Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Illegal Food

I came in here last minute on a couple of occasions and left both times because it was such a shit show those nights. So, I came back again because I had a feeling this place would be worth the trouble...Or just the pouch wanting to be a prick and nitpick about the goat rodeo on the next post. So, the pouch goes on a Friday night no less and it wasn't even crowded at all. Weird. Not much to bitch about so far. Sat at the bar and proceeded to do shots, lots of shots. It was a long day. Then comes the cocktails and more shots... I'm liking this place already. Hell, I could be happy in a toilet and I would be fine as long as I have booze. This location has been spotty with the previous concepts... Bar Meatball? C'mon, stealing ideas from NYC ain't gonna translate well here... Different demographics and palates... Or lack of. So, now it's back to the good ole Southern/American grub. Let's sample some vittles since we're already here... It can't be that bad, drunk...

A Cock and A Shot. The only way to start off a night... Squirt.

Pork Skinz. Made fresh, still hot and cracklin... And free. The chick next to me doesn't eat pork (so why the fuck is she even in here) so I got her bowl as well. The pouch thanks your dumb beliefs for more of this tasty snack.

Pork and Beef Tongue. Stop teasing me you bastards... This is heaven. Piggy and Bossy's tongue on a plate. Ultra tender and fresh. Is it bad that I tongued each of them way too long with every slice? Damn good threesome.

Pork Cheek Rillettes and Pimento Cheese. Who doesn't love pork cheeks, it's the best part of a whole hog. The cheek rillettes were good, I like the balance between the spreadability and the texture that still reminds you that it's a piggy cheek. I'm not a fan of pimento cheese but this version I was totally ok with it. It's like a creation by some hick that had nothing left in his icebox, so he just mixed shitty spoiled condiments together and ate it with stale crackers. This specimen wasn't as harsh as other pimento cheese that gets right in your face, it's more mellow with other goodies inside besides the pimentos. I liked it for a change.

Housemade Jerky. This pic is dark as shit because the jerky is brown like poo... But they were really good. I like the thickness to it which was pretty thin, so you can pull them apart easier. It has a sweet flavor to it and I love chewing it until it gets all moist and mushy inside your mouth... Sicko. Great portion, too... Not just a few scraps like so many other places do.

Fried Brussels Sprouts. This was a side dish and the portion was huge, I mean huge like a family style sharing bowl. It looks like they roasted them initially and then flash fried them to order. The buttermilk aioli and tomato powder were great. This was pretty awesome.

Hank. Some say this is the best burger in town... Pouch says it's close. It is a really good burger. It's just not the juicy meat patty itself, it's the whole package. The toasted bun held everything together well which looked impossible. It is a very juicy burger and once you pick it up you can't put it down until it's gone. It's one of the top burgaz in town.

Fries with Onion Dip and Sriracha Honey. I couldn't make up my mind so I got all the different dips and sauces. Onion dip was thick and packed with flavor. The sriracha honey was just ok, needs more heat and the housemade catsup was not too shabby. The fries were really good. I like the length and girth and the bite to them... That's what she said. It's a hefty portion, definitely won't leave hungry.

Barkeep, make me something that I have never had before. So, out comes this exhibit that my buddy made which is still a work in progress... Looks kinda weird like a chick's weak ass drink but it tasted way better than it looked. Would I get it again? Prolly not, I like my whiskey neat too much.

This joint is doing almost everything right on this visit... From the drinks to the menu. While the menu is pretty small, everything was executed very well. I rather see a small menu with really good food that I want to eat than to see a huge menu that 90% of it sucks ass. This place is good, the pouch approves. Will be back... Especially, for their insane Tomahawk chop where you can get it from like 25oz to like 125oz. I saw the fucking thing... It is huge. I shoulda took a picture of it but like the mysterious Dirk Diggler schlong, I only had enough time to catch a glance.

Squirt.

1044 Greenwood Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30306
404-254-2141
http://www.illegalfoodatlanta.com/

Monday, August 3, 2015

Shoya Izakaya

Haven't been back in a bit... Been waiting for their location on Northside to open in the old "had too much business so we decided to close" Cardamom Hill space. The place was packed, luckily they expanded the back room awhile ago. Everything was killer as usual but the portions on some dishes have gotten smaller, a lot smaller with the same price tag.

Sashimi Deluxe. Without Hiroshi here this must get favorite was not as good as usual. It's still very tasty but it lacks the touch and finesse of Hiroshi's preparation and presentation.

Fried Sweet Shrimp Heads.One of the all time great snacks.

Kushiyaki, scallop and bacon, chicken. Everyone loves meat on a stick, so does the pouch.
 
Sausage. These sausages are always good.

Tako Wasabi. It's like a chewy sea snot but only spicier. Love it.

Hamachi Kama. Great as always... Tender and flaky.

Chicken Skin. Who doesn't like fried chicken skinz... It's like a mini chicharones.

Soft Shell Crab. Gotta get crabs when you come here.

Chicken Kaarage. They changed up the batter and definitely for the better. Real crispy and juicy hot inside. Damn good.

Veggie and Fish thinger. This thing mysteriously appeared on the table... I ate it anyways. It was meh.

Whole Squid. Another one of the classic favorites... Tender and just dericious.

Koebi Karaage. This dish have gotten smaller in portion size. They used to fill it up with a ton of these critters. Still super tasty... Popcorn skrimpz.

Nankotsu - Soft Chicken Bone. Another awesome snack. Soft bone battered and deep dried, what's not to love. So good.

Yakisoba. And we can't come here without an order of this sizzling hot noods. Best in town.


They are still killing it here... Shit, maybe even more than I remember. Business is so damn good here and hopefully the second location will be open soon. That will be sick having baby Shoya in town. I would be concerned for the competition.

6035 Peachtree Rd A101
Atlanta, GA 30360
770-457-5555
http://www.shoyaatlanta.com/

Pouch Snacks

The pouch did a number this weekend on gorging itself like winter was coming... But here's a couple snacks to fill y'all up in the mean time while I see what's worthy to be a solo feature on this tasteful and eloquent blog... Yeah, right, who am I kidding.. This blog is full retard 24/7 for your reading pleasure.

Chigui's Mexican Bistro & Bar.
Dude, besides the dumbass name, it looks like you can get murdered in the corner at night where this place dwells... The place is pitch black on the outside due the super limo tint on the windows except for the LED open sign blinking away into the night. Seriously, is this place even opened? Better make sure I have an extra mag on me... Walked in, was dead as Cecil the lion. Looked at the menu... This must be the most incoherent Mexi resto I have ever been to. Half the menu is not even Latin grub. This place is so far off the mark on menu development. Pick a cuisine and stick with it... Stop putting gringo shit on there to give it that well rounded menu to lure people in. Do people really want deviled eggs and cheeseburger at a Mexi joint? They should just call it Chewie's Mexican't Joint... They got a dark bar but they ain't got no booze.
Wings. Asked for fried instead of grilled, so I get grilled wings that were flash fried. Yeah, you tricked me with those grill marks still on there. Asked if they have really really hot sauce... They say the habanero lime sauce is pretty hot, I'm like no, you didn't listened to me. Do you have a hot sauce that doesn't taste like red bell pepper... So, they come out with a thick scotch bonnet hot sauce that was pretty decent I must admit. Bravo. The habanero lime was garbage, tasted like low rent Tapatio hot sauce. The wings were nice medium size but lacked the crispy skin. They are not terrible but shit dude, you can't just tossed a few wings that you grilled up a couple hours ago into the fryer and pretend they're fresh. The hot sauce was the highlight.

Guacamole, Chips and Tortillas. The warm tortillas were a nice touch but too bad they were too thick and gummy. The guacamole was fresh as promised but it needed more seasoning and acidity, it was pretty bland. For $8, this wasn't too bad just need to taste it before you send it out to gringos.

Tacos. Chorizo and CAB skirt steak... I'm like WTF is a CAB steak? Hope they aren't fucking soaking old meat in cheap red wine. "Certified Angus Beef"... When was the last time anyone used that acronym on a menu? Whatever... Let's taste it. The skirt steak was spot mid-rare but it was a dud with the smashed beans on the thick gummy tortillas. Every bite was mushy and the steak gets lost in that mess. The chorizo was greaseless which was nice but the sausage was flavorless... How can chorizo be that bland? The fried onions on top gave it that crunch at least vs. mushy. Not very good for the only two tacos on the menu.

Torta of the Day, chipotle shrimp. The bread look nice but there were only like 5 shrimp in there. Every bite was more bread than shrimp. And there were literally nothing else in that torta except some scraps of shredded lettuce with a tomato on top. The fries were good but $12 for a weak ass sando and taters was a rip. I would not come back here unless they change the entire menu... By then it may be too late.



K BBQ Taco aka BBQ Takorea.

This place has been around for a bit. Lovely owners here. I like how small the place is, kinda like what you'll find in NYC. Grabbed a quick lunch to go... My version of a quick lunch includes no less than 3 dishes.
KFC Wings. These were pretty good. Great crunchy batter, a bit on the sweet side but I liked these.

Pork Belly Bun. Nothing really that special. It was ok, no, it was actually tasteless and there was a giant piece of fat in there.

Bulgogi Bop. Pretty standard issue. It's fine for a quick bite. This stir fry won't change your life... Maybe a hobo's but not yours.

Ramyun, spicy. It kinda reminded me of the tasty instant Shin Ramyun. This ramyun could be a lot spicier, I mean a ton spicier. This tasted like the mild. It's not a bad ramyun, just kinda average and I would skip it next time.

I poured it out into a bowl for closer inspection. It's nothing fancy but it will fill up your pouch.


Stay tuned for more shits and giggles... Flush.



Friday, July 31, 2015

MF Sushi Revisit

Looks like one of my two readers have been noticing that the pouch has been slumming it in redneck townie joints lately... I say that is totally spot on. In order to appreciate the finer things in life, you have to troll the bottom of the barrel once in awhile. It will make you a better feeder. They say that what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger... The pouch says the slop that makes me regurgitate will only make me hungry again. I actually like going to dives to see how the other side lives... Shit, who am I trying to fool. I am a fucking townie... Bless his heart. So is everyone else, they just pretend to be fancy and pretty and that their brown eye doesn't reek like Sarlacc's pit. I had seen models in the morning do shit in the bathroom that could make a billy goat puke... They look like that demonic bitch with the long black hair in The Ring, all boney and shit in their moo-moo's taking the unholiest of holy shits... How? They don't eat shit, must be all that juice crap. Speaking of skinny... This fat fuck needs to lay off the 'ZA and wings for a day or two and eat some grub that makes the Japs so skinny. Sooshee time!

Just eat whatever they put in front of your snout... Is my motto. I call this crap in a sauce dish but it was pretty tasty, it had some fried fish in with the pickled stuffed. Fuck this shit, just get me a drink, she-model server!

Soft Shell Crab. This is one of the best soft shell crab in this town. Delicate, crispy and you can taste the crab itself because it's not caked with a heavy batter like most places. Really nice.

Black Cod. The famous dish found all over in the higher end sooshee joints. This version did not disappoint. Tender flaky flesh, silky skin, really nice flavors all around but it coulda used more miso.

Shishito Pepper. Grilled robata style, the char and little blisters on the peppers were damn good. The smokiness gives these peppers great flavor but it needed a little salt to balance it out. 

Sake Signature. C'mon, caviar and truffle on salmon... What's not to like, dudebro? Shit is fancy and dericious like my edible undies.

Osaka Box Style Roll. Toro, masago, scallion, srircha. My 2 fans know that I'm not a roll person, but I had to get the only box style roll on the menu. And this was not bad at all, I liked it a lot... Could it have been the TORO?

Omakase. So, I wanted to sample the omakase and they said to come in on a Tuesday or Thursday for the full selection of fishes. Tried the $75 and this was the first plate. The color is beautiful and the selection was pretty nice. The slices of the whiter fish were pretty thin so they tore apart when you tried to pick it up. But the otoro was really nice, buttery and melted in your mouth... May I have some more, pweez...

Second plate of the omakase... Otoro was the first one and damn that was nice once again. Then you have a couple different salmons, Scottish and fatty. Then madai and hamachi. All these were high quality but I really didn't need 2 salmons. I wanted something more special with an omakase. No soy sauce needed for this part of the omakase, it's already sauced.

And the final plate... Wagyu, flounder, shima-aji. The wagyu was pretty amazing. It was a pretty thin slice but damn that truffle flavor on top was sick. The flounder was nice but the shima-aji was really nice. Once again, no soy sauce needed.

This entry level omakase seemed a little light on the portion and selection but the quality was top notch. For $75, you're paying for the quality not the quantity...But I like mass quantities of dericious raw fish. I know I know, I shoulda just got the $125 omakase and really judge it based on that. I will be back soon and doing the omakase only... But it is so hard to resist all the other goodies on the menu! This place ain't cheap but it also isn't the way-over-the-top MF from the old days either. This reincarnation is not that overpriced and pretentious joint anymore. The service is mixed but what do you expect from servers that look like models on a cat walk? They are focusing all their attention on walking! Give them some slack... I'll give them something, alright. Squirt.

MF is back motherfuckers and they can finger my facehole with their quality fishes anytime.
 
299 North Highland Avenue
Atlanta, GA 30307
(678) 575-7890
http://mfsushiusa.com/portfolio/mf-ushi-atlanta/ 

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Buckhead Diner

I have not been back here in over 10 years, maybe more than that... This place never left me with an impression, just kinda a neutral meh feeling. Everything seemed so fake or forced. A true diner is welcoming and cozy. A diner doesn't have valet, $100k cars parked out front, a priority seating reservation, nor overpriced mediocre food. A diner is for the working people... Good home cooked food on the cheap or deep fried shit when you're pissed drunk at 2AM with a black eye and a missing shoe. I have lost my dignity many a nights sitting solo at a diner in the middle of the night and those were some of my best moments. So, when did this diner concept become a tourist destination with a pricey attitude? The answer is since the very beginning. Time to make a revisit after a decade or so and see if I'll make it back again in another ten years.
The whole priority seating reservation is a fucking scam. They will still make you wait for at least 15 minutes even though there's tons of open tables ready to accommodate the hordes of giddy fat asses like me drooling over the milkshakes. What is this... A night club? To make themselves look trendy and more busy than it is on the inside? Basically... But just with overweight tourists with bad fashion instead. I think it's more like a time out box for all the tubbers because they don't want a buffet scenario where shit is knocked over and small children crushed from the rush to the fried chicken steam tray.
The hostess had the personality of a zombie, moping around like her shift will never end. I guess I would too if I had to lead those waiting cows to pasture around the place. The pretty hot server was much better, a nice balance of perky and ditzy in the right places. Yes, she was blonde but I don't know if the carpet matches the drapes. Just take my order and feed me, I'm too exhausted to make small talk with you...

Roasted Red Ace Beet Salad. If the beets are the stars of this show, why are they hidden under a fucking Cha-Cha-Chia herb garden? Maybe mixing it all up is the trick. That's better. It's an ok tasting salad. It's well dressed but could use a tad more seasoning. This salad has been around for ages and found on every menu, nothing that exciting but the chicks dig it.

Sweet Heat Thai Chili Calamari. I totally forgot about this infamous tourist dish. If I'm gonna be one of those oinkers, I might as well eat from the trough. This is so overly sweet with that HFCS drizzled over everything. The crust was crispy but all you can really taste is the sweet spooge and chewing like a camel with no distinction of calamari essence within each bite. Every table had an order and it was a huge hit with my fellow fatties.

Chervil Scented Jumbo Lump Crab Cake. Those giant chips are pretty good. Really crispy but no hint of vinegar (vinegar powder) as promised. The cake itself was decent size and had a good amount of crab but the filler was gummy from sitting around waiting for an order. The grainy mustard sauce was salty and did nothing for the crab cake except drown out the trace of crabiness if you decide to swipe each bite with it. It's not horrible but I wouldn't get it again.

Southern Pan Fried Organic Springer Mountain Chicken. Let's get this out of the way first, the slaw sucked big time. Totally bland and tasteless. The mac n cheese was gooey but was lacking in the flavor category. The curly mac was cooked spot on and the cheese coated the pasta well enough but the cheesiness of it was disappointing. The chicken batter/crust looked very decent, a nice golden brown color looked promising. Crisp/crunch factor was very good. The thickness was acceptable, any thicker woulda made me sad. The seasoning needed to be heavier since the coating was thicker. The buttermilk brined chicken was tender and juicy but on the smaller side as suspected due to the thicker crust. The pieces were almost indistinguishable...Couldn't tell which was which. I picked up the one that looked like a leg and it turned out to be a breast. The thigh looking thing was a leg... And so forth and so on. It's like mystery meat musical chairs. It's a pretty decent chicken but definitely not a cheekan destination.

The silly bread service... Reheated hard mini roll and corn bread muffins. The rock hard butter didn't help either.

Chocolate Egg Cream Soda and Chocolate Hazelnut Caramel Milkshake. Lookie here, if y'all ain't even gonna try to get a egg cream right don't do it at all. This egg cream was so watery and had almost zero flavor or effervescent. I guarantee you they ain't using  Fox's U-Bet choco syrup in there. It was flat all around but the milkshake was better... Not by much though.

This joint is like a way overpriced Applebee's. I really couldn't tell y'all if the food was much better for the high price tag. I know the chubby tourists who flock here would like to think so but their palate ain't that sophisticated to begin with to tell the difference. This place does serve a purpose and that is to keep sweaty tourist beasts away from the good stuff around town. This fat fuck won't be coming back here in another decade... But you know who will. Oink oink.


3073 Piedmont Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30305
404-262-3336
https://www.buckheadrestaurants.com/buckhead-diner/

Sucker Pouched

Sometimes the pouch have faith in humanity when they make recommendations to try something at their favorite local dump... And sometimes it gets sucker punched right in the fucking pouch. Let's go see what the pouch can regurgitate after a shot in the gut and a swift kick to the nads...

MoonShadow Tavern.
Wings, Intolerable (hottest) and Lemon Pepper. So, someone told me that this townie dump has some of the best wings. That sounds like a challenge because sometimes the biggest dumps could have incredible wings... Or you can have the biggest wings and incredible dumps afterwards. Too bad this place wasn't one of them. First of all, the wings were room temperature... WTF. Their "hottest" was like the hottest mild, it was pathetic and intolerable to even see this on the menu because it's false advertising. The lemon pepper was mostly a grease pool used to glue the spice mix sprinkled on top. I think the lemon pepper were spicier than the "intolerable". The wing size were about medium minus, they were barely crispy and dry inside. I don't know if this batch of wings were just sitting around and they reheated it in the oven and sent it out just to get rid of it because no one here would really notice or care.. But these wings were a real shit show.

Chicken Tenders, tots. The tots were really crispy and good, so, I'm still baffled how the wings were soggy knowing that the fryer was working for these tots. The tenders were crispy as well, light crunchy batter and relatively moist flesh inside. The honey mustard jizz was a joke, looked kinda like the horse semen that stable workers jacked it off into a jug. The tenders were a decent tasting snack, avoid the sauces at all cost. Just ask for some hot sauce instead.

Philly Cheesesteak. It looked like total diarrhea on a plate with two pickle slices on the side... They must be for your eyes like coins for the ferryman. Why is it open faced? Don't you know you're supposed to wrap it so nothing falls out? I hope they don't put a Mission style burrito on the menu, you would prolly have to wrap it yourself. So, I spread out the innards evenly across the hoagie roll (don't expect Amoroso) and squeezed it together and took a bite. You know what... It wasn't half bad. I was ready to destroy this but the hand sliced ribeye, onions and shrooms were quite tasty... Maybe I was just drunk. Is it a "Philthy" cheesesteak? Fuck no, it's a Tucker roadkill meatwich.  

Side salad instead of fries from the cheesesteak. I gotta have something healthy after inhaling all the grease and smoke in this joint. The balsamic vinaigrette was better than that horse jizz but not by much. Standard whitie salad in the obligatory crappy scraps of wood bowl. Cuz, I'm so fancy.


Varuni Napoli.
Mamma. Even though this was a sauceless pie... The ingredients and crust were top notch. Great char and crisp to the outside but soft and chewy on the inside. Still has that great pull to it. Me rikey rong time.

Margherita. The classic pie is still worthy. I ate the entire thing in one sitting... Not that these are giant pies but two at one time is just about right for the pouch for a late night snack. Well, I was really drunk as well... I think I was making out with Luca. Then he ran away on his Vespa.


Midway.
Hot Wings. Haven't been back here in some time... It's an ok local bar with a decent beer and booze selection and the menu is just ok... But, these wings were actually quite good. Plump medium size wings with a nice coating of their really weak hot sauce. Skin was crispy and the meat was moist and flavorful inside. No monumental complaints here except that this was like so many other places in this town claiming to have hot wings. Someone please get me some real hot wings for crying out loud.

I got sucker pouched on those townie wings but hopefully this week will be filled with wonderful and dericious surprises that awaits the pouch... Or maybe not. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it will be not...