Buckhead Bottle Bar

This for all my fans on YELP!

We got a triple double!

Stop whining like a little Buckhead skank. Someone's mangina needs airing out. You musta just recently discovered Yelp because we got a real Christopher Columbus here... Deleting my review will only draw more attention to your douchebaggery.

This house of Narcissism obviously can't take criticism... You might want to get a new PR firm because your response is amateur at best. Not that PR firms do much to increase profit or image but at least they know not to add fuel to the fire. The theme of this joint is stuck in the 90's... When Buckhead was in it's heydays. If there isn't a Bentley, Lambo or Range Rover out front, it's not the place you want to be at. If I didn't know any better, I thought it was another Tom Catherall's douchey theme restos. Here's an idea... How about a free 10 lb. burrito to anyone who can shove it up their ass in 5 minutes? That's a door buster gimmick right there, pal.

I think we got a Situation in here. What is that smell? Is that... Italian dressing or douche? The decor and setup is not bad but it looks so friggin' staged like a bad reality show... It's almost like truTV's World's Dumbest Partiers 11. Wait... Is that Leif Garret and Danny Bonadouche behind me? Just checking. I got flustered in the sea of Ed Hardy, barbed wire tattoos and Rhinestones... Oh, I know the addiction to Affliction, brother!

While the atmosphere caters to the dimwitted and outdated sect, the menu read ok... It's pretty generic and lacks any creativity or innovation. But there's talent behind the kitchen... I just don't know why this menu is so pedestrian. A menu dictates your clientele... I mean, c'mon, chicken fucking tenders? Even a Buckhead house frowl can make that scrap... Does "Ding, fwies are done!" ring a bell to you?

Strip Steak & Fries - Who plated this thing... Their accountant? Where's the beef? It's just a giant mound of fries on a plate... Wait, what's that brown thing underneath it? I think I see a meat flap. Too bad, I have seen mud flaps thicker than the angle of this dangle. It was pretty much flavorless and unseasoned. No wonder they tried to hide it. The Mickey Deez style fries were an insult to every pimple faced kid donning the Golden Arches uniform. Do you know how long it takes to move up to the fryer? Well, I don't know, but I'm sure it takes a long time... Especially, in Tbilisi, USSR.

Scottish Mule - Gin, cucumbers, lime and ginger beer... Doesn't sound too bad. You're not wearing a kilt back there are you? I don't want your cucumber stirring my drink, Connery. Wait a minzie, I don't recall any cucumbers in any type of mule... Mebbe, I'm wrong, who knows, I'm not that big of a drinker. Drink was as potent as my phantom ball.

It's Buckhead, you don't come here for properly made cocktails, you come here to pick up trim... Look for the ones who are ordering the bottles off the wall because of the pretty colors, they are the easiest. I just don't get celebrity "hotspots"... They always attract wannabes who claim they are producers, artists, models, designers, actors, athletes or promoters. Basically, people with little skills and large trust funds.

Does anyone ever take these places seriously as innovators of cuisine or cocktails... Look at P-Diddy's Justin's, Luda's Straits (what a name for midtown), Usher's Grape (which got squashed) or Jermaine Dupri's Cafe Dupri (staff got Dupried). There's that other thing Shula's as well. Please, no more well funded joints that produces nothing but stains on the car seat of an Escalade.

Whatever you do, Zaza, please don't open a piZazaria.

BTW- Faux Hawks are out (that was sooo Season 4)... Just in case you didn't get the memo. I got your memo but I didn't read it because I don't care.

I'm still here.

Swoosh.

0 Star.

268 E Paces Ferry Rd
Atlanta, GA 30305
www.buckheadbottlebar.com