Ryan's Steakhouse

Now, lookie here... I like orange. So what? I know a lot of orange heads on Yelp do as well. God forbid you get in the way of a tugboat and their strawberry soft serve ice cweam (which was orange flava) in this barnyard.

Walking in here is like herding cattle. Go straight (whip!), make a sharp right (whip!), go straight (whip!), pay (cha-ching), then make a sharp left into the general population (yee haw!). The troughs are like a mesmerizing cattle call and under intense UV death rays... As is most of the grub is cooked to death here. Don't stick your limbs under the rays too long or else you'll be branded like a cheap fraternity prank. Bring SPF 1000 on your next annual visit (or upchuck).

Salad trough - 3 words: Cha Cha Chia! Herb garden.

Soup and Taco trough - WTF is that brown thing moving around in that abyss? Yippy Kay Yay Cucharacha!

Swanson's TV Dinner trough - Pasta, pizza, fwied chicken, and some veggies a la can. The pasta looked and moved like tape worms. The pizza looked like the nephew of Pizza the Hutt. But the fwied ghetto pigeon wasn't half bad. It was edible and somewhat moist and crunchy. There were some big ass breasts in there. I'm just wondering how many Mexicans it took to catch these rascally critters in the back alley.

Meat trough - Break out the moo moo's. Leave the overcooked rubbery meat for the masses (you won't believe how many times I heard "you gots well done in there?"...Oy vey). The manager was such a sweet lady, she brought us bloody slabs of meat after meat. But the trick of getting a decent cooked piece of meat was patience and surveillance. Word of advice - do not get between the tugboats and super tankers during feeding time, you will only get crushed and possibly eaten. Watch your fingers as well, they can be mistaken for chicken.

Sugar trough - This is the main reason why we are the fattest nation in the world. It reminded me of Bluto from Animal House going through the cafeteria line and piling on plates after plates of coma and vomit inducing pure cane sugar. That boy is a P-I-G, pig! Yip, yours truly, couldn't help but make a couple rounds for the orange softee spooge. Like I said before... I like orange, I like it aaa lot.

Upon leaving we decided who's place was closer because the need to EVAC was in order. I don't how the Olsen twins do it but I give them mad props. My friend's bathroom was like a manger because I felt like I had given birth from both ends (thank god, no C-section was needed). It had arms and legs. It truly was a miracle.

Thank you, baby Jesus, I'm a believer now. Hallelujah!

Since everything and everyone here is so bloated... So is my 3 star rating.

Purge.
Splash.
Flush.
Repeat.

3371 Buford Highway NE
Atlanta, GA 30329

(404) 321-6107

www.ryans.com