Zuma Sushi

So... We meet again. The original location of the Zuma twins. When I first came here years ago, the slices of sashimi were thick as phone books. A couple years later, went to their Toco Hills location... Even thicker. And now back to the this humble location and it was as thick as ever. Where did their sushi cooks train... At a meat packaging plant? If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? I guess... But I prefer a little more finesse and a little less man-handling of the delicate flesh of the fish... I'm fragile.

No one expects authenticity here... Especially, when their background is not even Japanese. But we can still have fun in this Korean co-ed ran joint. It's not as gaudy as Ru San's and the waitresses are more fun to look at. When you want a quick bite and a little more class than that dusty old Publix sushi... This will fit the bill nicely. I was on my way to P'cheen but I wanted something a little lighter than their menu and boom, sushi it was... Let's see how they're doing these days. No more anime... Thank God. That's a good start...


Softshell Crab Tempura- Keep looking... It's in there somewhere. If you like a lot of crust, you'll be in batter heaven with this dish. It's pretty much a standard obligatory item on any American-sushi menu. But if you put it in front of my snout and I'll eat it. I'm not ashamed about my crabs.


Salmon Skin Roll & Hamachi Roll- The menu was so basic and homogenized it didn't really leave much for adventurous eating. More than Half the menu is rolls after rolls... When in Rome, do what the Koreans do. The salmon skin was probably the most risky proposition here. Both rolls were borderline at best.


Sashimi Combo- Looked passable. Your basic assorted selection of sashimi. The fish was obviously frozen, I didn't expect them to source their fish from Tsukiji market and over-nighted. The thick slices is just too much, it makes the fish seem heavy. I like thinner pieces so you can taste what you're eating and not preoccupied with chewing like a cow.

This sushi is not gonna blow your mind but it may blow the budget for the cheap Charlies out there because it's not AYCE for $9.99. The quality of the fish is above Ru San's but the attention to details and cutting skills of the sushi cooks still needs work. Bigger isn't always better... But it's obvious who they're trying to cater towards.

It is what it is.

1 Star.

701 Highland Avenue Northeast
Atlanta, GA 30312
404-522-2872
http://www.zumasushibar.com/

Octopus Bar

I was not in love with So Ba. I was not even in like with it... Unlike the dozens and dozens of roundeyes who claimed to know Vietnamese cuisine and how authentic it was. They loved the pho like it was gospel. They liked it because they had no transportation and it was close to their shanties. To me the pho, bun and co'm was pretty wack. I'm not gonna kick that rotting dead Frankenhorse again. But I will tell you that the owner is a righteous dude (there are things that must be watered down for the demographics, this goes for Miso Izakaya as well). From that hipster beloved monstrosity he has created, he is trying to make things right with this new quiet sea beast... Called the Octopus Bar. I like the concept, reminds me of the hideouts in NYC that only caters to the industry scene after dark. It was a place where the workers could go to relax, drink and nosh on something when everything else has closed. I don't know how well it will do in East Atlanta nowadays since no one really wants to be out in that area late into the early morning like how it was back in the days... But we'll see.

The space is simple. Basically, enclosing what once was the patio space. There's some tables and chairs and the bar in the back. Some scribbles of random drawings and a fat fuck of a buddha on the wall or what not. I don't care about the decor for a place like this... I was there for the food and drinks. So, I tried out some bites to test out the menu first... But I will definitely be back to try the rest of the evolving menu. I can' believe I'm in the same space as So Ba but at least it's on the other side and I can't see or smell any of that pho creastures or else I might involuntarily purge.


Salt + Pepper Shrimp- Ask for extra crispy or else it gets soggy and limp... Bitches don't like that, no sirree. And the most important thing to this dish is that you have to eat the entire thing, head, tail and all... Or else don't order it. It's disrespectful to the shrimp. This was a good lil dish. A little spicy, a little salty but I liked it a lot or mebbe it was all the whiskey I was swilling. Still good no matter how you look at it.


Lobster Roll- I heard about the lobster roll and I knew I had to try it. This was my main reason to make the perilous journey. Initial impression, pretty nice. The top split buttered and toasted bun looked great. The chunks of lobster looked adequate. The taste was surprisingly good. The shredded lettuce on the bottom I could do without. It's no New England/North Eastern lobster roll but from a place like this, it was pretty damn good. I fucking inhaled that bitch within 3 bites.


Brussels Sprouts Salad- Finely shaved with a couple walnuts on the side... Hmm, sounds like my daily routine in the shower. This was not what I expected, it was more like a slaw thinger. It was under seasoned and lacked anything of interest to me. How do the vegan brutes do it? I don't like to shit green. The walnuts were good, though.

First impressions: I liked it. And I will make the trip back here after 10pm again and again to see what other goodies they come up with. You keep the S&P shrimp and lobster roll on the menu and there won't be any complaints from me. Just remember to pack some heat or two. There's potential here.

Developing...

2 Stars.

561 Gresham Ave
Atlanta, GA 30316
404-627-9911

Cafe Circa

Caribbean cuisine is not exactly a door buster in this town, the options are pretty scarce. I've been to most of them and they're nothing to write home about or even merit a second visit, it's kinda a waste of money and pouch space. The flavors are pretty much watered down, not saying that they can't cook the real deal but in this town authenticity is not gonna fill the seats or their pocketbooks. But as usual, you just gotta try it because you never know, you could come outta it surprised and for the better... Or worse.

Cafe Circa was barely on my radar since the get go... Their fusion cuisine of Caribbean and Latin flavors aka 'International Cuisine' said 'no gracias' to me. But since I was on my way to church next door, why not commit a couple of sins along the way. Just repent (or purge) and all is well again.

I liked the decor... The wood, the cozy feeling and all that jazz. The service was adequate, sometimes on the slow side even when it's not crowded. This feels more like a place to meet, grab a drink and then head off to your main destination. But let's take a looksie, anyways...

CIRCA BEEF PATTIES- "Three Jamaican-style beef patties served with roasted beef jus." "Jamaican-style" is right... Kinda like NY-style pizza. Not even close. Why are they deep fried? The filler was forgettable... No really, I forgot what it tasted like. The beef jus was scary in voodoo kinda way. Fuck, don't hex me, bro.


DOROTHY’S GUMBO- "Andouille sausage, crab, crawfish, chicken and rice." First bite wasn't bad. It was kinda tasty. The more I ate, the less I found the listed ingredients within it. No crawfish, no crab, just stringy chicken bits and a couple slices of sausage. If it contained all the listed ingredients, it wouldn't be half bad.


CIRCA’S WORLD FAMOUS GUAVA JERKED WINGS- "Fresh guava and jerk sauce." What did you just call me? "Well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you. What's the difference, you're their all time best seller." Well, not quite so in this case. While they were decent size, they lacked any striking Caribbean jerk flavors. They were barely warmed through and eating them reminded me of eating cold chicken from the fridge at 4 AM. Not that that's a bad thing... If it was Popeyes.


CIRCA PAELLA (30 min. cook time)- "Saffron rice with chicken, sausage, calmari, shrimp and mussels." After waiting patiently what seemed forever just for a taste of that succulent "socarrat" crust at the bottom of the paella pan... All I got was this mushy, soupy, greasy, instant rice with tough pre-cooked thighs (at least it was the proper cut of bone-in chicken for this classic dish), disturbingly dried up bearded mussels that weren't even worthy of "fake chow", and a couple measly pieces of rubbery shrimp and frozen rings of "calmari" soaking at the bottom. I have had better from a Zatarain's box and it took less time. 30 minutes and $18 that I will never get back. Did I mention $18 for box rice...

The space is kinda cool but the food... Well, stick with very simple dishes, and I stress the words "very simple". Perfectly fine to grab a couple of drinks here and a nibble but anymore than that, it will be utter disappointment from the "assembled dream team of talent" and buyer's remorse will set in before you walk out the door... In my case out of the bathroom door.

Flush.

1 Star.

464 Edgewood Ave
Atlanta, GA 30312
(404) 477-0008
http://www.CafeCircaAtl.com

New Saigon Vietnamese Bistro

Is this space just too palatial for Asian grub? Because not one single concept has worked in this space in the past decade. Pung Mie was there for a long time barely making ends meet, they were basically squeezing blood from a rock. Then this Ocean Villas came and went like a 2 dollar whore on Boulevard in the night. Let me tell ya, those two places sucked balls. It's no wonder why they closed shop (Pung Mie has became Fung Mei in Duluth). I could only imagine the rent for this space. When expense is greater than income... Well, y'all can count. I think.

Now, comes this New Saigon Vietnamese Bistro... Am I missing something here? Was there an Old Saigon? But anyways, this place is awesome... Awesomely, fucking weird. I walk in and the owner starts speaking Cantonese to me... WTF? Do I have a Made In Hong Kong sign around my neck? This is a Vietnamese resto, yes? Bloody hell, we're in for a treat. Like with the past tenants, the staircase to the upstairs is mysteriously blocked off. Has anyone ever seen the upstairs? I was tempted to make a run for it and snap some pics... There could be a opium den up there. How coolie would that be?

Let's take a peek at the goods... The menu consists of your generic Chino hits, oops, I meant Viet hits... Nothing mind blowing here but when you think of Viet grub, you think simple comfort food. So, let's try some of them...


Cha Gio- Super thin wrapper, super crispy, super hot and fresh outta da fryer... But it wasn't super good. It was passable, filler wasn't a thriller. Wrap it with the lettuce, dip in the nuoc cham and call it a day.


Pho Dac Biet- 2 sizes available (regular and large). This is the regular and it is huge. No normal human being can eat this entire thing... Except me. Broth was ok, not very flavorful, didn't really expected it after I saw a black & white poster of The Rock (yes, Dwayne Johnson) Scotch-taped to the wall. Yes, Scotch-taped to the wall. I didn't know The Rock was such a big fan of this place. They give you a hefty portion of meat and all the fixins but at the end of the day, it was just ok. It's overpriced for what you get, when you can go down the street for better and cheaper. The rent here must be outrageous. If you need a quick fix, it'll do and you'll help pay the rent.


Grilled Pork- Those two sunnyside up fwied eggs looked disturbing. It feels creepy as if my football coach was raping me with his eyes while I pulled up my R2-D2 Underoos. Did I say that out loud? Nevermind. Anyways... This dish was ok. The pork was fine if not a little overcooked and tough. The rice was just some regular old white rice from your local dumpy Chino joint... If it ain't "broken", don't serve it. Look at that brown crust around the eggs, looks like all the loose skin after a fat chick has lost a ton of weight. That shit is so gnarly.


Chocolate Ice Cream on Banana Bread- WTF is this? I usually put my scoop of ice cream in a hamburger bun... Buttered and lightly toasted, pweez. That ice cream tasted like powdered hot coco mix that was frozen. It was not creamy, it was a brown snowball. You can taste more ice than chocolate. This was FOB as fuck.


Flan- What? Yeah, you heard me, it's a creme caramel. I know the Frogs had a lot of influence on Vietnamese cuisine... But did they forget that the owners are Chinese? This thing was ridiculously bad but here's a little something for the effort... Flush. No wonder the desserts were free. No one would seriously pay for these two displays of incompetence.

This place has no identity or soul, it's a little of this and little of that. It's part Vietnamese, part Chinese (they have beef chowfun but after that beastly rendition at Golden House I wasn't gonna be bamboozled again) and part Ra-tard. This combination is a risky proposition especially in a space that's notoriously known for failure. I give this place no more than 4 months.

1 Star.

5145 Buford Highway
Doraville, GA

Himalayas

This strip mall is so wack. Even the long lasted China Inn couldn't take it anymore and moved up to Johns Creek (where?). This blackhole of a shopping center has one last thing going for it... This old ass Injun joint. I first came here like 10 years ago, it was aight, nothing to get your adult diapers in a wad. Walking back in here brings back eerie feelings like... The late 70's and early 80's. Everything in this place hasn't changed a bit. Not one bit... Except the smell of really dated and soiled carpets. They're now even a more prettier shade of puke. If you haven't been here, it's only a matter of time before they go buh-bye as well, since the property owners have been raising the rent for the remaining few in this wrinkled FUPA of a mall. That out of state property management corporation will not spend a dime to update the aging space, since the land is probably worth more than the contents on it. And it's true.

So, I made what may be my final visit here to see how things were going...

Soup with some thingamabobs. This would be a hit on Pine Street. They love free soup down there... Wait, who doesn't love free soup? But if you gotta pay, just don't even bother with it here. Bland, watery and smelled weird. Hell, the whole place smells like some crackho's pits.

Samosas with Meat- What kinda meat? Who the fuck knows. They were so puffy kinda looked like dunce hats or... Wait a minzie, this kinda looks like some fat chick with her cankles in the air and a full garden between it's gargantuan thighs. Appetite. Gone. Done-zo. Punt-ola.


Naan- Sure, it ain't Boboli? It came out a bit too early. Needed more color. It was a bit doughy, chewy and cold. Bottomline: It wasn't good. But my dog would totally use it as a crate bed.


Lamb Curry- Tis was alright, the lamb was tender but the curry was weak and a little oily. Thank God, they give you a shitload of basmati rice to soak it all up.


Biryani w/ Chicken- A giant heap of it but little chicken found. It was acceptable overall. But it got more boring after each bite. No matter how many bites you took looking for that something, you'll only find nothing... Except a stain in your underpants.


Tandoori Chicken- Came out nice and sizzling hot on a sizzler plate. Cute little touch on serving it to you table side. Chicken was nice and tender with decent flavor. Prolly the best thing sampled here.

The place has been around for ages and ages in this ghost town of a strip mall in auto dealer limbo. The food is mostly forgettable but definitely a decent filler if you're hungry. They must be doing something right to last this long. The service is attentive without being Bollywood creepy. The last time I ate here, Monica Lewinsky was sucking Clinton's cock in the Oval Office... Come to think of it, the food here tasted like dick back then and it really hasn't changed much since. Not that there's anything wrong with it...

Squirt.

No rating.

5520 Peachtree Industrial Blvd.
Chamblee, GA 30341
770-458-6557
http://www.himalayasindia.com/

Fung Mei

I don't know if this place made the right choice by moving up to Duluth and changing the spelling of their name from their original location on Buford Hwy when it was known as Pung Mie... But the mediocre food hasn't changed much for the better, especially in this area inhabited by many ex-pats. If you can't deliver the goods, just go home... But not all ex-pats demand authenticity. Even Asians like to go slumming sometimes. Their menu is pretty mixed all around from Cantonese to Sichuan.

The space is nice as far as Chinese restos go... But the side room with the larger tables had it's own stand alone portable AC unit that was set at 69 for some reason at this time of the year and it was a bit too cold for comfort. But hey, I don't mind eating with my jacket on if the food was worthy... Let's see if it was.

I saw Xiao Long Bao's on the menu and I had to have it... Too bad they were all out. The other baffling thing was that the Sichuan side of the menu said it would take 20-30 minutes to prepare vs. the regular menu. Everything we tried to order from the Sichuan menu were mysteriously not available. Can you say sketchy? But let's stick to their regular menu and see what they can deliver.


Pan Fried Dumplings - Straight from the bag and right into the wok. How did it taste? Yeah, you guessed it... That good. Flush.


Beef Chowfun - Not terrible but not great either. Just needed more flavor. The wide noodles were sticking to one another so the dark soy didn't coat it thoroughly. The sliced beef were fine. If you needed a quick fix for some noodles this will do.


Ja Jiang Mein- The amount of soybean sauce they give you is ridiculous. Does that look proportionately right to you? Too bad it was meatless. But I tell you what, this was prolly the best dish of the night. Hey, more sauce than less is fine by me. The noodles were a bit overcooked and mushy but not to the point that it was made for a senior citizen.


Sweet & Sour Pork- I saw this going to another table and it looked like semi authentic. You know, not the version with that fucking disgusting nuclear orange fake sweet & sour sauce. So, why not? OK, I'll tell you why not... Thin strips of pork encrusted with thick hard batter. The sauce was too sweet and sticky like caramel. Ugh, can you say Chin Chin's?


Scallops with Oyster Mushrooms- Nothing tasted right with this dish. Scallops had no flavor as if they were frozen and the sliced oyster mushrooms tasted like it's been sitting in a can for 10 years. Ugh, can you Chico and Chang's?


Walnut Shrimp - This looked and tasted like it came straight off a fusion Asian resto menu. U got the fried batter shrimp, whole walnuts, this sweet mayo like sauce and nestled on top of iceberg lettuce. Classic. Can you say PF Chang's?

This place is not gonna win any awards. It's your basic Chinese resto that is a step up from the hole in the walls places around town. If you want to go ghetto in Duluth among the better Chino restos, this place will fit the bill nicely.

1 Star.

1605 Pleasant Hill Road
Duluth, GA 30096
770-935-8888
www.fungmei.com

Chicken and the Egg

Is there room for another restaurant boasting a locally sourced, all natural, organic, never frozen, sustainable, blah, blah menu? Sure, why not, everyone is doing it already what's another one in the played out bucket. So, where is this located in town? What? Where? Jesus Marietta Christ, you say? I just hope it's worth the long drive to nowhere bumblefuck. And of course it's located in a strip mall, naturally. But sometimes the best food can come from a street cart, so it's got that going for them.

The space is quite large but yet had that cozy cottage feeling. The bar up front is just too large for this type of establishment even though it's nicely stocked with a good selection of liquor and wine. It seems more family oriented than a sports/hangout bar but what do I know. I like this set up in some former life as a bumpkin kinda way. Sat down at the table and everything's dandy so far... 5 minutes passes and not a single soul has stopped by the table. Ok. Finally, our server (who looked kinda like Kevin Rathbun's doppelganger with the manners of a goat) comes by, does his quick pitch and then walks off. This is really freaky. Comes back a few minutes later to take drink and appetizer orders but he decided to walk off once again after only taking the drink orders. Fuck me. Where am I, I can't breathe. I knew then that I needed to order everything at once the next time he breezes by at his earliest convenience or else I'll be here for 4 hours and I didn't want to be stuck out here in Children of the Corn country.

I looked at the menu online before I drove up there but they didn't bother to update it with the most current one. This is a classic move. The old bait and switch... Because everything was priced more than the menu online. I can understand offering a new monthly menu but how long has this place been opened... Two months tops? How the hell can the prices go up already? Nothing is more annoying than being bamboozled. But whatever... If you're that hard up for that extra dollar, I'll pay it just to make you happy and not the other way around... Just cook me some delicious vittles and all is good.

(Mushroom Bisque)

One word: Salt. Salt. And more salt. When this hits your tongue, that salt smacks you in your nuts. I don't know if the saltiness got more concentrated as the bisque was reducing down over time on the stove or if whoever made this bisque just doesn't know the difference between a pinch and a punch of salt. Even the two sabertooths at the next table were shocked by how salty it was and made this face like they were being forced to give head again. What a waste of great mushrooms. Just awful.

(Buttermilk Fried Oyster, creole tartar)

I heard these things were nothing to write home about but I don't believe it until I have eaten them for myself. Nice medium sized oysters, crispy crust, moist and hot inside... Sounds spot on right? Except for one thing, these oysters had zero taste to them. It didn't have that outta the water briny freshness and they were not seasoned when they came out of the fryer. I have had better with more flavor and they haven't even been shaved in days. This dish looked great but it still baffles me to this day how tasteless they were.

(Rustic Pate, mustard, cornichons, honey comb, griddled bread)

What's missing in this picture? Prolly the most interesting thing on this menu... The honey comb. I asked the server if they left it out by mistake... Nope, they were out of it, so they just decided to pass it off without even mentioning a word about it. Who are they trying to fool? I notice everything on a plate. Worse part of it, they didn't even try to substitute it with something else with a sweetness to compliment the pate, that is until I asked about it. The pate was acceptable... It reminded me of SPAM (not that it's a bad thing) except it was a bit on the dry and unseasoned side. The bread was toasted way in advanced that it had basically dried out to bread crumb consistency but yet it still had that just griddled look to it. If you try to cut it in half the entire thing will just shatter into dozens of pieces. The cornichons were great though. The honey comb replacement of tomato jam was better than nothing. The grain mustard needed more kick.

(Farm House Burger, fried egg, bacon)

Props to them for allowing the patrons to cook it to temp... Medium rare, pweez. Too bad it came out medium well+ with an ashy gray center. Do I even dare at this point to send it back? Fuck it, I'm so over it. The fried egg was cooked properly with a runny yolk, nice. But the bacon... How does one make bacon taste like nothing? This was one mysterious tasteless bacon. Mebbe the hand cut fwies will fare better... Maybe not. The fries were barely warmed through, limp, unseasoned and starchy in the middle. What happened to the first stage of poaching the fries? You know what, nevermind. What's next...

(Iron Skillet Fried Chicken)

Aaaahhh, the pièce de résistance... Looked wonderful and kept separated from the sides (now that's thinking ahead, bravo). Super crispy crust and hot... But it wasn't very juicy inside. After working on this for awhile the crust seemed thicker and thicker and the meat drier and drier. It wasn't a bad fried yardbird, just not a great one as you would expect with a $16 price tag. Everyone would like to think they have the best fried southern bird but then again everybody would like to think that their ugly babies are the cutest babies on earth.

(Real mac & cheese, braised greens)

The mac & cheese was pretty tasty, it came out nice and hot reheated in it's own serving vessel. Cute. The braised greens were cooked well but the jus that it was cooked in at the bottom of the bowl was super salty.

(Banana Pudding)

Desserts aren't my thing but it's one of the better renditions in this town but after a bite or two, I was over it. I'm sure some people could eat a gallon of this in one sitting. Not too shabby.

Overall, I don't see much of a difference between this place along with the shitload of other new southern restos in this genre with the same ubiquitous menu except that this joint has some consistency issue. The execution needs work. The seasoning on each dish was either overkill or none at all. It's obvious that no one in the kitchen is tasting anything. I've worked in restos like this, where the cooks are pushed too hard to get the food out whether it taste right or way off. It was about turnover. The service was spotty and could be a little more attentive (coulda been just our server that night but that's no excuse on the management's part), making the guest feel like they're a burden is that last thing you want. They have so many servers out front but not a single one of them took it on themselves to pick up a finished plate on the table even when they saw it with empty hands. It was that "it ain't my table" kinda attitude.

This resto has a lot going for it this area, it just needs leadership and someone who has a grasp on running the front of the house as well in the kitchen. One can't do without the other. Would I come back on a regular basis, prolly not, but I may check back here in a year or so.

2 Stars.

800 Whitlock Ave.
Marietta, GA 30064
678-388-8813
www.chickenandtheegg.com

Barcelona Wine Bar

UPDATE: 3 Stars.

So, I had to make a few more trips over here and bring some more friends to sample more of the menu and the results were pretty positive. There were 2 major dishes I had to try... Of course, the paella and the whole roasted piggy. Remember, the more people you have, the more you'll be able to enjoy the large selection of tapas. Lookie here...

(Sunday Whole Pig Roast)

Nice display of meat. It was a tad dry and chewy but overall, it was not too shabby. Available on Sunday only... Plus, all wines are half off. Fuck, you know I'm there.

(Paella)

This was the paella for two. Look at the size of that friggin thing! So glad we got the "small" order. While it didn't disappoint in portion control, the paella lacked that oh-so-important "socarrat" or the crispy rice on the bottom of the pan. While there were hints of it in there, they just couldn't fully do it properly in that busy kitchen (lack of burner space). But overall, it's one of the better versions in this town. Is it worth $50 for the 2 person minimum order? I think so because you can feed 6 with that pan.

(Monkfish a la Kiosko)

This was a fun little dish. I love monkfish... It may be the ugliest fucking thing in the sea but this "poor man's lobster" was pretty tasty.

(Ham & Cheese Croquetas)

Cute and tasty. I dared a chick to put one in each cheek but she had a chorizo in her mouth already. Party pooper.

(Fluke Ceviche)

This dish coulda been 10 times better if they didn't flood the plate with a gallon of EVOO. The oil masked the natural flavor of the crudo instead of enhancing it. It was fine but make sure you ask them to go light on the olive oil.

(Crispy Brussels Sprouts)

Who doesn't love roasted brussels sprouts. Good stuff.

(Grilled Hanger Steak w/ Black Truffle Sauce)

Grilled spot on. Order it... It has truffle sauce. Yeah. c'mon.

(Gambas al Ajillo)

Awesome sizzling big shrimpz. Fuck Red Lobster.

(Homemade Empanadas w/ Cumin Scented Chicken, Avocado )

Eh, the only disappointment of the pack. Just didn't have any discernible flavor. Boring at best for something that is usually oh-so tasty.

(Side Salad)

What is this? I'm still trying to figure it out.

(Crepas Salguero)

It's a thin pancake with chocolate sauce. Squirt.

(Churros)

Ok, so there was a cooking malfunction on the first try. There was parchment paper inside one of the churros. C'mon, you're gonna kill somebody!!! Luckily, my friend saw it and started to dissect it and made the discovery. Oh, the first batch was a very sad display visually, thin, limp and lifeless. But the replacement order came out almost as lovely as I remembered the first time I had it... It was a tad undercooked this time. I still think it's one of the best churros in town but when they get it right it's the best in town.

This is a fun place to go with a bunch of friends to drink and of course nibble on the extensive list of tapas. Not all the dishes work but if you choose wisely, you and your friends will eat well and be stuffed like a fat chick home alone in the end.


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Wow, what a change for the better from that outhouse, Zaya... This new semi-authentic tapas wine bar franchise dumped a shitload of cash into this space. And it looks pretty friggin amazing. Covered in basically all wood inside, it kinda reminded me of a really hip spot in EVill, NYC... But instead of Korean Fried Chicken, you have a huge selection of tapas offerings to nosh on. The outside patio has these tiny stools and tables fit for a hobbit. It's usable but after awhile, your ass is so numb it feels like you just got violated by the Hells Angels. The fire place is also a nice touch for the chillier days.

When Sunday nights are dead for most restos, this joint was packed like it was a Friday or Saturday night. Could it be the half off bottles of wine, any bottle... Ah, yeah, I'd say so. But how's the food (tapas)? Looking through the menu, I saw a lot of promising dishes such as the Parrillada, an Argentine mixed grill of pork chop, half chicken, Gaucho sausage, N.Y. strip, papas fritas and chimichurri... Or the hard to get right, Paella with saffron rice, chicken, squid, shrimp, chorizo, clams & mussels. The Monkfish a la Kiosko looked interesting as well. Since, I ate dinner earlier already, a few tapas plates would be a better gauge of what the kitchen can do (yeah, I know I'm a fat fuck, get over it, I did).

(Gambas al Ajillo)

Nicely sauteed shrimp but needed more seasoning. Came out sizzling hot, so eat them quick or else they get rubbery.

(Chorizo with Sweet & Sour Figs)

Looks really depressing doesn't it? It tasted better than it looked... But not by much. Chorizo were ok, not much flavor but the figs gave it that extra kick in the taste budz.

(Steak Paillard)

This brought up a very emotional event... It reminded me of that hellacious Steak Frites at Buckhead Bottle Bar with the fries piled high atop the meat flap. But this tasted 100 times better... Even though it was over cooked a bit. This is a thin piece of meat, don't need to cook it to death. Oooh, lookie, potato sticks!

(Spinach-Chickpea Casserole)

Ewww, what is that? Looks like a warm bucket of hamster vomit. Stir it up and it doesn't look as bad. It tasted alright but you need veggies from time to time... Mebbe I shoulda ordered a Congress approved veggie like pizza instead. That's one tasty veggie the obese American people can get behind.

(Pulpo Gallego)

Octopus and fingerling "potaotes" is always an good idea but oh, Lord, looks like the Devil regurgitated this thing on a plate. Bon appetit!

(Albondigas)

Who doesn't like to stuff balls of meat in their cheeks... I does for one cuz I'm like a chipmunk. These were ok, kinda bland and dry but the tomato sauce helped a little. It's not that difficult to season your balls with herbs and spices... It will do wonders for your sex life.

(Churros)

These churros rocked out with its cock out... Literally. Like in Boiler Room, "Act as if... You had a 9 inch cock". It was a pail of three healthy schlongs, if they served this at Swinging Richards, they would be packed every night... No pun intended but totally feasible. Go ahead use your imagination. But these churros were fried to order, plump, crispy and airy inside like a pillow... Possibly the best churros in town. These imprinted on me like Jacob imprinted on Renesmee.

Barcelona Wine Bar is an instant hit with Atlanta... Why? Because this town needed it. There are other tapas joints that's been around town for awhile but they don't have the whole package like this place. It's amazing how a little change in appearance and food offerings can bring in the crowds. Or maybe it was just the good wine deal on Sundays (I sure took advantage of that liberally). The menu might be a little too ambitious for this crew and space. There were some hits and misses because there is just too much going on. For me, I would like to see them reduce the menu down by half and really put out consistent dishes one after another. Who knows and who cares if they do or not but I'll be back to try the mains and hopefully they will make me soil my pants. If the paella blows balls, there will be hell to pay.

Good first date, hopefully an even better second one.

Squirt.

2.5 Stars.

240 N. Highland Ave, bld 2
Atlanta, GA 30307
404-589-1010
http://www.barcelonawinebar.com/atlanta.htm