Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Marcel

Atlanta Magazine did a piece on the price comparison on steak prices across the top steakhouses in Atlanta and Marcel came out on top as the most expensive "steakhouse" in Atlanta... Not surprising given this resto group has been testing the waters if customers are willing to pay outrageous amounts for common cuisine with every new venture they open monthly. With this newest opening, Marcel, undoubtedly commands the highest margin of profit in every single dish. They may say they source only the finest dry and wet aged steaks from Linz near Chicago but Little Alley in Roswell sources the exact same cuts from them as well with a far lower price point to the customer.
Being a steakhouse is one thing, being a French steakhouse is another. The theme of this resto is visually French, from the decor, the staff uniform, the guy with the fake accent, to the fancy script writing on the menu... But it's more American than it appears if you look at the dishes on the menu. French cooking technique is not easily acquired or found in this town but it seems like adding obscene amounts of butter, salt, garlic and wine gives it all the froggy street cred it needs here... aka BSGW. Shit, it's kinda like The Jersey Shore acronym with their GTL. Fake ginzos and fake frogs (surprisingly, no grenouille was found on the menu). The 24 hour notice Beef Wellington just reeks of pretentiousness. It's such a gimmick but if Hells Kitchen can do it to order on the same night, it's expected that Marcel can as well or just don't do it at all. Let's see if the talent here is better than Lane Meyer's mom's take on Fronch food... BTW- I didn't see Peru sparkling water on the menu here.

Foie Gras & Fig Terrine. Not a bad looking terrine. It was smooth and buttery but it lacked that richness only that of a terrine made only of 100% foie gras can give. I really couldn't tell if they used whole pieces of foie and pressed it or if this was pâté de foie gras because it was way too smooth like a mousse/pâté and the color was too consistent throughout the entire slice. I didn't notice any lines like you'll find between the pieces in a classic French foie gras terrine unless they pressed it really hard but then it would be more dense instead of velvety like in this version. There is a difference between a foie gras terrine and a pâté de foie gras, not many people notice it, though. Overall, it was decent and the really nice figs gave it a nice sweet contrast... Wait, come to think of it, I hope they're not putting pureed figs in the terrine itself based on the title of the dish because I have see that done before and it was really weird. I don't know if I would get this again next time... Prolly not.

Oysters Bienville. I'm not a fan of baked bi-valves, especially, oysters... I prefer them shucked on the half. Why would anyone waste a dericious briny sea snot fresh from the water and bake them full of fillers I will never understand... But since this dish is a NOLA classic from Arnaud's, the pouch was curious on their version. As you can see they look pretty flat unlike the plump versions with shrimp found elsewhere. There was so much butter and salt that you couldn't really tell what you were eating except a mass of goo while you chewed and mooed. Like I said, baked oysters are a dumb idea.

Escargots. They were decent size shells but the price to shell ratio is way off... Along with the amount of meat in each shell which was not much. They are cooked, pulled, cleaned and restuffed back into the shell... Reasoning is because they can be "gritty" sometimes. Sure, I heard that many times but if you soak and rinse them enough they wouldn't be sandy unless they were frozen without being cleaned but whatever... Once again, these were pretty indistinguishable with all the butter, salt, herbs in there... Barely enough slug meat for one let alone a shared plate. But the bread was a smart move not only to accompany the almost non-existent snails but to sop up the buttery salty drippings in the dish. 

Cote De Boeuf, 22 oz. I love how it started as a 24 oz piece of meat on the initial menu, then quietly reduced to 22 oz without any adjustment to the lofty price tag. It is fucking amazing how no one notices these bait and switch tactics by restos. Medium-rare temp requested, it came out blue. I'm totally ok with it but the table looked at it in disgust but tried it anyways... Too raw for them. The server was kind enough to offer another one made to the requested temp (that's the way you fucking do it, bravo). But sadly, the second coming was also slightly blue and not mid-rare. Once again, I was totally ok with it and the table quietly suffered through it. The steak was well seasoned, some would say even way over seasoned but that's nothing compared to the amount butter used to give it that nice shiny glaze. This steak after two tries was still not memorable enough compared to the exact one I had at Little Alley... That was a very good piece of meat cooked to temp. Some say to stick with the steak frites (L'Entrecote) but if you stay up later on the weekends you can get it for cheaper... Which I may have to try one night. But this cut was way overpriced and they couldn't even get it to the right temp with two tries.

Lobster Tortelloni. What a waste of what coulda been a good dish. The filling was all mush, no texture or seasoning at all. The pasta was flavorless even with all the sherry and butter involved. The one thing they forgot here was the salt... Sacrilege! If you gonna charge that much and give you only a handful of them, make them fucking insane tasting at least. This was amateur at best and pretty disappointing.

Creamed Corn Gratin. Over salted, over buttered, under creamed but yet somehow with every bite it tasted drier and more undercooked. I believe that they're using fresh corn kernels from the texture of it but this side dish may have been left in the salamander a bit too long... Drying it out without actually cooking the corn. I can't figure out what exactly they're doing to this dish but it shouldn't be rocket science. There are so many versions of this dish worldwide and this doesn't fit into any of them.  

Pommes Dauphinoise. I have made hundreds if not thousands of this dish back in the days. There is no French technique in this version at all, just only by name. There's scalloped taters found in your grocery's freezer that's more French. The potatoes are too thick, you want thinner slices so they can flex better when you layer them on top of each other and they actually cook through as well. There was no finesse to this, looked like a tater gratin from a greasy spoon diner. It was so rich and fatty. The potato was very al dente, the crunching sound indicated it needed a bit more time in the oven as well with the butter, cream, salt and gruyere to fully incorporate into the taters. This was fair at best.

Roasted Asparagus. Finally, something done with some French technique... Well, most decent restos all over have been doing asparagus this way for a long time. There's no magic in roasting asparagus, just make sure you peel the fibrous bottom. This was one pricey party trick to make your piss smell weird.

As with all the other concepts in this resto group, they spend a lot of other people's money to make it look all fancypants. There's no doubt the kitchen sources pretty quality products but the execution is lacking especially in French techniques. The French theme is a nice gimmick but everyone knows there's no real French food in this town. This would be a good place for a drink and bite at the bar late night but the dinner service is still learning but headed into the right direction. The clumsy server knocked over our pricey bottle of wine to the floor and she actually did the right thing by offering to bring a new bottle out without any debate. The service was surprisingly attentive and tried their best to fix any issues. But the kitchen made it difficult for them with undercooked food especially with the star of the show, the steaks.
I can see why a lot of people "really want to like this place" and buy into the hype and hero worship, that's because they don't know any better or have anything comparable to know the difference... Ignorance is bliss and if they believe it's good, more power to them. But at this lofty price point which is expensive by any means, it just isn't there at the level they propose to be. If this was in NYC, it would be crushed like Guy Fieri's Times Square donkey dump. There is still a lot of work to be done here. When you open restos at record pace, no matter how many other restos you have opened before and the experience gained, there will still be many things that fall through the cracks. I probably won't be back any time soon for the dinner service but I may for their late night specials at the bar, just because they're so close to Little Trouble... Now, that place rocks.

1170 Howell Mill Rd
Atlanta, GA 30318
404-665-4555
http://www.marcelatl.com/ 

Monday, August 31, 2015

Nashville Pouch

The pouch was craving some real hot chicken and decided to hit road and get the fuck outta dodge from the lack of decent grub lately. Nashville is the only place to score some original hot cheekan, so I guess that's where the pouch will be heading... And maybe hit a few other eats on the way.

B&C BBQ, Melrose.
I heard good things about this small BBQ chain (B&C = Bacon & Caviar). I hit up the Melrose location which is pretty small. There were a bunch of stuff in steam trays... Oh, shit, flags are going up already. Fuck it, it can't be that bad... Maybe.

Smoked and Fried Wings, dry. For $1 a piece, they better be good... And they were. Real good. Great smokey flavor with a crackling skin. Get them dry and try out all their sauces on the side. The Sweet Heat and Hot are the best for these wings.

Fried Pickles. The Bread & Butter pickles made no real difference than a regular fried pickle but they were crispy and tasty. They are battered and fried to order, you can see the fry basket marks on them.

Brisket, Pulled Pork, Mac n Cheez and Garlic Cheese Grits. The shells in the mac were great capturing the oozy gooey cheese, a very tasty version. The garlic cheese grits were really tasty as well. That's like 2 for 2, fuck, something has to give... Haven't tried the BBQ yet. The semi-sliced brisket were tender and flavorful. A decent bark and smokey smell minus the smoke ring, could be a bit more moist but it was a very nice brisket, overall. The pulled pork was tender as well but didn't have enough flavors and smells. It would be fine inside a sando since no one would really notice between slices of bread. The sauces were pretty good overall, sweet heat, hot and zydeco were the standouts. Not a bad BBQ joint, I would come back here if I needed a quick fix.


Loveless Cafe.
The infamous tourist trap for biscuits and country ham and all things overpriced. The pouch had to investigate this mini Disneyland for hillbillies.

Country hospitality.

The biscuits and preserves. While the biscuits were tasty, they didn't give me a blood flow. They were kinda small and looked a tad undercooked. I guess they have to make them small for the volume and cooking time. But they do give you a shitload of them. There is no problem getting a second helping without even asking, they just appear on the table. Just plan ahead before ordering your main breakfast or supper. You can fill up real fast with these little fuckers. The blackberry preserve was the best, the strawberry and peach were ok. Don't forget to ask them for a little sorghum honey. There is also a giant bowl of butter packets on the table, not that you will need them with the amount of butter in there already.

Live action biscuit love making.

Southern Sampler Breakfast, country ham, bacon, sausage, two eggs, grits. This was a good way to sample the porky goodness. Their infamous country ham was salty as fuck, I mean real salty. It would be good chopped up in a good fried rice or a musubi. The sausage patties were kinda dried out but the bacon was nice and crispy. The scramble eggs were scrambled eggs. The grits were creamy and smooth. I didn't know what the white gravy was for in this platter... I guess country folk use gravy for anything and everything.


Country Fried Steak and Eggs, hashbrown casserole. I get the white gravy here in this breakfast plate. Gotta have it for the country fried streak... Which was one of the best country fried steaks I have had. It was huge, crispy and tenderized perfectly. The batter was really nice, held together nicely and had a wonderful crunch. The tenderized meat inside was soft and meaty at the same time. The white gravy was smooth, velvety and flavorful which means it's bad for you. The hashbrown casserole was basically baked shredded tater and cheese. Pretty tasty but it's really just a filler... And there were a ton of filler in here. There was no lack of the statistically speaking obese population in this place. Fat people love this place and for good reason. It's salty, fatty, filling and the tables were spaced out generously. They know their demographics...


Prince's Hot Chicken.
The last time I stopped by it was closed so I went to Hattie B's instead which was also very good.

This time they were opened and packed already when they opened at 2PM. Their hours are so fucking baffling, they open when they feel like it. The menu hasn't changed much and the prices are still pretty reasonable. The amount of whities in here made me do a double take if I was in the right place... It was almost blinding by the amount pale white legs and flesh in here. Every single cracker ordered a plain or mild breast white meat piece. I'm like, c'mon, dudebros, don't be that useless piece of white bread underneath your plain fried chicken, that slice of bread is there for a reason. 

XXX HOT Leg Quarter. This simple leg order took almost one fucking hour to get. They were so backed up with all the crackers' white meat breast orders. The lady at the window asked me if I was sure I wanted XXX HOT... I rolled my eyes back like a great white and made a sigh. She said, oh, you have been here before. That's right, auntie, I have been here a few times before and the XXX Hot is the only way to go. I remember the XXX Hot was oilier and brighter red in the past, this version was dryer. The crust/skin was crunchy as usual and the heat was there but not as potent as I remembered it last. The cayenne seasoning penetrated the crust and into the flesh nicely, it's seasoned very well but it wasn't hot enough for me on this visit. Don't get me wrong, it's still a very kickass hot cheekan and for $5, I would get this at least twice a week if it was in Atlanta.

The purpose of the slice of white bread... To soak up all that XXX yum yums. Who woulda thought eating a plain old slice of white bread could be this exciting...


Pinewood Social.
This was one of my favorite spots in this town for great drinks and very decent grubbery... That is until the college kids took over this place. There were hundreds of these lightweight kids in here, half of them were wasted and barely could stand up... Fucking amateurs. Jesus, what I would give to be back in college, the talent here were like shooting fish in a barrel. Squirt. I don't know how these college kids can afford this place, it ain't exactly cheap... Oh, wait, daddy's plastic is free.

So, I had to get a drink, at least one drink since I'm here. The 42nd Parallel was a very good drink. Took off after that and headed to White Castles for a midnight snack...


White Castle.
The only proper way to finish off the night, two White Castle gut bombs after a night of heavy boozing... Awesome. Why is there no White Castle in Atlanta... Why do they make me suffer with Krystal's shitty hack burgers.

I like this town, the resto/bar scene have been getting better and better every year... I will go to more places next time and report back to my one reader.


Gus's World Famous Fried Chicken

If there's chicken to be had, the pouch is gonna be there... So, Hard Rock Cafe had one of their last bike nights of the summer. What perfect timing to get up front free parking for bikers and the chance to sample the much talked about Gus's fwied cheekan. The joint is located on the bottom level near Benihana's (I didn't even know they had this dump down here). Gus's took a pretty spacious spot, there's a good bit of tables and a counter bar here (no alcohol yet). The kitchen is bright, real bright and spacious. Looks like they were anticipating or hoping to do high volume here with all the deep fryers they got back there. It seems like lunch service would be their busiest shift with all the offices around here and dinner service a lot slower since no one sticks around after work. They may get some tourists or conventioneers but those people usually stick with the franchises, it's safe. Enough talk, more chew, time to see if the pouch approves...

The tiny sign... But they have a bigger one from the street side.

It ain't that cheap... Let's hope they are worth it.

3 Piece Dark w/ beans and slaw. The 3 piece dark comes with 2 thighs and a leg but I had them switch out a thigh for the whole wing to get the full range. First observation, they are small pieces of yard bird, I mean real small. It's like a cornish hen. The beans and slaw are pretty standard issue, nothing worth noting, just filler. The slice of white bread doesn't do much here for a regular fried cheekan, but if it was a hot cheekan then that's another story... There's a purpose for that, to soak up all the hot cayenne oil. Which brings me to...

I took a small bite and there is not a hint of any spiciness. The server did say it would be like a 6... And I said, 6 on a scale of 100? So, I Jerry-rigged up my own hot chicken with the Crystal hot sauce packets (I think I used like 10 packets). That sauce ain't hot by any means, they're like a weak Tabasco, but anything is more spicy than the chicken alone. Ok, let's get to the shit... The crust is thin, ultra crispy and has a really nice color, possibly due to the small pieces and quicker cooking time. This tasted more of a dry batter to me but some say it's wet... A wet batter could produce this thin crust but it would have to be applied thinly to the piece which may be why it wasn't spicy. But whatever technique they used, it was a very good crust except that it wasn't spicy whatsoever. The meat is real juicy as well. The Crystal hot sauce gave a little kick in heat but it could only do so much, at least the slice of bread now has a purpose. This is a pretty damn good chicken except that they're so small and 3 pieces isn't enough to consider it a meal, it's really just a $10 snack. 

I think they will do fine here even if it's in Peachtree Center. The lunch service will more than make up for the dinner service since no one ever sticks around downtown after work. It's also kinda tough for the locals because of the terrible parking situation, no one wants to pay X amount of dollars just to pick up a semi-pricey fried chicken. Is it worth it? Yes and no. Yes because of that awesome thin crackly crust and juicy meat that are made to order. No because the dark pieces are really small (even the breast was small but who really gets white meat) and for basically $2.75 a piece (dark) this might be more of a treat every once in awhile than a weekly craving like Popeyes easy in and out. I don't know if the small pieces of chicken are organic free range shit or not but does it really matter after it's been deep fried to hell... If they get bigger pieces than I would come back more often. World famous? Prolly not but I would consider this one of the better fried chicken in town.

231 W Peachtree St NE #05
Atlanta, GA
404-996-2837
http://gusfriedchicken.com/ 

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Rice Mac

Sometimes, you just get the itch for some full retard Americanized Chino slop... Well, most of the time it's because you're really drunk or hungover and that shit is like medicine in the middle of the night. Or you're just a poor college student looking to fill yer belly and don't give a shit what it taste like... Well, I got the perfect fobby place for you. The new Rice Mac (I Love Rice) recently opened in the old Pita House space that once catered to the student population that inhabited this area. Pita House was pretty much garbage overall but they had a following, prolly because it was pretty cheap and filling. So, what do you do to lure the same demographics... Open another cheap and filling spot. Fusion Chino grub is always the way to go... But Rice Mac ain't just another dumpy hole in the wall take-out joint, it's actually pretty nice inside from the tiles to the Edison light bulbs. The menu is pretty straight forward on all the classic fusion hits. Let's take a sneak peek and sample some vittles.

Kimchi Fried Chicken, seasoned in lightly spiced kimchi base. Too bad there was zero kimchi seasoning. The batter to chicken ratio was like 30:1... It was too puffy with tiny morsels of cheekan inside... Wait, did they get this ideal from the chickens in waffles at My Parents' Basement? Students, save your $5.50 and put it towards something else on the menu.

Lo Mein. The classic Americanized noodle dish that's right up there with Chop Suey (whatever the fuck that is). This dish is heavy and will fill your fat ass up in one sitting. It's not as greasy as I expected which made the noodles go down easier without the guilt. Could use a little more veggies but they do give you a shitload of chicken.

Kung Pao Chicken. George likes his cheekan spicy... Too bad it was as spicy as a can of Mountain Dew. The veggie mix was actually pretty good and fresh. The peanuts had just the right texture, blanched just a bit to soften it up. It could be a lot spicier but they do give you a shitload of chicken.

Singapore Noodles. No char siu pork in sight... At least they used the right mei fun for this dish which made me happy but there wasn't enough curry powder, bell peppers and onions to balance it out. You can forget about finding any chili peppers, peas, fish sauce or cilantro in there. I opted for the chicken instead of the shrimp because I have been on a cheekan kick lately. Shit, when am I not on a cheekan kick. This was like all the other dishes sampled which tasted as expected... But they do give you a shitload of chicken.

Sesame Chicken. The infamous cousin to the General Tso's cheekan. The factory battered nuggets were as expected, bready and small chicken pieces inside. The HFCS sauce was spot on with it's sweetness and cloying factor. The silly piece of broccoli and sesame seeds finished off this dish. This is your perfect Gwai-lo'd version of the sesame cheekan. After a few bites, this got real tiresome real quick. All in moderation with this dish... But they do give you a shitload of frozen deep fried cheekan nuggets.

Spring Rolls. Your standard issue veggie rolls but they were hot and crispy at least.

Wonton, Hot & Sour Soup. Oh, man these were so bad... It's just so full of processed ingredients that were flavorless and so bad for you... Unless you're still fucked up from the night before or this morning. The hot & sour was neither hot or sour... Just warm and neutral. The wonton dough was thick and the sawdust like filler sparse... Just like every wonton soup found in all the hole in the wall Chino joints, where do they source these wontons? I gotta know! It really is an ancient Chinese secret.

Mushroom, Miso Soup.  And I thought the other two were bad... The shroom soup was just instant broth with thin slices of real mushrooms at least, it looks like a beef broth but tasted like nothing, not even MSG. The miso soup was also instant which you can tell right away from the funky finish. It's perfectly fine to make the instant stuff in your dorm room but one would expect a little better here, wait, nevermind. The soups come with the entrees so there's really nothing you can do about that,  maybe they can sub it out for another crispy spring roll, instead.

They're good eggs here... But this isn't Asian food, this is fusion filler food. You do get a full meal at a decent price which is great for students and drunks alike. They are providing an essential service to the community. What that exactly is I have no fucking clue but I do like how clean the place is and watching them cook every dish to order. No one is expecting rainbows and unicorns here but it's affordable and it will definitely fill you up if you're in the mood for some sloppy gloppy fusion grub. Stick with the main dishes where they actually have to use real meat and cook it, the frozen nugget stuff is pretty much junk. I don't know if I would be back anytime soon but I wouldn't say no to it if I was out drinking heavily the night before... Like my dumb ass would know or taste the difference in that state. My daddy always said, Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son... But hey, at least they do give you a shitload of chicken.

2050 N Decatur Rd
Decatur, GA 30033
404-963-1266
http://www.ricemacs.com/

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Hindu Chino Medieval Pouch

There is no rhyme or reason why the pouch eats the way it does... If it's drunk, it may want Chino. If it's drunk and in the mood for curry, it may want Indian buffet. If it's drunk and waving a sword around, it may want to LARP. Luckily, for my one fan, the pouch will give you all three in one post! This blog is so stupid, I am such a retard, why am I going all the way to north bumblefuck Medieval Times to eat a half roasted chicken with my bare hands... Wait, that's not stupid, it's gonna be fucking epic... With booze involved of course.

Calcutta Palate.
Pretty newish on the Indian scene, but it was dead as a fucking door nail during a recent weekend lunch buffet. At this rate this joint will go down the shitter like most of the food I had here. The location is not awful but it's set back behind the Buford Hwy Farmers Market away from the needed traffic.

They spread out each tray very thinly like there's a lot of food there. It's about half inch thick and half the trays were kinda dried out.

The tandoori chicken had good color but it was dry as sawdust. The goat/lamb stew was ok, mostly just bones but the tiny scraps of meat I found were tender.

The best thing was the saffron basmati rice even though it was bland as a hamster's nutsack.

Naan. Very mediocre. Barely warmed through, no color on the bottom, tough on the pull. It's almost like they were store bought and reheated. They would be good for doggy diapers, though.

The garbage plate. Sampled almost everything and everything were pretty tasteless. I would not come back here unless they change out the chef. By then it may be too late for this dump. Thank god, I had a few cocktails before I came here and many more afterwards.


Hong Kong Harbor.
When I'm drunk, I get lazy... And being lazy, I find myself here more often than any other dump. This place has been around forever, the dim sum is hit or miss, usually more misses than hits (ask them to make them to order, let the whities eat the shit off the carts) but some of their main dishes really nails it.

Beef Belly Wonton Noodle Soup. This is one of the best dishes here. It's like 7 or 8 bucks for a big bowl of comfy homey satisfying noodle soup. Big chunks of ultra tender braised beef, tendon, belly along with delicate shrimp/pork wontons, wonton noodles and gai lan. The broth is complex, rich, flavorful and soothing. I love this dish in any season... But usually best eaten when drunk.

Sour Mustard with Fried Tofu. This is another dish off the meny that is another fav. They make the best sour mustard in town and you can pair it with tofu, pork, beef, chicken, squid, shrimp... Shit, they will put anything in there for you, just gotta ask for it.

Sausage Bun and Shrimp Cheong Fun. The bun was too dense and dry, no moisture, even the sausage inside was kinda dry. Imagine fucking this thing? KY, pweez. The shrimp cheong fun looked ok but it wasn't steamed long enough and the rice wrapper was still too dense and the shit fell apart trying to pick it up.

Har Gao and Fun Guo. The har gao were just ok but the skin was a bit over steamed, kinda just broke apart with the first bite. Fun guo filling was totally bland, how does that happen with pork bits inside.

Tripe and Meatballs. Tripe was decent but it was cold from sitting on the cart for so long since no round eye would ever eat this. The meatballs were acceptable, once again barely luke warm. Doing dim sum here is a gamble, sometimes it's halfway decent and sometimes it's not even worth mentioning.


Medieval Times.
Holy fucking Grail... Look at this spectacle. This place is like the Disneyland of live action role playing pimple faced dorks. Good, I will fit right in. The place is huge and they have a bar.

This is prolly the stupiest fucking thing ever... But it is also the best fucking thing ever. The cheesiness of this spectacle never ends like a Nacho cheese machine. But the dude with falcon flying around the place was pretty cool. I wanted to ask him what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow... That little fucker would look better battered and deep fried and going down my belly.

"Bill of Fare". This is the most ridiculous menu I have ever seen. I have had better food in coach on a flight to Florida. Thank goodness, I had the grail to partake boozy substances from this goblet during this crusade.

Tomato Bisque, warm baked bread. The plate and bowl kinda scares me, they look like they're made of lead. I guess it can't be worse than the bill of fare being served. It's almost like being in prison. The tomato bisque is served from a plastic pitcher which is better than from a wooden bucket and ladle served by a hunchback. The bisque is so watery and obviously army issued MRE. The bread is so factory frozen Texas toast grade.

Roasted African or European swallow? It also came with a corn on the cob and half a roasted potato that was basically thrown on your plate... Speaking on which- These "Made in China" plates could really be made of lead and I'm eating off of it. Maybe I shouldn't lick the plate. For a high volume mass joint, this roasted chicken wasn't half bad. The seasoned skin was crispy at spots and the meat was really moist and tender. Was it a dream? I thought this shit would be sitting under a heat lamp for hours. 

Pastry of the Castle. This was totally from Sysco. Flaky pastry is subjective. The baby food fruit-esque filling was obviously machine piped. This is the type grub that will give you gas. Where is diaper when you need one... I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! This place is a trip, the food isn't good but the entertainment has it's moments.