Nightbell

This late to the game speakeasy style joint is from the people behind Curate... And according to the bearded hillbilly goats around these here parts, this place has good street cred for their new American bar food and craft cocktails. Shit, I'll tell you foot stomping basket weaving woodchucks if this place is legit or not. The vibe kinda reminds me of the Patternson House in Nashville, you know, the whole secret under the radar drink and grub spot that you have to be or know a super hip cool dude to know where,when and how to get in... Luckily, this place was pretty accessible even by a cretin like me. I like the decor inside, I like how it's upstairs versus in the basement or behind a phone booth with a secret code... That's like so 25 minzies ago, plus, I can't fit inside a phone booth anyways, let alone dial a rotary phone with my sausage fingers... So, their wide staircase was very hospitable for my extra wide load.  
The menu is approachable but don't let that fool you, some dishes are exactly what they say it is and some have a little twist. It's a suitable menu, not too extensive and not boring, for a classy hipster joint like this. The bar is pretty nice and the dining area is spread around the room with a giant communal table in the back. This was the see and be seen place in town and it was a total pussy magnet. If you can't get laid buying broads drinks here, you may get kicked out because your mom called and it's your bed time, loser... I bought a lot of drinks, didn't get laid, but I did do some heavy petting with a very sexy girl's labrador walking outside afterwards. Jesus, my life really sucks pathetic ass... I guess I'll do what depressed oinkers do best in the comfort and privacy of their homes... Eat obscene amounts of sugary and fatty shit and be merry as fuck while doing it behind closed doors. Yes, I'm part of that tribe but you will never see me eating a fucking salad in public like all the other fatties pretending they're watching their "diet". You're not fooling anyone, beastling, if all you ate were salads, I wouldn't have to roll you in flour to find the wet spots. Luckily, this place didn't have that many porkers inside... At least they have the decency not to embarrass themselves in a place like this with a room filled with skinny, horny, fluid, giddy, young chippies in the smallest outfits that would put Borat's neon green one piece to shame.... Speaking of shame, I have none, so let's order a bunch of shit and pig out...

Coconut Ceviche, yellowtail with a coconut lime ginger ceviche sauce, jicama, seasonal stone fruit, serrano pepper, red onion, and micro cilantro. This looked like a dead albino rat on a plate but it tasted real good. The yellowtail was firm and fresh, had a real nice texture to it. The sauce pulled everything on the plate together. This was a winner.

Foie Gras. This was not on the menu but as an addition to the burger... That would be some topping for a burger but I rather have it on it's own. So, I asked for an a la carte order and they said, no one has ever asked for this before but sure, why not! How the fuck can no one has ever ask for this as an app? It proves my point that most people here are not here for the food, but for the scene. The presentation was a bit interesting, I guess they had to come up with something on the fly. Some chips and a chunk of honeycomb. The honeycomb worked with the foie gras but the hipster chips were a letdown that just didn't work. The foie gras was seared spot on with a delicate and savory interior. It was a decent sized portion for $10. Get rid of the chips and put some toast points on there instead.

Steak Tartare, feuille de brick cones, hand cut brasstown beef ny strip with smoked horseradish cream. This take on the steak tartare was kinda insulting to me... But the table with the bachelorette party behind me were sliding these meaty cones down their glory faceholes with enthusiasm and elysium... Darling, you got a little of horseradish cream on your chin there. That's it, use that tongue your mama gave ya. The cubes of raw beef were a bit chewy and didn't have much flavor to it... It's a cute dish in a Hello Kitty/Alinea kinda way but the entire execution fell flat... Unlike the bridesmaid's rack of mams pouring out of that halter top. These things reminded me of those filthy marshmallow cones that I used to feed the hood rats with when I was kid.

Deviled Egg, warm corn sabayon, sunburst smoked trout gravlax + trout roe in an egg cup. This ain't your shitty foul smelling deviled eggs that people who can't cook always brings to a dinner party... This was a sabayon in a egg cup, period. A frothy airy whipped eggy custard concoction that was just ok, nothing deviled about it. It didn't have that punch like in other sabayons because it didn't have wine or booze in it. I haven't made a sabayon in years but there really is no reason to these days. 

Grilled Maitake Mushroom, glazed with sesame oil and fish sauce, finished with orange zest, togarashi, and a garlic cream sauce. These fucking shrooms were cumworthy... I mean like primo beat off material. They are basically hen of the woods shrooms, same fucking difference but both taste damn good. Simplicity is the key here to cooking these shrooms, over an open flame to get some char on there. They are great with just salt and pepper and lil olive oil but their finishing ingredients took these shrooms to another level. Really good dish, simple is always better... But the togarashi, sesame oil and fish sauce made this dish.

Drunken Fried Chicken, buttermilk soaked leg and thigh, spiced with cardamom, star anise, and pimenton, garnished with thyme, and a seasonal beer syrup. If there's fwied cheekan on the menu it's going to be on my table and gone in 60 seconds. The crust was crispy and flavorful from the spices but they also made the crust a bit too dark... Trying to be all fancy pants with the exotic spices. The buttermilk did a minimal job on tenderizing the flesh itself but it was still pretty good. I would get them again if I was 4 cocktails in.

Morning Buzz, coffee-glazed, tobacco-infused french broad chocolate mousse cake, donut cremeux, and strawberry pink peppercorn sorbet. It tasted like a fancy Borg-like Ding Dong... One bite and next! The pink peppercorn sorbet was pretty good, though... Except not enough of it.

Their cocktails are on some type of weird scale with 6 being the most boozy... Fuck that shit, my scale goes to 11. That's 1 more than 10. I requested an old fashioned made to their top of the scale 6 and it was good but still a bit weak, so I asked them to make me another that goes to eleven to give it that extra push over the cliff. They tried and almost succeeded. Almost.

It's a fun and unique spot for this town but it's not as hip and trendy as they think they are on a national level... They are a few years late to the whole speakeasy game and you can see it in their clientele. It's mostly young millennials who wants to be in the scene using daddy's credit card mixed with a sprinkling of seasoned veterans who actually gets this idea/concept. The menu is on the right track and still developing, the cocktail program is pretty good but the whole boozy scale thing is just a silly gimmick... Just make a fucking proper cocktail and I'll be happy... But my scale still goes to eleven, eleven hundred pounds, bitches. Fuck, why am I so goddamn fat.


32 S Lexington Ave
Asheville, NC 28801
http://thenightbell.com/