Bored Pouch

The pouch was more bored than usual on the food scene lately... I'm sure my one reader has been in the same predicament before and prolly have said the same thing, "There just isn't anything interesting to eat...". Seriously, I am bored as fuck this week about the nosheries around town. There is zero excitement, it's almost tiresome like a job to find a decent place to eat that I haven't been to. So, maybe it's time to go back to some oldies and see which ones I will be giving the 2 finger diet to after eating...

Taqueria Los Hermanos.

Motherfuckers were outta of all the tamales... We know gringos don't eat that shit, they ain't made with flour tortillas, so, how can they be all out? Had to resort to tacos (they kinda reminded me of a few ex-girlfriends by the looks of them)... No fucking lengua, cabeza or tripa, either. But they did have corn tortillas. Spied the place all around... Surrounded by all fucking whities up in this piece, now I know how the crackers felt at the Alamo. Time to put one or three in the chamber... Carnitas, Chorizo y Asada. They loaded these tacos the fuck up... They better for the high price tag per taco. All the meats were well seasoned and marinated in between the double ply corn tortillas. Sounds like an all around win right? Yes and no, it ain't authentic Mexi-tacos because they are just way too fucking big for hand held tacos... Second, the filler options are plain jane safe cuts of familiar meats, no offal to be had. And C, the gringos are liking this joint way too much like they're at El Azteca or some other Mexican't dump, that there's no way I should like this.

Al Pastor and Cesina. Both are hefty sized tacos. Al Pastor comes with pineapple cubes that looks like giant pieces of fat. Meats once again were well seasoned in the double ply corn tortillas. The salsas are a bit lacking but it'll do since the meats were all flavorful. I think the grub here is more than decent but it ain't authentic, it has fish sticks, chicken tenders and a fucking Philly as options for the tacos. C'mon, ese, is this a joke? ...Get off me, homes. It's been spun around to cater towards the unbrown folks and to give the illusion that they're the real deal with larger portions that is expected by their targeted suckaz, errr, I mean demographics (aka dumb rednecks). I would go back to try the tamales if they're ever in stock but I'll call first before making the drive. PS- the horchata is way too sweet with a weird processed after taste.. Prolly horchata mix with diet sweetener.


Kimball House.

Yes. Again. Can't stop eating these snatch snots. This is like one of the few solid items that never disappoints in this town unlike the smelly snatches you find over at Twain's... Hippy girls: Armpit hair is not trendy nor is it appetizing, shave that shit, it ain't the 60's no mo'... And don't forget your bearded clam.


Nori Nori.

There's no better way to blow yourself up on the Fourth of July than gorging yourself to the brink of feeder death with AYCE crab legs and sooshee. Fireworks coming out soon... DO NOT light a match anywhere near me.


Meehan's Public House.

When the fuck did an Irish bar get taken over by the Russian Mafia in Buckhead... Everyone in here is Russian. It's like I'm in Boondock Saints... I knew I shoulda carried my Beretta 92FS today. They can't make a decent White Russian but let's see about the Fried Pickles. Dear Lord, these are so brown bagging it from the back of a Sysco truck. Time to dispatch these back to hell... "In nomine Patri, et Fili, Spiritus Sancti."

Fish & Chips. The "cod" was greasier than Bud Fox's hair in Wall Street, but the sweet tater fries were decent enough. The slaw was disgusting, mushy and watery. That white jizz could be the White Russian I ordered earlier.

Smokehouse Burger. They can't fuck a burger... C'mon, it's unpossible. You know what? They didn't. It was actually decent... And so where the onion rings even if they were a little too big. I hate big onion rings, they are useless because you can't eat them. And once you start cutting them in half they fall apart. Let's get back to the burga...

Parting the red meat sea. They actually cooked it spot on. The meat was lightly seasoned which coulda really used a lot more of it. But the overall taste wasn't bad. It's like a nice backyard burger at a friend's house. 


Publix.

Fat people will never admit to this but the pouch will... We like to eat like fucking pigs behind closed doors when we're bored. In public we pretend to eat like rabbits... "I'll just have a salad." Does anyone really buy that bullshit? I see fat people in restos, I'm like dude, why don't you just order that fucking tomahawk steak like a real man and stop trying to save face by ordering that broiled salmon. We all know you don't eat fish and you're unhealthy as shit. The pouch don't give a fuck, that's why I'm going to Publix and grabbing a box of their dericious fwied cheekan and eating it all in one sitting. And with a lot of hot sauce... Burp.


Shrimp Boil Pouch.

When the pouch is bored as shit, it likes to eat... A lot. So, sometimes it goes to the farmers market and amass a boatload of the Chattahoochee's finest along with a side of malaria... Skrimpz, crawfish, sausage, waxy taters and corn. Dump all that shit in a concoction of boil spice mix in a bag, fish sauce, beef stock, Hondashi, lemons, garlic, scotch bonnets and onions and you get this thing of beauty. Pumping and squirting all over myself...