Czar Ice Bar

Some people are so fucking stupid in this town. They believe everything they read. I usually challenge anything that doesn't seem to add up and there's a lot of fuzzy math up in this piece. I've been here for drinks only and never had the "sushi"... Mostly because it was such an oddity in a vodka bar, it's like putting in a taco stand by Sanchz Sanchez in the corner of Joël Robuchon.

Another reason I stayed away from the "sushi" was their relentless PR promoting this sweet little old man as some Master Sushi Chef in the entire free world. Who is this mysterious master of fish hiding in the corner? Does anybody know who this self acclaimed Master Sushi Chef Saito Saito is? Because I am totally fucking baffled right now. What are his credentials? What world renowned restaurants did he put on the map? Who did he apprentice under and where are the apprentices that worked under him? No one seems to know, it's like a goddamn Jason Bourne dossier... Not even Google knows! Red flags all over da place. This town drove out Soto but somehow have embraced this man of mystery as the only Master Sushi Chef in all of GA? WTF! Enough of my bitching, let's take a closer look at this place because I have to see what all the fuss is about on this Ojii-san.

"Ice Bar" is a word I associate with the likes of Affliction, Tap Out, Ed Hardly, Von Douche, True Relesion and Sasson. It's a fad, a trend, a gimmick... It gets real tiresome after every cougar and milf has had their fill. Every time, I see that stupid horseshoe on the back pocket of some fat heffer who thinks she's hot, I just want to kick it so hard with my steel toe Palladium boots. The infused vodka cocktails are catered towards these types of women as expected because no man can drink something that sweet, not even their boy toy MMA fighters in training behind them. I have ordered a few bourbon/whiskey drinks before but they were pretty shitty, so I stuck with the less syrupy vodka drinks.

Look at those lovely vag-cocktails. Oh, the bar is one giant slab of ice. Whoop-dee-doo... Who gives a shit but it did make my nips hard, though. The bar is so annoying because you can't put anything down on it except them drankz.

The menu is a horror film, one roll after another. The chef's specials is filled with cream cheese, mango sauce, sweet chili sauce, sweet and sour sauce, et al... All the tell-tale signs of a true sushi genius. Except for one thing... The sushi were not coming from the sushi bar, they were coming from the back room. That corner sooshee shack was there for show! What a crock of shit! I thought he was doing a Houdini trick or something... One minute he's there and the next he pops out from the back door with a plate of sushi. Now, I had no choice but to order something from the broom closet to see what exactly is going on. The only problem was... What to order? There were no omakase, no sushi and sashimi combo (only a la carte)... But they did have a "Mixed Fish Fest (Sampler)– Tuna, Salmon, Shrimp, plus 2 other fresh fish" on the Chef's Specials menu. That sounded like a nice little sashimi sampler to get a feeler for this Master Sushi Chef's skills and product selection... That is until the bartender (who was very lovely, friendly and had a nice rack of lamb) told me that it was "cooked" and not raw. What? What did you just say? Cooked sushi? Fuck me, this gets better with every sack shrinking freezing minute in here. So, she directs me to her favorite dish on the entire menu... A ceviche. She said it's raw fish on a light citrus/vinegary sauce thinger that "I will want to suck it up with a straw because it's that good". Yeah, that's what I said... And then she hands me a straw. I took the bait like a schmuck...

 

Mixed Fish Ceviche. I shit you not, it looked like Rainbow Brite just took a dump on this plate. What is all that shit on top? It looked like the fish were growing pubes... Someone needs to fishscape me thinks. The pieces of fish were stack on top of one another... For a reason. Because they were hacked up like chum. There were holes in them, all different size and shapes, just mush them together and sprinkle this shit on top to cover it... Throw them off by strategically placing raw red bell peppers around the plate, then finish it off with sweetend rice wine vinegar. They won't know what hit them. Look at this thing... It's like a Mexican Fiesta in Alaska.    

Since, I was slummin' it anyways... I ordered the worst roll ever invented, the California Roll. Just for shits and giggles because it couldn't get any worse. Although, it looked like it was put together by Helen Keller... Surprisingly, it was quite edible. But what is that green thing on top? There is no fucking parsley in sushi! What is that hiding on the other side? Oh joy, more friggin' red bell pepper... What is this? The San Gennaro festival? ...Well, there's enough sausage in here. Pass the hero roll, brah.

What can you really say for a place like this? It's out of place for an area that is swamped with bad keg beer, Polo shirts, brown braided belts, boat shoes, triple pleated khakis shorts and the omnipresent backwards college cap... The only thing it's missing is the Bocce ball court. The place is a gimmick and everything inside it from the infused vodkas to the Play-Doh menu. After one look and taste of the sushi, the only Master here will be you on the throne... Splash, squirt, flush. I do feel bad for that little old man being forced to work past midnight... It's past his bedtime! I hope he has his Depends on...

Fair Rating.

56 E Andrews Dr
Atlanta, GA 30305

(404) 869-1132

http://www.czaricebar.com