The Flaming Rooster Spicy Chicken & Fish

"Become Flamous! Take the Challenge"

Aww, how cute... Just like how I like my cheekan, flaming. So, I was up in Chattanooga for some event that involved bland food and no whiskey... After that sobering event, I needed something that had intense flavor and fwied cheekan... aka Hot Cheekan. But I was no where near Nashville and Hattie B's ain't open yet in Atlanta. Then I remembered there was a Bolton's in this low rent town. The only problem was that Bolton's changed their name to The Flaming Rooster... Why? Who the fuck knows, but it prolly involved a family dispute and money. So, the menu basically hasn't changed, they still do the spicy dry rub vs. the spicy oil that we all know and love with Nashville Hot Chicken.
I really don't care if it's dry or wet as long as the cheekan is crispy, crunchy, juicy, tender and fucking hot as balls. I had to see what the fuss was about up in this piece and the $1 beers didn't sway my decision to come here, either... Ok, maybe a little bit. But I was here for the cheekan... And I needed my hot chicken fix, STAT. Walked around the building, there's no visible front door just 2 side doors, one on the side and one in the front. Well, I got a 50/50 shot to see which one will open. Ok, it took me two tries to get into this joint. No wonder it was dead in there... No one can figure how to get into the fucking place. Sat at the bar, looked at the menu and grabbed a $1 Corona pony... Too bad they didn't have tequila and a lime or else it woulda been Grizz time. I wasn't in the mood for their 6 wings, no sides, no drinks, hotter than hot dry rub challenge within 5 minzies... But I was in the mood for their Oh Hale Naw spicy level. Let's go get a taste and see how they compare to the previous Bolton's...

This was not the front door but it was colorfully decorated. All the windows out front were tinted like a Vietnamese massage parlor. The pouch better fucking get a happy ending... With a pouch full of spicy yum yums.

My eyeballs went straight to the Hot Meter... From Sprinkle to Oh Hale Naw! Guess what heat level the pouch will be getting... Like there was any question.

Is the cheekan that flaming hot that people just can't take the heat or those were just their only customers? The wall was pretty sparse... Now, my juices were flowing and hope they ain't just pulling my leg about how spicy their chicken is.

Leg Quarter with Oh Hale Naw! spicy level, mac and fries. The color of the dry rub looked pretty formidable... A deep red grainy coating covered every inch of the leg quarter... I was getting excited until I looked over at the mac and gave me instant whiskey dick. It was all dried out and I had more cheese between my toes than the elbows on this plate. The standard crinkle fries were cold, hard and dried out in the center. I could care less about the sides if the chicken delivered the heat as promised. Let's take a closer look at the dry rub and crust...

Looks fucking great doesn't it? Tried to rip the leg and thigh apart and it was like a Bowflex rod... That motherclucker wouldn't break apart, it was like twisting and pulling on a Stretch Armstrong. When I finally twisted that thing apart like bending metal, I was rewarded with an ultra dried out piece of chicken. The meat inside literally shrank into little shards of chicken jerky but the crust stayed perfectly intact to give the illusion it was a succulent piece of chicken that had that perfect crunch to juicy meat ratio. How could something that looked so good on the outside tasted like a mummified clubfoot. Maybe they cooked it in an Easy Bake Oven like you do with Shrinky Dinks. Oh, what about the hottest spicy level you ask? It was a joke, the first bite gave you a nice little kick while you're getting used to the dry rub that makes your throat scratchy, but the heat peaked so quickly after the 3rd or 4th bite, it tasted more and more like Old Bay with extra cayenne added. This coulda been an one off fuck up but I highly doubt it... It seemed like they pre-fried a ton of chicken and stored them in a warm box to be dehydrated for the next life. This piece of chicken looked like it was sitting in the back corner for days. Jesus, that cheekan sucked so much ass... It's almost embarrassing that their entire concept revolves around one thing, hot cheekan, and it failed miserably.

Wings with Sprinkle, green beans. After that leg quarter disaster, I was not expecting much with these wings. I got them with just a sprinkle of the heat just to see if it was the same dry rub but with less applied. I was hoping that it was similar to Popeye's Cajun Sprinkle which is fucking awesome. These wings were a lot better than the leg quarter (read: edible) but they were still kinda dried out. It wasn't total dog shit but I would never order them again just to be on the safe side. The green beans were pedestrian at best and it was the best tasting thing so far... Yeah, it's going that well. Ok, what's the next dish to torture me some more...

Tenders, plain with coleslaw. Ok, let me get this outta the way first, the slaw was average at best and liquidity. The tenders looked pretty decent and plump, it had nice color and a nice crust. I wanted them naked to taste the natural flavor without any seasonings to cover up any short comings. Took a bite and these mothercluckers were also dried out. What the fuck is going on in here... Do they not cook anything to order? I'm still wondering why my order took 30 minzies to get out. I had to use regular old hot sauce just to give it some moisture and that still didn't help much. I'm fucking over it... All of it. I couldn't even give away the leftovers to a hobo outside because there were none, they were all hanging out by the dumpster at Bojangles' down the street... Smart vagrants.

I was really excited to come here hoping for some kick ass ghetto hot cheekan like at Bolton's but the three different kinds of fried chicken and sides sampled were so disappointing that I had to write this up quickly before I purge them out of my memory and out of my flaming rooster lips... I could only imagine what would happen to my bowels if I also had the fish that was fried and dried days ago.

Flush.

3202 Brainerd Rd
Chattanooga, TN 37411
http://flamingrooster.strikingly.com/

Tanaka Ramen

Ramen joints and ramen chains have been sprouting up all over this one horse town last year... They were all "highly anticipated" and the results were some were decent and some were just shameful. The next new gimmick intown is opening up overpriced pho and banh mi shops all around midtown and Buckhead... Which will be as exciting as holding your breath under water in a septic tank.
Noodle soups have always been popular but is the ramen trend slowing down in this town... Fuck no. People will still open up ramen joints thinking there is enough market share to go around. The latest specimen to manifest is Tanaka Ramen in Town Brookhaven in the old Boneheads space that didn't last long which was prolly the biggest bonehead decision to restart a dying concept in an area that Mexican't slop reign supreme.
Enough talk about fake Portuguese/African cuisine, let's get back to the ramen... I like what they did to the space, it's modern, clean, open and prolly cost a shitload to get that piri spunk outta there. First thing I noticed is the staff... All of them were running around like cheekans with their heads lopped off. The host/server broad walks me to the table and before I can even sit down, she was like, are you ready to order? What the fuck? She didn't even give me a menu... Yeah, sure, I'll have the bouillabaisse, a Big Mac and elote. The staff basically had zero training or common sense... Have they never eaten in a restaurant before or do they just go through the drive thru? She walks away and literally comes back in a minute and half and says, are you ready now? I was about to throw the togarashi powder in her eyes but instead, I asked the server if they had booze... She said, what is that? Am I on punked? Beer, brown juice, whiskey, alcohol, even ZIMA... Do you have any? Oh, no, sir, we don't serve alcohol... What the fuck are the cans of beer on the shelf for then? At this point I was exhausted already 3 minzies in... Someone open a window, I can't breathe. I just ordered some apps just to get her away from me. Then another server comes up 30 seconds later and asked if I was ready to order... It's like a fucking episode of Laurel and Hardy. I just put everything in to stop every server from coming over for my order.
3 minutes later, I see a portly little server carrying out a plate of takoyaki and he delivers it to the table next to me that just paid their bill... Guess what they said to Chet? No, take a guess... They all looked at him and shook their heads. He putz'd off with his head down but with his triple chin, he didn't get that far down. And guess who's dish that was... No, take a guess... He comes back 4 minzies later with the same dish and said, did you order this? I said, yeah, like 10 minz ago and I saw you bring it to the table that was getting ready to leave. He was like... Yeah, I couldn't figure out where it should go. Well, thanks for the cold app, Rocky Dennis. Just put it down so I can make fun of it, now...

Takoyaki Octopus. I stared at it... The gimmick to this dish was long gone, the bonito was motionless because the balls were all cold now. If they were flakes of bonito they may still had movement but since they were grated like parmesan they absorbed too much moisture and fell flat like greasy hair. I took a bite and inspected the innards... It was not bad but the pouch's instincts told me that they may be store bought from the freezer aisle. Tried another one and the consistency was exactly the same like processed. I'm pretty sure that these octoballs were frozen factory made... Hey, whatever works for them... But I will be skipping these next time. What's funny is that they served these balls on top of an egg salad... Where's the white bread?

Karaage (Japanese Fried Cheekan). Looked like they fist dredged it in the batter mix (said it had almonds but that's suspect) and pitched it into the fryer like a baseball. They were all stuck together like a chicken tender... Wait, I think they were trying to do Popeyes' Rippin' Cheekan recipe. So, that's what I did.. I ripped it apart to bite sized pieces and dipped it in the generic spicy mayo sauce... I don't know how mayo is a considered a sauce. The crispy crust surrounded pieces of dark meat chicken which was a pleasant surprise knowing that the roundeye area would demand for white meat. They weren't bad but they were not seasoned at all. I would not get these again... That takes a lot of balls for the pouch to skip on fwied cheekan.

Brussels Sprouts Tempura. So, on the menu under the apps section... There's A3. Vegetable or Brussels Sprouts Tempura... And then there's A4. Brussels Sprouts Tempura. Woooh, I just experienced a deja vu... I think there's a glitch in the Matrix. $6 for about 5 or 6 sprouts cut in half... About a buck a piece, it's almost as bad as the $1 a tot at BlueTop. The sprouts were fine, nothing memorable except for the truffle oil they spray on top. If you really need to try it, I ain't gonna stop y'all since I ain't paying for it twice.

Signature Tonkotsu Ramen. They highlight this with a yellow highlighter so you won't miss it. It looked pretty decent when it came out... The soft soy egg was spot on, the color of the pork broth looked creamy and the chashu looked tender. The black garlic oil was sparse hiding under the egg. The amount of "spicy" bean sprouts would be ok if it was pho and they weren't even spicy. The wood ear shrooms were fine but I woulda liked to see some menma in there. Ok, time to test the broth for that collagen stickiness... Took a sip, it was not bad, took another sip, smacked my lips a few times... Nothing. Sipped some more and waited... Smack smack, nothing. Meh, the broth was ok overall a bit on the thin side. Let's get to the ramen noods...

Nothing like poking your sticks into the cease pool and lifting up a giant clump of noodles all stuck together. Pulling apart each noodle one at a time was like getting gum stuck in your hair out. This huge clump was such a disappointment and it just ruined the whole experience. It's obvious that they don't even finish off the noodles in water before putting it in the bowl. I guess Master Tanaka ain't paying attention to his line. The chashu was fine, you get the standard two thinly sliced pork laid on top, but they were stuck together as well. I had to peel them apart like a fucking fruit rollup. For $14, this middling bowl of ramen will fill you up but it's nowhere near craveworthy status to come back for another bowl anytime soon.

Shoyu Garlic Ramen. Looked exactly like their "Signature Tonkotsu"... Seriously, what is the difference between the two bowls besides the little squirt of black garlic oil found in the tonkotsu. The broth didn't even had a hint of garlic or shoyu... But it sure was salty as stated. There will be no doubt that you will be totally full after eating this bowl because you'll be drinking at least 2 or 3 full glasses of water with it. I can already feel the two finga diet coming on before the IBS-D takes on the full effect.

For a brand new ramen joint on a Friday night, the place was barely half full... For the first time, it seemed like the words "highly anticipated" does not apply to a brand new ramen joint in this town. The menu was full of errors and confusing with the make your own ramen, the staff was not trained at all and lacked even the simplest of knowledge of the menu or order taking, and the lack of a booze license made it even worse. Booze always makes an amateur hour experience better. The main draw here, the tonkotsu ramen, was middling and disappointing, especially, given the price point. I don't know how Master Tanaka will fare here in this pueblo where the demographics gravitate towards the Mexican't slop and Hob Slob. I even walked down to There bar and it was a sausage fest... 6 lonely Vienna sausages sitting at the bar crying into their Bud Lights. I wanted to cheer them up by pushing in a hot dog cart and giving them free wieners... But Costco was closed. As for Tanaka Ramen... The ramen craze may have come and gone... Or it could just be the location. I hope he can stay afloat unlike the last tenant... Bless his boneheads heart...

It looks like I'll be crying myself to sleep again tonight but at least it won't be into a cheap glass of Bud Light with sausage.

205 Town Blvd
Ste A205
Atlanta, GA 30319
https://www.tanakaramenatl.com/