There's no fucking way I will be able to find a decent 'ZA in mossback country down in FLO-Rida... Especially, a NY 'ZA... No fucking way. So, I'm down here checking out the oldest city in the nation and the St. Augustine Distillery because they just released their first batch of Florida Double Cask Bourbon (I know, how dare they call it bourbon in Florida but I bought it anyways)... And a NYC friend tells me about the fucking sick pizza at this ridiculously named joint called Pizza Time... I'm like what the fuck, it sounds like a Upchuck N Cheez family dump with shitty pizza for kids. But sometimes, the whole "you can't judge a book by it's cover" actually becomes reality... Lucky for the pouch, it doesn't give a shit what a place looks like or what it's called, it will eat the shit outta it and give his one fan the scoop...
So, the place is on touristy St. George Street, it's a cute historic street filled with shops and restos... Why on earth would they put a NYC 'ZA joint on this street (owners supposedly from Brooklyn but they speak or yell Eyetalian at each other)... Because it's a fucking gold mine with all the foot traffic around here. Ok, enough talk, let's see if this dump really has NY style 'ZA... Oh, boy, I can't wait to rip this one a new cornholio...
The ordering process has totally gone full retard... You basically order at the counter right when you walk through the doors... You know what that means, it creates the illusion that the place is hot and popular with the line literally out the door and around corner. And then you scoot down a few steps and wait for your slices or whatever to "reheat" in the oven, so the line is never constantly moving. Once you get your paper plates of food and throw them on your school lunch trays, you scoot down some more and pay... CASH ONLY. This is the biggest racket I have ever seen in Florida, looks like they brought down more than just the pizza recipe from NY... Let's see if their pizza is as good as their money making schemes...
Plain 'ZA. Yous gotta get the plain slice to see if it's the real deal... The crust looked damn good. Thin on the bottom with nice spots of char and the crust had the correct 1" width from edge of crust to the sauce/cheese and just enough rise and bubbles as it should for a NY slice. The cheese blankets the slice and just enough of sauce spots peeking out. Could this be true? A real NY slice here of all places? Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves here... There's still the fold test. And it folded perfectly with a nice snap of the crust funneling the cheesy orangy grease down the center and let it drip on the wax paper on the plate... Jesus Christ, this had all the workings of a proper NY slice. The slice was hot as fuck but I was craving the pizza burn at the top of my mouth... I actually enjoy tonguing the burnt skin peeling off the roof of my facehole, I know, I'm a sicko... But who doesn't know that already. Dicks. The first bite was amazing, it had the crunch from the crust, the sweetness of the sauce and the pull of the cheese... It was all there. Fuck me, this was really goddamn good... Or maybe I was just really hungover and hungry.
Hawaiian. I know, I know... Why pouch, why? Because I wanted to be a cheesy fucking tourist and pretend I'm on vacation at some exotic tropical location. Look, the Hawaiian is cheesy as fuck for a pizza but so is the goddamn orange cheekan at Panda Express and they sell like a billion pounds of it. This Hawaiian was pretty boring, yeah yeah, the ham slices and pineapple were just ok but it prolly woulda been better with an apple and a pen... I just fucking invented the PPAP 'ZA... Pen Pineapple Apple Pen Pizza is gonna make millions. Fuck you, pay me!
Mushroom Pepperoni Salumi. Let's get back to reality here... I saw this slice and it looked good. I needed some ginzo meats in my mouth. And it was pretty damn tasty... Everyone needs a lil hot Eyetalian beef injection from time to time. I shoved half of this manhood in my mouth and took it like a boss... And swallowed it all... Whole in my hole.
Cannoli. It's made to order but the two cheesy fake Maraschino cherries were totally gay as shit. C'mon, it looked like a wart on the end of a pig's penis. Jesus, or a dog's red lipstick... C'mon, I don't want to suck off any other species than my own... Which I have no clue what species the pouch is. This cheese tube was acceptable, not great, not bad... It tasted like a mix of mascapone and ricotta and it was kinda bland, not a whole lotta fireworks when you put it in your mouth. Sprinkling 10x sugar on top doesn't do it that much justice... Needed to be mixed into the filling more. But overall, it's good for the tourists who don't know jack shit about a good cannoli... Leave the cannoli, take the gun.
The NY 'ZA here is legit... For Florida. It ain't as good as the old school NY 'ZA joints but for where they are and what they're pumping out of the ovens here... It's a winner. I would come back for the 'ZA and try a calzone next time... Oh, and the gelato looked pretty decent, too... Until I saw the worker take out a new box of gelato from the walk in and put it in the display case. But that won't stop me from trying it because I'm a fat slob.
124 St George St
St Augustine, FL 32084
3 comments:
Ha! I grew up there. Will have to check it out next time I go visit my dogs. Did u go to the boated dimsum joint?
"the crust had the correct 1" thickness"
Boy it sure doesn't look an inch thick. Wouldn't that be describing some overly-bready pan pizza nonsense?
you are right, young grasshopper. my small brain can't process dimensions sometimes, meant 1" "width" from edge of crust to sauce/cheez... no one needs puffy bready crust. but this shit was legit.
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