MF Sushi Revisit

Looks like one of my two readers have been noticing that the pouch has been slumming it in redneck townie joints lately... I say that is totally spot on. In order to appreciate the finer things in life, you have to troll the bottom of the barrel once in awhile. It will make you a better feeder. They say that what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger... The pouch says the slop that makes me regurgitate will only make me hungry again. I actually like going to dives to see how the other side lives... Shit, who am I trying to fool. I am a fucking townie... Bless his heart. So is everyone else, they just pretend to be fancy and pretty and that their brown eye doesn't reek like Sarlacc's pit. I had seen models in the morning do shit in the bathroom that could make a billy goat puke... They look like that demonic bitch with the long black hair in The Ring, all boney and shit in their moo-moo's taking the unholiest of holy shits... How? They don't eat shit, must be all that juice crap. Speaking of skinny... This fat fuck needs to lay off the 'ZA and wings for a day or two and eat some grub that makes the Japs so skinny. Sooshee time!

Just eat whatever they put in front of your snout... Is my motto. I call this crap in a sauce dish but it was pretty tasty, it had some fried fish in with the pickled stuffed. Fuck this shit, just get me a drink, she-model server!

Soft Shell Crab. This is one of the best soft shell crab in this town. Delicate, crispy and you can taste the crab itself because it's not caked with a heavy batter like most places. Really nice.

Black Cod. The famous dish found all over in the higher end sooshee joints. This version did not disappoint. Tender flaky flesh, silky skin, really nice flavors all around but it coulda used more miso.

Shishito Pepper. Grilled robata style, the char and little blisters on the peppers were damn good. The smokiness gives these peppers great flavor but it needed a little salt to balance it out. 

Sake Signature. C'mon, caviar and truffle on salmon... What's not to like, dudebro? Shit is fancy and dericious like my edible undies.

Osaka Box Style Roll. Toro, masago, scallion, srircha. My 2 fans know that I'm not a roll person, but I had to get the only box style roll on the menu. And this was not bad at all, I liked it a lot... Could it have been the TORO?

Omakase. So, I wanted to sample the omakase and they said to come in on a Tuesday or Thursday for the full selection of fishes. Tried the $75 and this was the first plate. The color is beautiful and the selection was pretty nice. The slices of the whiter fish were pretty thin so they tore apart when you tried to pick it up. But the otoro was really nice, buttery and melted in your mouth... May I have some more, pweez...

Second plate of the omakase... Otoro was the first one and damn that was nice once again. Then you have a couple different salmons, Scottish and fatty. Then madai and hamachi. All these were high quality but I really didn't need 2 salmons. I wanted something more special with an omakase. No soy sauce needed for this part of the omakase, it's already sauced.

And the final plate... Wagyu, flounder, shima-aji. The wagyu was pretty amazing. It was a pretty thin slice but damn that truffle flavor on top was sick. The flounder was nice but the shima-aji was really nice. Once again, no soy sauce needed.

This entry level omakase seemed a little light on the portion and selection but the quality was top notch. For $75, you're paying for the quality not the quantity...But I like mass quantities of dericious raw fish. I know I know, I shoulda just got the $125 omakase and really judge it based on that. I will be back soon and doing the omakase only... But it is so hard to resist all the other goodies on the menu! This place ain't cheap but it also isn't the way-over-the-top MF from the old days either. This reincarnation is not that overpriced and pretentious joint anymore. The service is mixed but what do you expect from servers that look like models on a cat walk? They are focusing all their attention on walking! Give them some slack... I'll give them something, alright. Squirt.

MF is back motherfuckers and they can finger my facehole with their quality fishes anytime.
 
299 North Highland Avenue
Atlanta, GA 30307
(678) 575-7890
http://mfsushiusa.com/portfolio/mf-ushi-atlanta/ 

Buckhead Diner

I have not been back here in over 10 years, maybe more than that... This place never left me with an impression, just kinda a neutral meh feeling. Everything seemed so fake or forced. A true diner is welcoming and cozy. A diner doesn't have valet, $100k cars parked out front, a priority seating reservation, nor overpriced mediocre food. A diner is for the working people... Good home cooked food on the cheap or deep fried shit when you're pissed drunk at 2AM with a black eye and a missing shoe. I have lost my dignity many a nights sitting solo at a diner in the middle of the night and those were some of my best moments. So, when did this diner concept become a tourist destination with a pricey attitude? The answer is since the very beginning. Time to make a revisit after a decade or so and see if I'll make it back again in another ten years.
The whole priority seating reservation is a fucking scam. They will still make you wait for at least 15 minutes even though there's tons of open tables ready to accommodate the hordes of giddy fat asses like me drooling over the milkshakes. What is this... A night club? To make themselves look trendy and more busy than it is on the inside? Basically... But just with overweight tourists with bad fashion instead. I think it's more like a time out box for all the tubbers because they don't want a buffet scenario where shit is knocked over and small children crushed from the rush to the fried chicken steam tray.
The hostess had the personality of a zombie, moping around like her shift will never end. I guess I would too if I had to lead those waiting cows to pasture around the place. The pretty hot server was much better, a nice balance of perky and ditzy in the right places. Yes, she was blonde but I don't know if the carpet matches the drapes. Just take my order and feed me, I'm too exhausted to make small talk with you...

Roasted Red Ace Beet Salad. If the beets are the stars of this show, why are they hidden under a fucking Cha-Cha-Chia herb garden? Maybe mixing it all up is the trick. That's better. It's an ok tasting salad. It's well dressed but could use a tad more seasoning. This salad has been around for ages and found on every menu, nothing that exciting but the chicks dig it.

Sweet Heat Thai Chili Calamari. I totally forgot about this infamous tourist dish. If I'm gonna be one of those oinkers, I might as well eat from the trough. This is so overly sweet with that HFCS drizzled over everything. The crust was crispy but all you can really taste is the sweet spooge and chewing like a camel with no distinction of calamari essence within each bite. Every table had an order and it was a huge hit with my fellow fatties.

Chervil Scented Jumbo Lump Crab Cake. Those giant chips are pretty good. Really crispy but no hint of vinegar (vinegar powder) as promised. The cake itself was decent size and had a good amount of crab but the filler was gummy from sitting around waiting for an order. The grainy mustard sauce was salty and did nothing for the crab cake except drown out the trace of crabiness if you decide to swipe each bite with it. It's not horrible but I wouldn't get it again.

Southern Pan Fried Organic Springer Mountain Chicken. Let's get this out of the way first, the slaw sucked big time. Totally bland and tasteless. The mac n cheese was gooey but was lacking in the flavor category. The curly mac was cooked spot on and the cheese coated the pasta well enough but the cheesiness of it was disappointing. The chicken batter/crust looked very decent, a nice golden brown color looked promising. Crisp/crunch factor was very good. The thickness was acceptable, any thicker woulda made me sad. The seasoning needed to be heavier since the coating was thicker. The buttermilk brined chicken was tender and juicy but on the smaller side as suspected due to the thicker crust. The pieces were almost indistinguishable...Couldn't tell which was which. I picked up the one that looked like a leg and it turned out to be a breast. The thigh looking thing was a leg... And so forth and so on. It's like mystery meat musical chairs. It's a pretty decent chicken but definitely not a cheekan destination.

The silly bread service... Reheated hard mini roll and corn bread muffins. The rock hard butter didn't help either.

Chocolate Egg Cream Soda and Chocolate Hazelnut Caramel Milkshake. Lookie here, if y'all ain't even gonna try to get a egg cream right don't do it at all. This egg cream was so watery and had almost zero flavor or effervescent. I guarantee you they ain't using  Fox's U-Bet choco syrup in there. It was flat all around but the milkshake was better... Not by much though.

This joint is like a way overpriced Applebee's. I really couldn't tell y'all if the food was much better for the high price tag. I know the chubby tourists who flock here would like to think so but their palate ain't that sophisticated to begin with to tell the difference. This place does serve a purpose and that is to keep sweaty tourist beasts away from the good stuff around town. This fat fuck won't be coming back here in another decade... But you know who will. Oink oink.


3073 Piedmont Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30305
404-262-3336
https://www.buckheadrestaurants.com/buckhead-diner/

Sucker Pouched

Sometimes the pouch have faith in humanity when they make recommendations to try something at their favorite local dump... And sometimes it gets sucker punched right in the fucking pouch. Let's go see what the pouch can regurgitate after a shot in the gut and a swift kick to the nads...

MoonShadow Tavern.

Wings, Intolerable (hottest) and Lemon Pepper. So, someone told me that this townie dump has some of the best wings. That sounds like a challenge because sometimes the biggest dumps could have incredible wings... Or you can have the biggest wings and incredible dumps afterwards. Too bad this place wasn't one of them. First of all, the wings were room temperature... WTF. Their "hottest" was like the hottest mild, it was pathetic and intolerable to even see this on the menu because it's false advertising. The lemon pepper was mostly a grease pool used to glue the spice mix sprinkled on top. I think the lemon pepper were spicier than the "intolerable". The wing size were about medium minus, they were barely crispy and dry inside. I don't know if this batch of wings were just sitting around and they reheated it in the oven and sent it out just to get rid of it because no one here would really notice or care.. But these wings were a real shit show.

Chicken Tenders, tots. The tots were really crispy and good, so, I'm still baffled how the wings were soggy knowing that the fryer was working for these tots. The tenders were crispy as well, light crunchy batter and relatively moist flesh inside. The honey mustard jizz was a joke, looked kinda like the horse semen that stable workers jacked it off into a jug. The tenders were a decent tasting snack, avoid the sauces at all cost. Just ask for some hot sauce instead.

Philly Cheesesteak. It looked like total diarrhea on a plate with two pickle slices on the side... They must be for your eyes like coins for the ferryman. Why is it open faced? Don't you know you're supposed to wrap it so nothing falls out? I hope they don't put a Mission style burrito on the menu, you would prolly have to wrap it yourself. So, I spread out the innards evenly across the hoagie roll (don't expect Amoroso) and squeezed it together and took a bite. You know what... It wasn't half bad. I was ready to destroy this but the hand sliced ribeye, onions and shrooms were quite tasty... Maybe I was just drunk. Is it a "Philthy" cheesesteak? Fuck no, it's a Tucker roadkill meatwich.  

Side salad instead of fries from the cheesesteak. I gotta have something healthy after inhaling all the grease and smoke in this joint. The balsamic vinaigrette was better than that horse jizz but not by much. Standard whitie salad in the obligatory crappy scraps of wood bowl. Cuz, I'm so fancy.


Varuni Napoli.

Mamma. Even though this was a sauceless pie... The ingredients and crust were top notch. Great char and crisp to the outside but soft and chewy on the inside. Still has that great pull to it. Me rikey rong time.

Margherita. The classic pie is still worthy. I ate the entire thing in one sitting... Not that these are giant pies but two at one time is just about right for the pouch for a late night snack. Well, I was really drunk as well... I think I was making out with Luca. Then he ran away on his Vespa.


Midway.

Hot Wings. Haven't been back here in some time... It's an ok local bar with a decent beer and booze selection and the menu is just ok... But, these wings were actually quite good. Plump medium size wings with a nice coating of their really weak hot sauce. Skin was crispy and the meat was moist and flavorful inside. No monumental complaints here except that this was like so many other places in this town claiming to have hot wings. Someone please get me some real hot wings for crying out loud.

I got sucker pouched on those townie wings but hopefully this week will be filled with wonderful and dericious surprises that awaits the pouch... Or maybe not. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it will be not... 

Bento Hut

This Pan-Asian joint baffles me... It's called Bento Hut but it doesn't have bento boxes. The closest thing they have is called "bento classics" served on compartmentalized trays and the four options consist of all fried items. I saw some pictures of them and bento boxes they are not. No sushi options either which was weird but you could add sushi on the side for additional cost. I think I'll skip that nonsense and just sample a few other things... The place has a weird vibe, like it's stuck in the Twilight Zone. C'mon, it's Pan-Asian, what should I really expect here... Once again the pouch ventures where no one in their right pouch would. The things I do for my one fan, possibly two if they didn't move out of the state already from the bad food found all over. Let's see if the pouch will be surprised by the grub or despised by the owner... Only if I can get through the pile of chairs and garbage blocking the stairs to the door.

Coconut Lemongrass Wings. When I saw this flavor on the menu I was like c'mon, stop pulling on my flappy pannus... That tickles. But I am either a glutton for punishment or just a total retard to even attempt this flavor. Fuck it, I'm going full retard... Dammit, these wings SUCKS ASS. The coconut lemongrass is just a fucking blurry grease stain. The slightest hint of coconut could be found if you really focus and trick your mind into believing it and the lemongrass was non-existent like the customers. The wings were crispy in a Chino hole in the wall take out joint way but nothing to revisit ever again in my measly life. What's with the orange slice and shredded carrots. Doesn't the orange come at the end of the meal with a fortune cookie?

Yakisoba. I was on the fence with this and the chap chae. I had a bad feeling about it but I wanted to see how their noodle dishes were. The beef miso ramen sounded tempting as well but y'all know that woulda been picked apart by the pouch... So, yakisoba it was to keep with the Japanese theme. Too bad nothing here was Japanese. This yakisoba was so wet and sweet with that cloying brown sauce. The dark meat chicken chunks were tough and chewy like they were sitting under a heat lamp waiting for an order. The noodles were thin but overcooked and too soft. And where's the friggin sizzler plate? The whole deal with yakisoba is that it's fried noodles sizzling away. You need that sizzler plate to caramelize the noods and crisp up the bottom for that texture. Too bad the brown sauce doused this entire specimen. But they did include a beautiful slice of orange and more shredded carrot... Cuz they fancy.

The carrot ginger salad wasn't bad until you got to the bottom, it was like they were fracking for liquid natural gas with all the water in there. The miso soup was instant and watery as fuck like they're trying to stretch out it's shelf life like at a soup kitchen.

Bronze Level Sushi, nigiri. Didn't look too bad until... You take that first bite and the fish is warm and the rice is not. Fuck me, I better not get hives eating this slop... Stopping by CVS for Benadryl right after just in case. As you can see the variety isn't extensive or exciting... It's your usual suspects. None of the nigiri tasted off, so that's a plus for my health. The fish may look different but if you closed your eyes, no one would be able to tell me which is which when you eat it. The sushi rice needed more vinegar. The tuna roll looked like it was formed in a toilet paper cardboard roll because it fell apart way too easily. The wasabi had the same effect as smashed green peas, flavorless and the ginger is gaijin style, useless.

Spider Roll. If I see this on the menu, it's gonna be on the table. Gotta admit after a pretty dismal display of vittles so far have left me very exhausted. But this spider roll wasn't half bad. It's a bit small on the portion size but the crunch factor and taste was there. Not saying this was the best spider roll I have had but when compared to middling food on this one sitting, a decently executed dish seems almost out of this world. I said, "almost".

The menu is just way too long and encompasses way too many faux Asian cuisines. It looks like a place that should cater towards college students. Seems like they get most of their business from take out orders but I also noticed they have an Indian buffet on Sundays or some crazy shit like that. It doesn't surprise me because this joint looks what appears to be owned by Indians... This has got to be the first time I have ever seen an Indian family doing Japanese et al food. There was one Asian girl working here and the rest were from exotic destinations like East Point and Lithonia. The staff was friendly and attentive but not exactly who you want to see in a "sushi" joint. If I go to a pizzeria, I don't want to see a family of eskimos making the pizza, it just ain't right. I guess this Pan-Asian spot is filling a niche in this shitty area but the really pedestrian food is far from authentic. And any Asian who thinks the food was authentic should have their FOB card revoked and deported to Siberia.

There's not enough pouch space to warrant another visit, no matter how fresh their naan and "mango lassy" is.

349 Decatur st SE
Atlanta, GA 30312
(404) 614-6199
http://thebentohut.com/

Good Luck Gourmet Revisit

I couldn't wait to come back again and again... At least until the automatic 10% discount ends. But I would come back even without a discount. This is one of the best new Chino noshery intown. The pouch can not be more excited and happy about this place taking over the old Gu's Bistro space. They are killing it with the menu they got here... Even though it's quite lengthy, they are executing all the dishes I have had with skillz. Let's check out more dishes and see if I can find at least one to shit on... Which is a difficult task here even for the pouch because everything I have had so far have been real tasty.

Cold Spicy Beef Tendon. Paper thin slices and just the right amount of red chili oil. It's not that spicy but it's damn tasty and good for you.

Chengdu Style Cold Noodles. Doesn't look too spicy... Dummy, mix that shit up until it glows lava red. I love this dish, it is just plain awesome. You will not be able to stop eating it.

Chengdu Style Wontons in Chicken Soup. Two spicy dishes in row is just not fair, some wontons in cheekan soup would be a nice change. These were damn good. I would be on the fence between this and the red chili oil.

Boiled Fish Fillet. Tons of delicate fish, napa cabbage and bean curd strips. It's more of a spicy broth vs hot oil which is nice. It's very tasty but it could be more spicy. This was a nice version.

Casserole. Peeled prawns, ham quail eggs, vegetable. This casserole doesn't come with canned green beans and fried onions. But it does come with a bunch of goodies including prawns, ham, veggies, quail eggs and vermicelli noodles at the bottom. It is super satisfying, great broth, too.

Braised Eggplant. Look at the color of this tasty ass dish.. The eggplant was just right, not too soft and not too hard. It melted in your mouth and that garlicky braising sauce coated each piece which makes it pretty addictive. Nice veggie dish but some pork in there would be even better.

Stir Fry Rice Noodles with Beef. I thought this was gonna be more like Cantonese style beef chowfun but it's almost totally different and tasty. The thinner rice noodles weren't darkened by the generous use of dark soy so it doesn't have that seasoned noodle taste like in a chowfun. The beef on the other hand was thinly sliced, seasoned well and tasted just like you find in the chowfun. It's good dish but it ain't no beef chowfun.

Beef Noodle, clear broth. For $8.50, this is one of the best tasting value dishes on the menu. A ton of noodles and a nice portion of sliced beef that is melt in your piehole good. The broth has great depth and flavor as well. A total comfort food.

Spicy Belly Slices Dry Pot. This is my kinda crap in a bowl. Slices of pork belly, lotus root, turnips, carrots, onions, chili peppers, Szechuan peppercorns... It is an addictive dish that you can't keep your chopsticks out of. It's not as spicy as you think, I coulda used more heat. But all the different textures and flavors were spot on.

And we can't leave without having the specialty of the house...

Xi'an Style Steamed Mutton, flat bread soaked in lamb soup. Their famous specialty dish. This is the Chino version of matzo ball soup. The "flat bread" is dense, it must be or else it would just break apart like wonder bread. It has the toothiness of a matzo ball. The broth is flavorful and has that mutton finish. The mutton was tender and not as gamey as some would think. Don't forget about the vermicelli noods on the bottom. I like this dish a lot. It's another great comfort food.

I am such a fat fuck... Can y'all believe all these dishes were had in one visit? And I will prolly be back this weekend to try some more dishes.... Go git y'all some.

I wonder if the Gu family has been back here to see what's been going on... Those dummies made the worse decision of their lives to start a crappy dumpling stall in hipster central. This entire spread costs just as much as 6 dumps, cold noods and the deep fried eggplant at Gu's... Suckaz.

5750 Buford Hwy NE
Doraville, GA 30340
770-451-8118
http://goodluckgourmet.com/

Twisted Soul

There is something seriously rotten in the state of Georgia when a Mexican't joint can't stay in business in the metro Atlanta, ... Mar, Mar Coastal, MarBar, whatever it was called, was the specimen that failed in this location previously. It was not good... Even on their revamped re-opening. At least they had the decency to shut it down before incurring even more losses and embarrassment.
So, what do you do with an empty space that even the most popular fake Latin cuisine that is loved by millions in this town can't fill the seats... You open a southern soul food resto with a twist! I have been meaning to make my way over here for some time now but every time I make the turn on Howard St., the damn cocktails and oysters at Kimball always pulls me in. I always say, "I'll get one cocktail and 6 oysters then go across the street for my main meal." ...I never made it, 13 times.
So, I put on the blinders and headed straight for this spot on a friday night... This should be a good gauge if this place will be in biz for the long run. It was kinda dead while Kimball was slamming. I'm already having second thoughts... Damn it, just go inside and get a drink at the bar and remember they have fried chicken. Done and done. The interior hasn't changed much from the previous concept, hopefully they put the money into the kitchen. Let's hope the pouch doesn't regret it...

Amuse-bouche. Nice little watermelon, mint, cherry tomato, cheese tasting. It was decent.

Deep Fried Duck, sweet potato waffles, honey picante glaze. So, after a few shots of flavored moonshine offered by the very nice and attentive bartender... I was on the fence between this fried duck and shrimp and crab fritter thinger. It's hard for me to say no to fried duck but every time I get suckered into it, I get fucked with rubbery soggy pieces of old duck. I'm always thinking about Chinese roast duck which is fucking amazing... Crispy, tender, fat rendered perfectly and melted into the flesh, sick flavors and just goddamn dericious. Too bad this is what came out... Hacked up pieces of duck parts thrown on top of a waffle. You seriously can not be serious you charge for this? The super cool bartender didn't know how it was prepared and after speaking with the kitchen the explanation wasn't much clearer. The skin was browned nicely from the initial frying but when it's been sitting out forever, it doesn't take a genius to do a flash fry to order because you know that skin will be soggy as shit. There weren't much flesh, just mostly skin and fat. I just don't know how duck and waffles in this format can even remotely work... Maybe it's their twisted version of chicken and waffles. The only thing twisted was my pouch in knots from this plate of confusion. Look at it, it's like a hyena regurgitated what it ate an hour ago on a plate.

Southern Marinated Fried Chicken, three cheese orecchiette, collard green roll, sweet potato apple chutney. I was actually pleasantly surprised when this came out... A real nice plump portion of fried cheekan. The thin crust was also a nice surprise. I don't care for ultra thick crust on fried chicken because it seems like they're trying to hide something or give the illusion it's bigger than it is. Thin crispy crust is my preference. The crackling skin was real nice. The thigh meat was juicy and tender inside. This was a very respectable fried chicken. The flavor and seasoning was there but it could go a bit heavier for maximum effect. The wing section was tasty as well but the giant breast piece was a bit dry like all white meat. Not that it was bad, it was just a little bit tough and stringy. I thought the chicken was marinated in a standard salt brine but they said it wasn't... It was marinated in their secret sauce, whatever, tasted like a salt brine to me. Overall, it's a good fried chicken. The collard roll was cute, rolled up like an eggroll filled with nothing except itself. It's weird at first chewing on a hunk of rolled collard but it wasn't that bad. The chutney on the other hand was pretty boring. The mac and cheese hidden under the hunks of protein was decent, a bit dry but still acceptable. The strange orange liquid surrounding the plate was some tasteless chili oil or something.. Just bizarre.

Chef's Chicken Salad Sandwich, radicchio, tomato, sprouts, house fries.The thin sliced fried taters were pretty good, it had a nice seasoning to it. The scoop of minced chicken salad nestled inside a giant radicchio leaf was kinda kooky. Am I suppose to tuck it in and read it a bedtime story before I eat it? The chicken salad was nothing to write home about. I kinda prefer Publix chicken salad over this. The two pieces of toasted white bread seemed a little out of balance since they're twisting this sando out. Cheap sliced white bread isn't a twist, it's low rent... Unless, it's with hot chicken. The funny thing is the bottom piece of toast was almost burnt, out of sight out of mind until you eat it. The ketchup on the spoon gimmick is so dated. I wouldn't be surprised if some mook put the spoon in his mouth thinking it was some twisted amuse-bouche tasting. This version of a classic chicken salad sando was literally twisted... It's so odd. This lackluster sando was a bit too wacky for me.

Bananas Foster Banana Pudding. Biscoff cookies soaked in rum-ish liquid. This was not a pudding and the bananas were too green and toothy. Not a fan, I don't think many would be... It's ugly and doesn't taste good. Maybe that's the twist.

The menu is not really a play or twist on southern/soul food... It's more like a mish mash of things the owners like to eat personally and putting dishes that people might like on the menu hoping it will sell. It's actually a really boring menu, nothing on here really stands out. Burger, scallops, filet mignon, grouper, etc. are so generic and ubiquitous that can be found on any menu around town. I don't know who their target audience is but it seems like they are trying too hard to please every taste with no real focus on southern cuisine. The sloppy, undefined and unrefined menu ain't making me rush back here. They could have a good idea here but they need to focus on what they really want to serve. They're nice people and the service is good but I hope they can refocus and create something different that this part of town has become to be known for... Or else they will share the same fate as the previous concept(s). Y'all can leave the fried chicken alone because that was tasty and untwisted... But not good enough to keep me away from the cocktails and oysters across the street. Oh, snap.

314 E Howard Ave
Decatur, GA 30030
404-373-2725
http://www.twistedsoulkitchenandbar.com/
 

Bangkok Pouch

"You obviously have never been to Thailand to see the authenecity of this place compared to all Thai places in Atlanta."  ...Another satisfied reader. WAIT, I have another reader?! Yippy hooray!
I'm sorry I didn't see Bangkok Station's authenecity reflected in the food I had, that's prolly because I didn't have my glasses on. Fuzzy food... My bad.

So, some speculate that the pouch has no fucking idea what it's talking about when it comes to food... I say they're "dead on balls accurate" like my cousin Vin says all the time. Most of the time when I'm writing these nonsense reviews on this full retard blog I'm usually about a liter in on cheap whiskey that my buddy Early Cuyler has made in the back woods of Northern Georgia. He showed me his contamination process once... It involved pine cones going in one end and party liquors coming out the other. Sounds like most of the slop that I have encountered in this town... But it doesn't come out of my system as clear as that moonshine. He is like the Willy Wonka of the Appalachian Mountains.

So, there's no mystery to what I think about Thai food here in this town... 96.5% of it sucks a big donkey dick. It is awful, it's as fake as fortune cookies. There's one or two places that does translate well without Americanizing the shit outta it with ultra sweet sauces. But you're gonna pay a premium for it and that is just so unfair because the great food in Thailand is cheap as fuck... The fucks are cheap, too. Just do a groin check first, if there's a tuckie, then no fuckie... Just a BJ.

Early loves his trucker hats, especially his Booty Hunter one... So, he made me one that says Foody Hunter to replace the helmet I usually wear daily. Since, I obviously have never been to Thailand, maybe it's time to take a quick trip and see what kinda slop this fat fuck can trap inside it's pouch... Be careful not to go through the turnstile sideways or else you going to Bangkok. Too late...

Y'all remember that fwied cheekan that I claimed to be best in the entire universe? Well, here it is... Fucking glorious. Ultra thin and crispy crust that basically fused with the skin as one. The seasoning was incredibly savory. Every bite was like heaven. Super moist and juicy inside. I sat on the curb eating like a fucking hobo with a plastic bag full of chicken... The best damn fried chicken I have ever had and never will again unless I find this old lady and her street cart. Four pieces for 28 bahts (One whole fucking dollar).

I don't know what kinda fat/oil/lard she's using to fry that yardbird up but it's unreal... It could be human and dog fat for all I care. I will eat that shit up with pleasure.

Y'all see that empty tray of fried chicken? Yeah, that was me... I went back 10 minzies later and emptied her out. I still dream about that cheekan to this day.

This is motherfucking Thai hot...Unlike the bullshit Thai hot made with Sriracha and Sambel Oelek you find all around in this town.

More street cart goodies and mystery creastures on a stick.

Gotta git me some of that duck.

Unlimited goodies in carts.

Fish balls and hot dogs...Yeah, c'mon.

This is one of my favorites... This old dude sets up shop literally on the sidewalk and starts cooking up meats on a stick and seafood from a plastic bag with no cooler or ice. I ate like 6 skewers of that shit. Damn good. Under $1.25 for 6 sticks. That motherfucker also had oysters in a shoebox, 2 dozen, pweez...

You know I had to have that giant grilled squid... Is it bad that I had a thought that I wanted to wear it as a condom while banging a hooker? Prolly not a good idea since my dick is too small, maybe a snail shell would fit better...

 I just started eating everything in sight.. This was like some curry meat offal thinger.

Oh, look... Real Pad Thai from a street cart... Damn good. Simple and fucking delish. Why the fuck can't they make it here?

Two types of cheekan.. Fried and steamed. Chickenhead heaven.

Roast duck. I kept eating and eating nonstop since it is cheap as fuck.

At least these fishies were on ice...

They got some sick ass gelato over there.

Thai hot sauces super cheap... But American hot sauces that pale in comparison was a total rip off.

Shitty hot sauce found in the U.S. is marked the fuck up... This made me laugh.

This made me laugh even harder... 119 bahts! Tabasco was well over 300 bahts...  

Purdy... whatever it is. 

Look at this shit.. You can eat this claymation shit?

I would eat this if it came with mushrooms and two bumps.

Thai tacos... I was drunk and walking around so I ate one of these, sweet and savory, no fucking clue what I just ate.

Taco Bell, eat your heart out... Wait it could be heart. Yes, motherfuckers, jackpot! No clue what I ate again...

Organ meats in a bag with hot sauce... Fuck me, yes, pweez. Everything is served in a fucking bag... Get a soda and they pour it into a bag and stick a straw in it and tie the bag up like you're buying a fucking goldfish.

Cauldron of curry baby meat...aka "Baby Gravy". I'll have a quart. Squirt.

Look at this bullshit... I didn't eat this shit, neither did the natives.

Poor girl, hope she gets a John soon... The rice cracker is like an after sex mint.

When you're drunk, you need congee.

Fucking sushi sitting out, I had to have at least a dozen. Or was it sushi... Hmmm.

What's this? Mr. Benjamin looks lonely.
Sorry daddy.
Sorry? Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

A little pork before I pork some hookers...

This is the alley where you go to whet your appetite and then your dick wet... Now, where did I put that whole grilled squid...

Eyetalian Thai... FUSION! The best rice noodles and ketchup in town, shut the fuck up and eat it... It's better than Osteria Francescana in Modena.

Townies.

Street food galore... I want more.

Give me a kiss and some tongue..

Just like a balut... Eat it all.

Speak up fried chicken lips, I can't hear you... "Help me!" ...Ok, I'll put you out of your misery in the pouch. Just go to sleep, it's like a sleeping bag.


It's so obvious that I have never been to Thailand... This dream of Bangkok street eats were so filling and felt so real... I'm imaginarily stuffed. Stay tuned for the dericious fictitious eats of Macau next... The famous fried pork chop bun that I obviously never had.