I have never been to Jacksonville, Florida... But it looks like a decent size city with a decent list of restos. Too bad I was only driving through and only had a couple hours to kill here during lunch hours. Met up with a friend here and suggested we get some Asian street grub... I'm like fuck yeah, bro. But he never mentioned the place until we got into town. Hawkers was the name and I'm thinking to myself- where the fuck am I, I'm in a southern town that has no ethnic cuisine or population here. Then I remembered my bro in Orlando saying that his little kids love this place called Hawkers down there. Fuck me, it's a goddamn fake Chino chain for whities... Jesus, what have I done to deserve this... What is this place all about? It's kinda a demeaning mashing up of every single Asian cuisine into one location... When will this type of fusion brutality end? This cultural appropriation is unacceptable... But I'm gonna eat the fuck outta it anyways because this place looks so promising for amazing beat off material in my next review... You know everything is gonna be so sauced up because they have an unlimited supply of hoisin and oyster sauce in bulk cans lining up the shelves in front of the open kitchen as if they were decor. No one in the place had a clue what those cans were except that they were cute looking and so Asian inspired... Even the lights had woks as lamp shades. Fucking shoot me now, here's my .45 cal. and end my suffering.
The place was packed for lunch on a Sunday, not one Asian in sight except this one mud baby that looked kinda like an eskimo hipster... I couldn't tell with all the hair in his face. It was full on mall pedestrians up in this piece in supposedly the hip area of town called Five Points. I figured out why this joint was so packed, because nothing was opened on Sunday around here, it's like their big day off or something, only a handful of other places were opened.
Ah, fuck it, how bad can it be? Famous last words...
I have mixed feelings about this joint... While it serves a purpose in towns where there is zero ethnic cuisine or culture, it also dumbs down the actual cuisines they are trying to represent here to the people. Appropriation at it's finest. It gives these Florida crackers a false sense of what they're eating... Because they will think this is what the food is actually like. I know I'm a total asshole about the food here but I'm gonna give them a pass here at the same time... The crackers in the place were all consciously aware of what they were eating and seemed to enjoy it. And that is enough for me that they were having a good time... Even though, I laughed out loud many times as each dish came out. Y'all know that I have to put in my 2 cents and always have to have the last word. Suckaz! It is my stupid blog after all which only two people read... And that includes myself. Fucking sad state of affairs right there. Until next time, suckaz! ...I got a diet date with a toilet that involves two fingers.
1001 Park St
Jacksonville, FL 32204