Hindu Chino Medieval Pouch

There is no rhyme or reason why the pouch eats the way it does... If it's drunk, it may want Chino. If it's drunk and in the mood for curry, it may want Indian buffet. If it's drunk and waving a sword around, it may want to LARP. Luckily, for my one fan, the pouch will give you all three in one post! This blog is so stupid, I am such a retard, why am I going all the way to north bumblefuck Medieval Times to eat a half roasted chicken with my bare hands... Wait, that's not stupid, it's gonna be fucking epic... With booze involved of course.

Calcutta Palate.
Pretty newish on the Indian scene, but it was dead as a fucking door nail during a recent weekend lunch buffet. At this rate this joint will go down the shitter like most of the food I had here. The location is not awful but it's set back behind the Buford Hwy Farmers Market away from the needed traffic.

They spread out each tray very thinly like there's a lot of food there. It's about half inch thick and half the trays were kinda dried out.

The tandoori chicken had good color but it was dry as sawdust. The goat/lamb stew was ok, mostly just bones but the tiny scraps of meat I found were tender.

The best thing was the saffron basmati rice even though it was bland as a hamster's nutsack.

Naan. Very mediocre. Barely warmed through, no color on the bottom, tough on the pull. It's almost like they were store bought and reheated. They would be good for doggy diapers, though.

The garbage plate. Sampled almost everything and everything were pretty tasteless. I would not come back here unless they change out the chef. By then it may be too late for this dump. Thank god, I had a few cocktails before I came here and many more afterwards.


Hong Kong Harbor.
When I'm drunk, I get lazy... And being lazy, I find myself here more often than any other dump. This place has been around forever, the dim sum is hit or miss, usually more misses than hits (ask them to make them to order, let the whities eat the shit off the carts) but some of their main dishes really nails it.

Beef Belly Wonton Noodle Soup. This is one of the best dishes here. It's like 7 or 8 bucks for a big bowl of comfy homey satisfying noodle soup. Big chunks of ultra tender braised beef, tendon, belly along with delicate shrimp/pork wontons, wonton noodles and gai lan. The broth is complex, rich, flavorful and soothing. I love this dish in any season... But usually best eaten when drunk.

Sour Mustard with Fried Tofu. This is another dish off the meny that is another fav. They make the best sour mustard in town and you can pair it with tofu, pork, beef, chicken, squid, shrimp... Shit, they will put anything in there for you, just gotta ask for it.

Sausage Bun and Shrimp Cheong Fun. The bun was too dense and dry, no moisture, even the sausage inside was kinda dry. Imagine fucking this thing? KY, pweez. The shrimp cheong fun looked ok but it wasn't steamed long enough and the rice wrapper was still too dense and the shit fell apart trying to pick it up.

Har Gao and Fun Guo. The har gao were just ok but the skin was a bit over steamed, kinda just broke apart with the first bite. Fun guo filling was totally bland, how does that happen with pork bits inside.

Tripe and Meatballs. Tripe was decent but it was cold from sitting on the cart for so long since no round eye would ever eat this. The meatballs were acceptable, once again barely luke warm. Doing dim sum here is a gamble, sometimes it's halfway decent and sometimes it's not even worth mentioning.


Medieval Times.
Holy fucking Grail... Look at this spectacle. This place is like the Disneyland of live action role playing pimple faced dorks. Good, I will fit right in. The place is huge and they have a bar.

This is prolly the stupiest fucking thing ever... But it is also the best fucking thing ever. The cheesiness of this spectacle never ends like a Nacho cheese machine. But the dude with falcon flying around the place was pretty cool. I wanted to ask him what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow... That little fucker would look better battered and deep fried and going down my belly.

"Bill of Fare". This is the most ridiculous menu I have ever seen. I have had better food in coach on a flight to Florida. Thank goodness, I had the grail to partake boozy substances from this goblet during this crusade.

Tomato Bisque, warm baked bread. The plate and bowl kinda scares me, they look like they're made of lead. I guess it can't be worse than the bill of fare being served. It's almost like being in prison. The tomato bisque is served from a plastic pitcher which is better than from a wooden bucket and ladle served by a hunchback. The bisque is so watery and obviously army issued MRE. The bread is so factory frozen Texas toast grade.

Roasted African or European swallow? It also came with a corn on the cob and half a roasted potato that was basically thrown on your plate... Speaking on which- These "Made in China" plates could really be made of lead and I'm eating off of it. Maybe I shouldn't lick the plate. For a high volume mass joint, this roasted chicken wasn't half bad. The seasoned skin was crispy at spots and the meat was really moist and tender. Was it a dream? I thought this shit would be sitting under a heat lamp for hours. 

Pastry of the Castle. This was totally from Sysco. Flaky pastry is subjective. The baby food fruit-esque filling was obviously machine piped. This is the type grub that will give you gas. Where is diaper when you need one... I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! This place is a trip, the food isn't good but the entertainment has it's moments.