Diabolical Pouch vs. Avellino's IL Diavolo

I have heard about the IL Diavolo 'Za at Avellino's before... I thought it was just another pizza with some hot peppers on it, so I never gave it much thought. Then I read something online recently that brought this creasture of the deep back up to the surface. They make you sign a fucking waiver before you can eat it... Come again? It sounds quite formidable. Shit, sounds like a challenge for the pouch. I have eaten many dishes at many places with many cuisines claiming to have the hottest this or that... Most have failed me. I have even resorted to making my own hot sauce with ghost peppers or whatever I can. Of course, there's shit out that is insanely hot, extracted capsaicin essence in concentrated form with upwards of 2.5 million scoville units. But this devil pizza is suppose to be filled with a mix of chili peppers in almost every part of the pie. Picking off the pepper rings will not do much to minimize the effect since the sauce and/or dough is made with the pepper mixture, there shall be no escape from it. This is getting me excited... I can feel some blood flow down in my nether region. I hope this spicy 'Za doesn't make my junk fall off... I wouldn't mind if my muffin top pannus fell off, though.

Waiver to eat the IL Diavolo... How silly. But I liked it.. It makes it sound so official and deadly.

IL Diavolo - "The hottest pizza known to man. Notify next of kin. (waiver required)." 
They are very proud of this demon that they conjured up from the realms of the underworld. I had at least 4 staff members shake their heads and said good luck to me... They were all white so I wasn't that concerned. So, there's a mix of habanero and scotch bonnet slices on top... Doesn't look too deadly at first glance. But what is that thick brown paste between the crust and cheese? It is the SAUCE... Made with a powder mixture of ghost, habanero, scotch bonnet, Carolina reaper and maybe a couple other high gravity chili peppers, I lost count when they were telling me. They put a shaker with the chili mix on my table to sample. It's pretty spicy from the sample I tasted on my finger. I'm starting to get an itch in my pants and it ain't from fleas, I got rid of them last week... It must be from either joy or fear. Shit, it's too late now to turn back, so fuck fear a la Sister Louisa style.
The temperature of the pie was pretty hot since it just came out of the oven, so you can smell the toxins of the peppers steaming up like a freshly laid turd. I grabbed a slice and ran through my game plan in my head to just eat it as fast as I can without chewing too much, so the chili peppers don't disperse throughout my oral cavity. The first bite/slice wasn't too bad. But you can feel the heat coming on in your mouth. I'm hoping it will peak quickly if the heat intensifies, so the other slices won't be as potent. Picked up the second slice... Now, I can feel the fuse was lit and the burn coming on steadily. I stopped for a quick break after that one and tried a slice of the Rustica pie we got as well. Picked up the third slice and I can smell the intensity. Folded it in half and proceeded to my piehole. I am starting to slow down with this slice because my bowels are beginning to churn up a nasty vat of witch's floppy titty brew. But I completed the third slice. Time for another break with another Rustica slice. Now, there's a couple of sweat beads forming and my eyeballs are tearing up a little. Water is your friend. They offered milk but I wasn't having any of it. I said, that I will eat at least half of the pie... It would be 6 slices including the 2 Rustica slices and half a Julius Caesar hero I had. I would prolly projectile vomit if I ate the entire beelzebub pie. The fourth slice was in my line of sight... I'm actually hesitant about eating it. But I did it quickly and down it went. 
Now, the shit is getting real inside my pouch... Eating it was one thing which wasn't as insanely spicy in the mouth as one would think, the real trick was keeping it down. That shit was festering in there... It was like the Battle at Gettysburg, the casualties were endless from this campaign. My bowels were like a scene from a war-ravaged land... I even thought about committing seppuku. I was dabbing sweat off my head and tears from my eyes... They should put on Old Yeller while you eat this because this is the only flick where a dude can legally cry to. But I think my man card was revoked after the second slice since I took a break to eat a Rustica slice to try to neutralize the heat. Did the chili pepper mix really make my junk fall off? Possibly because I was feeling no sensations down there like a 80 year old woman... I guess it coulda pulled a turtle and the head crawled back inside the sphincter. I didn't care at this point, I just wanted the burning to cease and desist... To halt this unlawful and unnatural activity inside my bowels. This pie on this night kicked my iron pouch's ass. Good job, guys... You did it and you will be well remembered for it.

Rustica - Fresh mozzarella, romano, pancetta. This was not spicy at all... Which was a nice change after the deadly IL Diavolo. I didn't really have a chance to look at the crust and quality of the demon pie because it was basically all chili peppers but according to this normal 'Za, it was actually quite decent. The fresh mozz melted nicely, the pancetta gave it that saltiness it needed and the crust had a nice bite and pull to it. It was very decent pie for a place like this. Remember, you can't judge these pies against a NY or Napoletana style, totally different creastures. I would totally come back here and try the other normal pies.

Julius Caesar - Salami, pepperoni, hot capicola, banana pepper, mozzarella, mustard, mayo, lettuce, tomato. Why am I even eating this... It's laden with cancerous processed meats. Shit, after eating that hellicious pie, I wouldn't even give a shit if this was full of menthol cigs, paper, filter and all. This was a pretty tasty hero. The bread was nice, had a nice crack to it and the filler were colorful and flavorful. What's not to like about this very decently made sando. I would be interested in the eggplant parm hero next time.

Side Salad with the hero. Standard salad with a very decent balsamic vinaigrette dressing.

Cannoli. Pretty decent display of cannolis and they tasted pretty good, too. It's no Varuni cannoli but for this local pizza joint it's totally acceptable.

The IL Diavolo challenge truly warrants a signed waiver... I ate half of the pie and I was in rare form which even surprised me. The pie is basically tasteless because of all the chili pepper mix that's infused in all aspects of the pie... The thick paste-like sauce is the main culprit to any bowel's demise. I will suck off and stroke the satchel of anyone who can eat the entire pie because that would be an impressive feat... But I will not be doing this challenge ever again. Ok, maybe if I was pissed drunk with Hannah Davis sucking me off. As for the other stuff sampled, it was totally decent and acceptable... And I would definitely come back to try the rest of the menu. Would this be my first go to 'Za? Prolly not but if I was in the hood, I would stop in for a quick bite. The staff here are really friendly and pretty cool... But I didn't stick around to chit chat because that Rosemary's baby inside was slicing through me like a ninja with dueling katanas. I raced back home like a crackhead chasing a chicken in an alley. My toilet almost imploded and I was sweating like Paula Deen under fire for racism. I drank a big glass of milk to tame the beast within... But what I should have drank was a big glass of shut the hell up before even thinking about taking on this challenge. The shit I do for my one reader... Pass the TP and matches. Splash.

902 W College Ave
Decatur, GA 30030 
404-228-3285
http://avellinospizzeria.com/

Las Brasas Peruvian Roasters

The long awaited Peruvian cheekan joint is finally opened after months or years of waiting... The cheekan they slinged at the old little shack was amazing because they literally just came out of the rotisserie all hot and bothered and squirting it's juices all over my face... I'm totally ok with this kinda facial. Now, they have a real space that can accommodate scores of diners inside with booze to pair with that dericious cheekan. I don't know why it took so long to open because the space was a resto before... Not that the BBQ at Burnt Fork was good but they did had the kitchen setup already. But hopefully, the cheekan will be worth the wait... They're playing with a smaller menu for now which is smart. If they get their shit together with this limited menu in the beginning, the future should produce more dishes for the pouch to store them in. I can't wait to get those chicken legs behind each ear and start eating that motherclucker out... Squirt.

Corazon, grass-fed beef heart grilled over hardwood charcoal. The grilled hearts were a bit tough and chewy but had a nice flavor to it. The key to eating this is slicing them thinly which made it a lot more approachable unlike me stuffing an entire piece into my facehole and chewing for 5 minzies. The purple Peruvian potato were tasty but the herby minty huacatay sauce needed a bit more lime juice or even a splash of vinegar for a little extra kick... A little more seasoning doesn't hurt, either.

Cebiche Mixto, flounder fillet, Spanish octopus, calamari, and tiger shrimp. A nice little setup even though the main attraction was hidden under that mound of sliced red onions. Use the lettuce leaves as a delivery vehicle to pipe that seafood mix into your face gash kinda like how a cement truck pours cement into a hole. I liked this cebiche, it was pretty good. The acid bath marinade time was just right. The sweet taters were kinda bland but those little fried corn nuts were addictive.

Quinoa Salad, choclo, tomato, olives, cilantro, and quail egg with cucumber vinaigrette. So not what I was expecting... Are they trying to make this vegan creasture look like a steak tartare with those silly sulfurized quail eggs? This was quite boring and kinda tasteless. Skip it.

Pollo ala Brasa, huacatay sauce. This half portion size wasn't too shabby for $9. It had a nice looking roasted skin with great color... But the chicken had been sitting in a hot box, obviously. The skin was getting to that point of sogginess with bits of wrinkle. While the skin was a minor letdown, the tepid flesh was tender and moist... But it was missing something. The herb and spices needed to be more pronounced, you want all the crusty flavor bits on the skin, that's what makes it great. And as with the huacatay sauce, the chicken marinade also needed more acid like lime/lemon juice, a squirt of vinegar or even perhaps a few shots of soy sauce to bring out the Asian flavor that have influenced Peruvian cuisine for generations. This chicken could be a lot better than it is now.

I'm glad they have reopened to a bigger space but the cheekan was just decent and not really craveworthy like it used to be. Higher volumes usually hits the quality factor a bit. You just don't get that just right outta the oven chicken where it's piping steaming hot with a fine shellac skin that is just the perfect balance of texture to the pull of the skin and meat like when they were operating in that tiny ass shack. They have some more work to do on the food (especially, your main attraction- the chicken) and the staff training needs to be updated... You can not have the staff eating in the dining room or at the bar when there are still customers eating in there. Especially, when food or drinks are waiting to be delivered to the table... That's priority, not finishing up your 3rd bite of cebiche at the bar while a customer is staring and waiting for his drink at the bar. The timing of the food needs to be worked on as well... Don't send every single dish out at the same time because I don't want shit that's ready to be sitting there waiting to get cold or soggy. You need to pace the dishes out, isn't that food 101?
Like I said, if you get your shit together in the beginning, things will run smoother going forward only if you put these rules and routines into effect on the first day. You can't untrain bad habits.
I still believe in them, though... Get that chicken back up to spec like how it was in the old days and everything else will fall into place. But until then, you can find me at Popeyes.

614 Church St.
Decatur, GA
404-377-9121
http://www.lasbrasasdecatur.com/

Pea Ridge Revisit

This little hood joint is becoming a local gem... Went back on a recent Friday night for a quick snack and update and found it pumping even after 9pm with a whole bunch of old folk in there slamming whiskey shots with their prune juice chasers... Ok, maybe it wasn't whiskey but possibly sweet tea. But these old dudes still likes to stay up late and party... Speaking of which, I need some whiskey and something to nibble on so I can stop rubbing my muffin top...

Crispy Sweet Potato & Kale Fritters. Pretty cute little fritter balls. Crispy, hot and not too shabby. The horsey saucey is still weak and boring.

GA White Shrimp & Dill Pickles. Nicely fried shrimp and pickles with a corn salad and chile lime remoulade.

N.C. Trout Banh Mi. Does every cracker joint has to have an Asian dish in this town? Banh mi sandos are becoming the fucking ubiquitous calamari dish of the year. Their take with the pan fried trout is cute (the do chua needs to be pickled more) but they really need to toast the bread for that crunch on the outside, it's just way too soft of a sando, let alone a banh mi. The Caesar salad for an up charge was disappointing, the dressing was brown and not a hint of anchovies. 

Spring Peas and Broccoli Casserole. The peas were al dente and tasty but the broc casserole was just ok, not cheesy enough. Looks like they tossed some cheese bits on top and threw it in the oven.


Some elements to each of the dishes here were hit or miss, but overall, they got a good thing going here... It's comfort food, nothing here is gonna make you change your underpants after eating it but I still like their mom & pop style concept. We need more places like this and Dish Dive in this town.

2607 Lawrenceville Hwy
Decatur, GA 30033
470-268-4051
http://www.pearidgerestaurant.com/ 

Cheekan Bits

The pouch has been getting back on his regular feed schedule lately...Let's go take a look at what goodies were had before the peeping turtle comes out in about 3 hours.

Popeyes. Fried Chicken Lips lurv fried chicken livers...There are very few locations that does this specialty item. I finally stopped into the Roswell location which had a big sign out front for months trying to lure me in with their plump crispy livers... I'm glad I did because they were really tasty. It's offered as a combo so you get a dwink, bizkit and side... Which their cajun rice was calling for the pouch. I don't know why they don't do this at every location because these would be competition to Colonnade's kick ass fwied cheekan livahs.


International Cafe.
I think we all (me and my one reader) can agree that anyone who post rave reviews for the "German" food in Helen, upstate Georgia, are not food critics... Let alone people who go out much. The only thing this gimmicky town is good for is the beer and chick watching. But since we (me and the pouch) took a nice fall ride up for their Oktoberfest, we might as well get some eats in... I hope I don't shit my pants instantly... That would not be a pleasant ride back. Squoosh.

Reuben. "We're famous for our Reubens." ...Famous fucking last words. Yeah, and I'm famous for my girlish figure. The only thing German about this NY Jewish deli tradition is the kraut. Which is kinda amusing to think why Germans here would even think about eating this sandwich, let alone claim it for themselves. I just hope they don't bake it in an oven. This version was absolute garbage. I don't even know if that bread was even Jewish rye or someone wiped their ass with it and tried to pass it off as one. It tasted like a fucking Arby's sando. Where's the horsey sauce? The fucking tourists at every table loved it, though.

Bratwurst. They claim they're German here, so this has got to be their specialty... Sadly, their Jewish food is better than their German flesh tubes... This was wurst than the Reuben. Don't you just love the square piece of single serve Swiss cheese draped over the entire wiener shitzel and tossed under a heat lamp to soften? That must be an old school French technique... To cover up the tube of mystery meat so you don't have to see the cancer causing human DNA logs being ingested into your bowels. I tell you what, I ate like 2 bites of this logness monster and I had the Hershey squirts within 2 minzies... Macht Schnell! That poor toilet, it felt like Lemmiwinks was lighting off M-80s with the candle on his head in my bowels... That fucking inglorious basterd. Oh, Mistor Slave, behave!

 

Ginya Izakaya

My long time favorite izakaya, Shoya, has squirted out a little baby Shoya intown like how the pouch pump pumps special deliveries after a 10 course meal. Ginya and the pouch produced a love child on this grub fueled night... It only took 45 minutes to delivery this beautiful baby pouch. Let's take a look at all the oral pleasures we did to each other on this first date...

Sashimi Regular. Hiroshi is the man, I usually get the sashimi deluxe but he set up this excellent spread and even threw in some uni... Shoulda asked him for some sweet shrimp... Next time.

Gizzards. A little chef's taste of offal goodness. That's some tasty ass tender gizzards.

Gindara. Miso cod... Oh, so good, tender and flaky. Could be a little bigger but I ain't complaining and the price is right.

Ankimo. A face only a mother could love and a monkfish liver only the pouch could love... To eat over and over again. Firm, smooth and silky, awesome.

Grilled Oysters. If these were the samples Lamar Odom had to choose from at the Love Ranch, I would totally pass... But these luscious bi-valves that Ginya prostitute here, I would totally ravage this threesome. And I did, juices, labia and all... It tasted like Hannah Davis, Nina Agdal and Chrissy Teigen at the beach.     

Amaebi Karaage. Love these popcorn shrimp but the portion could be bigger like it used to be at Shoya.

Soft Shell Crab. One of their best fried items. So friggin good.

Chicken Karaage. Ginya's version trumps Shoya's... There were plump, crispy, crunchy and tender.

Tonkotsu Ramen. They have Sun Noodles make their ramen as well like so many other top ramen joints across the nation. This is the Shoya special ramen noodle... A bit thicker and curly. They are also getting thin and straight noodles from them soon... Especially, for the tonkotsu. But the current noodle worked great in this bowl. The broth was creamy, flavorful but needed a bit more of that sticky goodness called collagen which they said they will be doing in the future, that you can request more of it in your broth... That is fucking awesome. The broth is pork feet, pork bone, chicken and some fish stock as well. This was a pretty damn good bowl of tonkotsu ramen. I would come back for this.

Taiyaki. They should present them ATM on the plate like in Human Centipede... But a 69 formation would suffice. You know, like a Pisces symbol. These were really good. Great cake batter, crust, color on the outside with creamy toothy filling of red bean paste inside. These are cute, definitely will get you laid if you get these at the end of the meal. Chicks dig cute round shit... Like my muffin top.

Ginya did done well with this first visit. The pouch approves. Everything was spot on and I ate all of this, I am truly a fat fuck. Why do Asian joints always nails the food when they open and never have to use the excuse that they're new and need to work the kinks out like so many gaijin joints that open around town even with a seasoned staff or resto group? I know why because Asians are not slackers... Except for a few but I won't mention their names except that one tries to do ramen on Marietta and the other dim sum in Decatur.

Squirt.

1700 Northside Dr NW
Atlanta, GA 30318
470-355-5621
http://ginyaatlanta.com/

Dish Dive Pop Up

Oh, lookie here... The pouch was here again for another chef pop up. What a surprise. Did I mention how much I adore this place? Inexpensive good food, BYOB and close knit family style atmosphere makes this place unique and awesome in this town full of overpriced, overdone, overcooked resto groups that care more about expanding their empire instead of expanding my pouch without breaking the bank. This place fucking rocks... And if you stick your cock out while rocking out to EB's tunes, no one who be offended, either. Let's fucking eat, bitches... 

5 Spiced Ribs. Sweet, tender ribs with crispy shallots... I want to hump this plate.

The Wedge. Country fried steak on wedge salad with bleu cheese, radish and tomato... Definitely, bumping uglies with this if I was alone.

Wings. Crispy and juicy with sweet red pepper and ranch... I want to rub the bloody sauce all over my back and tell people I'm a fallen angel... Eat my wings and you will have special powers.

Banh Xeo. Vietnamese crepe with porkbelly, shrimp and coconut... I would use this as pillow and take bites of it through out the night.

Smoked Mushrooms. Plump, juicy, smokey in creamy ricotta and truffle oil... If I lost an eye from a horrible accident I would use one of these as a replacement... Same thing if I lost a ball from my sack.

Rosti. Crispy potato pancake with clabber cream and apple puree... It looks like a unicorn wiped his butt with this, but you get special powers and piss rainbows after you eat it. I found a gold tooth at the end of my rainbow stream when I had to take a piss at Pine Street soup kitchen the next day.

The menu of the night. I know I know, why didn't I order every thing this time... Because I had a 10 piece box of Popeyes before I came here.

Random Pouch Bits

The pouch has been running around quite a bit lately, so it only has time to nibble here and there... in between real restaurants of course. I know y'all wanna see what the pouch snacks on in between meals.

Hudson Grille.
This is why tipping should stay in restaurants... The young clueless server came back three times to change the order because he didn't know what the Monday night burger special covered. First, he said you can pick any of these burgers which include specialty burgers with a shitload of crap in them already, then he says you can pick two other toppings and it comes with two sides. I'm like dude, that is a fucking lot of food for $5.95. Are you sure, bro? Yes, I'm sure was the response. Puts the order in and comes back 8 minzies later... Ok, its just one extra topping for the burger but you still get two sides. Comes back 6 minzies later and says, it's just the classic burger with two toppings and one side. This guy was a fucking trip, there's no way he deserves $15/hr... He didn't know his wiener hole from his facehole... But both squirted piss. This was their Northlake Pkwy location which was some bullshit crap chains before (Chili's and Roxx)... Hideously redneckery inside.

Classic Burger with fried egg and smoked bacon, boursin mac n cheez. The burger looked decent but the mac was a big pile of shit from first glance. You sure this was boursin cheese and not curds or feta cheese? It was cold, congealed, crunchy, mushy with overcooked elbow macaroni. It was possibly the worse mac n cheez I have ever eaten. Do these fuckers taste the food here? Wait, I looked at the kitchen staff, that's a negative.

Burger innards... Surprisingly, cooked mid-rare to temp. Maybe they just got lucky. Well, it was a good portion of ground meat. Not seasoned very well but the egg and bacon masked the blandness with the runny yolk and salty bacon juice. It's a decent burger if you go on the burger night. It's worth about $6, nothing more. It will fill your belly but stick with the fried shit for the side because their skill level on real food that needs to be cooked is low.

Classic Burger with candied bacon and guacamole. Is that a fucking filet mignon in there? It turned out to be a meat patty but the similarity to a beef tenderloin is uncanny... Speaking of which maybe they used an old Manwich can to shape the patty. The burger was spot on mid-rare once again, tasted decent and the spinach was well, wilted spinach with excess liquid in the bowl... Standard chain veg slop.


Pan American Bakery.

Cuban. So, the original Havana is back in business on Buford Hwy now... But I still come here for their incredible Cuban sandos for $5. Best Cuban in da ATL. The guy makes his own bread for crying out loud... Now, that's boss.


This place is invite only but my pal has been playing with his new toy, the BGE lately and decided to do smoked wings. Fuck yeah, I'm down with BWBFF.

Look at these little nuggets of beauty...

Smokey, juicy, tender, great shellac on the skin and char bits. This first batch was real nice but once the BGE steadied itself on temp, the second batch was even sicker. I need one of these fuckers. I would smoke road kill and sell it as brisket to the local blind kid and his bird with the taped on head.

Now, fuck off... I need a nap. Stay tuned for more dumpster dives...

Dave's Philly's and Water Ice

We all know that gas station food sucks a huge donkey dick... The hot dogs sitting for hours on those heated rollers, shitty pizza slices in a hot box, salty ass nachos covered in vomit yellow cheese jizz, Hot Pockets and frozen burritos that you nuke for 2 and a half minzies and comes out like cardboard and we can't forget about the hillbilly spring rolls- The nasty Taquitos, filled with your worst nightmare of puppy diarrhea. But there are food shacks that are at a gas station that doesn't suck as much... Just Loaf'n comes to mind because they have some decent po'boys at a dumpy gas station. And now comes a newish philly cheese steak (aka philthy) joint that is also located next to a hick gas station. Will it do it justice or will the pouch have to shit all over it based on the unsubstantiated interweb claims that this shack has the only authentic philties in town. Well, they supposedly have Amoroso rolls, so that could be a start to a beautiful friendship with a meat sandwich in this one horse town... Let's go eat some chopped up meat flaps.

Philthy. Provolone, onions, shrooms and peppers. I know what y'all are saying, how dare you fucking add shrooms and peppers to this beast... Well, I did motherfuckers, so live with it. First, the clanking sound of the metal spatulas against the flat top were music to my pig ears. Second, the Amoroso roll was kick ass... It was a bit toasty on the outside and soft and moist inside after they filled it. Third, the roll had a great bite to it and chew perfectly as expected with an Amoroso. The chopped manmeat flaps were seasoned well and the veggie fillers were proportionate but the cheese factor was a bit light, needed another slice or two of provolone to liaison the meat/veg filler so it doesn't fall out as easily. Sometimes, a squirt bottle of water or the secret sauce (apple juice) is used to create the steam while cooking the sliced manmeat and veggies on the flat top to soften but they might have been a bit too overly excited and generous on the liquid because it was leaking brown juice all over the wax paper on the plastic tray and making the bread soggy. This not preferred obviously but it didn't take away too much from the overall experience. This is a good philthy... The Amoroso roll, the decent portion of meat and veggie filler were spot on, but if they watch out for the amount of liquid they use and throw on another slice of cheese, it woulda been a better cheese steak overall. I would come back for another philthy just because of the Amoroso roll. No whiz.

Beef Sausage. This looked sad... Like something you find between a fat chick's thick hairy legs. Hard to look at and even harder to put it up to your mouth. It was very unexpected visually but I guess you can't have it all after a very decent display of a philthy. I was hoping for a fresh ground tube steak with a nice snap to the casing but all I got was a barely above average factory hot dog. Even if there were onions and peppers on it, it woulda still tasted just ok. I would skip this and just stick with the philthy.

Water Ice, lemon and mango. If I'm here already, might as well add a couple more inches to my fat ass. Water ice is kinda like Eyetalian ice except that it's smoother and not as hard as Eyetalian ice. It's like a slushie but higher quality. The lemon was sweet but not tart enough, the mango was better but I would not get it again next time. Tasted the orange creamsicle and that was the best out of the bunch.

I like the place, I like the staff and I like the philthy... And only the philthy. I would come back for another one... But what other option does one really have in this town for a decently executed curly meat flap sando? Don't even say Woody's... They're just crusty peckers over there.

5020 Winters Chapel Rd

Atlanta, GA 30360 

678-587-9253

Pouch Eats Again

My one fan may be wondering what the fuck is wrong with the pouch lately... It's not eating it's fair share for 4 people. Well, the pouch has been eating in secret like a fat chick at home. It has been boozing more than eating because the scene has become tiresome this week... But the meaty muffin top still needs to eat... Don't y'all wanna see what it has been slurping down it's oral gash? Let's go back and take a look at a couple of oldies but goodies...

Kimball House.

Caviar Service, UGA Sturgeon. Even though, I have had this a couple times before, it still baffles the mind that UGA is farming and harvesting fish balls in upstate GA. The caviar service is pretty fancy pants by Decatur's standards. It is also pretty damn tasty as well. For $85, this is not too bad of a deal if your friend wants to splurge... Who the fuck am I to say, no dude, don't do it. If you wanna get laid, get this... Unless the broad is some hipster vegan millennial hairy armpit weirdo, then just get her a side of okra and some fungus from outside. She will still bang you and lick on your fishy balls.


 Fork in the Road.

Fried Chicken. Haven't been back in a bit and I was craving a good fwied cheekan, so this joint made the most logical sense. This 6 piece dark leg/thigh combo meal is fucking unreal for $7.99. The chicken is made to order and takes about 20 minzies and it's totally worth the wait every time. The crust is ultra crispy and medium thickness but it comes off easily and seasoned very well. The meat is juicy and flavorful. It's easily one of the best fried cheekans in town.

Crab Cakes, sweet creamed cornbread. Who woulda thunk that a southern diner joint would even make a halfway decent crab cake... At $11.99 there is no way it would be that good. It's usually upwards of $20 for a single tiny crab cake a la carte with no sides. Then this shit came out... Two giant crabby patties seared golden brown. C'mon, there's no fucking way there's crab inside those cakes the size of a Fiat's wheels... It's prolly made up of soylent something or other. Wait, I take that shit back, they were loaded with crab meat, a mix of minced and lump meat. Am I fucking dreaming? This was pretty damn good for where it was and what I paid for. How can this be... Have I been missing out on these crabs all this time? This joint can give me mouth crabs anytime. The sweet creamed cornbread is one of their best sides.

Clam Strip Platter. I fucking miss HoJo's... For anyone who doesn't know what the fuck that is, it's a great restaurant from the old days called Howard Johnson's. The also rent out rooms after you have a food coma. They had some of the best frozen clam strips in the nation during the 70's and 80's. When I saw that they had a clam strip dinner here, I was so excited I tinkled a few drops in my underpants. I vowed to come back one day and order this to relive my childhood gourmet dish. For $6.99, the medium platter is more than enough. Look at the size of that portion. These frozen deep fried strips did not disappoint, they are not as crusty as HoJo's but they were just as good and brought back the wonderful childhood memories I had when I wasn't getting a beat down. This is old slutty grub at it's finest. Notice how there's broccoli on the side to balance out the fried shit... Not that I ate it all. 

All this pouch stuffing has renewed interest in consuming mass volumes again... The bottomless pouch is back baybee! Stay tuned for more crap that the pouch will be stuffing into it's garbage mouth... Or not. Like anyone will even notice... That's why I write these stupid posts in my underpants.

Venkman's Revisit

I can't figure out this place but I keep coming back over and over again... It ain't for the Ecto Cooler but it is across from the Bantam Pub which I like a lot. Maybe it's also the vibe and location that is kinda hidden away from the masses. Or maybe it's the food that keeps my interest. Whatever it is, they got my attention. They do have their liquor license now so maybe it's the booze and the cool bartenders that's making my bloated muffin top a little less pouch-conscious and welcomed. Let's take another look and bite at this cool grubby music joint...

Pastrami-Wurst. Brussels Kraut, Creole Mustard, Pretzel Roll. I like the way they played this. It's like a hot dog for a real man. The brussels kraut was cute and tasty, the wieny wurst was meaty and the pretzel roll was nice but maybe just a tad on the thick side. The fries were crispy and had the right toothiness inside.

Chicken Fried Tofu. Jalapeño Slaw, Smoked Honey Mayonaise, Sweet Potato Bun, Pickled Peas w/ Carolina Rice. I'm like c'mon, a cheekan fried tofu? Sounds interesting but could be also a total shitshow... What do the pouch gotta lose? It ain't any weight, so go for it. Believe or not this was actually pretty tasty. Real nice crispy batter/crust and the tofu was seasoned which was surprising. The slaw was good but maybe better on the side. The sweet tater bun was spot on and good choice for this sando. The side of pickled peas and Carolina rice was interesting and it grew on me with each bite.

Porky Sticky. Pork rillettes breaded and deep fried... Total fucking excess but it was pretty damn tasty. They are bigger than they look, unlike me... I'm grower not a shower. If you can eat this entire serving, you may be a bigger slob than the pouch. After eating one, I was pretty much in a coma. Share this with four people... At least. I would get this again because... C'mon, fried porky sticks!

This joint is getting on the right track, the music is great, the food is coming together nicely, and the booze are in stock even though they could use more variety of the brown juice... But there's not much to complain about overall. It's just a cool place to hangout. A bunch of us closed the fucking joint down one Saturday night... Thank baby Jesus, Bantam Pub was just a skip and a hop away to continue boozing into the early AM... I still don't know how the fuck I got home. But I do need to try the fried chicken again... Hopefully, they made some improvements on it because it almost Jedi mind tricks me to get it every time I step foot in here.

740 Ralph McGill Blvd NE
Atlanta, GA 30312
470) 225-6162
http://venkmans.com/