Hey, pouch, I got somethin' real important to give you. So, just sit down and listen. Pouch, you know we've been munching together such a long long time (such a long time). And now I'm ready to lay it on the line. You know it's lunch time and the pouch is open wide. Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind. A gift real special, so take off the top. Take a look inside -- it's my naked chick in a box!
To all the fellas out there with pouches to impress. It's easy to do just follow these steps...
1: Place an order for the big box.
2: Put their junk in that box.
3: Make it open the box.
And that's the way you do it. It's a naked chick in a box... Naked chick in a box, babe. It's a pretty nice set up, real clean and neat like it's actually edible. I lined up all the sauces they had because I'm anal... Speaking of anal, that will be discussed later on. The diablo is a joke, the fire is a cock tease, the hot is spicier than the rest, and the mild is a non-starter.
In all it's glory. Kinda looked like one those frozen tater breakfast patties... Except that it's curved, a lil bit to the left.
From up top... It looked eerily like a stripper I know at Tattletale. Ok, it's basically a lettuce, tomato, shredded cheese sando... It ain't no KFC double down but thanks for the effort. If they had bacon in there, it would bring it a few notches up. So, how does it taste, pouch? Meh, the fried chicken shell needed to be crispier and the processed cheekan bits inside reminded me of that pink slim texture. It's indistinguishable, it doesn't taste like chicken and everything tastes like goddamn chicken when it comes to mystery meat.
The deadly demonspawn trio. My bowels were waving the white flag already. I only ate the naked chicken chalupa on the first attempt and I had my fill for the day. I tossed the other two tacos back in the box and proceeded to drink whiskey and a good amount of it well into the night... Until I got the munchies. I don't remember eating the other two tacos but the evidence was spread out all over the table the next morning. Sauce packets everywhere, I even found one under my pillow... WTF. I truly am a sad sack of hamster vomit. My toilet was billing me for triple overtime for this triple threat... I didn't even want to look at my water meter. The shit was spinning so fast it almost made me puke.
So, I found a pic of how they make the fwied cheekan shells... It's kinda ingenious and revolting at the same time. It's basically a cheap chicken patty forced against it's will and shoved in a mold and deep fried into a shell. Bless their cheekan hearts...
The naked chicken chalupa was Taco Bell's answer to the KFC's double down but it doesn't even come close to the double down in creativity and taste. It's just another gimmick to trick suckaz like the pouch into buying it because it has the two words that puts me into a trance... Fried Chicken. And I got two word for Taco Bell... Explosive Diarrhea. Demolition Man was wrong, Taco Bell will never be the restaurant of the future... Unless, they change their name to Trainspotting Bell.
Flush.
2 comments:
That does look horrifically inhumane how they have the patties all cooped up in that curved torture rack. I like to eat them from a regular fryer basket, where they get a chance to bob around and mingle with the other patties.
~mindspringyahoo
Gonna be in sjc tmw. Hoping to try that mcd crabby pattie....
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