Bangkok Station

This corporate building has been around for fucking ever and no one cares about it. It's being renovated trying to keep up with the countless new and shiny developments being built all around Buckhead. This end of Pharr Rd. has been like a red-headed stepchild, neglected and given no love or attention by anybody... Until now.
So, these lovely people decided to go on their own and live the American dream and open a business of their own... A restaurant like so many other Asian families with their modest hole in the wall take out joints that are dotted throughout the nation in every shithole town. But this resto is no shithole in the wall... It is fucking grand, some may even say a spectacular space. My question is how the fuck did they get away with this massive expense without the backing of a restaurant group? And no, they are not part of the Tuk Tuk, Tamarind, Nan empire like some have speculated... Just ex-employees of the resto group who wanted to do something on their own. That is fucking great. Live the dream, motherfuckers, I'm fucking ecstatic for y'all... If it only makes sense. This is the part where it doesn't make any sense...
Look, this town sucks ass for Thai grub... Except the previously mentioned group of restos. Tuk Tuk is prolly the best of the three but for street food, it is way too friggin pricey. If you think your local go-to Thai spot is great, that's awesome but you're only fooling yourself. It's like going to Krystal's and saying this is the best burger I had ever had. Some really do believe it and that's ok but they're prolly douche-bags with the palate of a baby goat. Fuckers will eat anything. Can this new Thai spot bring the real shit that the pouch is hankering for? Flying to NYC every other weekend to get real Thai grub is getting real tiresome... I'm fat and people hate sitting next to the fat guy that smells like fish sauce.
Ok, back to this joint... So, where the fuck do I even begin? I'm not even gonna pussyfoot around with this joint... The place is really really nice, really spacious, it's like 3000 sq ft with a 100 top, wood features all around, it's calm and serene, motherfucking meditating monks would be jizzing in their robes over this place... And the patio while facing Pharr Rd. is surprisingly peaceful and beautiful, those fucking temple baboons would go ape shit over it. And the display of miniature toys of food carts out front is totally rad. There was even a mini cart that was frying up Thai fried chicken... Did I ever mention that the best fried cheekan I have ever had was from a street cart operated by an old lady in Bangkok? That shit was DA BOMB, 4 pieces for 28 bahts ($1USD). All this pouch gushing makes it seem like this place has hit a home run already... But can it turn into a Grand Slam? Let's go find out if the food will taste like the motherland or from Denny's greasy flat top...

My one reader better sit the fuck down because this gonna be one helluva train ride...

Where do they get those wonderful toys?

It's like a fucking museum display... I want them so bad. They would play well with my Star Wars action figures and My Little Ponies.
 

Thai E-Sarn (Isaan?) Beef Jerky. I asked the server if they come with sticky rice because that's the only way to eat Thai jerky. She says no because they have to charge for everything due to the high rent but you can order it on the side for like $8 or some bat shit crazy amount. Fuck that noise. Mind you these were $9 already and that bucket is not full of them, just a few pieces sitting on top of fried vermicelli noodles. The jerky was surprisingly tasty but after a few bites they got less and less tasty. How does that happen? The "authentic" real Thai sriracha tasted like real ketchup that Cousin Eddie made... Fuck, I just thought of something, I hope these beef jerky weren't seasoned with Hamburger Helper... Because it does just fine by itself. But I do like it better than Tuna Helper myself... Isn't that right, Claude?

Kung Krabeang. Supposedly stuffed with shrimp.. Take a bite and looked inside, the shrimp was thin as a Post It note, the mini size. Tasted like it, too. These were just crispy pouches of grease with no filler inside... Served with Duck sauce aka sweet HFCS "Plum" sauce my ass. Awful. But I'm sure someone in here liked it... He wasn't Asian.

Chicken Satay. What's with the raw veggie kabobs? I think they were there to hide the grilled-less chicken on a stick. It looks like they were baked in an oven then coated with the satay sauce. There were zero grill marks or char. You can't even smell the grill-esque flavor on there. Cut opened one of these thinly sliced chicken pieces and it was pink inside. How can they fuck this up, bro... C'mon, this must be a dream. Wake up, pouch, wake up.. Pee on yourself, STAT. So, I'm examining the interior of this specimen to see if it's edible. Yes but barely. It needed just a touch more heat to bring it over to the acceptable level dictated by the health dept... But it won't kill anyone, the service will but not this, yet. The satay sauce was kinda oily but definitely had the curry mix of spices. But all that is useless unless you grill or BBQ these fuckers to char and caramelize and release the maximum flavor potential of the satay sauce into the chicken. You can't bake these fuckers. The peanut sauce wasn't half bad but the other half was all oil. It's like grease on grease... At least this shit will choose the path of least resistance on it's way outta my system, splash. This was pretty pathetic... Wait, but that's not all...

If they're trying to cut costs so badly because of the high rent... Why the fuck is there an entire salad under the baked chicken strips? No one eats the wilted ruffage, no one. Why do y'all need to put that much garnish on this. Stop wasting food and money, be fucking sensible. 

Panang Beef Curry. Asked for extra extra Thai Hot. Ok, USA! No problem! This is what came out... A liquid concoction that resembled fucking tomato bisque but more watery... I was like, "Where the fuck is the grilled cheese sandwich that comes with this soup?" I wanted to pull a Bania and say "I'll save the meal for another time." Damn, I knew I shoulda had that hot dog earlier... This soup counts as a meal on the check I found later on. This beef curry was a dismal display of how not to make curry... I'm sad to say that I had better Panang curry at Popeyes. Wait, I must be dreaming.. But that would be a damn good dream!

Pad Thai. It looks ok and normal... Maybe this dish will be a winner. Mix all the shit up together, crushed nuts, sprouts and lime juice... And it still tasted bland. WTF? Where's the tamarind, fish sauce, garlic, dried chili pepper and egg? This was so fucking Americanized even Tin Drum would laugh at this. They give you way too much chicken and not enough tofu... Not that I'm trying to complain (me complain?) about giving me too much meat but dude, there should a balance with this dish. The rice noodles were soggy and overcooked (the rice noodles should be soaked in warm water and then stir fried up to order to keep that toothiness) instead of dry and light. At least they weren't all clumpy. I don't know, this national dish proved to be a disgrace. But there might be a light at the end of the tunnel here for this dish... I did find a little bit of what I think were preserved turnips which was very exciting to know they did keep 1 ounce of authenticity in this beloved dish. Not that this particular dish was beloved, just the preserved turnip part.

Sweet Mango and Thai Coconut Sticky Rice. I should have ask for this to come out with the beef jerky earlier. This would had been great with the jerky. Why do they want to taunt me so... It's like those idiots who taunt vicious animals at the zoo and wonder why they got mauled. The pouch is not that vicious, it's more on the level of the deadly Peruvian cuy. This simple and I mean simple ass dessert was tasty. The sticky rice was good and the coconut cream sauce has the same spray pattern of Ron Jeremy... And that makes me worried. But I ate the shit outta this anyways. Squirt.

Cake MaProw (Thai Coconut Cake). You got to be kidding me... Are you trying to be like fine dining with a tiny morsel of scraps on a giant plate? If you squint your eyes (I don't have to, tho) it almost looks like a snowman with a strawberry for a nose and blueberry for an eye... The other fell off, just like my appetite. This cake tasted like Betty Crocker box cake mix. It's like the shitty cakes your niece makes for you in her Easy Bake oven and you eat it just to be nice... Since, I'm paying for this, I don't have to be nice.. I want the shit made right.

I feel bad for these people... In the way you feel bad for senile old people or retarded children. That is until they spill shit all over your favorite threads, then the shit gets real. The space is gorgeous and professionally designed but the service was pathetic and lacking... Who thought out this business plan? Put all the money into the hardware but none on the human aspect. There were 2 cooks (one of them the owner and the other cook came out to bartend from time to time) in the spacious kitchen, no prep cooks or helpers, 2 servers and 1 expediter for a space this size... And gets this, not one fucking Mexican in the entire joint. I have never seen a resto on this scale not employing the hard work of Latinos. This is fucking amazing... I have seen Blimpie's with more workers than this place. After 2 hours of agony which should have only taken 45 minzies tops to order, eat, pay and go... I am exhausted... I feel like a Mexican dishwasher after a 15 hr shift at a buffet, not that they would know. I rather have someone kick me in the balls, instead.
After more than 2 months in business... The question is- Is this place fixable? It could be but not with the present management. They just don't know what the fuck they're doing. They need to hire a real GM, host/hostess, more servers, someone capable of training a real staff to be more efficient and accurate and for Christ's sake, hire Mexicans! The chef/owner should just focus on the food in the kitchen because it is seriously lacking if you wanna compete with the big boys in Buckhead. That's why there's a front and back of the house. You just can't micro manage and do everything yourself... You're just gonna run your business into the ground because of your pride or stupidity. If they can turn it around, they may stick around to see 2016 but at this rate, the only place they're celebrating the new year is waiting on line at the unemployment office. 

Don't even get me started on the cocktail menu and bar, I had to make my own drink... It was worse than a basement frat party. Wait, frat parties aren't that bad... They're free at least vs. the $12 double shot of watered down Bacardi rum and $5 can of ginger beer... Y'all are fucking with my emotions, now.

Time to change the station...

550 Pharr Rd NE, Atlanta, GA 30305
404-343-4665
http://www.bangkokstationatlanta.com/