Eeh, I didn't think so... It's prolly just me. Oh no, I think I got peeping turtle.
Formerly the dump known as Aiko... Comes a douche-birth even sleazier than Pauly D's Cadillac tattoo. I didn't know Cadillac was Eyetalian... Hey, you learn something new everyday. Fuck, if I was any dumber than the broad next to me, I woulda thought I was back in Long Island circa 1986. She did have a nice rack of lamb, though... But she smelled like hamster vomit.
Anyhoo, back to this cum stain on the seat of life... I came to see what the Buckhead scene was like nowadays and this hole was calling my name. You think a Thursday night would be slammed but the only thing that was... Was the skank in the corner spread eagle. Her garage door has been opened one too many times. It's like parking a scooter in a 2 car garage. Wait, I think it was Lindsay Lohand-job. I don't know what's going on in this area but it seems like there's a new species being bred... A cross between Guido and Emo. Guimos?
Supposedly there are "specials" at the bar on Thursday nights... A $5 Cheeseburger and this Flip a Dwink thing. Who knows because the dickweed bartender looked like he was staring at goats in the corner. Fucker had the attitude that his dickcheese didn't stink or something. Never mentioned the specials. Asked 3 times for water, finally had the Mexican't bar back get the water, even he sported an attitude. WTF. Dude, don't make me call Jan Brewer, maricón. Btw, I think you spilled water on your back. Bartender comes back, asks what do you want to drink and walks off before I can even get a word off... But my middle finger was quicker on the draw.
Finally, I got my drink on... A whiskey old-fashioned. Shit was disgusting. Mistor Personality comes back and says you have 1 minute to order food (what bar kitchen closes before 10pm?). So, naturally I got the cheeseburga special and wings. You can't fuck that up right? (eyeball rolling)
Cheeseburger w/ Tots - Did I order an orange on a bun? Holy shit, that cheddar looked like a giant condom on my meat. Kinda sad it didn't have a smiley face on it. Got it medium rare temp... Guess that heffer ain't grass fed, organic or local. Yeah! That burger was average at best. Worth about $5... Oh wait, it was the special of the night. Tots were gross, oily and had some funky aftertaste. But the pickle was spot on.
Wings - Naked w/ Habanero sauce on the side. These wings looked like they were boiled and then fried. They were so pale and bland, I felt like I was eating Marilyn Manson's fingers. It was passable but that habanero sauce was disgusting. Scoville units of 69... Tasted like dirty ass. That's why I always get it on the side, you never know what these numbnuts will serve you.I was very tempted to get that Banh Mi... But y'all prolly don't want to read what I have to say about that thing of diarrhetic proportions.
Overall, this place is depwessing as fuck... Makes me wanna Roofie my own drink and violate myself. The place was empty, the bartender seemed like he had better things to do than work, flirting with chicks and giving them free shots all night, asking him for a drink that I am paying for was like pulling his pud, the worse was when he couldn't get the bill right with the Scoutmob dealio, took him 4 tries and he charged the full amount on the burger and never flipped my drinks. FU, douchewipe.
To cap off the night, the Photo Hunt machine touchscreen didn't work and ate up the dollar... FU Photo Cunt. Never fucking again... And that habanero sauce gave a whole new meaning to IBS.
Flush.
1 Star.
128 E Andrews
Atlanta, GA 30305
(404) 835-8311
www.tavern99.com/
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