Chinatown Food Court Revist

This food court has been there for the pouch through thick and thin over the years... Well, it has been mostly thick. Shit, who am I kidding... I was never thin, I have gotten thicker and thicker over the years. I have moved from stout status up to rotund rank. This ching chong food court is, has been and always will be the double D tits for great grub on the cheap... And it's even better when you're drunk as a freshman sorority hooker. I still remember those hazing days when the sisters would use thick Sharpies and circle the fat rolls all over my fatbag body... And I wasn't even pledging a sorority, the frat across the street sent me there to get their baseballs... Have you seen my baseball, err, wiener? I only did it because they promised me some franks and beans they were making that night... What? I was a lonely 4th year senior and they said they would be my friend in exchange for dues and an elephant walk... Fun, I like the circus!
But anyways, enough of my glory days... Let's get back to the chow... So, I got back into town late from a road trip to Charleston and I was fucking starving like a fat Gap girl... I needed some good grub quick and on the cheap since I spent most of my money on a ton of food all over Charleston. Luckily, this food court was on my way home... I thought about Food Terminal but eating there is a whole production and time consuming... I just wanted to consume mass quantities in a short amount of time as possible and then cry myself to sleep at home. This Chino food court has never failed me before.
Let's see what was stuffed into the pouch before it went into a tearful hibernation...

Chong Qing Hot Pot.

Salt and Pepper Shrimp. So, I heard that their S&P skrimpz were totally kick ass... I have never gotten it because it sounded so fucking gringo but fuck it, why not? Let's see what all the fuss was about... And this depressing display was what I got. This is why I usually don't listen to people's food advice... They are usually wrong 99% of the time. This was the most rancid sample of S&P shrimp I have ever had. The batter was thick, heavy and hard... Once, you bust through that armor plating, you will find a second layer of depression that was the so called shrimp. They were not normal shrimp, they were tiny salad shrimp... Some of them even reminded me of the tiny dried shrimp where you soak them in water to reconstitute them... And half of them were still dried and hard. It was fucking inedible.. A fucking travesty. If this visual wasn't bad enough... Keep reading...

I spread this crap apart like the red sea and look at all the fried batter bits left over from the fry basket... They just dumped all the crap that has been sitting in the bottom of the basket on to my plate. Pure garbage. This was the biggest joke of a dish I have ever had at this place, let alone the entire food court... including the left side where all the Mexican't shacks are that no one eats at except the muchachos.

String Beans with Pork. After that dismal display of a gwailo favorite... I had to go back to some classic dishes and this was one them. The flash fried string beans are still pretty kick ass but they got real chintzy on the pork bits sprinkled lightly overall... There's more dandruff under the cook's hair net than pork bits in this dish. But... It's still a dish worthy to order again and again.

Sweet & Sour Pork. I asked them if this was the roundeye version or the Hong Kong style version.. They said it's the Chinese version... Ok, you Hello Kitty hooker, I'll bite. I was hoping it wasn't covered in that nuclear HFCS fake red sauce and I almost had my wish, it was like a half and half. The fried pork chops were really tasty in a dirty fry shack kinda way, ultra crispy and crunchy and the pork was not chewy at all. And the sauce... It wasn't that bad, it was a bit thin but it did have that sweet and sour flavor to it without being cloying like the fake HFCS s&s sauce from the Chino hole in the walls. It wasn't bad and I would order it again but some time way in the future.

Spicy Fish & Tofu. This boiling spicy hot shit is my jam... It's just so damn fucking guud. Ok, it's not that fiery hot and spicy but for under $10 from a food court shack, this shit is da bomb. The big chunks of tofu and slices of white fish with that spicy broth like sauce is just awesome. Make sure you get a giant bowl or two of free rice and sop that spicy red shit up with it and make your belly grow like you're having twins... You will sleep like a fucking baby afterwards... But I usually have to cry myself to sleep even after eating this sick ass dish. You lucky motherfuckers redeemed yourself for that shittastic salt & pepper shrimp crap.


China Kitchen.

Soup Dumps. I don't even know why I'm separating this joint and Chong Qing... They are the same fucking place, same owners but the old gwailo broad likes to hangout at this shack more... I think she likes the giant soup dumpling here. Shit, I tried to order one but that hag prolly gobbled them all up... No wonder she has a fucking triple turkey neck... Yo, you better be careful, Thanksgiving is just right around corner. So, I resorted to ordering the regular XLBs... They are usually hit or miss at this spot but tonight they were spot on. Steaming hot and the right amount of soup in there and they didn't even break apart trying to pick them up.

Scallion Pancakes. They jacked up the price to $3, a 50 cent price hike. It's like the damn MetroCard, sneaking in 50 cents here and 50 cents there... But shit, it's still a deal. They are a tasty treat and they are great to soak up the spicy fish & tofu broth thinger.


Hong Kong BBQ.

3 Kinds of Manmeats. Roast Wilbur, Roast Daffy and BBQ Babe. Their manmeats are usually pretty damn good on a daily basis but today's selection was goddamn gorgeous. Look at that color, the golden meat trifecta. Jesus, my loins are burning and itching for some of that manmeat... C'mon, Pouch, take the fucking picture already you fat fuck, so I can inhale this beast.

Beef Chowfun. They always made a very decent BC and tonight they didn't disappoint, again... Damn, these motherfuckers are legit and I can't quit eating this entire plate.

These are really the only 3 places I hit up in this food court because they fucking kill it everyday and night with giving the ex-pats and roundeyes a run for their money. The food is good and the value is even better... I don't need a server to bring me my food, I like getting up and picking up the food myself... Shit, this fat slob could use the exercise anyways.