My name is Marsupial Pouch and I am addicted to food... Holy fuck... I have been eating non-stop lately that I haven't had time to write up all the shit that has gone from MTA (mouth to ass)... I feel like a pouch centipede. So much grub and vittles and so little time... And I can't stop consuming in mass quantities. Let's face it, I am a fat fucking crass slob with awful grammar and writing skills... My fingaz are so bloated that I can't even type, fat fingering 4 keys at a time... And they're greasy, too. There's no denying my healthy girth, I need to butter my hips just to get my pants on over my adult diapers. They say children never lie, so, when they point their fingers at me and say to their parents, "why is there a three toed sloth in here eating all our Chuck E Cheese pizza, mommy?"... I just stand there in all my glory, all proud and shit with drool dripping off my 3rd chin. Don't hate, motherfuckers... Congratulate. The amount of food I consume is uncanny... Speaking of cans... Time to open up a can of gummi worms and consume a shit load of food up in this piece. First up... Goddamn AYCE Corean BBQ... Jesus, help me keep this shit down, I'm too obeast to run to the vomitorium every 20 minzies...
Brisket. This joint is not the best Korean BBQ as in quality but in quantity, they are the king. They bring this giant bucket of curly frozen brisket and dumps a quarter of it on the grill. It totally freezes the thin steel grill instantly. Took like 10 minzies to heat back up. But once it got going it was non stop meat shoveling to the snout.
Spicy and Garlic Pork Belly. Shit, if you're gonna do it, do it right with both flavors. They come rolled up like a bandage, you unroll it on the grill. Cook it up a bit and cut it up with the crappy scissors they give you.
Octopus. I love the octopus here. They are the perfect size, not too small and not too large.. Just right in the middle. After I ate all of the octopus, more meat came out... Iron Age Soy Beef Steak, bulgogi, Hawaiian bulgogi, hanging tender... Shit is ridiculous. If you want mass meat quantities, this is the place for you.
Taiwan Special (Yong He Zhi Jia).
Soup dumps. They are a fucking logistical mess up in this piece but the soup dumps have been getting better and better... If you ever get your order on time. The skin is thinner and the amount of soup is generous. This is my goto soup dumps for the time being... Until they fuck it up. Which we all know they will sooner or later when it gets invaded by the outlanders.
Leek Pie. Giant leek piece stuffed with a ton of leek and clear noodle filler.
Lo Mein. I can't believe I got LO MEIN... Where's the fucking chop suey and egg foo young, douchetool? Jesus, I know... But I saw the lo mein on my first visit and it looked damn decent... Not with that ultra yellow egg noodles you find at Chino hole in the walls. These noodles were thick and round... It was a good dish, pretty much Chinese style.
Ultimate Fried Chicken Sandwich. Every time I see fried chicken, I get giddy... But I get skeptical when I see claims of having the ultimate fried chicken. I take that as a challenge... This looked impressive at first glance, but I was more deflated than a blow up sheep sex doll after lifting the hood up and seeing this little prick of a fried chicken. It was a small piece of fried chicken arranged methodically over a chicken nugget to build height and girth. The breading/crust was crispy and crunchy, not too thick and seasoned nicely but the thin chicken flesh inside was dry and a bit chewy. The focaccia bread was ultra greasy, I pressed the top of the bread with my finger and it just oozed out grease and pooled around my finger. The pimento cheese spread was like a watered down mayo that had the viscosity like the drip.
French Toast. This was a half order... And it was a pretty full rack on this plate... Kinda like the older tatted up server with the giant rack with triple Ds or Hercules that came over from Rising Son. Some overly sensitive people will say making fun of their staff is not nice... Well, get the fuck over it pussies, the world is not nice. But we all know that no one hires her for a front of the house position and expect customers to not gawk at it. You're just asking for attention, don't be a retarded ass luge. Speaking of ass luge... This challah french toast was huge for a half order and it was pretty decent... If you wanted pure filler in your pouch. I don't know if this version of french toast was even dipped in eggwash because it was barely noticeable or present in taste. The brown sugar butter sauce was insanely sweet, obviously... But did the trick for this thick ass bread. It's ok to try once but definitely not a keeper for future visits... If I ever come back here. It just ain't that good. White people with their screaming demon spawns love this joint.
Pork Belly. Ultra crispy skin and juicy fatty belly. The grits paired well with it.
Empanadas. Filled with smoked meat... Real tasty.
Gnocchi. Still one of the best sleeper dishes here.
Pork Chop. This is one giant hunk of manmeat. I have already said this before many times, they might not have the most adventurous menu, but this joint is putting out consistently tasty dishes over and over again. And it's reliably good.
Kimchi Fried Rice. Looks nice doesn't it? Yeah, it was good. Mash that runny yolk around. Get it.
Japchae. I had a couple bowls of this.. first one was too salty, the second was too peppery... Both were still good but it's all part of the opening weeks and tweaks. Also sampled pork belly, pancakes, tongue and a few other nibbles. This place will do well here in this area, there's nothing like it around here.
Nigiri. One of the best sushi joints in the city... Look at the quality of this shit. Damn good.
Sashimi. Jesus, I can eat like 6 orders of this plate. It's ok, though, sooshee is healthy for you... Eat away, mercury is just a planet.
Sweet Shrimp. I love the special edition sweet shrimp that I have created here. Sweet shrimp nigiri with deep fried whole shell- body and all that goodies inside the head. No one can get this except me... SUCKAZ!
Japanese Whisky and Beer Chaser. Their booze menu has a nice selection of Japanese whisky but they ain't cheap.
Takoyaki. This is one of the best spots to grab a quick quality Japanese bite in town... These takoyaki balls didn't disappoint. Curly wavy bonito flakes still scares the shit outta gaijins... I love it.
Sashimi and Udon. Their "bento" combo sets are the best deal in town. There's more than enough vittles here to fill you up even though it doesn't look like it.
Tonkotsu and Tonkatsu. This will fucking fill you up, no problemo, ese. The sodium content will make you fat and bloated and I love it. Go home ASAP and hibernate in your food coma.
Tonkotsu up close and personal... Right into my facehole. It's not the best tonkotsu in town but for what it is and the convenience factor, I'll take this any day.
Crab Cakes. Wet, gummy, minced, tasteless. Remoulade was even worse than wet spackle. These crab cakes were made in advance and the bread crumb filler just basically turned it into mush. The watercress were all wilted, prolly from sitting under the heat lamp.
Burger. It's not a bad burger but it wasn't crave worthy, either... It was just there for filler while drinking booze. The house made chips were pretty good, though... Until the sauce came out.
Gorganzola Sauce, Tomato and Avocado Salad. That cheese sauce was all cream and unseasoned with just bits of gorganzola melted in there. The T&A salad didn't deserve a dollar for that dance. It was all just so pre-school level. They said that they are revamping the entire menu in the next couple weeks... Who the fuck knows... But this current menu really sucks ass big time. The bar is ok.
Lo Mein. YES. I am a deplorable and love me some low rent Chino grub sometimes... Especially, after drinking whiskey heavily all night long and getting totally ass fucked by it. The only thing that brings you back to life is slutty Chino vittles... There's something mystical about their sorcery ways. Look, it ain't real Chinese food but shit, dude, this was tasty as fuck when your head is pounding brick walls and fat broads... Worse part is cuddling with the sweaty fat beast afterwards and you have to gnaw your arm off underneath it just to escape.
Thai Basil. Seriously, this was on the menu... THAI food. C'mon, we know better... But my drunk ass can't comprehend what the fuck a platypus is right now let alone authentic Thai grub... Is it a honey badger that fucked a duck? Is this chicken or cat in this dish... Who the fuck knows, just pass me the damn "Thai" food, I'm starving... Seriously, this tasted so good going down but it came out like a raging liger locked up in a cage for days. I would prolly get it again... Drunk pouches don't ever learn.
This happened awhile ago for their BBQ shindig... But I still wanted to share to the world or to my one fan like how Kim Kardashian shares a pic of her $4 million ring. It was packed (good for them), I got the fuck in early and got the fuck out ASAP after I ate... The pouch doesn't like large crowds staring at it's girthy midsection. I know it's all from admiration but I'm shy and fragile like a delicate flower... I need my safe pouch space.
Can y'all believe that there was no Popeyes on this post.... Until next time, deplorables... Squirt.
The old "New" Mini Hot Pot that was here before which seemed like forever was just ok, it wasn't bad but nothing stood out for me in quality and taste to put it on my rotation. Shit, hot pot, shabu shabu or whatever else you wanna call it is such a no brainer that even a retard can do it at home for pennies on the dollar... And all in the comforts of your pajamas. After eating a huge cauldron of liquid, meat, veggies and noodles, you just want to hibernate in your food coma state for the rest of the day. Now, a new hot pot owner has taken over the space... By J and it's no ordinary hot pot, it's now, DELUXE. I don't know how deluxe a hot pot joint can be, unless they're using real kobe or mishima wagyu beef... But that would just be a waste of premium meat in a hot pot. The space is modern with bright colors and it gives you the feel that it's clean... It's very cartoonish in a fobby kinda way. Ok, I'm curious about their slop now... Let's go get bloated and be hungry in two hours.
Cornucopia of shit in a bowl. Don't let visual of abundance fool ya... The bottom is fucking loaded with two and a quarter handfuls of cabbage. But this bowl of crap is more than enough ruffage for one person... Even a great big fat person like the pouch.
Beef Bone Broth, spicy. I got suckered in like a douchebag with ordering the spicy broth for an extra $2... First of, this broth wasn't even spicy, I think they just threw in some tomato paste and Valentina Salsa Picante. I coulda just made my broth spicy for free with all the hot sauces/paste at the sauce bar. Not only am I a fat fuck, I am also smart as a bag of hammers... And I want my two dollars back! What's that turd doing in my broth... It looked a possum took a deuce nugget in there but the Le Creuset hot pot was cute, though... Don't forget to mix up your favorite blend of sauces to dip your meat in.
Setting up shop. Just start loading the cauldron with shit from the bowl to give it some flavor. Then the meats and shit. And proceed to shovel that slop into your facehole.
Pork Belly and Squid. The slices of pork belly and squid looked pretty fresh and tasted good.
Angus Brisket and Ribeye. The fancy cuts will cost you a few dollars more.
Beef Sirloin and Fish Cakes. The fish cake and beef combo works nicely as well.
The place looks modern, hip and clean... That should bring in the gwailos because they're scared of authentic ethic joints. The entire set up is fun and not scary to foreigners. Just go in and stuff your fat face. It ain't rocket science but it ain't a culinary destination, either. It's just fun for shits and giggles... And bring your cracker friends, they will love it and makes them feel like a world traveler.
4897 Buford Hwy NE #160 Chamblee, GA 30341
I liked Double Zero Napoletana in Sandy Springs when they first opened... The drinks were pretty decent and the food was above average. The inside was spacious, perhaps a bit too spacious and swanky for a "pizza joint"... While the dining room had good traffic, I have never seen the bar full, ever. The location was easy to get to but the parking was either painless or a real pain in the ass. This was not a spot that you would casually stop by for a drink and a bite, it had to be planned out because there were too many moving parts involved. I don't like complicated anything... Especially, with women's underpants. I like to get in and out as quickly as possible. I like my 'ZA like my broads... Quick, hot, juicy, lift up the skirt, easy to pull apart, fold and eat. I have no fucking clue what that means but it's getting me hungry... And horny.
So, after a few years and the building sold, they decided to move the concept to vacated space in Emory Village where Ink & Elm once dwelled which I liked. I like what they did with the space, they didn't totally change the entire space but just enough to make it feel different than before. There's still 3 different spaces, the bar area, a lounge area and the dining area. They also put in two brand new Ferrara ovens and the two from the original space into storage... What? Come again? Why would you buy two brand new ones when you have two perfectly seasoned you already own... Maybe it's the whole logistics of disassembling it, moving it and rebuilding it in the new space... But I heard they may be saving it for another spot, who knows. Anyways, I like the whole set up in here. It flows nicely. But beware of a couple tables that are hidden in the dark that gets no light... I hate tables that are in the dark, you can't see what the fuck you're eating. It could be platypus or placenta, who the fuck knows..
Enough bullshit talk, let's get down to business... Will the new downsized menu work in this area full of students or will it be revamped in two months... Let's go check it out.
OXTAIL, celery root, kataifi, egg yolk, frisée, grapefruit. They were out of the octopus, so I had to pick another dish STAT... Oxtail it was. And I'm glad I did... This dish was visually impressive. A ring of kataifi sitting on top of fork tender oxtail which was already forked apart. This was a good dish all around... Had the different textures, flavors and colors.
GRILLED KALE, arugula, radish, fennel, ricotta salata, roasted garlic vinaigrette, gremolata. C'mon, pouch, you kidding me? A fucking salad? Wait, a fucking kale salad? Yeah yeah... But I shit you not, this was a pretty damn tasty salad. Would I get it again? Prolly no but I had it once and it didn't make me puke.
ARANCINI, smoked brisket, cheddar, mushroom, honey truffle aioli. How boring can you be, pouch? Arancini balls? What a snoozefest... Look motherfucker, everyone loves balls in their facehole. Quit hating da balls. These were heavily flavored with smoked brisket inside, no doubt about that... Very tasty but the thing that made this dish was the mushroom sauce/puree thinger... It's like an amped up Campbell's mushroom soup undiluted with truffles. Love that sauce, it made the dish come together.
TONNARELLI, pork cheek ragu, Grana Padano, lemon oil. I love that they didn't chintz on the pork cheek but c'mon, dude, don't skimp on the pasta... It's a fucking pasta dish for crying out loud. If I order pasta, please make sure there's enough pasta in there to be called a pasta dish... Plus, pasta is so damn cheap. Give me lotsa cheap gluteny carby filler for fuck sake... Not a pair of shoe laces. But besides that, this dish was pretty good... Who doesn't like pork cheek? I was kinda surprised by how tasty it was.
M.P.A. PIZZA, San Marzano tomato, basil, fior di latte, prosciutto, arugula. I didn't want to get all fancypants with the 'ZA since they just recently opened and the two Ferrara ovens have been barely broken in and seasoned. And I wasn't getting suckered into another white 'ZA again after the dismal display at Vero pizzeria. I'm sticking with the standard red sauce Napoletana pie...With a bunch stuff on top. Yeah. So, this comes out... Looks damn decent. The blisters on the crust was spot-on, poked at the crust and it had a nice bounce to it. The prosciutto and arugula gave it some visual height and heft. The soft creamy fior di latte cheese melted nicely randomly around. The only thing that was obviously not up to snuff was the red sauce... It was watery as fuck. I stuck my finger into it and it wet and oily. The sauce needed to be tighten up a lot. The flavor of the sauce was in between bland and acceptable. But if you ate all the part together (a folded up slice), the 'ZA wasn't bad at all. The crust was nice, maybe it coulda used another 15 seconds but it had nice little blisters all around and a good pull. The upskirt coulda used a lil more color but totally acceptable. In it's current state, it would be considered a decent pie in the city but a good pie in this area... Well, mostly because there's nothing else around here comparable. If it wasn't for the watery sauce this woulda been a really nice specimen. As we all know, it only takes one part of the pie to bring it down... But in this case it was still pretty tasty overall because of the quality ingredients.
I like the place and vibe, I like the downsized menu to focus more attention on the execution of each dish... Some needed more attention than others but I was generally impressed by the samples I've had on this visit. The booze menu seemed awfully similar to Ink & Elm's... Shit, they were selling off their booze inventory for up to 50% off to anyone before they closed... So, I'm betting Double Zero got a lot of their inventory for dirt cheap... I like their extensive offerings (a bit overpriced) but the cocktails need a little work. The beer options are ok but it works. I think they will do just fine in Emory Village even though most students will never come here but the richie riches that live around here will more than make up the slack and support this joint... I ain't rich but I would definitely come back and try the rest of the menu.
1577 N Decatur Rd Atlanta, GA 30307 http://doublezeroatl.com/
"The Firkin and Lindbergh is temporarily closed for renovations." I'm still waiting for them to reopen... They promised 3 weeks, it's been over 3 years. I guess in the mean time they will have a Thai pop up until they finish up their new renovations... So, what's the fuss about this new authentic Thai joint I have been hearing so little about...
First off, never ever state that you have "Authentic" Thai within 500 miles of Atlanta... Never ever. Or else the pouch will take you up on that challenge. Look, we all know Thai sucks in this town, there is and never will be an authentic Thai joint... The white sheep will just not be able to handle it. I'm talking about the heat factor that is... I have yet to find a joint that will do authentic Thai hot. I'm not talking about adding fucking red chili flakes, paste or oil into my green curry and calling it a day... It will only turn it into a pink slurry which will make me shit in a hurry.
So, why would anyone in their right mind would open up a Thai joint in the city and boasting it as authentic Thai cuisine? Well, maybe because you're just barely out of college with all that knowledge you got brainwashed into believing that you can do anything and you're 26 years old and mommy and daddy totally backs you financially... But she's got passion and heart, so, what's wrong with that, Pouch? Ah, because she has no real commercial kitchen experience besides cooking at home with mom or helping out at her family's Wild Ginger resto. Fuck you, Pouch! ...You're just a hater. No, pal, I'm just a eater... A big fat obeast eater. I obviously like having a conversation with myself since no one reads this garbage anyways. Let's go check out the new authentic Thai joint straight from Bangkok... If this sucks, I'm gonna kick the first dude or ladyboy right in their koks.
The place is totally refreshed and not depressing like it was when it was the Firkin... I mean that pub could double as a funeral home. You should stay there for 3 days straight just to see if the people inside will wake up and walk out the door. It was so depressing that the owners just left town and people didn't even noticed. But now, the renovations are brighter and cleaner with an open space... And the original bar was mostly left untouched except for a new coat of paint which made a noticeable difference in mood. Speaking of moods, I'm fucking in the mood to stuff some authentic vittles into my mouth instead of all this chit chattin' out of my mouth...
Papaya Salad. It's tough to find a proper som tum in this town... Shit, I'll even settle for a half decently made one. This version came out quite impressive looking... Or rather gimmicky after looking at what it entailed. The pestle and mortar is sooo cute but there's no way in hell you're gonna be smashing that papaya salad in that tiny p&m in the traditional way... Shit most people wouldn't even know why the p&m is even there for. The papaya salad was totally decent, it was pretty tasty, could be a bit more spicy, wait, could be a lot more spicy, but overall, I was kinda impressed with it... I would be more impressed if they put it in a plastic bag. Would I come back here strictly for it? Prolly not but I would order it again if I mysteriously reappear in here again.
Old Fashioned and Pokemon Shot. So, the cocktail program is not exactly traditional or very exciting.. It is full of ridiculous colorful mixed drinks that Sorority sisters would die for. So, I settled on a classic OF that was not on the menu and the server asked me how I would like it because she will be making it... Come again? Ah, fuck it, if it's got brown juice and not muddled then I should be ok with it. It came out looking decent but it tasted watered down... C'est la vie. But the drink that perked me right up was their Pokemon Shot... Come on, who doesn't want a Pokemon Shot, I think you get points or something for it. It's coconut rum, orange liqueur and mango puree... And it was such a girlie drink that it took me 3 sips to get it all down... Even the server told me to take off my skirt.
Roti. I fucking love roti... Especially, the roti canai at Penang. This version, not so much. How fucking pathetic was this... $8 pathetic. Am I bending over with my skirt lifted up or something? Because I'm getting fucked from behind. The roti was the cheap frozen stuff... It was basically one pancake which usually comes like 6 to a pack for $2.49 at the market. They cut it into 4 pieces and stood them up like a pants tent to give it the illusion of girth... Believe me, there were no boners underneath those pants or mine, just all fluff and inedible material. The curry sauce was so watery and lacked any seasoning. What's with the shot glass of diced cucumber... Shit, I guess at least something was cumming on the plate. What a friggin' ripoff and insult.
26 Platter. Chicken Satay, Spring Roll, Butterfly Shrimp, Street Style Pork with Coconut Rice. The deal is that you pick 4 of any appetizers for this sampler plate... Good idea but every app is ultra Americanized, you just can't escape it... And I just had to do it. The chicken satay was so generic, the spring rolls were factory frozen and barely fried correctly, the coconut shrimp were tasty but also frozen and the one thing I hoped they would do right was the street style pork... Which were just lightly grilled and lacked the sweet flavor and char that you would find on the streets of Thailand. The coconut sticky rice was hard and dry in a few spots and lacked any coconut flavor. I didn't get what that squirt of brownish liquid was suppose to be, fish sauce, sweet sauce, duck sauce or some form of mae ploy? You can't dip anything in it and it didn't taste like anything either. Just stay away from the appetizers they are all so gringorized.
Golden Soft Shell Crab. Look at this specimen, it's quite impressive with the presentation... With all it's legs up in the air spread eagle like some cheap budget smut video. Actually, the crab itself was pretty tasty, a bit under seasoned but I thought the red curry would give it that boost it needed... Too bad the red curry tasted like rusty pipe water, it was so liquidity and flavorless that it rendered the entire dish useless. Luckily, they at least jacked that shit up above the plumbing water so that the crab was left unadulterated and uncontaminated. Moved the crab over to another dish and it turned out better than the original. The broccoli sacrificed itself and suffered a devastating blow, I tried to save as many as I could but some drown an untimely early death. I tried to soak up some flavor from the red curry with a couple of spoonfuls of rice but it just disintegrated when it touched the liquid. This dish sounded good on paper but in reality the looks are all for show... All style and no substance.
Pad Thai. They proudly state that their pad thai is as authentic as you can get and that they plate it a little bit different than all the rest... If they were going for sloppy then they hit the jackpot. What is so different about this than all the others in town that are not doing? Beats the fuck outta me. This version was neither authentic nor different. It was bland, muted and boring... It's all the same hue except for that one lonely sprig of cilantro. This coulda passed for a plate of cold sesame noodles at first glance... Or perhaps a detached weave after a vicious fight near a gutter on Boulevard. This was definitely not one of the better version of pad thai in this town. Skip it.
Fall Off The Bone Ribs. Jesus, why do white people always fall for this trick... Fall Off the Bone Ribs sounds amazingly flavorful and tender but c'mon, we know you ain't gonna find this at a Thai joint... Unless it was called Fresh Off The Boat Ribs. This was more like Ribs Laying on a Bone... An ugly grayish substance that could be tempeh... Yeah, it was not appetizing to look at. While it was tender and already off the bone, there was no way this was cooked in the green curry throughout it's life time starting when it was just a young short rib. I suspect a pressure cooker or poached in liquid first and then finished off in green curry. After eating your way through this bland meat flap which even the weak green curry couldn't revive, you will notice a large sheet of membrane or placenta underneath it, perhaps this was prepared à la water birth... Mmm, magnifique! This was such an ugly unrefined dish that it needs to be totally reworked ASAP or taken off the menu immediately. I shoulda just got the pineapple boat, instead... At least Spongebob's house would go well with my Pokemon shot.
Ok, it's a nice looking joint but we can pretty much conclude that this ain't "authentic" Thai grub... But if they want to pretend, that's ok with me because most people won't even know the difference. Those people might be disappointed that they don't have General Tso's cheekan on the menu. The food is totally pedestrianized and average at best... They even said that they listened to the local feedback to tweak it more towards the mainstream... Totally going against their “Believe in yourself, even if nobody believes in you.” mantra. I wished they woulda stuck to their guns and gave me the authentic version on my visit because the service and atmosphere was better than the food and drinks, but at least they got that going for them. I don't know how long they will survive with this caliber of food, but this 26 year old will learn what real life is running a resto/kitchen in this town real fast... I hope they can turn this slowly sinking ship around because they have all the tools they need in here to kill it with but if not, I hope her parents saved enough therapy money on the side... She will need it when "26 Thai Kitchen & Bar is temporarily close for renovations". But there's always grad school... For people who is not ready for real life yet.
541 Main St NE F170 Atlanta, GA 30324 http://www.26thai.com/
I remembered the first couple of visits were not too bad but it wasn't great, either... It needed work but it was definitely the most "upscale casual" joint around these here part of the woods in Tucker. There is nothing here except crappy chain restos within a 5 miles radius. They have been trying for that trendy city vibe in here... Which kinda looks the part but the people eating in here definitely don't look the part. I don't think anyone who lives intown even knows about this joint. I guess that's nice for the country folk up here to have something hip and cool of their own without all the millennial hipsters ruining it. They seem to be doing pretty well with decent traffic. I haven't been back for awhile because it wasn't that craveworthy... I remembered the cocktails were just ok and pricey for what it was. And they recently changed up their new southern menu to reflect a more global cuisine menu. I guess it's about that time to do another check and see how they're doing these days... Let's see if they got worse or better since I was last here months ago...
Their signature M572 Old Fashion... Fuck, I got suckered in, again. They're still using that convexed bottom rocks glass. It's an optical illusion that you're getting a decent pour... But even if the bottom of the glass was flat, it woulda still been a weak drink. You're losing a good ounce/ounce and half of booze in these glasses. But besides the fraudy trick glass, the drink itself sucked ass... The ice chips are garbage, they melt like in 2 seconds... Shit, the drink was watered down by the time it got to my table 10 feet away. Once, again, the drink was too sweet and weak and barely tickled my throat. Just stay away from the overpriced cocktails... It may be worth it if it was made correctly. The bar was empty once again. There's an old saying when it comes to bad pricey cocktails... "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me, you can't get tooled again." ...Ok, maybe perhaps 2 or 3 times, then maybe I'll learn my lesson. Stick with the beer and a shot of brown juice instead... They can't fuck that up.
Or can they....
Every single dish came out exactly at the same time... Imagine that. Get bombarded with 6 dishes all at once and the shit couldn't even all fit on the tiny table. Smart timing... Trying to eat all this shit as fast as possible... They might as well fuck me in the mouth with a giant funnel and pour all that shit in there.
Smoked Trout Dip. Dude, when the Saltines are bigger than the dip itself... We may have a problem here. I'm talking about one pack of Saltines, not the lot. The dip itself wasn't too bad, it was kinda smokey and creamy but it's nothing to write home about... I had factory packaged trout dip from my grocery's refrigerated aisle that taste just as good or perhaps even better. Skip this unless some hipster at your table is trying to be one with nature as if he humanely trapped the trout from a creek and smoked it out in the woods for you.
Cheesy Chicharrones. I heard a crackle or two when it came out... Sounded like it was freshly fried and it tasted pretty good, too... A decent small snack to start off the meal.
Shrimp & Grits. This may be their best dish... The grits are creamy and toothy, the sauce was flavorful and the shrimp and okra were cooked spot on. Not much to complain about and they even do half portions just to have a taste.
Boquerones. I lurv me some anchovies on crusty bread... Too bad the bread was not oiled and toasted. It was soft and chewy. The worst feeling is when you bite into these things and expecting some crunch to it... Nothing. It's all squishy. It was like biting into a pair of padded slippers. The white anchovies were decent but everything else was just plain sloppy. It had all the right parts, just the execution sucked.
Japanese Eggplant Fries. You can't fuck up battered and deep fried eggplant... Or can you? Well, luckily, they didn't this time. These were pretty tasty, crunchy and addictive.
Country Fried Steak. The server was so proud of this... It's two 4 ounce patties of steak, breaded and pan fried to perfection. Sure, sounds great, sign me up... Out comes one giant piece of heavily breaded piece of meat. Took me like 3 minzies to saw a piece off intact with crust and meat on the fork... Took a bite. Yes, crunchy, too thick... The meat, squishy and so chewy that it coulda flown the Millennium Falcon outta here. The mash taters were fine, can't fuck that up... But the orange gravy was flavorless and it draped over the mash taters like a cheap shower curtain from the dollar store. This was awful... I didn't even eat 1/4 of it... Boxed it up for the neighbor's dog... He ran off into the woods to hang himself I imagine.
I don't know about this joint... They want to be so hip and trendy in the woods of Tucker but the menu is just so unexciting and the execution is lacking. They need another menu refresh or something... Shit, they need more than that... They need a real cocktail program... They need a better kitchen... They need to start over. It could be something good if they looked at the problems from the outside and see what's wrong with the current operation... But like with so many resto owners, they are blinded by the people around them that kiss their ass and lick their balls just to appease them and not rock the boat. I really have no desire to come back here until they make a total change... There is no scene or vibe in here, it's just plain, boring and generic... But what do I know, the hicks up here seem to dig it.
2316 Main St. Tucker, GA 30084 http://fiveseventwo.com/