Pizza Crosta

"Worth the drive", "Very impressed", "One of the best pizzas I have ever had".

Shit, mofos... With praises like these who the fuck don't wanna eat here. If you can build your own, they will come. So, I rolled my fat ass over here to fill up the tank to my love machine. When I walked in and looked around, I realized that the whities will eat fucking anything and say it's good. The food here seemed simple and straight forward enough but it ended up baffling and lackluster. The build your own pies are a gimmick... It's like a Willy's with unlimited toppings. You know people can't say no when it comes to free unlimited swag. They will just throw the kitchen sink at it... I saw this fat broad put like 5 fucking pounds of toppings on a tiny 10" dough stretched lamb skin Trojan thin. It's like carrying a 500 pound chick on a stretcher made with paper mache... Something is bound to tear and fall out when you try to pick it up. Let's see if the 'ZA is good enough for this sad sack-o-suds.

Chicken Wings. Looks like a small rodent gnawed on that one wing and spat it back out. Funny, that's exactly the same gag reflex I had when I bit into one. It was awful... Tasted like they were dipped in a special sauce from one of the port-a-potty at the end of Music Midtown. I saw them take them out of a hotel pan and then tossed into the brick oven to reheat. Who the fuck knows how long those nasty things have been sitting in the walk in... Uncovered. These are easily the worst wings I have ever eaten and I have eaten a lot of ball sack wings before but this one tops them all. The hot sauce was like watered down packets of duck sauce with Massengill. Absolute garbage.

Luau. Why do I even do shit like this... I musta been a S&M dungeon master in a former life because shitty food gives me pain and pleasure at the same time. This pie was no different. It didn't look halfway bad, had little bits of char blisters here and there which was a good sign... But when you take the first bite, everything kinda turned into a soft mushy tasteless mass in your piehole. It reminded me of a bit of Little Caesars and Up Chuck E Cheez. It's not awful, it's just very lackluster and middling. This is what you give to your kids when their kiddie T-Ball league team had just lost. It's like a meaningless trophy just to make them feel better... But this didn't make me feel better at all, it made me sad then mad that I lost in the game of life. It's a generic pedestrian pizza at best.

Hot-Link Calzone. Any pizza can be made into a calzone for no charge... Now, that's pretty considerate even though like it's so hard to fold the damn dough in half. When this came out, I didn't know if this was a calzone or a skate wing. The color was a lot darker than the pizza which was surprising but I think the 20-something girl cooking it forgot about it and left it in the oven a bit longer than it should per the corporate pizza cooking operations manual. The calzone was a lot better than the 'ZA because the crust was golden brown and had a nice crispy texture to the outside. The fillers inside tasted fine and heated through. They do give you unlimited marinara sauce to drown that fucker in, so that's a plus. It's an ok calzone, nothing really craveworthy but I would try another one if I was ever in this place again... I said, if I was ever in this place again.

This is just another basic pizza joint, nothing outstanding... The gimmick here is the build your own pizza concept. But people don't understand that concept, they just think about unlimited and throw every goddamn topping on it and think it's good because that's how they would doctor up the frozen pizza they get at Kroger. The dough is simple (definitely not 00), the toppings selection very standard and Sysco quality (not all that flavorful), the sauces are bland but at least the color was vibrant, and the end product is generic looking. I get it that kids would like this place because it's cheap for the parents but if a grown adult thinks this place is one of the best 'ZA joints in town they may need a mental evaluation... For the children.

5590 Roswell Rd
Ste A-140 
Sandy Springs, GA 30342
404-843-1200  
http://pizzacrosta.com/