Amuse!

3 Words: Better Off Dead.

Mmm, Lane Meyer's mom...

"I've created dinner mon dieu -- including Fronch fries ... Fronch dressing ... and Fronch bread. And to drink ..." (holding up a bottle of Perrier) "Pay-roo!"

This joint only adds to the misery that is French (inspired) Cuisine in Atlanta. Amuse is to French as Taverna Fiorentina is to Italian. A delicious meal of Malarkey and Tomfoolery served with a side of Hornswoggle... As evident by the box of Near East Couscous proudly displayed on the corner of the blackboard special of "Couscous Royal" (see pic). Can you fucking believe that? A dusty old box of couscous just hanging there like baby Jesus. All I could think of was... Ok, where's that box of Kraft Mac & Cheez at? It's up only on Tuesdays? Damn, bamboozled, again!

The menu online is not updated at all... No foie gras. No pork belly. No lobsta risotto. Boo! The actual menu and black board specials didn't sound too bad but not exactly enticing, either. Made me miss Allegro a little bit. Tried to find some classic dishes but this was all I could come up with...

Country Pate - Looked prittee prittee good... Nice assortment of olives and cornichons, buttery toasted slices of baguette, Dijon mustard and then a big hunk of free-formed minced meat. This thing was so dry, it fell apart like a 3 day old leper. Where's the lardon, the bacon, the fat? My only thought was... SPAM never sounded so good.

Rabbit Provencal - Tell me about the rabbit, Georgina! Sounds tasty! Too bad it tasted like it came from the Latrine Province. Pappardelle was fine but the sauce of olives was so overwhelming, I wanted to order a Martini to thin it out. This rodent was on the auto dry cycle for at least 12 hours, another hour it coulda been varmint jerky.

Cassoulet de Toulouse w/ Duck Confit - Ooooh, sounds soooo Fwench! Looked like a God damn Mars crater... With a Martian Leg in it. Awww, all them white beans looked like cute little NASA astronauts. Too bad they tasted like soggy maggots. Duck leg was tender but almost flavorless... It was a confit, not Easy-Bake, right?

What a mess... And they just ran out of toilette paper. It's a shame because the place was adorable and could be so much better if they just hired a frog to cook the food. The server was wonderful and happy go lucky. The wine was fine. But always check your bill... Because they will bend you over and tickle your taint if you're not looking.

They tried to charge me $24 for that swamp beaver when it had $19 written next to it. The manager was like... "Oh, the fish stew on top is $19 and the rabbit is $24, it's the opposite." Dude, don't make me pistol whip you right now, the heat in my pants ain't from my sweaty ball. After giving him the 1000 yard stare, he finally said he would take care of it but the check mysteriously reappeared unadjusted. Had to send it back again and came back corrected 15 minutes later. It was so pathetic that I almost felt sorry for that putz. You can't scam me... I cans read good.

Now where's my change?

I want my two dollars.

Keep the change you filthy animal.

Flush.

Two dollars.

1 Star.

560 Dutch Valley Rd
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 888-1890
www.amuseatlanta.com/