Callie's Hot Little Biscuit

Everybody and their mothers with a food concept (gimmick) are opening up sister locations all up in Atlanta... Especially, woodchucks from Charleston... They either fucking love Atlanta or they love the gullible suckers in this town... And no one likes the Detroit of the south that much. We're getting too much of their pedestrian shit that this town already has one too many of... Tacos, sushi, steak house... And now biscuits. Yeah, because you can't find any biscuits joints in this town. But now, Charleston has blessed us with a dedicated biscuit shop right in the heart of Va-Hi... In the most whitest pedestrian area of the entire city.
It's a cute space, the kitchen/prep area is 2/3 of the entire place. You basically get in line, order, pay and get the fuck outta the way, very similar to the rules of the Soup Nazi. If the biscuits here are as mouthgasmic as the Nazi's Mulligatawny... This could be a great addition to this one horse town. The menu is all about biscuits, there's several different varieties and there's biscuit sandos and they also have a grit bowl. I'm a simple pouch, all I wanted was a simple biscuit with sausage gravy... But they ran out, they said they had a bacon gravy. Fuck that shit, bacon should never be in a gravy, that's sacrilegious. So, I'm there looking for a back up item and nothing, absolutely nothing was calling out to me... So, I had to settle for this specimen...  

Bacon, egg, cheese biscuit. I was in pain and feared for my wallet when I saw the daily specials written in chalk on the wall by the college kids working in here... This was suppose to be a safe zone from being fucked in the ass from a goddamn overpriced cold biscuit. Almost $8 for this tiny unseasoned creasture... Are you fucking pulling my pud? I wish that super hot little chippie in the front window would... She was like a tiny little Victoria's Secret sexy angel with white stuff all over her face, talk about instant pants tent... And I wasn't even sitting down. This place's scam is to peddle easily crumbled biscuits in pretty packages that the sheeple will gobbled up by the dozens... And they were. I literally watch a pair of crackers on the bench outside having an orgasm without even touching one another while shoveling that grainy biscuit shit into their face gash like it was best thing they ever ate, it was like Sandra Bullock and Sly having touchless sex in Demolition Man. I had to cover up a kid's eyeballs with my pannus because the dude was in the tightest pair of bicycle shorts that you could tell what religion he was... The chick was homely looking so I didn't pay attention to it. They were acting so inappropriately with scores of children and naked animals nearby.
It took me less than 5 minzies to fucking hate this place because it was all fluff and full of so much bullshit. People fucking love to shovel bullshit down their gullet. This biscuit sando was awful and cold, the bacon was hard and dried out like gas station jerky, the scrambled egg was unseasoned (made by some zit faced kid with a sense of entitlement that he needs not move quickly for anyone or orders). I literally watched this little fucking pansy crack an egg like 13 inches above the pan, shit splattered all over the place, so he took his sweet time doing it over again. The shredded cheddar pubes were sprinkled on the bottom half of the biscuit and that shit wasn't even melted. This was no biscuit sandwich, it was a box of deconstructed mise en place that you had to eat with a knife and fork. The biscuits are tiny and they fall apart like an epileptic playing Jenga. They don't even look like biscuits, some of them look like dinner rolls that has been in the pool too long, all pruny, wrinkly and saggy like a 80 year old hag in a swimdress, basically a moo-moo that can get wet. I'm so over these gimmicky gags but the clueless retards are going apeshit over it. They are pricey and the food cost here is like 1/2 a percent... All money in the bank funded by unsavvy eaters. This place is such a ripoff and the product is barely average. Anyone who thinks these are good could be easily convinced that their iPhones can actually make phone calls and also pop popcorn.
I would go back and just stare at the hot chick making biscuits through the window holding a boombox over my head and not say anything but that would be creepy because I'm fat and old... And she prolly have no fucking clue what the hell I was doing anyways unless I did some kickboxing moves to try to impress her... It's the sport of the future, sweet tits.

1004 Virginia Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30306
http://calliesbiscuits.com/