Bangkok Pouch

"You obviously have never been to Thailand to see the authenecity of this place compared to all Thai places in Atlanta."  ...Another satisfied reader. WAIT, I have another reader?! Yippy hooray!
I'm sorry I didn't see Bangkok Station's authenecity reflected in the food I had, that's prolly because I didn't have my glasses on. Fuzzy food... My bad.

So, some speculate that the pouch has no fucking idea what it's talking about when it comes to food... I say they're "dead on balls accurate" like my cousin Vin says all the time. Most of the time when I'm writing these nonsense reviews on this full retard blog I'm usually about a liter in on cheap whiskey that my buddy Early Cuyler has made in the back woods of Northern Georgia. He showed me his contamination process once... It involved pine cones going in one end and party liquors coming out the other. Sounds like most of the slop that I have encountered in this town... But it doesn't come out of my system as clear as that moonshine. He is like the Willy Wonka of the Appalachian Mountains.

So, there's no mystery to what I think about Thai food here in this town... 96.5% of it sucks a big donkey dick. It is awful, it's as fake as fortune cookies. There's one or two places that does translate well without Americanizing the shit outta it with ultra sweet sauces. But you're gonna pay a premium for it and that is just so unfair because the great food in Thailand is cheap as fuck... The fucks are cheap, too. Just do a groin check first, if there's a tuckie, then no fuckie... Just a BJ.

Early loves his trucker hats, especially his Booty Hunter one... So, he made me one that says Foody Hunter to replace the helmet I usually wear daily. Since, I obviously have never been to Thailand, maybe it's time to take a quick trip and see what kinda slop this fat fuck can trap inside it's pouch... Be careful not to go through the turnstile sideways or else you going to Bangkok. Too late...

Y'all remember that fwied cheekan that I claimed to be best in the entire universe? Well, here it is... Fucking glorious. Ultra thin and crispy crust that basically fused with the skin as one. The seasoning was incredibly savory. Every bite was like heaven. Super moist and juicy inside. I sat on the curb eating like a fucking hobo with a plastic bag full of chicken... The best damn fried chicken I have ever had and never will again unless I find this old lady and her street cart. Four pieces for 28 bahts (One whole fucking dollar).

I don't know what kinda fat/oil/lard she's using to fry that yardbird up but it's unreal... It could be human and dog fat for all I care. I will eat that shit up with pleasure.

Y'all see that empty tray of fried chicken? Yeah, that was me... I went back 10 minzies later and emptied her out. I still dream about that cheekan to this day.

This is motherfucking Thai hot...Unlike the bullshit Thai hot made with Sriracha and Sambel Oelek you find all around in this town.

More street cart goodies and mystery creastures on a stick.

Gotta git me some of that duck.

Unlimited goodies in carts.

Fish balls and hot dogs...Yeah, c'mon.

This is one of my favorites... This old dude sets up shop literally on the sidewalk and starts cooking up meats on a stick and seafood from a plastic bag with no cooler or ice. I ate like 6 skewers of that shit. Damn good. Under $1.25 for 6 sticks. That motherfucker also had oysters in a shoebox, 2 dozen, pweez...

You know I had to have that giant grilled squid... Is it bad that I had a thought that I wanted to wear it as a condom while banging a hooker? Prolly not a good idea since my dick is too small, maybe a snail shell would fit better...

 I just started eating everything in sight.. This was like some curry meat offal thinger.

Oh, look... Real Pad Thai from a street cart... Damn good. Simple and fucking delish. Why the fuck can't they make it here?

Two types of cheekan.. Fried and steamed. Chickenhead heaven.

Roast duck. I kept eating and eating nonstop since it is cheap as fuck.

At least these fishies were on ice...

They got some sick ass gelato over there.

Thai hot sauces super cheap... But American hot sauces that pale in comparison was a total rip off.

Shitty hot sauce found in the U.S. is marked the fuck up... This made me laugh.

This made me laugh even harder... 119 bahts! Tabasco was well over 300 bahts...  

Purdy... whatever it is. 

Look at this shit.. You can eat this claymation shit?

I would eat this if it came with mushrooms and two bumps.

Thai tacos... I was drunk and walking around so I ate one of these, sweet and savory, no fucking clue what I just ate.

Taco Bell, eat your heart out... Wait it could be heart. Yes, motherfuckers, jackpot! No clue what I ate again...

Organ meats in a bag with hot sauce... Fuck me, yes, pweez. Everything is served in a fucking bag... Get a soda and they pour it into a bag and stick a straw in it and tie the bag up like you're buying a fucking goldfish.

Cauldron of curry baby meat...aka "Baby Gravy". I'll have a quart. Squirt.

Look at this bullshit... I didn't eat this shit, neither did the natives.

Poor girl, hope she gets a John soon... The rice cracker is like an after sex mint.

When you're drunk, you need congee.

Fucking sushi sitting out, I had to have at least a dozen. Or was it sushi... Hmmm.

What's this? Mr. Benjamin looks lonely.
Sorry daddy.
Sorry? Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

A little pork before I pork some hookers...

This is the alley where you go to whet your appetite and then your dick wet... Now, where did I put that whole grilled squid...

Eyetalian Thai... FUSION! The best rice noodles and ketchup in town, shut the fuck up and eat it... It's better than Osteria Francescana in Modena.

Townies.

Street food galore... I want more.

Give me a kiss and some tongue..

Just like a balut... Eat it all.

Speak up fried chicken lips, I can't hear you... "Help me!" ...Ok, I'll put you out of your misery in the pouch. Just go to sleep, it's like a sleeping bag.


It's so obvious that I have never been to Thailand... This dream of Bangkok street eats were so filling and felt so real... I'm imaginarily stuffed. Stay tuned for the dericious fictitious eats of Macau next... The famous fried pork chop bun that I obviously never had.