They are very proud of this demon that they conjured up from the realms of the underworld. I had at least 4 staff members shake their heads and said good luck to me... They were all white so I wasn't that concerned. So, there's a mix of habanero and scotch bonnet slices on top... Doesn't look too deadly at first glance. But what is that thick brown paste between the crust and cheese? It is the SAUCE... Made with a powder mixture of ghost, habanero, scotch bonnet, Carolina reaper and maybe a couple other high gravity chili peppers, I lost count when they were telling me. They put a shaker with the chili mix on my table to sample. It's pretty spicy from the sample I tasted on my finger. I'm starting to get an itch in my pants and it ain't from fleas, I got rid of them last week... It must be from either joy or fear. Shit, it's too late now to turn back, so fuck fear a la Sister Louisa style.
The temperature of the pie was pretty hot since it just came out of the oven, so you can smell the toxins of the peppers steaming up like a freshly laid turd. I grabbed a slice and ran through my game plan in my head to just eat it as fast as I can without chewing too much, so the chili peppers don't disperse throughout my oral cavity. The first bite/slice wasn't too bad. But you can feel the heat coming on in your mouth. I'm hoping it will peak quickly if the heat intensifies, so the other slices won't be as potent. Picked up the second slice... Now, I can feel the fuse was lit and the burn coming on steadily. I stopped for a quick break after that one and tried a slice of the Rustica pie we got as well. Picked up the third slice and I can smell the intensity. Folded it in half and proceeded to my piehole. I am starting to slow down with this slice because my bowels are beginning to churn up a nasty vat of witch's floppy titty brew. But I completed the third slice. Time for another break with another Rustica slice. Now, there's a couple of sweat beads forming and my eyeballs are tearing up a little. Water is your friend. They offered milk but I wasn't having any of it. I said, that I will eat at least half of the pie... It would be 6 slices including the 2 Rustica slices and half a Julius Caesar hero I had. I would prolly projectile vomit if I ate the entire beelzebub pie. The fourth slice was in my line of sight... I'm actually hesitant about eating it. But I did it quickly and down it went.
Now, the shit is getting real inside my pouch... Eating it was one thing which wasn't as insanely spicy in the mouth as one would think, the real trick was keeping it down. That shit was festering in there... It was like the Battle at Gettysburg, the casualties were endless from this campaign. My bowels were like a scene from a war-ravaged land... I even thought about committing seppuku. I was dabbing sweat off my head and tears from my eyes... They should put on Old Yeller while you eat this because this is the only flick where a dude can legally cry to. But I think my man card was revoked after the second slice since I took a break to eat a Rustica slice to try to neutralize the heat. Did the chili pepper mix really make my junk fall off? Possibly because I was feeling no sensations down there like a 80 year old woman... I guess it coulda pulled a turtle and the head crawled back inside the sphincter. I didn't care at this point, I just wanted the burning to cease and desist... To halt this unlawful and unnatural activity inside my bowels. This pie on this night kicked my iron pouch's ass. Good job, guys... You did it and you will be well remembered for it.
The IL Diavolo challenge truly warrants a signed waiver... I ate half of the pie and I was in rare form which even surprised me. The pie is basically tasteless because of all the chili pepper mix that's infused in all aspects of the pie... The thick paste-like sauce is the main culprit to any bowel's demise. I will suck off and stroke the satchel of anyone who can eat the entire pie because that would be an impressive feat... But I will not be doing this challenge ever again. Ok, maybe if I was pissed drunk with Hannah Davis sucking me off. As for the other stuff sampled, it was totally decent and acceptable... And I would definitely come back to try the rest of the menu. Would this be my first go to 'Za? Prolly not but if I was in the hood, I would stop in for a quick bite. The staff here are really friendly and pretty cool... But I didn't stick around to chit chat because that Rosemary's baby inside was slicing through me like a ninja with dueling katanas. I raced back home like a crackhead chasing a chicken in an alley. My toilet almost imploded and I was sweating like Paula Deen under fire for racism. I drank a big glass of milk to tame the beast within... But what I should have drank was a big glass of shut the hell up before even thinking about taking on this challenge. The shit I do for my one reader... Pass the TP and matches. Splash.
902 W College Ave
Decatur, GA 30030
404-228-3285
http://avellinospizzeria.com/
1 comment:
that was the best
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