Monday, April 25, 2016

Popeyes Big Box

For $5, this is one handsome meal even Brad Pitt would appreciate. You may not get the rock hard abs like him after eating a box or ten of these beauties but if you turn off the lights you can pretend to and then cry yourself to sleep like I do on a nightly basis. Not a day have passed that I wake up depressed after looking in the mirror. There is no dispute that I adore Popeyes like overweight vegans to sugary cupcakes. I just can't say no to Popeyes cheekan, I swear there's crack in there... I think I saw the order taker working the corner of Boulevard and Morgan the other day wearing an oversized white t-shirt and baggy jeans. Now, I know there's more than MSG in their Cajun Sparkle packets. Take a gander at this tasty snatch box... That smell from the box was intoxicating on the drive home... I wanted to rip those cheekan panties off right there and then.

Sometimes, you get your choice on the pieces because they usually run out of certain pieces of the spicy... On this visit they were out of the drums and thighs, so the dude says do you want to wait for a new batch or do you want a breast, sure broski, I'll take a breast and that chunky piece in the back there which he replied, I don't know what piece that is... It's all good, bro, it doesn't matter as long as it's spicy. Of course, I knew it was a thigh all along... This is what $15/hour gets you these days and it's quite beneficial. The chicken of course, was spectacular as expected and even better after dousing it with more hot sauce. The red beans and rice is good as usual but there's something about their green beans that gets me every time, it's magically dericious. The biscuit on this visit was not buttery but I still ate it like a well disciplined fatso.

Pump pump squirt.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Brush Sushi Izakaya

The new high-end-ish, upscale-ish, ultra pricey sushi and izakaya joint is now opened for business in downtown Decatur, next to Sapori and steps from the Square. Looking through the menu before they opened was quite interesting and eye opening... The menu items read fine but the prices were out of this world for this area. I know people who live in Decatur make decent loot but c'mon, this was Buckhead expense account type of pricing... To the likes of Umi, Tomo and MF... And no one is taking clients to Decatur for a business lunch or dinner. There are a couple of pricey restos around the square but shit, those prices are for a full entree, not snacks... The lofty prices here were for small plates or shared plates. And the shit adds up real quick without you even noticing it because I'm a fat fuck that can't stop ordering dish after dish. An order of miso cod for $27? Umi's heavenly version is $20. Hamachi kama for $17? Grilled whole squid for $13? Many of the same izakaya items could be had for half the price at Shoya and their shit is real guud. And let's not forget about the premium pricing on the omakase. Since, I'm a fucking retard, I don't care about the prices at the beginning of the meal... But I always get fucked at the end because I never leave satisfied. It never fails, it's like clockwork. Shit, I talk too much... Let's just get to it, dickhead. Ok, this place is a nice addition to the square and the more restos and bars that pop up in this area, the better... For da pouch.
They did a good job on the interior, it's simple and open but you know it cost a pretty penny to transform the raw space into a Japanese dining/drinking den. I like how they separated the booze bar and the sushi bar on either side of the space... I don't want to be near some gaijin who can't handle their sake while I'm in mid stream of a premium omakase course. Speaking of which, they only had the pricey $125 Brush omakase available on a recent weekend night because they were short a sushi chef but I kept picking at Jason like a pecker to see if he could do a sushi/nigiri omakase for da pouch since I didn't want to eat or spend that much on an unproven spot yet... So, while he thinks about appeasing the pouch on his request, I'm gonna get some other bites for now...

Jidori Chicken Tatsuta-age, yuzu aioli. You know how much Popeyes I can get for $10? But what do you expect from an upscale Japanese joint in Decatur... They were breaded nicely and evenly, had a nice crunch to the thin crispy crust, it wasn't seasoned as well as it should be but the lemon juice helped. The Yuzu aioli sounded very foreign and exciting but did nothing for me except that it reminded me of a chain resto's cheekan tenders' dipping sauce. This would be more inline at $7...And I don't care if it's claimed to be a Jidori chicken. We all know there are no real Hinai-Jidori chicken in the states, just like there are no real Kobe beef in the states, either... If there were real Jidori cheekan here, everyone would be serving them sashimi style.

Ankimo. When I saw this monkfish liver for $5 on the special menu, I thought it was a mistake since everything else was so damn pricey. But it was true, it really was $5, this was prolly the best deal on the entire menu. It was pretty damn good, not as silky and creamy as it could have been but I ain't complaining for $5. I shoulda got 2 more orders. Stupid stupid pouch...

Grilled Japanese Squid, chili miso sauce. I ordered the Japanese Squid Karaage but they upcharged me $4 instead for the grilled squid which I have had this dish all over the place. I like the grilled squid at Japanese restos but not for $13, that's why I wanted to try the squid karaage instead. But I didn't make a big fuss over it because it was already plated and placed in front of my snout before I had the chance to even notice it. It's a pretty standard grilled squid, it was tender but not very flavorful, even with a few squirts of lemon juice. The tiny dab of chili miso helped a lil but there wasn't enough of it to cover the entire squid. It was fine to try once for a new resto opening but I wouldn't order this again... Especially, for $13

Kushikatsu, chef choice of breaded and deep fried skewers of 2 meat (cheekan lollipop, pork belly), 1 seafood (shrimp), veggies (avocado, shiitake, eggplant). All this can be had for $18 and more... The more part was a special order of infused hair fried within the crust of the shrimp. Naturally, that shit was sent back. Everything else was decent, nothing really stood out as craveworthy... Ok, the cheekan lollipop was pretty good since it contained fwied cheekan.

Pork belly and salmon was sent back out sans pube. The pork was sizeable but it was 86% fat underneath that golden crust. The salmon ball was much better than the shrimp. $18 is still kinda suspect for the selection on this dish. I guess it's fun for the whities since they love anything on a stick... Just like Jesus. Yeah, I went there, so fucking what... Not like my one reader will have the energy to complain about it.

Crispy Wings. From the robata grill, you can have these two tiny flats for $5.50... They tasted like any other backyard BBQ wings from the grill. They were pretty decent but for $2.75 a piece, they were the most pricey wings I have eaten in this town. I would save the money and put it towards something more overpriced that you don't make often in your backyard.

Stir Fry Mentaiko Udon, poached egg, karasumi (mullet roe). They're worms... Don't! They're only noodles, pouch. I thought this was gonna be more exciting in presentation and flavor but it was kinda boring... The soft egg made it a bit more fun to eat since I like to play with my food. Even with the poached egg, it didn't add much to overall experience. Totally not worth the $12 spent, I would skip this and save the loot for the ramen when it's available.

I didn't have any damn rolls but this made me laugh... Hand made rolls with the finger prints to prove it. I wanted to get the soft shell crab (spider) roll because I'm a sucka for them but after seeing this, I don't know if I wanted to shell out a hefty $17 for a hand crush roll... Pass.

Sushi Omakase... I finally got Jason to do it. $78 is a decent price to preview what they can do with their inventory... A lot better than paying $125 and taking a gamble. I'm not gonna go into detail on every piece because I would be here till next week but you can look at the purdy pictures, instead...

Otsumami. Oyster, firefly squid, octopus, bamboo shoots.

Hirame, fluke.
Sumi Ika, cuttlefish.

Kohada, gizzard shad.





Shima Aji, stripe jack.

Hamaguri, marinated cherry stone clam.

Sawara, spanish mackerel.



Negitoro Hand Roll.


Manilla Clam Miso Soup.

The sushi omakase was not bad at all, most of the pieces were pretty good and had nice texture... You can tell they were quality pieces. Were they the finest grade of sushi found in Atlanta... That's a flat no but it ain't no chum bait, either. I would say they would be in the top 7 for this town. The clam miso soup was very good but the chawanmushi was too watery and needed to set a bit more. I would wait a couple months before I do another omakase here... Let them stabilize their fish source and supplier a bit first.

I like what they're doing here and I think Decatur needs a quality sushi joint like this. The talent is there (the execution on the omakase needs to be cleaned up a bit), the right menu is there, the service is kinda there but getting better, all that's missing is the booze... They still don't have their booze license, so that may keep me outta there until then. Oh, and the ramen is available after 9pm on the week days... No, they need to make it available after 9pm everyday. But I have yet to see it with my own eyes. With a little more work and finesse, this joint may yet get my full attention and approval as a destination sooshee spot in this one horse town. For now, it's a bit overpriced for what it is.

316 Church St
Decatur, GA 30030

Grub Burger Bar

I haven't been back to this joint in many moons... It was pretty decent on my earlier visits here. The cheekan tenders were the standout here and boy howdy, did I had a hankering for them tonight. I like to go after 9pm because they continue their "Happier Hour" specials on a couple of items that I haven't tried yet. They also have cheap booze which I like to drink in abundance and it's light on the wallet. I really enjoy the demographics here because it's a mix of different mulattos that makes me feel like I'm back living on Boulevard... I can almost taste the rainbow here like their Tipsy Worms and Dirt shake. Let's go see how they're doing these days and I hope I don't get into a CQB combat tonight... And that doesn't stand for Cheese Quarterpound Burga, either. Oh, and their burgers are pretty decent, too...

Crawfish Pistolettes. Scratch made étouffée, wrapped and cooked in a French bread roll, served with our housemade Mississippi Comeback Sauce. These bloated puffy footballs of glutenous mass were stuffed lightly with a little bit of the crawfish "etouffee"... C'mon, let's get real, that shit is not even close to etouffee. It's just a couple tiny crawfish tails stuffed into each bread log. These things were so fucking pedestrian I wanted to throw these out on the crosswalk on Briarcliff... Luckily, there were only 5 bucks... Wait, I coulda spent that loot on a Four Dolla Rita with tip! Fucked again!

Harlem Chicken Tenders. These don't look as plump as they did in the past... But they are still ultra flaky and tender. They got chintzy on the fries, too... It's like the expediter was snacking on the fries while she was waiting for the rest of the order at the pass. You can also get all three sauces if you ax them nicely. The comeback sauce still sucks ass, though. The tenders were not as good as I remembered but I could be easily suckered into getting them again because I'm a fucking weakling when it comes to fwied cheekan of any sort.

Luau Fries. Braised pulled pork, monterey jack and cheddar cheese, grilled pineapple, jalapeños, Teriyaki & BBQ sauce. Jesus Henry Christ... What in lord's name is this? There is nothing Hawaiian about this unless it's suppose to look like a pubescent Kalua yak that just busted it's hymen for the first time... Congrats, you're a lady now. Eating this oinker on the rag is not my favorite thing in the world but when you're drunk and hungry, you'll eat anything... Just like the easy fat broads in college. Hey, fat chicks need McLovin', too... That's how lure them in, with a Happy Meal. This pile of bloody sticks was so overly sweet and cloying from the shitty BBQ sauce that it blanketed all the natural flavor of "pulled pork". The layer of the melted cheddar Snuggie didn't help much, either. It tasted like all the left over shit that dropped off to the side of the pork container and dumped on top of fries... It's their version of smothered covered. Just eat the fries around the bloody aborted mess and you'll be fine. It's not even worth $4 on the Happier Hour special... Maybe $2 and a handjob by a fatty at best.

VooDoo Mushroom. Absinthe sautéed mushrooms with swiss cheese, and Tabasco mayo. Absinthe... Hahaha! Who are you trying to fool? Oh wait, I'm in a chain resto... Nevermind. I think they misspelled the word "Absent" because there was no hint of absinthe in the shrooms. Overall, the burger was pretty good except that all their burgers only comes medium-medium well rather than the proper burger temp of mid-rare. The solid house made bun can hold up to the patty juices. They are not big burgers, more the size of a nice backyard BBQ burger..

Lockhart Legend. Applewood smoked bacon, cheddar cheese, housemade Dr Pepper BBQ sauce, topped with two hand battered onion rings and sliced dill pickle. This burger got some height to it and the onion rings on top of the patty is just retarded... No one can eat this with them between the bun. You end up taking them off and eating them on the side. Another decent burger but it's not very exciting, either.

It's amazing that I didn't order my old standby the Ghost burger with the ghost chili sauce again... I need to be more open and try other flavors. But sometimes, change doesn't work out as planned on taste. I need spicy. I need spicy on my burgers. I need spicy on everything... Including my broads. This joint is still acceptable even with all the little missteps encountered on this visit... But the cheap trashy booze makes the world all right, again.

2470 Briarcliff Rd NE #47
Atlanta, GA 30329

Pouch Nibbles & Tipples

I haven't been eating a lot of full meals lately... Just a bunch of different bites here and there while I get my booze on. I have been trying to slim down with a liquid diet... Yeah, I know that's a fucking joke but I can try to Jedi mind trick myself into thinking that I look like Daisy Ridley with her sexy tweenish figure. But we all know I'm just as Unkar bloated as that slob, John Boyega. I had one too many portions of them survival rations of bread. I'm sick of instant bread rations... It's time for the pouch awakens...

Soft Shell Crab Po'Boy, andouille sausage. The only thing I eat at Fontaine's has always been the oysters... And only at the oyster bar where I can watch them shuck it right there. I don't trust shucked oysters sitting in a cooler waiting to be served. Their regular menu has pretty much sucked ass throughout time but on a recent Sunday, they had a soft shell crab po'boy... Oh, fuck, how can I pass that up. And here it is in all it's glory... And it didn't looked half bad. How can this be? You can actually tell it's a crab... Or a tarantula. Oh, fuck, I'maa skeered. Tucked that fried chestbuster alien inside the roll and took a bite... Shit, it wasn't half bad tasting. It was pretty good actually. The only thing wrong with this was that it was initially $10, then it mysteriously went up to $11.99 after I said it was good. Go figure... I hope that alien creasture pops back out through the proper hole.

Torched Hop.
Stopped by to see what the fuss was about. The space is quite large and grand. The artificial bocce ball field is dumb and who plays bocce anymore... I liked the space a lot but I don't know if the smallish bar can handle the volume when it's fully packed. The bartenders were flustered with only a handful of customers on this visit... And don't ever say that you're from NYC if you only lived there for 6 months, just a tip. Just like Hillary Clinton is not a fucking NY'er and never will be no matter how many mansions she buys in upstate NY, that hooker doesn't even live in NYC. I had a few of their beers and they were pretty decent until this creasture appeared... For $5, I expected freshly made chicharrones that are popping, crackling and blistering hot... Instead, I got this self serve grade school lunch bag of cold pork rinds that were somewhere in between crunchy and soggy... With a bottle of crappy hot sauce on the side. Thanks for nuthin'.

The Imperial.
Burger Week... The Damn Gouda Burger for $5. The burger and fries with a beer for $7.50 is a damn better dealio. ATL Burger Week lasts til April 23 and the list of places doing the $5 burger are wide and plenty. 

Kimball House.
That's a shitload of tasty oysters, bro... I don't think I need to tell my one reader how much I loved their oyster program... Sick.

Hawaiian Roll. It's a cute play on the awesome Hawaiian Rolls you get at your local grocer but only for twice as much. It's worth trying once.

And for dessert... More fucking dericious oysters.

And mo' dreee-anks... Can't say no to the spot-on execution of cocktails in this joint. Had at least 5 cocks go down my throat on this visit.

Iron Age.
AYCE motherfuckkin manmeats. This is my favorite dump for Corean BBQ for now... The meat selection is not the best quality but it's more than pretty good... The real draw is the fucking ridiculously FOBBY scene here. For $23, you just can't beat that deal anywhere for unlimited meat sweats and K-Pop videos.

AYCD motherfukkin' brewskis... Well, not really all you can drink but this fat fuck can dream can't he... $18 for a Saporo tower, not bad considering it's all the motherfukkin' you can eat man meats up in this piece. Go with a group and it is motherfucking show time.

Mac Lab.
Stop by here after your meat sweats and self induced meat coma for some of the better Macarons found in the metro Atlanta area... The Lychee one is really good.

Biltong Bar.
This is my usual protocol when visiting a joint for the first time... A beer and shot of whiskey to get the pouch lubricant flowing. The Jailhouse Slammer Wheat and a pour of Wathens was a damn good choice.

Biltong Sampler Board... It's a good way to sample all the jerky on this sizzle chest board. Surprisingly, they do not make the biltong themselves, it's outsourced by a local tough guy... I think his name is Frank, who? Frank Rizzo... Open up yer ears, jackass. I would come back to sample the meat pies and their other shit.

Smoked Beet Burger. What? You ok? Why the fuck are you eating a veggie burger, pouch? You bump your head on a cement truck? No, no... I'm trying to reduce my intake of manmeat on the weekdays. Believe it or not, Twain's food ain't that good but this friggin veggie beet burger was actually pretty decent. The sweet tater chips were hard and old tasting like your grandpa's week old dingleberries in his underpants.

Wings. Naked with hot sauce and sweet garlic for an extra buck or something like that a cheap motherfucker resto would do. It's a tiny tub of sauce, you can afford to give a little out per order. Wait, this was a double order, that sauce shoulda came with it fo' fwee... The pouch gets fucked again! And I haven't even tried a damn wing yet...

These looked sad as fuck even if it was dark as an ass sphincter in here on this visit. They're a bit over fried, dry and chewy. I drown them in the hot sauce just to lube them up a lil and no, the hot sauce wasn't hot and spicy but the sweet garlic was even worse. It was a struggle to put these down my gullet. Like I said, the food ain't that good, just stick to the booze and freak watching and you will be alright.

It's so depressing looking back on my diet on a daily basis... That's why I left out 3 more places on this post. I didn't want to make my life appear even more pathetic than it is already... I have to keep the mystery alive for my one fan. I only have one mode and that is the Obeast mode... Drink, eat, rub one out, repeat. Stay tuned for more stupid ass shit that I shove down my glory hole... Or as I call it now, my honey hole.


Thursday, April 14, 2016

Good Luck Gourmet Revisit

I better not find a goddamn Good Luck Dumplings opening up an intown shack any time soon or else I will cut one of their leftover daughters. After Gu's Bistro departed this location and headed for doom inside a tiny stall at hipster central, this joint quietly opened up with little to no renovations or PR and started pumping out kickass Shaanxi and Sichuan cuisine instantly with no break-in period and I have been hooked ever since the first day. I always find it amusing that Asian restos never uses the same excuses that every American restos use... "We need to work out the kinks, we need to find our stride, we underestimated the volume and traffic, we need to get into a routine, we need to learn how to cook and serve, etc etc etc"... But they have no problem telling you how much experience they have in the service industry with a long list of bullshit on their resume... Snooze.
You will never find a Chino joint that needs time to work out the kinks, it's too close the word chinks, so, they just bust their ass and make no room for excuses. But they don't need to make any excuses in the first place... You know why? Because they make sure they know how to fucking cook before they even thought about opening a resto... To them, this ain't something that might be fun to do with their friends. It ain't no clubhouse, it's all business to them to make money and if they can't cook, they ain't stupid enough to dump a ton of money into a business that will fail. It's like hiring a lawyer that just started his practice but needs to time to learn how to defend his clients in court... "I know we lost your case but it was a great learning experience for me. I'm just working out the kinks. I'll see you in 10 years when you get out." What the fuck kinda of bullshit did I just pay top dollar for? A monkey that just escaped from the zoo could do a better job... If the banana doesn't fit, you must lube it first. Not surprisingly, most restos really don't see this as a problem, charging customers full price with half ass execution and service.
There are tons of places that command very lofty price tags for dishes that were so poorly executed, some I have had were so disgusting and inedible that it was left untouched on the table and I was charged to the full extent of the resto's law... I ripped them a new one, naturally. But with "authentic" Chino grub joints that quietly open up on Buford Hwy, they mysteriously seem to need no break-in period unlike their gwai-lo counterparts... These motherfuckers get the shit done and done fucking right on the first friggin night. How do these slopes do it? I don't know... Maybe because they don't demand free shit like benefits, decent working hours and pay or have the need to be the head chef two weeks out of culinary school because they think they're entitled to it.
These motherfuckers don't fuck around when it comes to dericious Chino grubbery, neither does the pouch... I haven't been back here in a bit, let's see how they're doing these days and time to chow down on some fiery muff... 

Chengdu Style Dumps. Plump, juicy and spicy... Look at that bloody mess below. I can't wait to make those piglets in a doughy snuggie swim laps around that spicy juice. Who woulda thought eating spicy bloody dumps could be this good after watching 2 girls 1 cup... 

Shaanxi Style Cold Noodles. Don't let the light color noodles fool ya... Mix all that shit up with the extra pair of chopstix they give you and it will be transformed into a molten river of lava noodles. Ok, it's not that spicy but it's damn tasty.

Red Oil Pig Ears & Belly Slices. Look at that Predator snatch, I don't know if I should fuck it or eat it. Every visit, it's either this or the beef tendon. Both are great but this has a bit more variety to it. Make sure you mix it up guud, the fiery shit is on the bottom.

Preserved Veggie Steaming Pork. Not spicy at all but a great classic dish. Get a giant bowl of rice or noodles with this and it could be dinner on it's own.

Chicken Dry Pot. The dry pots are really good but I never got chicken with this before... So, the non-spicy heads demanded this... Too bad for them it was still a tiny bit spicy, suckaz! But it was a really nice balanced dish... Not too spicy and everyone can eat it. I wish they would give you more bone-in cheekan but it's still worth it.

Boiled Fish Fillet. The classic must get dish every time... It look like it can melt steel but it ain't that spicy. The boneless fish is ultra tender and just melts in your mouth. Make sure you stir all this shit up and ladle a couple scoops in a bowl of rice and it's bloody good. The spicy broth is just right for beginners and intermediates... But experts would demand for more heat.

Dry Fried Eggplant. And another must get dish every time... Well, I do just because I want to see if they are still consistently good. And they were... They don't skimp on the portion, either... Like that shithole in PCM that claims to have Sichuan grub. These were crispy and ultra hot inside which it should be since it's made to order. Damn tasty and addictive. I had to push the plate away so I don't eat them all in 2 minzies.

Dry Fried String Beans. Simple and classic and oh so tasty... But it's harder to make than you think. It's hard to duplicate this in a home kitchen but in this joint, it's all old hats to them. I wish they would put a nice scoop of ground pork in there, too. It takes the entire dish to another level... But I ain't complaining.

Some people say they miss Gu's Bistro... Fuck 'em. I don't miss Gu's Bistro at all since they consciously fucked up that special bond between Buford Hwy and the ex-pats... Those mofos sold us out and now they're pushing some altered beast that they call Sichuan food in a hipster food court. I'm not impressed with Gu's Dumps at all but luckily, for us, Good Luck Gourmet picked up where they left a great thing behind and they're making our tribe proud once again. I don't know if it's me or what but when I look at these pics they get me really fucking horny and I want to inject my hog into every dish, just because... Sicko! But anyways, this joint still has the touch since opening day and pumping out consistently good food. Go now before they move intown... Shit, don't even fucking joke about that, pouch. Don't even, you fat motherfucker. 

5750 Buford Hwy NE
Doraville, GA 30340