Two Fish Myanmar Cuisine

Myanmar (formerly Burma) or Burmese cuisine is not well known in this one horse town. The options are slim to none. The last and only acceptable resto that served this cuisine was Royal Myanmar located on the outskirts of the refugee homebase, Clarkston, they were pretty much the only real deal Burmese joint but they closed down in 2018. The Pouch wrote up that review back in April 2017 but sadly, they were a total let down. It wasn't a surprise they shut down, it was only a matter of time. What exactly is Burmese/Myanmar cuisine you axe? It's basically an Asian mutt, a mix of Chinese, Indian, Thai and Malay cuisines. Fast forward a few years later and the owners of Two Fish finally got a brick and mortar shop in the new Clarkston Market complex. The owners have tested a takeout business from their home for a couple years and the community backed them with plenty of support. Their ethnic comfy food is attracting new customers from around the city. It's not a destination spot but if you're looking for a taste of Burma, this joint is a good start for the uninitiated. I love these from rags to riches stories, it makes me want to support them even more because they are not bastardizing the cuisine to fit all palates just make a buck. 

One thing about this complex, the units are not full operating kitchen compliant, meaning they can not cook on premises. All food is prepared off premises and brought to the unit and are prepared and reheated to order. So, you have to be patient. Let's take a first look... And see if the Pouch approves. Fuck me, I hope they deliver the goods because I really don't want to IBS-D all over them like with Royal Myanmar... Or myself. At least not again today... Sometimes, Waffle House is not the cure for a hangover... Flush.

Tea Leaf Salad, fermented tea leaf mixed with shredded cabbage, tomato, roasted peanuts, sesame seeds, fried yellow split peas, fried garlic and dry shrimp, $7.99. This is the best known national dish of Burma... Because it is so customizable. And this version was pretty much spot-on classic. It's refreshing and so fresh and so clean clean on the palate.  

Papaya Salad, shredded green papaya mixed with cherry tomato, bean, dry shrimp, crushed peanuts, Thai chili peppers and lime juice, $9.99. Looks great but I think they are missing something in their description... It's so obvious... Here's a hint, they look like tiny watermelons... Thai eggplant! But I am totally OK with that. If they want to change it up a bit, I'm down with it. It's a well constructed papaya salad. It's not Thai style but you can ask them to make it as spicy as you want. I didn't go crazy on the heat because I wanted to taste the actual flavors of each ingredient... And it was pretty good. Next time, I will go full ass flaming hot.

Mohinga, rice noodle and fish soup, catfish cooked with ginger, garlic, onion and lemongrass served with boiled egg and crispy peas, $7.50. The national noodle dish of Burma, errr, Myanmar, whatever. It's a hefty bowl for the price. Shit, you can't even get a SMALL bowl of pho for under $10 anywhere anymore, so, this noodle bowl is a great deal and also authentically homemade. This is one item that you must get if you never had Burmese cuisine. It was hearty and satisfying and quite tasty, too. The "sheet" of crispy peas reminds me of the Chinese bubble waffle.

Kyay Oo Sigyet, rice vermicelli, mixed with pork, meatball, intestine, tofu, quail egg, garlic and choy sum, $9.99. I fucking love anything offal and this noodle bowl was not awful at all. I love they keep the broth separate... Kinda like a tsukemen. But the broth here is light and subtle and not thick and salty like the tsukemen. Of course, this fat fuck always inspects each ingredient and right away the Pouch noticed that the quail eggs were missing. They were quick to bring out a few quail eggs to make up for the mistake. You may be tempted to dump the broth into the bowl but don't. Just dip each ingredient into the broth and swirl and then eat it. It's a totally different experience than slurping and shoveling it all down your facehole. I like this noodle bowl a lot. It's definitely homey comfort vittles.

Chicken Biryani, $10.00. This is not on the menu, it's a special. They come in tin boxes in the grab and go cooler. But they will warm it up for you if you want to eat it there. It's a hefty portion and comes with a quarter cheekan (leg and thigh, dark meat naturally!). It's not like the Indian biryani you had before but it definitely has its roots. It is very flavorful and the chicken is fork tender. It's addictive and you just want to keep eating it even with all the other dishes on table. Tis was a good dish. 

If you want a taste of pretty authentic Burmese grub, this is the place to go... The refugee central of Atlanta, shit, maybe in all of Georgia. The food was all good and I will need to try all the other items on the menu sooner rather than later. The owners are humble, appreciative and hardworking, I would go back for that reason alone... They are the real deal mom & pop shop. So, for all y'all roundeyes... Don't just talk the talk, walk the walk if you truly believe in supporting local businesses. They are legit. So, the next time you hear a G.I. ask, "What do we get for 10 dollars?" 

You can reply, "Anyting you want..." 

"Anything?!" 

"Anyting... On the menu." 

Git ya som... tum! 

This initial visit and sampling made the Pouch go... Pump pump... Squirt. 

980 Rowland St

Suite 4130

Clarkston, GA 30021

Good Harvest

Everyone and their mothers have done hot pot... You know, shabu shabu... Where you dump 10 lbs of assorted raw shit into a vat of hot lava inside a cauldron 5 inches from your face. If you don't be careful, you could end up like that kraut, Toht, who's face melted off staring directly into God's hot pot, the Ark. The Pouch does hot pot differently by swallowing all the raw ingredients into its pannus first and then funnel the boiling hot broth and do the washing machine motion until everything is cooked. With this method, you don't have to waste time and wait for every morsel to be cooked individually and then eat it. It's very time consuming... I just want to get right to the food coma stage and hibernate for a week. It's totally unorthodox, but I call it Hot Pouch. My favorite movie with the best hot pot scene was in Fatal Attraction... Alex musta got a hold of my grandma's ancient Chinese secret family recipe for rabbit hot pot. I just wished I coulda tasted it after it was done cooking in that scene. I have a great spicy dipping sauce to go with it, too.

Yes, everyone has had hot pot but how many people have done dry pot? No liquid, just a giant metal pot of bite size meats and seafood in varying levels of mala. There is no resto that specializes only in dry pot but you can pretty much find it on almost every Chino resto's menu. Chong Qing Hot Pot in the Chinatown food court has good hot pot but also some pretty damn decent dry pots on the cheap, too. My buddy wanted a dry pot only spot... So, he wanted to try Good Harvest in the Asian Square. I must admit, I pretty much ignored this corner of the strip mall because it's kinda like the left side of the Chinatown food court which caters towards the hombres and gringos. BBQ Corner 2 is full roundeyes and brownies, so, I know the grub will be slutty as fuck. But somehow, Good Harvest actually have ex-pats eating inside. Well, fuck me silly and call me Sally... Because I'm such a slut. Let's go check out what all the fuss is about...

Their website states, "The Finest & Most Authentic Chinese Cuisine in Atlanta. Eatery serving hot pot and dry pot, among other contemporary Sichuan dishes." OK, you got my attention but can and will you deliver the goods? The hostess sat the Pouch party at the corner table because they don't want the other customers to throw up at the sight of this lardass consuming mass quantities like a Conehead. Then our server dropped off some menus and disappeared... We waited and waited for him to come back... I'm NOT going to be IGNORED, Dan...

He finally came back and we put in our order ASAP before this motherfucker channels Houdini and disappears, again. They also got that stupid robot bringing out all sorts of random shit that didn't even make sense like cups with ice but no water in it, empty beer bottles, one fucking chopstick... No, not one pair, just one goddamn stick... Which I wanted to stab him in the eye like a Capri Sun. I just got up and went to the server station and grabbed what I needed for the table. Fuck, I'm done working for free here... Bring on the grub!  

Pork Foss Charpati, $8.95. It's quite a hefty portion of roti... Only if they had some spicy curry to dip these crispy pancakes in, it would totally be heaven. They are quite tasty and addictive.

Eggs Charpati, $8.95. This sounded way better than it tasted... It wasn't bad but I thought it would have more flavor. But still a pretty tasty snack. Oh, I ate more than one of these... How could you not?

Sesame Charpati, $8.95. You can definitely taste the sesame in this one... Very tasty and poof! It was gone pretty fast.

Marinated Pig's Ears, $11.55. These ain't for the faint of hearth AKA pussy-ass-motherfuckaz... These ain't cut into thin julienne strips to hide what they truly are... But instead big giant pieces of pig ears. I could weave this into primitive shoes which would be perfect for my survival chances on Naked and Afraid. We all know shoes and bras are the most important things for your wilderness survival... And pig ears. I liked these a lot, they were thick cut and you knew what you were eating. I love the crunch and chew of it. Roundeyes will not be ordering/eating this, no matter how many times they say they have been to Asia and was accepted like family there. This dish makes Leatherface jealous...

Spicy Beef Tendon, $11.55. And the gwailos thought the pig ears were bad... These look udderly revolting but these thin slices of tendon that resembled charred onions were amazingly dericious. Tendon is a super food. It's rich in collagen which helps with nail and bone health, hair strength, joint mobility and most of all it keeps your skin elastic and youthful... I have seen so many women with faces that suffer from wenisitis, you know, elbow skin face. And coincidently they also suffer from ugly baby face knees syndrome, too. I don't know if there is a correlation there but studies have shown that these broads don't swallow, either. And we all know the proven health benefits of the baby gravy, also known as choad nectar, dongwater, man chowder, nut butter, throat yogurt, white honey... Ladies, next time you fancy a cocktail lounge looking for free libations, make sure you chase those pricey drinks with an order of the Gentlemen's Relish. He would totally appreciate it. Squirt.

Dry Pot- Pick Two $42.95, Frog +$5, Spicy Diced Chicken, Mild, Rattan Pepper. This giant cauldron of fried foul and amphibian morsels looked pretty impressive in it's presentation. It's a hefty portion, definitely requires a team effort. The spicy diced chicken were like McNuggets and once you pop, you just can't stop. It's not really spicy but seasoned nicely. The frog leg nuggets tasted like chicken but there were too many bones to deal with each bite, even with their low density bones. A couple of peeps lost interest after only a couple of pieces, it was too much work to eat them. This fat fuck gobbled them all up... I like frog but I don't usually order them since there's always better protein on the menu than this overpriced cheap meat substitute. Frog leg is cheap as fuck, why the premium up charge? 

Dry Pot- Pick Three $56.95, Chili Shrimp & Calamari, Golden Pepper Crispy Fish +$5, Prime Rib Black Pepper Sauce +$5, Mild, Rattan Pepper. As with the other cauldron, it's quite an impressive spread with this 3 option display... This is bigger than my fire pit. The head on shrimp is always a hit. The calamari was a bit chewy and I was hoping for more tentacles than strips of body tube. The crispy fish was an advertising failure, it was not crispy, more like braised. And the portion was chintzy as fuck for the up charge. But it had good flavor on the two pieces I ate. The prime rib was nothing to write home about especially with another up charge. They were overcooked, chewy and bony.

Look, this whole dry pot scam is more for the show rather than the substance. It's fun to bring people who don't usually eat dry pot for the visual of it. It's definitely not for two or even four people, you will need at least 6 fat bodies to make a dent in these giant dry pot pans. I was always curious about this joint and now, I have finally tried it and there probably won't be a second visit... Not even for the hot pot. Go ahead and try it for yourself and you be the judge. The Pouch is going to stick with the clay pots, so much more flavor, depth and complexity.

Half a pump... Then a squirt for the beef chowfun at Ming's afterwards.

5150 Buford Hwy

NE C-120

Doraville, GA 30340

https://www.goodharvestatl.com/

Silla del Toro- Toco Hills

Not only am I morbidly obeast... I'm also a very sick person. My buddy in NYC who is like a step bro to me always call me a sicko and then I pause... And I just start singing I gotta have me more boats 'n' hoes... And that lemon head joins in right on cue... "The Nina, Oh! The Pinta, Oh! The Santa Maria, Oh! I'll do you in the bottom while you're drinking Sangria!" He sang every word to that song... Who's the sicko now, motherfucka!

Speaking of Sangria... A new tapas joint from Marietta Square just opened a second location in Toco Hills. Hmm, kinda fancy for this area and the demographics. Why would you say that, Pouch? People who live around here claim to be highly educated with exquisite taste, so, they will totally support a local elevated Spanish eatery... Right? Well, y'all, ready for this? Why am I acting like more than one person reads this preposterous blog. OK, listen up... As I was walking to the front door, a group of local mossbacks in front of me speed walks up to door and then turns right around and one mullet says angrily, "THEY DON'T HAVE TACOS!". Bro, La Parrilla is literally right across the parking lot... Wait a minzie, Steak 'n Shake is 5 feet closer, that's more your culinary level, towards the bottom of the barrel.

Drama already and I haven't even waddled through the doors yet... Fuck me, that's why I hate going out to eat these days. I hope the grub is passable but first I need a drink STAT! I went straight to the empty bar and planted my lardass on a high chair. That chair was so heavy and you have drag it across the tile which makes this blood curdling sound like they were killing a cat in the back with a plastic knife... Better be careful on what tapas I order. 

Let's go and take a first look... 

Sangria Flight, white, pink, red, $12. All pre-batched... The white sucked, pink stinked, and red makes you wanna fuck like a chupacabra... They should just call this sampler the Sangria Shocker- 2 in the pink and 1 in the stink. Meh, I need something stronger...

Bartender's Choice, bourbon, campari and a couple other ingredients I forgot what they put in there, $12. It was fine, nothing I would get again, though.

Estrella Galicia, $8. It's a good Spanish cerveza but a bit pricey for a bottle.

Let's get to the grub already, you corpulent babosa...

It's a pretty good deal- 3 for $17 or $6 each... Until you read the fine print. Of course, the good stuff are up charged. So be careful before you order.. I would have been totally fine with the Jamon Serrano or Salchichon but since I'm such an elitist fat fuck I ordered the best ones without even reading all the tiny words on the menu... Let's take a look if the Pouch got fucked again...

Jamon Iberico Cured Ham, aged 24 months, +$13

Lomo De Bellota Iberico, dry cured acorn fed pork loin, +$10

Manchego, sheep's milk from La Mancha Region of Spain, aged 15 months, $6.

Total: $28. It's a decent spread but nothing really worth getting again for the upcharge... Even $17 would be pushing it. Speaking of pushing it... The Pouch didn't get fully fucked, just the tip.

They did send out a small sample of the other "Chorizo"- Chorizo Picante, Chorizo Leon and the Lomo, again. They were fine but nothing really differentiated one from another except size. OK, let's move to the real grub...

It's a decent selection of the classic tapas. The only large plate that I was interested in was the Paella Barcelona... The whole grilled red snapper is OK, but every thing else was for the DEI crowd.

Empanadas, puff pastry filled with chicken or beef, $10.50. They won't do one of each so I went all beef as expected. Y'all know I'm a motherclucking lover of cheekan but it will never be Popeyes. But take a gander at these beauties... They are pretty big with a nicely shaped crust. That green sauce looks and tastes like a hybrid of salsa verde and chimichurri which didn't do much to enhance the taste because they were good pretty much by themselves unadulterated. This is a good start...

Croquettes Jamon, jamon serrano, manchego cheese, piquillo aioli, $9. For the price they give you 5 fried crispy balls filled with a mix of super soft and creamy mashed taters and hint of cheese and jamon. They were pretty good and nicely plated... I would prolly get this again.

Pulpo Parrilla, sous-vide + charred octopus, paprika roasted fingerling potatoes, saffron aioli, cannellini beans and pickled onions, $13.50. Ese, all I see is onions and fingered tater slices on top of yellow sauce and a giant bowl of beans... Shit, I know beans are good for your heart but the more you eat... Well, we know the rest and are you sure you want me to eat that much beans in here? I will clear out your joint in 2 minzies flat, cabron! Let's see if we can find the octopussy tentacle under all that fluff...

Ahh, there she blows... Seriously, don't eat this outside on the patio because a gust of wind will blow this smallish testicle, err, tentacle right into the gutter. It's so small, that you may get 3 1/2 bites tops. It was tender and lightly charred which was nice. But the dish was so unbalanced with the quart of beans to make it look like you're getting your $13.50 worth. Sadly, I knew this from the start from the pics online but I still had to get it just to prove the point. I would not get this again unless they give me three tentacles at that price point... C'mon, y'all, shock me with your curly tentacles- two in the pink, one in the stink.

Manchego stuffed Dates wrapped with Bacon with romesco sauce, $9. To me, this dish has always been a filler dish to just make the menu look more abundant. It came out less than room temp and tasted like Wookie steak... A bit dry and Chewy. I ate one and I was done with it... Took it home, nuked it for like 10 seconds and it changed the whole dynamic and taste of it... It was actually good when eaten hot! Who woulda thunk food tastes better when hot... 

Spanish Sardines, fried sardines, lemon, garlic, Spanish olive oil, $8. I couldn't find any pictures of this online or at least I thought I couldn't find any... I thought this dish would be a few fried sardines the size of a middle finger but this came out... I was quite surprised by the two huge pieces. It was like a fucking branzino. It had a crispy light crust and the fish was moist and fork tender. I loved this dish so much but I already know the rest of the schmucks in here won't touch it and it may quietly disappear off the menu. This would be a total travesty. Keep this dish on the menu no matter what the savages say! 

Andalusian Gazpacho, cool tomato soup, cucumbers, bell peppers, $6. Did a oil tanker jizz on top of that cup.. Why the fuck is there so much oil on top? Dipped my nose picking finga in the oil and it tasted a little like truffle oil or maybe I was tasting the funky boogers under my nail. Mixed up the ultra pureed soup and it was decent... I like my gazpacho a bit chunky but dipping the grilled bread in the puree gave it that toothiness it needed.

Butifarra con Mongetest, grilled Spanish sausage, creamy white beans, pickled onions, $10. For the price of admission, I thought I would get something that resembled a real sausage. Instead, I got thin coins of tasteless meat flaps, they were as worthless as cyptocurrency. Shit, I had Vegas hookers with better tasting meat curtains. And of course, they load up the white beans to make it feel like you got your money's worth. Skip this and put the money towards something else on the menu.

Tortilla Espanola, omelette of potato, onion, piquillo aioli, $7. A classic Spanish dish... Looked great and it tasted pretty good. Love the layers of potato but it could use more eggs. It's kinda like a scalloped potato but without the cheese and milk.

Rear shot- Nice looking piece of ass... That's my kinda bodonkadonk. Squirt.

Chuletas de Cordero Ahumadas, Turner New Zealand marinated lamb chops, salsa verde, saffron aioli, $18. I thought it was a bit pricey because they usually give you like 2 maybe 3 chops if you have a big rack but when it came out, it had 4 chops on the plate. Let's take a closer look because this picture sucks midget dick.

The lamb chops were tender but a wee bit chewy. It was seasoned, had good flavor and decent char. The salsa verde had no flavor, it was all just visual with a little texture... But look at that cesspool of oil. Jesus Henry Christ, did they ladle 2 cups of salsa verde oil on them chops?

Same shit on the other side. The saffron aioli was creamy but it was pretty much tasteless like the salsa verde, both were just for visuals. Luckily, the lamb chops tasted pretty good on their own.

Spanish Sardines. They were so good I had to get another order... Just to make sure they didn't fuck up  on the first order and subbed some other fish instead. This second order was just as good but the sardines were not as large. Git it, yo!

Paella Barcelona (serves 2), saffron rice, mussels, chorizo, chicken, shrimp, $28. It looks pretty nice but the first thing I did was check for the socarrat... Boooo! Nothing, NADA. No scorched rice on the bottom of the pan. It was obviously made in another pan and transferred to this paellera. The crispy burnt rice is the best part of an authentic paella... Which originated from Valencia, so, I don't know why they call it Paella Barcelona. Yes, you can get paella all over Spain but why wouldn't you call it Paella Valencia just to keep it genuine. Shit, since, we're no where close to Spain, they can call whatever the fuck they what... I'm gonna call it Paella Pannus... Because that's where it's going. It's smaller than it looks, it's supposed to serve 2 people but it was more of an appetizer for this fat slob. The flavors of the paella was pretty good, it's a tasty paella... There's 3 shrimp, 3 mussels (oh, so Fronch), and bits of chicken and chorizo. It's a good paella but for $28 I want my socarrat!

Churros. I was actually gonna order this but they were nice enough to send me on my way out with a sample order. They looked decent but they were hard as fuck... Maybe these were fuck ups and instead of tossing them in the trash, they said, WTF, give it to the fatso, he will eat anything... He almost ate the entire menu in one sitting. The choco sauce was OK, it tasted kinda fake like it came from a squeeze bottle. I would not pay for these.

Would I go back again... Sure, why not, it's in the hood. It's nicer than most sit down restos around here. The food was executed better than expected. Once, you have tried everything on the menu, you will have your favorites and that list may be shorter than you think. 

Pump pump... No squirt yet but keep stroking my pannus...

2893 N Druid Hills Rd

Atlanta, GA 30329

https://www.silladeltoro.com/ 

bb.q Chicken and Howlin' Willy's- Revisit

I know, I know... The Obeast Underlord has been MIA for awhile... This fat fuck has not died on it's one reader... Not yet at least. The Pouch has been busy eating away like usual but nothing has been exciting enough to waste my time and energy poking away on the keyboard with my Vienna sausage fingers. But when it comes to fwied cheekan, especially, CFC (Corean fried chicken) will always get this bloated pile of lard up and moving. I have a bunch of reviews in the works but I know my one fan and reader needs something to chew on in the meantime and nothing is more tasty than fwied cheekan... Let's make a couple of revisits and see if the foul is still worthy to be on the Pouch's rotation.

BB.Q CHICKEN.

So, last time I went to the original location on Buford Hwy and it was pretty good. They have locations spread out around the ATL where most of their ex-pats live like Doraville, Duluth (x2), Suwanee... But now, they have opened a location in Decatur near the Square. There is no rhyme or reason why they opened a CFC here in Dickhater. Maybe they're hoping to capture the student biz from Emory or Agnes Scott. C'mon, who are they kidding, Pouch... Have you seen the demographics of these two schools? Woof! Those dorks never come out of their dorms unless it's for class or some crazy protest against 'Murica. But this location has been cursed for a long time... Anyone remember Pho King and Taziki Mediterranean Cafe? Does anyone really care? Crickets... Walked in and there were two people eating in here. That's a bad sign already. You know the other locations are floating this one but for how long? I might as well try it before it shuts down sometime this year. The menu is still pretty much the same. One girl was barely working and was constantly on her phone socializing. I tried to peep the kitchen crew but the wall was too high... I doubt there were any Coreans working here because I didn't hear any yelling. Whatever, let's get to to the cheekan...

Half & Half Whole Chicken, Golden Original and Secret Sauce (sweet & tangy), $26. It still looks pretty good. The crust is thin and crispy and the sauced one seemed properly coated all around. There's a Hot Spicy sauce option with this combo but I never had the Secret Sauce. They give you two pickled daikon, one cup for each half. Let's take closer look...

Secret Sauce. They say it's sweet and tangy and it sure was more sweet than tangy. It's sticky and you'll be licking your fingaz a lot. They give you plastic gloves but no self respecting cheekanhead eats fwied cheekan with gloves on. No glove, no love does not apply to fwied cheekan sex. The crust stayed pretty crispy the entire time and it's a nice balance. The Hot Spicy is not really that spicy anyways so I wasn't really missing it. The chicken itself was juicy, steaming and piping hot. That's a good sign they double fried it correctly.

Golden Original. I still always get the plain as a baseline to judge any great fried chicken. The thin crust seems a bit different than the Buford Hwy location version, it's kinda flat... It's still ultra crispy but it was kinda unseasoned. Not bland but even a little salt woulda stepped it up a bit... Shit, I shoulda asked them for some MSG to sprinkle on top. It's still a pretty good CFC. I don't if I would come back to this location again in the future... But I just thought about Popeyes on my way out the door.

319 W Ponce de Leon Ave

#40

Decatur, GA 30030

https://bbqchicken.com/

HOWLIN' WILLY'S. 

So, they were running a BOGO special for a 3 Tender Plate (slice of bread, 2 sauces, 1 side) for National Hot Chicken Day on March 30. And of course, this fat fuck couldn't pass up mo' cheekan for one price. I got my ass there early because you never know with BOGO deals... No one was ordering hot chicken, they were all at the burrito line. Good, more cheekan for the corpulent one. I had their Nashville hot chicken sando at the midtown location before and it was pretty good. But I didn't want to deal with midtown's parking nightmare on a weekend so I went to the Briarcliff location, got a spot right at the front door. Easy peasy, boom.

Heat Level: Kinda' Hot. With Coleslaw, Buttermilk Ranch, Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce. 

Plain tenders are boring, so, I got the next level up for the baseline test. It's a good tender but they were kinda small. The crust is thin and crispy enough, no crackling sound when you bite into it. The buttermilk ranch was tasteless and watery. The BBQ sauce is store bought but it was way better than their in house made ranch. The slaw had big pieces of cabbage and it was nothing special, just pretty much filler.

Heat Level: Howlin'. With Mac n Cheez, Buttermilk Ranch, Comeback Sauce.

I had to bring it on the second order... The hottest level they got. The bro at the counter literally asked twice if I was sure I wanted the Howlin' heat level and I told the bro there's nothing hot enough to take down the Pouch. He said, I was a brave creasture because he couldn't even eat one bite of it. When it came out I'm like is that just one tender? Seriously, it was one normal tender and two tiny nuggets hiding under the pickles... They should have put more pickles on top to throw me off. Let's goto the mac first... It's cheesy and creamy and the mac was pretty good, no complaints. The buttermilk ranch sucked like with the other order but the Comeback sauce was pretty good. I'm not a big fan of it but anything was better than the watery ranch. Let's take a bite of the Howlin' tender... It's basically a wet hot tender with a dry pepper mix sprinkled all over it. The dry mix is what makes it hot hot because no hot sauce will ever have that heat level... Unless it's pure capsaicin oil extract. Took a bite, it wasn't that bad but after a couple more bites you can feel the heat building up. I even produced a sweat droplet on my face, I licked it off like a skank. The Howlin' heat level was actually respectable... It's not gonna make your ass explode but it will definitely give you some meat sweats. On my way out, I was thinking about Popeyes like usual and then the bro asked me if it was really hot and I said, it's aight... He was like, damn, yo. Their cheekan will not be on my regular rotation but Willy's burritos are pretty good.  

2566 Briarcliff Rd NE

Atlanta, GA 30329

https://howlinwillys.com/

Talat Market

With a mere mention in the Michelin guide this past October 2023, the wannabe hipsters have been invading this trendy Summerhill spot like meth zombies... Some are even sleeping on the sidewalk for hours hoping for a chance to get in for their 5PM feedings. Unlike these automatons, I still remember when Talat was just a pop up honing their concept years ago in the Gato space... Which has became an incubator of sorts for cooks with novel concepts and ideas. Some have worked out and others have quietly disappeared into the night like a strung out junkie living under a bridge on Cheshire Bridge. I really like their approach to traditional Thai cuisine, in the beginning. But over time, they seemed to have morphed into more of a trendy spot looking to capitalize on the newest fad. I guess it's time for this fat fuck to see what all the fuss is about after receiving their Michelin nod... If y'all are confused with their Michelin standing- They didn't receive a star nor their newest category called Bib Gourmand which is basically a recognition of trendy spots that serves good food that are moderately priced. I'm still pissed that Estrellita got a Bib Gourmand over Kamayan ATL... Kamayan absolutely destroys Estellita's subpar flip flop slop. Let's see why Talat only received a nod...

I went a few minzies early before 5PM to see if I could get in and out quickly by sitting at the bar... There were a few porkers in front of me and they filled up the bar like it was a freshly filled trough. I thought I was in the Clermont Lounge pisser for a second that I almost pulled out my pud from muscle memory. Fuck, those Blondie flashbacks are painful. OK, so my bar strategy just went down the shitter... Talked to the hostess and worked my sorcery to convince her that I would be in and out quickly (that's what she said), but seriously, she said, "Can you be out by 8PM?". Wimman, I will be a distant memory within an hour... As long as the kitchen did their part in firing my order ASAP. Snagged a corner table which was totally preferred... I get to see the whole joint without any slobs breathing down my sweaty back. 

Let's go all in, fatso!

This Fords Martini Hour $12 special is an amazing deal because it comes with 3 oysters! Shit, I could just have a flight of these martinis and 9 oysters and I would be happy as a fat fucking pig in shit.

The Fords Gin Martini Trifecta... The Valencia, Gibson and 50/50. No matter what order you drink them in, you will be a winner and I'll still be a wiener. And each martini comes with 3 oysters... Winnah winnah bi-valve dinnah!

Flight round #2... And where's my sea snots, bro? Boom...

On this night, the oysters were from Murder Point in Alabama... And they were really good. Clean, rich, creamy, medium salinity and a hint of butter. The "mignonette" is more of  a Vietnamese nuoc cham than a Thai seafood dipping sauce. But it was still great with the oysters. Save the enhanced fish sauce to dip with other menu items.

Murder Point aren't really dirty oysters since they are raised in baskets... So, not much scrubbing required, they have super clean shells naturally. Beautiful specimens.

I had 33 oysters, guess how many gin martinis I drank... Because it's all fuzzy math after all them cocktails. I need grub before I keel over... Garcon! Comidas, apurate, por favor, danke!

Corner seat, best spot in the house for spotting hot broads that will never talk to me and when my food is coming out. The place filled up pretty quickly and not one ex-pat in the entire joint... Not even a jook-sing. I was the only slope... I thought this was an authentic traditional Thai joint. Maybe all the ex-pats were at Rain Thai or Thai Chili. Let's take a peep at the traditional Thai menu... BTW the menu is not on the website, so, you won't know what's on the menu until you get in there... Not a fan of that practice.

Wait a minzie, am I at Harry & Sons? Wake up, Pouch, wake up. Everyone has been soiling their underpants about the crispy rice salad, but meh, I rather put that $18 towards something more substantial. Every roundeye ordered it, so, it was basically every table. I was pretty disappointed that Som Tum with fermented fish or salted crab was not on the traditional Thai menu... Speaking of Thai, there were not many Thai dishes on this menu tonight... Which is their whole schtick. Did the Pouch just fucked himself, again? Hmmm... Ah, fuck it, just order all the proteins, all 3 of them... And keep them martinis coming every 10 minutes, and if I pass out, bring one every 5 minutes.

Sunchoke & Crab, radish/pear/salmon roe/pork rind, $20. It's a nicely presented dish but after mixing it all up, it was a muddy mess. There were only a couple of pieces of sunchoke... The other toothy items that mimic the Jerusalem artichoke were the radish and pear and I swore I tasted potato in there... Shit, throw some galangal in there and try to trick me properly at least. It sounded great on paper but if you closed your eyes and took a bite, you would be like... Smoothered covered chunked? All The Way woulda only cost ya $5... And that would taste more Thai.

Pork Ribs, nahm jim jaew/crudite, $25. Plating is simple and classy... But does this look anything like a traditional Thai dish? The only thing that was remotely Thai was the classic Thai dipping sauce which tasted like the chili fish sauce with the oysters. The ribs looked great... If I was at Heirloom BBQ. Look, this fat fuck is still gonna just eat it like a weirdo. Unfortunately, they were a bit dry and chewy. Dipped it in the nahm jim jaew and it helped a bit... Then I dipped it in the Gibson and the house brine really softened it up. That raw carrot couldn't lead a horse to these ribs. Would I get the ribs again? Fuck no, but it was worth a try. I mean, what else was I gonna order besides the 3 mains? Oh, yeah, I also got a cup of sticky rice for $4.

Octopus, xo sauce/daikon/scallion, $18. Isn't XO sauce Chinese? Oh, well, it's all Oriental I guess... The octopus was really good, tender and toothy. Or as the hipsters would say, it has a wonderful mouth feel. WTF, you stupid trust fund hippie?! If your mouth was a trough, I wouldn't even piss in it. The XO sauce could have been a bit more umami but it still worked. Shit, I put XO (the scallop one) on everything, even 'ZA... Wait a minzie, hot honey is better on 'ZA. The octopus was good but it was more an app than a main.

Flatiron, mushroom/cilantro/beef jus, $40. Wait a minzie... Did I walk into Bistro Niko? Fuck no, because I would never go back to shithole and their fraudy half assed Fronch dishes... Who's the chef, Lane Meyer's mom? What do you have to drink here, Peru? Listen, it's a pretty looking dish here... But c'mon, how is this even remotely Thai, let alone traditional. Flatiron is usually an inexpensive piece of chuck but still pretty tasty. This cut here was cooked perfectly... All that's missing was the frites. But to say this was traditional Thai is kinda an insult... Along with that price tag.

This joint definitely has the trendy vibe and concept going on here. It is the new "It" place to see and be seen. And the zombies are piling in like they were only serving brains on the menu... Oh, only if they had offal on the menu I woulda been a lot happier. By the looks of the crowd, I don't think anyone eating here really cares if they are traditional Thai as long as it's pretty on the plate and IG-able. If they were serving authentic traditional Thai dishes, none of these wannabes would be eating here because it would be too foreign for their fragile palate. But the service industry is really tough these days and you gotta do what you gotta do... Even if you have to go outside the lines of your central cuisine theme. Hey, maybe they're bringing Fusion cuisine back, baybee! I would love to see a Thai birria taco on the menu.

So, do they deserve the Michelin nod? I guess so because it's trendy and safe for the gringos. But they do know how to cook and plate a novel dish and the service was great. I wish them luck and hope they keep going... But maybe, just maybe, as Jen Psaki would say, they will circle back with some traditional Thai dishes in the future... Just not in a circle jerk.

112 Ormond St SE

Atlanta, GA 30315

https://talatmarketatl.com/