I can't believe I'm admitting this... Wait, who am I kidding? I'll admit anything to my one reader because I have no shame... And also, because no one reads this farcical food blog anyways. I can say out loud that I wrestle with naked barn animals on the weekends and no one will even bat an eye. It's like the tree that falls in the forest, did it really make a noise... Kinda like farting in a really loud stadium... Hmm. But anyhoo... This shapely cheekanhead slut has been cheating on Popeyes for over a month now. I know what y'all's next question is because Enquiring minds wanna know! Soooo,what disgusting, fowl, home-wrecking hooker has the Pouch been bumping fuglies with lately in this COVID climate? Well, it's none other than the best supermarket fwied cheekan in the state... Publix.
Shit, I'm not ashamed to say it, Publix has some goddamn tasty fwied cheekan when it's freshly fried. The 8 piece mixed box is the classic go-to, but if you ask nicely they may even just give you all dark meat and sometimes they throw in a couple extra pieces to make up for the premium "white meat" that roundeyes prefer... Let's just call it reparations for political cluckness.
Shit, I'm not ashamed to say it, Publix has some goddamn tasty fwied cheekan when it's freshly fried. The 8 piece mixed box is the classic go-to, but if you ask nicely they may even just give you all dark meat and sometimes they throw in a couple extra pieces to make up for the premium "white meat" that roundeyes prefer... Let's just call it reparations for political cluckness.
I still can't believe I haven't been to a Popeyes for that long... What the fuck is wrong with you, Pouch? But it's OK, though, because the Publix substitute was good enough to keep me going for weeks... I'm like Brad Pitt (only in looks) in Interview with a Vampire where he only eats rats and other small marsupials instead of humans to sustain him... Hey, sewer rats and nutria may taste like chicken potpie. But I'll never know cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfuckers... In public, anyways.
Sooo, Popeyes has been plastering the airwaves with their finger licking good commercials, errr, was that the other cheekenslut? No matter, so, Popeyes has been showing off their new gimmick... The Hot Honey Chicken. C'mon, bro, who are you kidding here? It's just the regular fwied cheekan with sweet hot sauce squirted on it. What idiot would wobble over there for it? This fat fuck, that's who... Well, it finally gives me a reason to make a visit since I haven't been in so long. I went to the one on Clairmont and the shit was packed... And I mean in the Bulldogs/Blake's kinda way. There was no social distancing up in that motherclucker at all... Then one of the cheekan wenches behind the counter said, "The wait for chicken will be an hour!" I'm like WTC?!! Yes, I said, what the cluck behind my mask.. So, I slid out of that greasy glory hole and went to the one near Northlake and it was almost as crowded but I stayed put because I am too fat to move any further. I got my shit and looked in the bag to make sure everything was there... Motherfuckers, they fucked me on the spicy chicken sando (Yes, I got the chick sando as well)... I went back up to the packed counter and told the non-binary creasture that they forgot my sando and they got a bit pissy and went back to make the missing sando. I wanted to walk the fuck out because it was such a shit show in there but fuck that noise, I paid my money for it, I want it, I need it, the Pouch demands no sando, no peace. The dude, err, I mean they put the sando in my bag and off I went... Got home and laid the spread out to feast my eyeballs... Fuck it, let's eat after all that shit... No wonder I haven't been back to Pops in so long. One thing's for sure, they ain't going out of business any time soon in the time where every resto is closing for good.
I opened the box like there was a dick in there and this is what I got... A lightly squirted piece of chicken of the hot honey sauce... Jesus, I sure got dicked in this box. That ghetto pigeon wing only got a little squirt in the eye. I tasted the hot honey sauce and it was weak as fuck... OK, time for doctor Pouch to do a little surgery...
Luckily, I always ask for extra hot sauce because these mooks working there can't be trusted to do anything right... Aaaahhh, now that looks like a masterpiece... And I will probably be taking a master piece of shit later after eating this hellfire. The hot honey sauce is a joke, the hot sauce packets were spicier than that shit... But, but, it's Popeyes fwied cheekan, still some of the best yardbirds around. The cajun rice was a bit dry and coulda use some Cajun Sparkle which I forgot to ask for once again but I still ate that shit.
I got a box of the plain and unadulterated to compare and contrast... And to make sure their chicken is just as good as it has always been... Yep, still the best fast food fried chicken in all the lands. But I drowned it in hot sauce after a couple bites because I need my heat. I ordered the red beans and rice and they gave me taters and gravy... Shit, did I go to the wrong party because it looks like someone stuck their dick in the mashed purtaters...
I don't know what the fuck's going with all the Popeyes during the pandemic but they are literally slaying it... I have yet to drive by a Popeyes that is never crowded. Maybe it has something to do with the best goddamn fried chicken from a fast food joint. And I ate all of this in one sitting... Love that chicken! Goddamn, right, Pouch... You disgusting slob.
