAVA Indonesian Food and Market? Yeah? No? Well, whatever, bless their rendang beef heart anyways since it was nothing special... 

Wait, who am I talking to... I'm asking a rhetorical question like someone is actually reading this ridiculous food blog. I remember I had one fan from the early 2000's but the VID may have taken them out in a NYC nursing home... Just like it did to Tempo/Java.

But from death, comes birth... And the filthy space was replaced with a "Global Franchise" called Dagu Rice Noodle - which according to their website is "a restaurant chain beloved across China" with locations in Canada and now, in the USA. Global Franchise sounds like some sweaty and smelly gym run by purple cobras... I prefer something more like Prestige Worldwide with a boats and hoes theme and franchises from port to port, will have bone broth that only comes in quarts. That is a million dollar idea, right there, yo!

So, Pouch, what is the fuss with this rice noodle joint that is supposed to be some beloved chain in China? I have no fucking idea but when I see a new slant joint on Bufo Hwy, I'm going in to try it since I'm part of the tribe and report all that's fit to eat on this pathetic blog. The menu has snacks, apps and noodle soups... But I also noticed something else on the menu that is a special everyday until it runs out. What's the special y'all ask? Take one goddamn guess what it could be for this fat fuck. 

CWISPY. WHOLE. FWIED. CHEEKAN.  

Done, Chino! 

I put in that fried chicken order in right away since it takes like 20 minzies to make... I didn't even care what else was on the menu... But shiiiiit, I might as well take a bite from the menu since I'm here already.

Let's go take a first look... 

Bring on the snacks, mofo! They have a lot of snack and the spicy duck tongue was very tempting but I needed to be smart which is rare and go with the solid standbys... Got 3 snacks... Let's take a closer look...   

Triple Play or Threat?

Sliced Beef in Szechuan Chili Sauce.

Most places have this dish already prepped and portioned out and sitting in a cold ass fridge... It is really not enjoyable eating almost freezing cold slices of hard manmeat. You have to let it sit there for 15 minz to come to room temp before you can actually enjoy it the way it should be... But this joint's version was at the perfect temp where the manmeat slices were pliable and the chili oil/sauce was just right for the pedestrians. I could use a little more heat but the Chinese peanuts made up for it. Very good sample of this classic dish.

Salty Crispy Chicken.

With Quickly only a couple doors down, I was a bit hesitant to order the cheekan nuggets because if they sucked I would be kicking myself for not getting the proven Taiwanese nuggets at Quickly. But to my surprise, these were pretty damn good... Crispy and crunchy but I coulda used a little more heat/seasoning. Still ate da shit outta it... Cuz I'm obeast.

Deep Fried Pumpkin Pancake with Red Bean Paste.

Awww, look how cute they are... Almost didn't want to bite into them... Almost. They were pretty tasty snacks but once is pretty much enough for me for a lifetime.

Signature Rice Noodle Soup with Braise Bone-In Pork.

Is that a bone in your soup or you're just happy to see me? Squirt...

I like how they have the rice noodles on the side... Almost a la tsukemen style. Man, look at that stiff boner... It's giving me a blood flow. The broth was boiling when it came out, I had to let it chill for a bit to take a clear pic without being all steamy and shit... Because my one reader deserves professional glamour shots. For an extra charge, you can add in slices of "beef, lamb, shrimp or stuff"... My gutter mind is already thinking what kinda stuff? Kinky! The broth was pretty nice, creamy and flavorful. I just wished there were more scraps of meat on the bone. But it's a nice bowl of noodle soup that could feed two people easily.

Alrighty... Let's. Get. Ready. To. Rummmmble. I had to save the best for last...

Crispy Whole Fried Chicken.

This is a limited item daily, so, y'all know this fat fuck had to try it at least once... Here comes the glamour shots from different angles... Sadly, there are no laser background involved or Caboodles. Look at that gorgeous fowl... I like the powdered Chinese characters... Almost like matcha tea powder but didn't taste like anything.

Oh, yeah, baby! Look at that tuchus... Hubba hubba. Had to stop myself from putting the legs around my ears and start eating... Ok, maybe right after a couple more shots...

Pump pump... Squirt.

Pump pump... Crack. Oh, it's a very tasty fried chicken. Light, thin, crispy and crunchy crust and meat was juicy and flavorful. Not greasy at all for a whole fried chicken. They must have rested it a bit for the internal juices to spread out... I'll spread something, alright... May have to order another one to take home and violate it with extreme prejudice... Squirt.

I like this place, it's cute and the food is good and priced right. I'll be back...

5090 Buford Hwy NE STE 110-111

Doraville, GA 30340

https://daguricenoodle.com/

http://www.dagu-usa.com/

Kathleen's Catch Lobster Roll

Yes, we all know that seafood prices have soared due to the VID plandemic and the cost to catch, process, pack, ship and prepare at the end destination have been out of control. Y'all think fast food dumps are the only businesses that are hurting for labor and a limited supply chain? It is across the board from blue collar to white collar industries. The government have made everyone entitled and lazy... And why not? Who the fuck wants to work and be yelled at all day long for a small pay check that is taxed at 50% when you can sit at home, watch porn, pull your pud and get paid to pump and squirt all day... Speaking of pulling puds... A good lobster roll always give me a nice stiffy. 

So, what is this place anyways? It's a local fish market with 3 locations around Atlanta- Johns Creek, Milton and the newest one in Brookhaven (aka Buford Hwy/Clairmont)... Which is the closes one to me. Let's check it out...

Look, it's a nice little local fish/seafood market that has some prepared foods like soups, chowders, bisque, seafood salads, poke, ceviche, peel & eat shrimp, dips and chips but I was here for one thing and one thing only... Da lobsta roll. I'm getting a bit of blood flow already... It's unbelievable how easily I get aroused these days in my old age. Stop fucking around, Pouch, and get to the money shot already! 

$16 for a sample size cup, unassembled... Shit, I have pissed in bigger urine sample cups than this. But the price includes a bag of chips... Woohoo. A quick price check online now shows the price at $18. But if it's good, it's worth it. Yes, you can always get a 1.5-2 lb. lobster for about $10 at any Asian market and make your own (yields about 2-3 rolls), but how many people can really make a good lobster roll or want to invest the time and effort to make one? That is why so many people are willing to fork out $30+ for a well made lobster roll. The split top bun looked good but it was pretty small and wasn't buttered or toasted. I'm still staring at that sampler size cup of smeggy lobster bits... Kinda reminds me of an ex's lady bits... Jesus, I still can't get the image of her hatchet wound out of my mind after all these decades... Woof.  

Who do I give the bill to for assembling my own lobster roll on the prep counter? The sampler size cup surprisingly filled out the bun... That's because it was the size of a toddler's peen. I ate that entire shit in 3 1/2 bites. Was it all that I had hoped for? Did it make all my wildest dreams come true as Pedro had promised? No, far from it... But it wasn't like getting smacked in the face with a raw ribeye, either. It was very average. It was a tad too creamy/mayo-ey which masked the sweetness from the lobster meat. Who knows if the lobster meat would have that natural sweetness from a fresh made one. Chances are, the meat was probably from a vac-pac processed at a factory somewhere in the midwest. It didn't hurt my feelings but I won't be going back.

A lobster roll for sub $20 is quite the bargain these days... But is it worth it if it isn't very good? That's subjective to the gullible sucka's palate. I guess that's better than forking out over $30 for a lobster roll and it turns out to be garbage... Speaking of which... There is a new lobster roll joint in midtown ATL called BK Lobster. Is Burger King getting into the high end seafood sando market? Fuck no, it's a chain from NYC... "Brooklyn". They have a lobster roll with a tail wrapped in 24K gold for $100 and it doesn't even come with a bot of Cristal. Only a mook would be the first on line to IG/Yelp that shit. Don't hold your breath for this fat fuck's review any time soon... But you never know... The brown juice makes this lardass do stupid things.  

PS- I also picked up a container of Tuna dip and it was pretty good! Pump on my one fan... 

Roy Rogers Fried Chicken

The last time I had Roy Rogers' fwied cheekan was back in the late 1900's... Those glorious days of yore in the 80's were full of neon, pastels, tight rolled jeans, leotards, giant shoulder pads, Aquanet, big hair and mullets lived in harmony... And no one had a fucking care in the world. Fast food chains were dominating the food culture and fried chicken was on fire. NYC didn't have Popeyes back then. The national chain, KFC, was garbage. But there was the NYC version of KFC... Kennedy Fried Chicken. Those hole in the wall mothercluckers sold everything on their menu except sushi. But their fried chicken was only good when you were drunk, on drugs or desperate like a skank jonesing for a hit in the lower east side. Great fried chicken in NYC was harder to find than a 8-ball of crack. Then I discovered some of the best fried chicken for that time in the least likely of places... At a fast food roast beef joint named Roy Rogers. This chain was exploding all over New York and New Jersey. Holy shit, I was hook, line and sinker after the first bite of that crispy juicy cheekan. It was instant crack for me... I was wigging out like that chickenhead, Pookie, from New Jack City. And Roy Rogers was now my brother's keeper and feeder... Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers! Yo, man, wanna buy a turkey?

I was in Jersey visiting family and hanging out at the beach with the Sitch in Seaside Heights and found a Roy Rogers in Toms River. I knew I had to stop in for some cheekan and damn, that dericious aroma is making me smack my chicken lips, I can't wait any longer... Let's get right to it.

This is the type of box I would eat out on a daily basis... One leg behind each ear.

Before Popeyes came out with their Cajun Sparkle seasoning... Roy Rogers dusted their cheekan in crack.

Fuck me, these aren't the prices that I remembered back in the 80's... A leg, thigh and biscuit for almost $6... Goddamn, Biden inflation. My childhood memories better come crashing back in on the first bite... And it better make me wet my pants like I used to. Look at that crust. Real flaky and not too thick... Kinda like Popeyes. The pieces are normal size unlike the GMO pieces at Kennedy Fried Chicken. Which I have always suspected they were from drugged up zombie pigeons from Washington Square Park... The legs always had track marks. Let's go with the thigh first... Great crust, crispy and thin and gave that nice crunch when you bite into it. The meat was flavorful and juicy. Oh, man, just as I remembered with that crack-like seasoning. Sorry, Nancy, I just can't say no to this addictive fowl. There was nothing left of the thigh except the bones which looked like a dead rat behind the fridge from 1954. The leg was smaller and I ate that bitch like in 3 bites. The biscuit was surprisingly good, not all hard and dried up. It was buttery and moist. Shit, I shoulda made a little chicken biscuit with it. I just realized that I didn't use any hot sauce on this chicken... I ate that shit so fast.

Damn, do I miss this place. They need to open a few down in the south, especially, in the ATL. I don't care if it's in the ghetto, I will risk life and limb for it. But like with In-N-Out Burger, it is just too far outside their market. Their fwied cheekan is still legit.

Pump pump... Squirt.

Chicken Sandwich Franchise Wars

Everybody already knows that Taco Bell will be the only survivor of the franchise wars of 2032... But Taco Bell in the present day has yet to come up with a chicken sandwich to compete in the chicken wars of 2021. Yeah yeah, they got some bullshit called the "Crispy Chicken Sandwich Taco", but c'mon, man! that's not a real chicken sandwich, that's just neanderthal thinking. Maybe Taco Bell needs to raise taxes on it's customer base for infrastructure to build a proper cheekan sando to compete with the global franchises... Or maybe Taco Bell should shut da fuck up and stick to their Alpo grade tacos and leave the cheekan sandos to the cheekan experts... Like this fat fuck.

Luckily, for mankind, the Pouch has waged it's own battle on the franchises that do have a cheekan soldier in this war... Oh, sweet baby Jesus, bless my sphincter for what's to come into my bowels.

We got a lot of cheekan shit to eat, so, let's get to the contenders... Popeyes, KFC, McDonald's, Church's, Zaxby's. I ain't including Chick-Fil-A just because they have been doing this shit for years and every mook knows what that shit tastes like. They are like the neutral Swiss of this fowl war.

Bags of cheekanheads...

First up, Popeyes, KFC and Mickey Shit's...

POPEYES Spicy Chicken Sandwich.

The original "chicken sando"... Looks as glorious as when it was first introduced... But some may say the chicken filet is a bit smaller.

Under the hood, only one goddamn pickle and that wasn't even a full sized pickle... Meh. 

But look at that breasteses... Motorboat, anyone? Why is the Popeyes chicken sando so beloved and crave-worthy? Well, they use a buttery brioche bun that cradles that amazing crispy crust and the white meat is juicy and larger than most other sandos. Sometimes even double the size. It's just a damn good sando for $4. And always get the spicy.

KFC New Chicken Sandwich.

They say it's an "extra crispy filet with premium pickles, mayo, on a brioche-style bun"... I don't see no prem pickles or mayo...

Not a fucking pickle in sight... And these fucking mooks demand $15/hr? I fucking demand you make me a fucking complete sando that I paid full price for. But the filet does hang over the bun.

Even minus the pickles, this $4 cheekan sando still looks pretty promising... The bun is good and the piece of chicken looks pretty sizeable and a decent crust around the edges. It's a good chicken sando but definitely not as good as Popeyes. May if there were pickles in it, it may have made a difference but the spicy "sauce" is a joke. I had to squirt some Frank's RedHot to give it some kick.

MCDONALD'S Spicy Crispy Chicken Sandwich.

Doesn't look terrible with the top sliced buttered potato roll but for about $4 this sando will never be able to compete with Popeye's or KFC's much larger chicken sandwich. It's a rather thin piece of chicken, almost looks processed like the $1 McChicken. But they did put pickles on it and I don't see anything spicy about it. There were a few "spicy pepper sauce" looking streaks on the bun but barely...

Well, there are 3 pickles on this barely covering the bun chicken patty. The coating on the chicken can't even be considered a crust. It's like they dropped it in the sand and decided to cook it... Wait, did they put a sandpaper block in the microwave by mistake? There's no fucking way this was even semi-in-store prepared. They definitely didn't fry this in-store... Totally nuked it straight in the vac-bag.

Looks so appetizing doesn't it? You see how it's slanted... That's because they used it as a wheel chock to keep the warm box from wheeling down the uneven floor, you can still see the treads on the bun. Now, it's all downhill from the first bite to the last... That's if you can or want to finish this barely crispy, bland, non-spicy and dried out chewy ass chicken patty. This chicken sando SUCKS ASS.

MCDONALD'S Regular Chicken Sandwich.

Why the fuck did you get two of these deplorable low rent cheekan sandos, Pouch? Because I'm a fat slob and had a fucking BOGO coupon and I'm still trying to convince myself that I got a deal for $2 a sando. Seriously, it's like the Matrix deja vu all over again... Is this a fucking joke for almost $4? And the douche who made this is also demanding $15/hr as well? A gerbil could have made this... I know it requires hours of training to put a microwaved processed chicken patty between two buns and shove it into a bag. It looked dry as hell and I don't see any pickles peeking out nor any type of dressing as lubricant to get this 40 grit patty down.

Look at this pathetic loser... No pickles and grounded up eyetalian breading without the Italian seasonings as a crust on this thin factory pressed chicken. I'm still fucking pissed about the missing pickles.

Holy fuck, even this sando is frowning because it is sad as fuck... It's so unloved that even a red-headed stepchild laughs at it. As with the spicy version, the sandpaper patty is barely crispy and dried out... It's like chewing on a compacted saw dust puck that was flame kissed with a Bic lighter. I wouldn't even use the bun to wipe my ass... With my luck, my finger will prolly go right through the bun and right into my exithole... Shit, I'm trying to free brown Willy, not plug it in. I'm so fucking over this shitwich. I swear, their $1 McChicken is 20 times better than this sad sack of crap.

CHURCH'S Spicy Chicken Sandwich.

I haven't been to a Church's in years and I didn't even know they were even in the fight... But they got a cheekan sando and this fat fuck ain't gonna say no. Nice packaging and they give you a little surprise... What could it be... Maybe cheekan hearts, gizzards or uterus? Now, I'm getting excited...

This is a very well prepared and good looking chicken sando. The cross-cut and honey-butter brushed toasted brioche bun was not crushed. The crust on the chicken looked flakey and not too thick. There were pickles peeking out and the surprise was a pickled jalapeno which they call the Jalapeno Squeeze because you are supposed to squeeze the jalapeno until it breaks open and sprinkle the juice on the chicken before you eat it for that extra kick to your throat nads.

They guarantee three pickles on each sando and those two half retarded ones in the back counts as one I guess... But still impressive given the rest of the sandos tested were missing pickles or only had one. The spicy is just a spicy mayo they squirt on both buns. 

It's not a thick piece of chicken but it was a good size piece that hung over on both sides of the bun. One bite and I could not believe this was from a low rent Church's... This was a goddam good chicken sandwich. The brioche bun was soft and forgiving yet held everything together well. No sogginess even after the ride home. The flaky crust was exactly that, crispy and not too thick. The chicken itself was moist and tender and the spicy mayo gave it just enough flavor to make you know it was the spicy version. I can't believe it but this was such a sleeper hit and it doesn't get enough credit or coverage on how good it was. The low rent Church's ghetto rep has redeemed themselves. Fuck me, I'm craving another... How is this possible? Unpossible!

ZAXBY'S Signature Chicken Sandwich.

Zaxby's is all about chicken tenders but they also got dragged into the chicken wars... But their sandos are the most expensive at $5 a piece. And this lardass ain't gonna cry about an extra dollar during this epic battle.

Unwrapped: Zax Sauce and Spicy Zax Sauce.

ZAXBY'S Spicy Chicken Sandwich.

Big piece of chicken that covers the bun with ease... I see the spicy Zax sauce but where the fuck are the pickles, bro? 

Ahhh, check under the skirt and there are the nads. 3 is the magic number with all the chicken sandos. They use a buttery toasted potato bun and you can see a little browning on the edges of the bun. But does it pass the smell test? 

Fuck yeah it does... It's a sizeable piece of chicken like Popeyes. Thick meat inside and thin crispy crust outside. Damn, everything on this sando worked together so well. 

ZAXBY'S Regular Chicken Sandwich.

Sweet baby Jesus, the filet totally dominated the bun. Kinda reminds me of the world famous Chic*A*Loes cheekan sando in the ghetto of South Atlanta. This is giving me a bit of a blood flow going... Squirt. 

True to form they included the 3 pickles along with a few squirts of Zax sauce. Shit, they deserve $15/hr here just for getting this shit together right.

Look at that joker smile... Unlike the MCD's sad cheekan frown. This sando is so happy that I'm about to eat him. But my mind was in the gutter and I kinda want to take it into a dark closet and violate it first. Jesus, Pouch... You sicko! This bird is dead, you can't choke the chicken anymore... That's what she said. This regular Zax sando didn't taste much different than the spicy Zax. Both were real tasty.

Here's the Chicken Lip's verdict...

1. Popeyes

2. Tie: Zaxby's and Church's

3. KFC

4. McDonald's... Fuck that bullshit...They should be ashamed to even pretend it was a chicken sando. Just replace it with the McRib in the Chicken Sandwich wrapper.

I also had the chicken sandos from Wendy's, BK and Culver's but they all sucked pretty bad and forgettable, worse than MCD's.. So, I didn't include them. I wished there was a Jollibee in this one horse town because their chicken sando looked pretty damn good.

No one is gonna give a shit about the chicken wars in about a decade because Taco Bell will have decimated all the other franchises. But I'm still confused as fuck on how to use the Three Seashells...  So, I had to resort to using toilet paper I found in the museum, yeah, that old relic from the neanderthal period. C'mon, man! 

Burp Burp Flush.