This place looks like Spongebob's house on the outside and the Krusty Krab on the inside... Too bad the Krabby Patty was not on the menu. While the outside still looks like every other joint that has graced the space before it, the inside has become the ultimate FOB hangout... Who ever designed the interior had a fucking ball doing it. It is filled with an overkill of cheesy Gilligan's Island style nautical themes with Asian night club music and neon lights. There's these modern futuristic style white chairs that were so out of the theme of the place at the bar which turns out not be a bar at all, but just a display area for the beers they have. They have no hard booze... But this joint wouldn't be anyone's first choice to be asking for a cocktail. The service was really bad with only two teenaged servers working the floor as you can imagine but given that they have been opened for only a couple of weeks, I can understand that mess... But what I don't understand is why they would seat you at a table with no menus? The server/host person just walked off and didn't come back for like 10 minzies and then had the balls to ask "do you know what you like to order?". Shit, I would still be playing Tetris on my phone right now if I didn't ask for some menus... I literally forgot that I was inside a restaurant while waiting for her to come back and when she did, I asked her if this was restaurant and if they served food... She had a look of total confusion. Just like when she got off the boat... Wait, I don't think she ever got off this pineapple boat.
Even though, I'm busting their balls about the joint, I kinda liked the really gaudy decor... A lot of things don't make sense in here. Like why did I walk in here and why they would pipe the loud music feed from one of their cell phones and let it keep going while the phone gets an AMBER ALERT. Are you fucking shitting me? You are seriously gonna let that Amber Alert message play over and over and over again on the speakers at full blast? I'm bringing all my dates here next time, nothing says hot steamy sex like an Amber Alert at 100 decibels to get the broads wet between their crabby legs... Speaking of crab legs, let's see if it's sea worthy.
Combination Bucket of Sea Crap. So, the combo bucket is a mix of sea creastures, but they ran out of blue crab tonight which made them totally confused on what to do. I said, why don't you just substitute the blue crab with something else? I don't care what, just something so I can sample a bunch of shit without having to order everything a la carte and get fucked up the ass on the check. She broke down in a state of absolute confusion and panic. She went to the back to see if they would and could accommodate this simple request. Luckily, they did and she was truly relieved that she didn't have to make up some story about their cost-benefit analysis on why they can't make a substitute. This bucket had a nice sampler of snow crab, shrimp, mussels, corn on the cob, red taters and sausage. Also comes with a few options for seasonings (I got the everything- Cajun, Garlic Spread, Lemon Pepper) and 3 spicy levels (I tested the medium, there was something called "FIYAHH!"- sounds like a war cry in some desert sand language).
This was the after math (or birth) from the bucket of sea creastures and the boxes of fried crap. They give you gloves and a bib which was nice. The sea food thingers in the bucket were barely acceptable. The snow crab legs were so soft as it were sitting in a hot seasoned bath for hours, the shell bent like cheap plastic and the flesh just didn't tasted all that fresh. The shrimp were decent but the mussels were just rubbery. The red taters and corn were as expected, average. Thank God I got the sampler bucket because if it was a la carte for each item I woulda had some interesting words for them.
Fried Shrimp Box. I liked the whole fried shrimp... The heads were the best part. The sweet tater fries were just ok, thick batter/crust and a bit undercooked tater inside. They were more just for filler. The skrimpz were the star of this box.
Fried Oyster Box. Is this a joke? There's like 3 or 4 oysters in here and the rest all fries... Wait, I asked for regular potato fries and they gave me the damn sweet tater fries, again. I had my fill of that thick battered fries from the shrimp box. The oysters were nicely coated with corn meal but they fried it for so long that it was too crunchy on the outside and dried out on the inside. I would skip these and stick with the shrimp but the calamari sounded interesting to try out if there's a next time.
Paella, rice, clam, mussel, shrim. Yes, that's on the menu... Shrim. I think it's in the krill family. This is not paella, not even close. It was basically a hybrid of box dirty rice mix and fried rice from a slutty Chino dump with one clam, one mussel and one shrim in it. Don't even waste your time with this.
The elusive menu... It's quite short and simple. The best part was that all the cups, boxes, bibs, etc said "The Boiling Crab" instead of Crawfish... They musta bought out all the excess inventory for pennies on the dollar when the Boiling Crab closed down. It is such a FOB thing to do... Crab, crawfish, close enough. They also had an oyster menu but don't expect them to have a full inventory of all the oysters listed... There were 3 different ones available but I had to cancel that order after I had already finished the other food because they were so backed up to even shuck 6 oysters. I assume they only had 2 cooks in the back just like they had 2 servers in the front. Why do restos like this always spend so much money on the decor but so little on the human resources... It's like they don't want to spend money on people because they think they can do it all themselves or just an overwhelmed skeleton crew.
A mix of dirty seafood shack and gaudy ginzo night club with neon lights... FOBulous!
There's been a bunch of crawfish joints opening up on Buford Hwy recently and I kinda like it. This town needs more hands on seafood joints. This place may be fun to look at on the inside but they still need a lot of work on the service and the execution in the kitchen. The prices aren't cheap on the shellfish but the fried shit was average, so you better start to deliver the goods before y'all become another statistic at this semi-cursed location... Come to think of it, a Krusty Krab would kill it here.
5412 Buford Hwy NE
Doraville,
GA 30340
770-559-5839
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