EVOS

The only thing Green was the color of my face... It was either from nausea or anger from the fact that I shelled out $12 for this experiment. I felt like the Hulk was pummeling at the bane of my existence... My pouch was in misery and had to tap out early or else my purple pants woulda popped. Someone open a window and call a doctor STAT... Anybody but Dr. Bruce Banner because he is an emotional prick. Shit, I'll even take Dr. Seuss with his green eggs and ham... Hope they're not air baked.

This place is cute, nothing special, no one would be green with envy here... Especially, the fodder. But the service was friendly... Almost too friendly like they were trying to cover up something... Hmmm. Nice people, wrong product.

Steak burger - 90% filler, 10% rubber. Get 4 of these silicon disks and you can move furniture around with ease. This patty was like a cow muffin... Dry, flavorless and unbreakable. The veggie fillers were fresh, I especially liked the full length slice of pickle. The bun was made for a real burger... You know, the ones that are juicy and edible.

Air baked fwies - What's the fuss about these things? Nothing more than Ore-Ida Extwa Cwispy fwies from your grocer's freezer straight to your garbage. No amount of ketchup or MSG could make these sticks crave worthy.

Chicken strips - Heavily breaded pieces of dried out chicken... Or was it tofurkey? Who knows, 2 bites and into the can of mystery. Dig them out if you want to investigate further... I'm sure they won't turn anytime soon.

Mango Shake - I had better Slushees at QT. This was like something I made in Chemistry class in high school. Close your eyes and try to figure what flavor you had. Mine tasted like Crystal Light On the Go flavor packets. Isn't styrofoam cups bad for the environment? Oh well, we all need a balance.

Ketchups - What in Yahweh's name is this? If your gimmick is centered around a fucking condiment... There's no hope, not even Obi Wan can help. "Hey, let's go to Heavo's, I'm craving ketchup and I need my fix." Squirt.

Some might like this stuff but to me it was just painfully boring. It's worse than watching old people eat. Like them, I wouldn't last too long on this earth either. But it wouldn't be from old age because of a healthy lifestyle, it would be from eating this stuff that my pouch won't compromise with...

Kermit was right, it ain't easy being green. Especially, hovering over a toilet or balancing on a lily pad... Make mine a wee-wee pad instead.

Splash.

*And just for all you ra-tard shills... I'm awarding it 1 star, now. Keep it up cuz y'all make me laugh. Plus, I make $12/hr and I got all day to play... College baseball.

5590 Roswell Road, Ste 140
Atlanta, GA 30342

(404) 252-4022

www.evos.com/