Those $5 Mai Tai's on Thursdays are fucking dangerous... They make old hags look bangable after 8 or 10 of them. I think I told this menopause thing a few nights ago that we should drive out to Vegas in my drop top Porsche and get married... Christ, I hope it was a dweam. Wait, it must be because who the fuck uses the words "drop top" anymore? Thank God, I didn't wake up next to one of the Golden Frowls.
No one comes here for the food (who can take that menu seriously besides the Furries and Dragon Cunts) but when you're sloshed, you need something to absorb all that liquid funk. The giant BBQ claypots are pretty awesome... When I die, I want to be placed inside one and smoked. Y'all will love my pink ring. Since, it was DT resto week... Why not stuff my pouch before I pass out at the happy hour. Mebbe, I shoulda passed out instead because the food tasted like it came from Vic's brah, Trader Joe's.
"Trader Vic's Mixed Green Salad - Hearts of palm, mushrooms, endive Javanese dressing". I don't who came up with that dressing but it should be called Jawanese dressing. Shit tasted like shellac, dry as the sand dunes of Tatooine. Off the table it goes and replaced by another Mai Tai.
"Asian Chicken Skewers - Sweet Thai chili sauce". Ok, Mae, what kinda Ploy is this? Couple of chicken scraps squeeze on a stick. Dry as a 50 yr old skank.
"Seafood Lobster Sauce - Jumbo prawns, sea scallops, mussels, mahi, steamed rice". Everyone knows there's no lobster in Lobster Sauce. PF Chang's frozen TV dinners are light years ahead of this bowl of fish jizz. Kinda smelled like a deer's vagina.
"Chinese Oven Barbeque New Your Steak - Garlic spinach, mashed potatoes, sautéed assorted vegetables". I shit you not, it says "New Your Steak"... Don't y'all know that Your steak is the best? The best Jerry, the best! This was prolly the best and most edible thing on the menu. Asked for med-rare, got well-tanned... But it's ok, I was fucking drunk as shit.
"Banana Fritters- sweet cream, run sauce". I really enjoy watching broads eat bananas... That sweet cream sauce runs down the sides of their mouth just like the condensation on a bottle of Gatorade in this heat or Jenna Jameson's.
"Trader Vic's Cheesecake- mixed fruit, raspberry sauce". It definitely was cheesy and the crowd was filled with mixed fruit. I don't know where the sauce comes into play here, could be some type of lube. Don't ask, don't tell me.
Fun place to drink and let your balls hang low... Anything more than that you're on your own. Even fugly ass clowns can hook up here, I've seen it during Dragon Con... I should know, I banged a chick in the girl's bathroom once. It wasn't a pretty sight, kinda awkward, just like Furries doing it.
Pump
Pump
Squirt
Flush
2 Stars.
255 Courtland St NE
Hilton Atlanta
Atlanta, GA 30303
Neighborhood: Downtown
(404) 659-2000
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