Breaded Pouch

The Pouch has been eating way too much gluten lately just to see if it can get in on this trendy hipster condition. Instead of a Porsche or a fancy Ducati motorcycle, for my mid-life crisis I wanted to buy myself a hip and trendy 'disease'... Everyone's doing it, I want to be cool, too. I want in, now. Gluten free, nah, gluten please! So, as if I'm not already fat enough, I slammed down ever more carbs and gluten heavy snacks recently... Let's see if I can have a heart attack from all these glutenous goodies...

Pig-N-Chik BBQ.

Sliced Brisket Sando, brunswick stew, smoked wings. Look at them thick Texas style slices of white bread. Pillows of gluten between pretty much chopped up brisket even though I asked for sliced. Some pieces were chunkier than others from my initial inspection, the brisket was a bit dry but the smoke was decent. The portion I had revealed very little bark. The sauces they had were just ok, the vinegar was way to thin, the mustard tasted funky and the regular sauce was pretty sweet and thick... Luckily, they had jars of different hot sauces on the counter. The smoked wings can be had by the piece for 70 cent each, they had a nice crackly thin shellac skin and the meat was tender and fell off the bone pretty easily, pretty decent wings. But the Brunswick stew was a mess, way too watery and lacked the binder of tomato paste and BBQ sauce to pull all the meaty chunky bits together and not sitting at the bottom. I squeezed a few squirts of the regular BBQ sauce in there and it turned out better.

Pulled Pork Sando, fried okra. Aah, more thick cut bread and breading on the okra. The okra was freezer brown bag style but there was plenty of gluten to be had. The pulled pork had some really nice bark and burnt ends with pretty good flavor. I do like that the thick pieces of pork was hand pulled and chopped.

Banana Pudding. I don't know if there's gluten in box vanilla pudding and banana slices but I'm pretty sure Moon Pies have gluten. Gluten lunch mission completed.


Hop's Chicken.

Hot Chicken. I am such a sucker. Sucked into getting the hot chicken because I was bored waiting on Super Pan to make my order... Hot cheekan is one of my weaknesses. This $6 hot cheekan sando looked ok right after unwrapping it. This gluten on gluten sando had a good spicy dark color on the exposed part initially. Let's take off the wig...

Lifted the toupee and this is what it looked like... Very disappointing like seeing Brad Pitt bald after taking off his hat. Looks like the staff got a little hungry and teared off the best part of the hot chicken.. The spicy gluten filled crust. The glutenous bun was buttery and toasted nicely, the chicken as a chicken only was ok but as a hot chicken, this failed miserably. 

Fried chicken, thigh, leg, wing. I got suckered in again... I can't just order one thing. A hot cheekan sando is just not enough... Gluten. I had to get the damn fwied cheekan with gluten bits encasing each piece. The pieces are still pretty small but on this visit yielded an acceptable fried chicken product. The light crust was present all around on every piece unlike the bald pieces I had last time. The chicken was seasoned well, the grease factor was toned down and overall, it's becoming a decent product but definitely not one of the top fried chicken in this town. I finally found out that they do pressure fry the chicken as I had suspected on my initially visit.. Guess they are making some progress on mastering that pressure fryer, maybe with some help from a stolen KFC operations manual. Some people are comparing this to Gus's... I must say Gus's will beat Hop's any day, any week and any month of the year... For the time being.


El Super Pan.

Cubano Mixto. Pan Cubano, Cuban roasted pork, ham, salami, yellow mustard, pickles, swiss cheese. It's like a fat gluten log. This is prolly the most expensive Cuban I have had in this town. The quality is good overall and the flavors were nice but Pan American Bakery destroys this in taste and for the price of only $5. But I'm happy about this gluten portion.

Pan de Jamon y Queso. Spanish foccacia, Serrano ham, manchego, almond-date spread, arugula, piquillo agridulce. Look at that side shot of the thick glutenous bread ends. The meat and veg to bread ratio is pretty thin. The bread is pretty nice but the filler was pretty much standard issue where you can find similar quality almost anywhere for cheaper... But I was here for the gluten and was happy about that.


Colonnade.

Fried Chicken Livers. It's like a plate of thick fried flour. The best fried chicken livers intown, period. The batter/crust mix is ultra crispy which helps balance out the liver flavor that some many find disgusting. Shit, they don't know what they're missing out in their measly vegan lives... Dericious fried gluten nuggets. 

Chocolate Cake. Housemade daily (supposedly). It's rich, creamy and fatty. No one on a diet comes here to eat.. Unless you're on a minimal gluten diet from the thin crust on the bottom of this beast. 

Moscow Mule. They can't make a cocktail worth a shit but you're paying for the ambiance and company here at the bar... The library 'books and shelves' wall paper is still a classic. There's prolly gluten in the drink from all the fried cheekan liver crumbs I dropped in there.


Publix.

Fried Chicken, mixed. I went to Publix to get stuff to make a salad but I always do a drive-by through the deli section just to smell it... The freshly made batch that just came fresh out of the fryer was calling to me... Over the PA system that my gluten order was ready. I guess I'm skipping that salad... Again. There is nothing better in this entire joint than their fwied cheekan... I don't know how they do it but their cheekan is some of the best found anywhere. The medium thick crust is ultra crispy and full of rich gluten, the flesh juicy, hot and tender and it's also seasoned very well... All you need is hot sauce and your fingers and your life is complete... At least for the night. Don't forget the little tiny nuggets of fried gluten crispies that falls off and settles at the bottom of the box.


DiGiorno's.

Cheese Stuffed Crust Supreme Pizza. Fuck delivery... Give me another cocktail and turn on the convection full blast. Shit dude, look at this glutenous beast... I must admit this doesn't look halfass bad when fullass drunk. It was caked in gluten and had cheese in the crust. This was pure perversion and depravity at it's ultimate form. I ate it and it was decent to the best of my recollection but I still didn't develop any gluten conditions after consuming all this bready stuff this week. I guess I'm not cool enough to have a condition like every millennial these days... And I'm still fat.

Burp.