I have never seen a ghetto redneck upscale casual resto before... But if there ever was one, this would be soooo it. No, Adam, I'm not talking about Ryan's.
I only come here once a year for Dragon Con to see all the freaks and geeks in their LARP and WoW outfits... And it's awesome. But this Hyatt, not so much. It's kinda rundown, not that it's ugly, it's just kinda dated and worn out like your mother's combat boots. It reminded me of a fancy HoJo. Ok, since we're talking about your mom, this place is fugly.
Anyhoo... DT Resto Week, the menu read pretty well here, so I gave it a shot. Coming down the escalator gave me flashbacks of Furries, Klingons, Trekkies, Star Wars, Sailor Moon, Gladiators and the Ghostbusters. I must admit, I kinda got excited in my special purpose area.
Walking into this resto was a trip... A trip back in time. Holy shit, it's like the late 70's here and I ain't talking about the staff either. There was an aquarium on the back wall and it was cool because the fish were actually swimming in it. The only fish I see in tanks are either upside down on the bottom, floating or about to be someone's dinner. Speaking of dinner...
Crawfish Grits - White cheddar cheez? Unless I'm color blind, that shit looked orange. Grits were... Well, gritty, flavorless and dry. Mudbugs were snuggled up under a blanket of melted single serving sliced cheez. What a mess, I confess.
Avocado Shrimp Cocktail - Would help if they actually had avocado in it. 5 shrimp looked like it was 'seasoned' with Old Dirt. What's with the matzo crackers? "Cocktail" sauce tasted like... Well, the prefix. Pump.
"Smoked double cut pork chop, cut from the center of the rack, brined in Jack Daniels for 24 hours, cold smoked for 4 hours with Jack Daniels barrel wood chips" - Sounds friggin' good doesn't it? Tasted like a double cut ass. Nice grill marks but this meat paddle was overcooked and it was like sawing a tree. Broccolini was great though... But the mashed taters tasted like the valet made it. Here's your $2, freak.
Prime NY Sirloin Steak - Aww, it's Mr. Hanky sleeping on a bed of steamed broccolini, how cute! Instead of medium rare, it was brown all the way through. As with the pork chop, ditto on the sides but the whole roasted bulb of garlic was a nice touch. Squirt.
Homemade chocolate truffle cake - This shit wedge was plated so far in advance that the raspberry coulis literally dried up (see pic) and the cake as well. Two bites of this thing made me look like a dog eating his own feces. Woof.
Mascarpone cheesecake - That fake whipped cream was hard as a golf ball and that little hat on top of it aka candied lemon slice had seeds in it... Huh? And the cheezcake itself... I had better desserts at a funeral home. RIP.
The service was absurd. This used up trailer park creature with a thick southern accent whom it claimed to live in Buckhead had the personality of a cow muffin. It came to take our order right when we sat down, literally. I'm like WTF? The wine glasses were filthy and when I asked for replacements, she sighed like I was putting her out... To pasture. Bitch, don't make me get up and put my shoe where most of the trailer park has been, it might like it. She eventually got friendlier... By rubbing all up and down my arm and asking me to draw her a tattoo design. My arm felt all skanked up from her gweezy talons and all I wanted to do was put hydrochloric acid on it... That is, of course, right after I punch her in the nuts. I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of this one whore town. Paid my bill and 86'd that hairy hole ASAP.
Btw- Parking is retarded, you drop off upstairs and retrieve downstairs in the dungeon... WTF? It's like some sick incest trailer park version of 2 Girls and a Slap Chop. Up, down, up, down. Don't forget to wipe up with the ShamWow... Front to back, Vince.
Au'voir Avanass.
Flush.
265 Peachtree St NE
Atlanta, GA 30303
(404) 588-4135
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