The Po'Boy Shop

This new po'boy shop quietly opened next to Ms. Icey's in the Community Q BBQ strip mall... But it's making a big draw with the crowds. Supposedly, they have served over 400 po'boys in 3 days and many other items on the menu. Obviously, the big seller is the po'boys since they are proudly serving the famous Leidenheimer bread which makes the po'boy a po'boy... Kinda like how an Amoroso roll makes a cheesesteak a philty. The last time I had a po'boy with Leidenheimer bread was at On the Bayou on South Cobb Drive many many moons ago... It was pretty good but they shuttered eventually like everything else in Cobb county. There hasn't been a decent po'boy since... Not that you can't find a po'boy around this one horse town but if it's not on a Leidenheimer bread, it's tough to call it a po'boy.
Since, this new joint is using the genuine bread, it's time for the Pouch to take a sneak peek and see what the fuss is about... Walked in and it's counter service which is pretty much standard for this type street grub. I liked the open kitchen so you can see them hock a loogie in your food if they're having a bad day. It's clean and it looks like they are doing a good job at keeping it clean with this type of messy menu. For being open for just a few days, they are pretty efficient but are they consistent? Let's go find out... I'm kinda excited and skeptical about the Leidenheimer bread, there is just so much bait and switch going on these days and most people will never even notice.

Half & Half, oyster and shrimp, spicy remoulade, Leidenheimer bread. They have a small which is 6 inch for $10 and the regular is 10 inch for $14... Which was kinda pricey for an unproven po'boy. I went for the full priced 10 inch to see what they were packing... As did many other broads behind me, they must be hungry for the 10 inch po'boy. It came out wrapped in paper and the size looked decent... Once it was unwrapped, I poked at the bread. It had a thin crispy crust and a soft spongy inside. The bread seemed legit... And the crispy golden brown sea snots and skrimps peeking out did so as well. It's a good start so far... Let's open up this specimen and check out the seahorse power underneath the hood...

What the fuck... How chintzy can you be for $14? What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this? They should rename this joint "The Po Shop Boys" instead. This snatch patch had 3 small oysters and 4 shrimp in single file. C'mon, for $14 you gotta be a little more generous with the all important filler. I don't know who cut the veg but it looked like they cut the iceberg lettuce and tomatoes together at the same time like at Ann's Snack Bar. I kinda prefer the lettuce to be a bit more shredded and the tomatoes in half moon shape.. But that is neither here nor there, it's just all aesthetics, right... C'mon, Pouch, it's not nice to criticize them about proper knife skills in a commercial kitchen. Closed the hood and took a bite... It's not bad at all but I must admit that the bread had a lot to do with that. The oyster and shrimp had a nice crispy batter and seasoned nicely... But I wanted a couple more oysters and shrimp, I wanted this po'boy to be plump like me. The pickles were fine and the spicy remoulade was pretty tasty. It was a respectable po'boy, great bread but just fill'er up with just a bit more crispy sea nuggets and I would be ok with paying y'all top dollar. Would I get it again? No, not at this point. But I would if they would just clean it up a bit more. This is not a subliminal message... I want more shit inside that fucker, yo.

Combo of Oyster, Shrimp and Grouper.  Red beans & rice, slaw, hush puppies and remoulade. When I opened the lid... At first glance, it didn't look like $16 worth of food. That styrofoam box looked kinda light with a few scraps of fried sea specimens. 3 oysters, 3 shrimp, 2 grouper and 2 hush puppies. Let's take a closer look...

Now, lookie here... Up close and personal. The batter is pretty good, light, thin and crispy. The hush puppies looked a bit sad... It's just useless filler anyways, so, we'll eat that last. The oyster and shrimp is the same as the po'boy. The grouper was nicely fried with the thin crispy crust and the inside was moist and flaky. It was pretty good. I would be happier if they round up the oyster and shrimp count  to 4 pieces each but the 2 pieces of grouper was acceptable.

Their red beans & rice was a pleasant surprise... It was robust and hefty, not like the box shit you get at the market with tiny beans you make at home. I almost wanted to do an "American Pie" with this glory hole of beans. It was almost spot on except that it needed to be seasoned more, it was kinda bland... Not that a little hot sauce can't fix. I saw the gumbo as well and it also looked pretty good, next time.

Let's get back to those saggy ass old man grandpa balls... I was hesitant to put their saggy balls in my mouth but I had to for my one reader. I cut a Nawlin's testicle open and it totally surprised me... It wasn't all dried out and grainy like at so many other places. It was moist, seasoned nicely with jalapeno bits and a golden brown crust. I couldn't believe it, this was a very respectable attempt at the lowly hush puppy.

Overall, it was a pretty decent display of Nawlin's street grub... Not considering the price as a factor. The po'boy needs to be cleaned up a bit but when they do, it will be fantastic. The fry platter was tasty as well but the portion needs to be for an adult, not a tween. The slaw and red beans & rice were acceptable as well but the hush puppy really surprised me the most on this initial visit.
The staff was quick and friendly but one of the owners/manager was just drenched in sweat... I mean like he just got a bucket of Gatorade dumped on him after a Saints win against the Falcons. I understand the stress and volume during a rush can make you sweat but if Gordon Ramsay saw this sweaty pig out in the dining room serving guests, he would send this donkey home to change. Seriously, it's not exactly appetizing to have someone soaked through his clothes serving your food. They say 1 in 4 people have Genghis Khan's DNA but half of the people who has eaten here has Po'Boy Shop DNA... I feel sweaty all of the sudden.
I would not go back for the standard po'boys until it's more consistent and the disgusting Impo'ssible Vegan Burger, why why why would you? But I would go back and try some of the other items on the menu like the Debris I saw at the next table, a gravy laden chopped roast beef that is more of a manwich log than a po'boy. But if it's on the Leidenheimer bread, I'll call it whatever you want me to... Because it did look pretty good in a messy saucy kinda way. The Cajun Meat Pies looked like little empanadas which may be a hit or miss, next time as well. I'm skeptical about the Muffaletta Po'Boy because it's just sacrilegious without the Silician sesame bread. But I like what they're doing in here and Decatur needed something a little different in this area. The local yokels are coming in by the truck loads so they must be giving the plebes what they want and that will keep them in business.

1369 Clairmont Rd.
Decatur, GA 30033
www.thepoboyshopatl.com

Firepit Pizza Tavern

Gentrification is in full effect on this stretch of Memorial Drive... So much generic bland ass construction going up in this once desolate area that reminds me of Detroit. This little black and white strip mall is no exception. Ok, fine, the Grant Park Market is pretty cute and the prices for the items in the market are pretty damn affordable and competitive. Their little built in deli counter is adorable and the menu is pretty decent. There's not much else opened yet except for this joint and Full Commission which is only serving breakfast for now. So, since it was night time... I guess I have no choice except to sneak a peak at the 'Za they're doing here.
First of all, I walked around the entire place looking for the fire pit. Their website is like... "So grab your family and friends because nothing says gather together quite like a fire pit." There is no fire pit. What the fuck, yo? If I named a joint called Cheekan and Beer I would be expected to serve cheekan and beer. This lack of attention to detail is already getting on my nerves not to mention the prices of the 'Za.. But we will get to that in a little bit.
The space is clean and modern but lacks any type of personality. And the bar, it's like something you find in a hotel or an airport... It is gaudy, cheesy and kinda over the top for a 'ZA joint. You can prolly pick up some nightcrawlers at the bar after 9PM... But not on the night I was there, woof. For a weekend night, the joint should be hopping but it was barely half full and the demographics were mid-century plus and depressing as fuck. The entire vibe of the joint was putting me to sleep... Hopefully, the food doesn't either... Let's grab a quick bite because I really want to get the fuck outta here already...

Naked and Unicorn Wings. They didn't look bad when it came out but upon closer inspection, the wings were pretty small and a few wings looked like some rodent took a bite from them before they threw them in the fryer. They were fried nicely, crispy golden skin and decently moist inside, that's how most bros like their chicks. The hot sauce was the weak ass bottled varietal and did very little to spice things up on the nekid wangz but it was edible at least. The unicorn wings... I don't know what makes them so magical because they tasted like they were just seasoned with some sweetened dry rub. They were ok, but I wasn't pooping rainbow soft serve or beaming rainbows out of my eyeballs. They were acceptable but there was nothing craveworthy about them.

Firepit Dip, brussels sprouts. It's amazing they have already bait and switched the price from $10 to $12... $2 may not sound like a lot but percentage wise, oh, it's a big change, so, it better be friggin' out of this world. And then this came out... Was someone using the bread as an elbow rest? Those two halves look like they were used as shoes on Naked and Afraid through the Amazon forest. And from this pic it looked like both halves could fit inside that side dish of brussels with room to spare. This sando is friggin small... S. M. All. I opened up the sando and the meat inside looked like a lump of coal. It wasn't sliced to make it easier to chew or eat... It was just a lump of overcooked, dried out, chewy turd that belonged on the edge of a lawn than inside your facehole. The au jus looked like the leftover coffee at the bottom of the pot after 3 days. You have no choice but to dip that dry ass sando in the jus to get it down your throat like at the July 4th Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest. Someone in the kitchen actually thought this looked appetizing on the plate. The brussels sprouts were a lot better but so would styrofoam peanuts after that sad excuse of a dip sando. To be fair, they don't have a firepit, so this dip couldn't be all that it could be without one. But still... I want my two dollars... Back.

Porchetta, tomato jam, argula. A 12" pie that is missing the red sauce and cut up into square slices for $19. Look at that fat wrinkly crust and that bushel of arugula... Kinda reminds me of a pig with a giant fat bush I hooked up with back in college. I was so boozed up, I couldn't see a thing when I was down in it's cellar, it was all stretch marks and thick curlies that flashed before my eyes, it was a sign my life was coming to an end. This crusty terror wasn't far from it, I hope I don't find any cheese inside the crust... Or else it will trigger another PTSD flashback. I need to step away from this mons pubis pie for a minute to gather myself.

The crust/dough was terrible, dried out, hard and way too crunchy and chewy... Come to think of it, if the crust had cheese in it, it woulda made a big difference. Cutting it into deformed squares made it even worse, they called it "Detroit" style... Did the Doctor cut it up with his metal hand? These square slices made me feel like a little kid eating room temp frozen 'Za back in the 70's. This pie was listed under the red sauce pies but it barely had a hint of red sauce. If they counted the tomato jam as sauce, then they also failed miserably since the pie was barely dotted with it... Shit, there was more sauce on the server's apron than on this pie. The slices of porchetta tasted like they were poached based on the gummy fat layers attached to it. The best part of this pie was the arugula, it was vibrant and fresh... That's because they didn't have to cook it. This porchetta pie sounds great on paper but it's lacking in all areas on execution. They really should give you a heads up on the square slices... They told me I can get it cut like a normal 'Za after the fact. I will never get another 'Za from here again... This specimen is all the proof I need.

This sampling of food was disappointing but not as disappointing as the space. This is supposed to be a "tavern"? It had zero "I want to stay here and drink some more" factor... I was struggling just to eat the food as quickly as possible, so I can get the fuck outta here ASAP and go somewhere else to drink. I mean, I would even go to the Republic, that dump has no atmosphere whatsoever but at least there's strange creastures to look at and make fun of at the deck bar. This place feels cold and empty... Maybe that's because they don't have that firepit to warm up the joint as promised. And if it is supposed to be a pizza tavern why aren't they showcasing the pizza oven? The pizza tasted like it came from an Easy Bake Oven... They should give you Shrinky Dinks on the side as a prize for ordering the pizza. The service and staff was borderline acceptable, nothing wrong with it but not really warm and friendly, either. It felt more like you were intruding on their space and time... If you're here and I'm here, doesn't that make it our time? Why do I feel like Spiccoli when he orders the pizza in class and Mr. Hand confiscate his pie and gives away the slices to his classmates and he's force to watch them enjoy his 'Za... But I actually wanted to give away my pizza to the few customers in here and watch them spit it out. I left more than half of that overpriced small 'Za on table and nobody wanted the rest... Not even the hobos on Memorial. How can a kitchen be so oblivious to what they're putting out and charging real money for it... At this rate, they should just move across the street with the rest of the dead. Bless their heart.

Flush.

519 Memorial Dr SE
Atlanta, GA 30312
http://www.firepitatl.com/

Shoya Izakaya Check Up

It's no secret that Shoya has been on the Pouch's go-to list and rotation ever since they opened years ago. I have been a fan since day one and that has never wavered... It's been a few moons since I showed my fat face, it's about that time on the rotation schedule to make another visit, so, let's see how they're doing these days.
I know they have become very popular in the last couple years with the roundeyes but I was kinda surprised by how crowded it was on a recent visit... The line to get in was longer than the checkout line at Aldi. Yes, I said checkout line, singular... Because Aldi only have one person working the register, always... And of course, I'm always stuck at the end of the fucking Human Centipede line trying to buy 6 goddamn bananas, I felt like I was doing the elephant walk back in college again. The line at Shoya was no different... Y'all should see the specimens coming to eat here these days... Woof. I was having flashbacks from Aldi... Let's face it, some of the people that shop at Aldi ain't exactly photogenic, even in the dark. The Pouch is no exception... I usually feel like Clint Howard in most public domains but I feel like Brad Pitt inside Aldi. And now, it's at Shoya... Did I go on a Cosplay night? Because there were so many slobs and pigs dripping out of their skanky costumes or perhaps it was their normal daily rags, I couldn't tell.
Waited and waited because Masa wasn't there to hook me up, finally got a table in the back like an average nobody, get to eat the rest of my meal staring at a wall like a schnook. Things have certainly changed here... Hopefully, not for the worse. I was excited and quick to put in my standard order of their generous $8 for 8 oz. house "wisky" pour with ice on the side, but the new server girl said I should have the ice in it because they have "never" poured that much wisky... I showed her a picture of the pour last time I was here and she said, you must be mistaken, that's not from here. The picture had the Shoya menu in it... I was about to kick her in the balls but it looked like she was wearing her steel camel toed underpants. I was so pissed they were gonna fuck me on the wisky that I recanted the order... Told her to get me water, instead. And of course, I changed my damn mind the last second and got a Sapporo draft.... I need fucking booze to deal.
Let's take a look at the menu and see what's new on their massive mudflap sized menu... Motherfucker! The first goddamn thing I see is a fucking poke bowl... $16 for tuna or salmon scraps on rice. Holy shit, I wonder how many gaijins ordered this shit... They loved it as much as the California rolls. Fuck it, it can only go up from here... Or will it...

Fuck me... It's over Johnny, it's over. Swipe left quick!

BBQ Eel. Why is it sitting almost on the edge of the plate? And does this ultra glazed eel need more sauce on the side... Jesus, fuck me. What is going on up in this piece? The eel was fine, tasted acceptable but I have been noticing the portions on the dishes have gotten smaller and smaller over time and the price has inched up or stayed the same.

Ankimo. Can I get more green onions, pweez? WTF is going on... The presentation in the past was so awesome, simple and the monkfish liver was visible... Now, it's a treasure hunt and you may get lucky or not. It's all a gamble these days. But luckily, there was a decent amount of ankimo in there. And it was smooth and silky, not as good as before but still tasty. It seems like they are just rushing all these technical dishes these days because of the higher volume they're getting.

Sausage. This was just a pathetic plating... It used to come on a slim rectangular dish. They prolly ran out of them, so they just threw them on any old plate. The sausage still tasted great but you can tell they just really don't care about presentation anymore... Just slap it on there and get it out.

Koebi Karaage. Just like the eel, the baby shrimp portion is half the size it once was. It's still pretty tasty but I'm thinking this may the last time I get these little fuckers.

Soft Shell Crab. This is still spot on... I'm glad at least one thing stayed the same... So far.

Chicken Karaage. Ok, I will eat any cheekan that is fried without complaint and I really don't have anything bad to say on this... Except that they was a bit soggy and didn't have that crunch like they used to... Prolly from not frying them long enough due to the volume tonight. The batter mix may have changed a bit as well.

Monkfish Karaage. This was a special and I had to get it... And they were worth the price of admission. They call monkfish the poor man's lobster... Even though only poor people ate lobster back in the day because rich people didn't eat these nasty ass bottom feeders. These nuggets were thinly battered, crispy enough, moist and flavorful.

Kushikatsu. These were basically fried tonkatsu on a stick... And they were pretty tasty. Shit, you got panko fried pork cutlets on a stick, what's not to like... Just shut up and stick it in your piehole and enjoy.

Chashu Ramen. Before I get to this bowl... I have an amazing short story to tell... This hot little blond cosplay thing at the next table orders a bowl of ramen and she proceeds to only use a spoon to eat it. I guess she doesn't know how to use chopsticks and didn't want to embarrass herself in front of her LARP pals. Watching her struggle to get a noodle into her mouth for 3 minzies was breathtaking, since she seemed like the type of classy broad that have no problem with getting her boyfriend's noodle in her facegash. All you saw was ramen broth splishing and a splashing all over herself. Then all of the sudden she uses chopsticks to pick up a California roll... WTF just happened? Still a mystery to this day. But anyways... This chashu ramen did hit the spot. If you want flavor and filler, always get the ramen, especially, the tonkotsu here... But never at their ramen shop, Yebisuya, next door, it's just awful. How do you open a dedicated ramen joint and it sucks massive ass... Next.

Sashimi Deluxe. I order this every single time I come here and I was hoping it hasn't turned to shit with all these fucking yahoos coming here in droves these days. It has always been pretty spot on with a nice selection of fish... And to my surprise, it was still spot on with the place being so packed on this visit. I mean the quality of people in here was suspect... And usually the quality of food reflects the type of people in the joint. Yes, there were a shitload of pedestrians but look at that platter, it was colorful, vibrant and fresh. They even included the sweet shrimp which I didn't even have to ask... Speaking of skrimps...

Sweet Shrimp Heads. This is the best part of the sashimi deluxe... I fucking love eating brains and heads.

I absolutely hate the fucking crowds they draw in these days... It's full of fat smelly interlopers who order fried rice and California rolls because they read about it on Yelp. But that's the price you pay for being so good for so long. At least I had the pleasure of enjoying their menu for the last few years in a somewhat peaceful setting with the ex-pats. I don't even know where the ex-pats are anymore, I never see them in there nowadays, maybe they found a new secret joint... I wanna know! I don't get as excited coming here anymore because of the pedestrians this strip mall brings in since they opened the Revolting Play-Doh conveyor belt sooshee next door. This strip mall has become such a shit show goat rodeo that I don't come as much as I used to... As for Shoya, the massive menu for the most part is still pretty tasty, but the portions have decreased and the prices have increased. And they are becoming more gentrified with each passing day as evident by the new plebeian items found on the menu like the fucking poke ... My once favorite izakaya will be reduced to a Ru San's inevitably. I will keep going until they put a gyoza hot dog on the menu.

Hattie B's Hot Chicken

There has not been a more over-hyped, over-crazed, over-PR'd opening in this one horse town in recent or past memory... You would think it would be some incredible restaurant/cuisine from NYC or LA with a sick menu, but nooooo, it's just a plain old fwied cheekan shack from Nashville... Not that I don't consider fried chicken one of the greatest foods ever created. When Gus's World Famous Fried Chicken came to downtown Atlanta, there were some hype but nothing on this level... Their second location in Chamblee got zero hype but I think the chicken there is better. I guess like in real life Memphis will always take a back seat to Nashville.
So, what makes Nashville Hot Chicken so desirable that makes tourists from near and far wait hours on line for? The original hot chicken joint, Prince's, was once the prince of the game but over the years the chicken has became worse and worse just like the lines outside their doors. The TV exposure and celeb chefs making appearances does help out these little local mom & pop shacks financially but in the long run makes their products deplorable and shameful. The last time I was at Prince's, I waited an hour and a half for a fucking XXX hot leg quarter and it was total garbage. I looked around the dumpy room at all these schmucks with shit eating grins on their faces as if they were eating gold or their last meal on death row. They have convinced themselves that this is what good food should taste like via the network media and social media in order to garner the almighty AAA effect on Facedouche/Instascam... What's the AAA effect you ask? Well, every mook who posts on FB/Instagram non-stop is always looking for Attention, Acceptance and Approval.
The Pouch says fuck off with all that nonsense. I barely post shit on social media.... Who the fuck got's the time... I mean, look at this stupid ass blog now. The Pouch was once a prolific writer (but still a prolific eater) and now, I am... "Truly a sight to behold. A Pouch beaten (or eaten). The once great chomper, now, a study in moppishness. No longer the victory hungry marsupial that have posted so many times before, but a pathetic, washed up, aged ex-bowel movement." Even my once loyal reader has moved on to better blogs like Goop, since Gwyneth Paltrow is such an authority in the food scene these days.
Let's get back to the original question... What makes the Nashville Hot Chicken so popular and in demand these days? Hasn't this gimmick ran it's course even after KFC introduced their version a couple years ago? Which wasn't as bad as I thought. I have been to the original Hattie B's in Nashville years ago and it bested all the other Nashville hot cheekan joints at that time. Their passion at that time created a really good product at a really good price point. They have since opened many more locations but never one in Atlanta, until now... Let's go see why it's been so popular since their doors opened... I tried to go a bunch of times but I passed on it every time since the line was wrapped around the fake lawn and building... Let's try this again and see what all the fuss is about... I was riding my motorcycle early one Sunday morning and happened to ride by this joint and noticed that the line was not bad at all, looked at the time and it was like 10:30AM, this place doesn't even open til 11AM and people were camped out already. These motherfuckers were sleeping on the tables using the brown burlap paper towels for blankets and pillows. You don't want to wake a sleeping elephant, I was a little skeered... But FUCK IT, just do it Pouch and regain your one reader's loyalty back, that's the only way to be legitimate again. I got on what seemed to be a line in this mini burning man gathering... There's no fucking way any of these mooks live intown, they were all tourists from OTP. But what blew me away was the amount of fat people here, it was surreal and surprising at the same time. Obese people don't move often, especially, early in the morning on a weekend, unless there is food involved or leaning over the side of the bed to pee in the pan. This creasture in front of me had legs the size of beer kegs, no ankles, just kankles... When they finally opened the doors for business exactly at 11AM, bigfoot walked in and blurted out a laundry list for his order. Does this beast really need to eat that much deep fried shit this early in the morning... As I asked my reflection in the glass door because I was gonna order exactly what he just did. Jesus Christ, am I as disgusting as all of these other fat slobs on line? Only one way to find out...

This spread included the large dark of STCU and Southern, a mild jumbo tender, a hot wing, pimento mac and cheese, black eyed pea salad, creamy coleslaw and banana pudding. The sweet tea was not sweet at all. Let's get right to the jumbo tender which was a bit dry and chewy, but it had a nice thin crust which was crispy and crunchy but the mild seasoning was pretty weak, obviously. The sides were pretty average, nothing really stood out. The slaw was slaw, the mac tasted like box mac which is not always a bad thing, the black eyed pea salad was bland but the watery vinegar base could help cut down the heat from the hot cheekan. The banana pudding was pretty good, it tasted like it was housemade and not from a box. But what about the hot wing and the STCU and Southern leg quarters, Pouch? There's just too many words in this post and your one reader is falling asleep... Just get to the good stuff already, fatso..

Large Dark, STCU and Southern. Shit, it's an eclipse! Nah, it's just the shut the cluck up and southern style... I wanted to try both ends of the spectrum, I call it the McCartney Wonder Effect aka the Ebony and Ivory taste test... I kinda prefer the Sinatra Wonder version on SNL but most millennials won't know what the fuck I'm talking about anyways... I am dark and you are light, you are blind as a bat and I have sight, life's an eskimo pie, let's take a bite... Nevermind. This pair of legs looked pretty balanced, kinda like yin and yang... Let's take a closer look.

Look at that thing, it's as black as night with extra habanero chili powder sprinkled on top... I'm getting IBS-D just looking at it. The crust was like armor, there's no way you're gonna eat that thing with your hands. I tried cutting it up but the crust was not cooperating. It was a total mess eating this but was it as spicy as they say it is? Well, no... It wasn't the same STCU I had in Nashville. Seemed like this sample I got was made in advance and kept in a warm box... The crust was kinda dried out and the meat inside was dry as well, it was pretty disappointing. I'm thinking that the STCU needed to be pre-made because it is such a process to develop that thick ass dark crust... But all that hard work didn't pay off in the end product. The STCU heat level was not as hot as I remembered it as well, it was pretty weak for their extreme hot level... I would say it's a 6 or 7 out of 10. Don't get me wrong, there's definitely heat in there and 99% of the pedestrians here will never be able to handle it. For the Pouch, the heat kicked in after 60 seconds and then it peaked after 5 minzies, from there it was all downhill. I will never get this again because it was such a nonevent and didn't deliver what it promised.
The plain Southern style fried chicken turned out a lot better, the crispy thin crust, the juicy innards and the simple seasoning made this a lot more appetizing to eat unlike that other warlock leg. It's a pretty good plain fried chicken but for the money, I would do Popeyes all day long. Look, no one comes here for their plain fwied cheekan, their gimmick is the hot chicken and it's obviously bringing in all the boys to their fake yard. I looked around and I was pleasantly surprised to see that most people were getting the "hot" level at least.
As much as I wanted to forget about the dark lord... The thick molasses crust of cayenne, chilies and spices on the STCU will sit in your bowels like the pit of Sarlacc but it won't take a thousand years to digest... It will slowly give you little love notes over the rest of the day to remind you that the demonic shit you just consumed is still alive and well inside you like Rosemary's baby. You will be burping and farting periodically until the Kraken is released with little to no warning. It will definitely put your stock of double ply to the test... Over and over again for the rest of the night. If you bring home TP from your office, you will literally be shit outta luck with that 1 ply crap. After a strenuous 4 rounds... I tried to tie my balloon knot as tight as I could before I went to bed but Davy Jones popped my balloon at 4AM and I stumbled into the bathroom like a belligerent Jack Sparrow and sprayed the starboard side of the bowl with a dose of Hattie Bowel's. Another reason why I will not be getting the STCU ever again... It's just bad news all around.

The hot wing on the other hand was actually quite nice. The hot seasoning had a gorgeous vibrant red color and a nice little kick which balanced out the crispy crust and juicy meat inside. The way to go here is to just stick with the hot level on all the chicken options but if you really need just a bit more heat then the damn hot will do. The pickle helped cool down the heat but the white bread was a total waste. I can only imagine how many loaves of bread go straight into the trash can every day. Shit, the STCU basically melted the white bread and the wax paper and it wasn't even that hot.

I liked Hattie B's a lot more in Nashville and while their shiny new Atlanta location still needs to work on a few things, I am genuinely happy that they are doing a ridiculous amount of business since the first day. They did an amazing job on transforming the former location that sat empty for years. Tourists and pedestrians will continue to swamp this joint for awhile but hopefully, once the crowds die down and gets more consistent, their food will do the same. As for the Pouch, I would rather drive to their location in Nashville for better executed hot chicken before I get on the insane line again in L5P. Atlanta once again proves that this town love gimmicks. Atlanta gets what Atlanta deserves...

PS- No chicken bones were found in the parking lot... Yet.

299 Moreland Ave.
Atlanta, GA 30307
http://hattieb.com/

Bojangles' Super Tailgate

July 4th is the greatest day for our Republic and it gave us the freedom to gorge on unlimited Nathan's hot dogs and blueberry pies with Castor oil... But July 6th is the greatest day for the Pouch.... National Fried Chicken Day should be a national holiday. Shit, there is no set date to celebrate fried chicken in my book... I celebrate it almost everyday because I'm a true patriot. But mostly because I'm a disgusting lardass. Seriously, how much fried chicken can one person eat on a weekly basis? It's not natural or normal for anyone to consume that much in a week. Fuck it, I don't care... No one asks a smoker how many cigarettes is enough per week, no one asks a meth head how much molly is enough per week. Ok, I admit it, I'm addicted to fwied cheekan. That shit is like crack since we have all seen the videos of people going ape shit in Popeyes and other chicken joints.

Speaking of Popeyes... We ain't gonna be making a visit there for this post... Say what, Pouch?! No fucking Popeyes?! Are you high? I know I know... Don't fucking rank on me for this treasonous act. But it is fried chicken from my second favorite joint... Bojangles' is pretty good but they're pricey and they never have coupons, so, I don't go there as much... Listen, don't bust my balls about using low-rent coupons, especially, with the amount of cheekan I inhale... I can use all the help I can get. I only get so much benefits from the Fat Americans Disability Act. To celebrate this glorious day and occasion, Bojangles' did send out a coupon to their followers and this fat fuck totally took full advantage of it... Now, lookie here and take a gander at this ridiculous feast for this obeast... 

"Our 12-piece Super Tailgate includes twelve pieces of perfectly seasoned chicken, three picnic fixin's, six made-from-scratch biscuits and a half-gallon of Legendary Iced Tea."
Jesus, it was the size of luggage...I mean the check-in kind. It barely fit inside the carry-on dimension cage. There was so much shit in there that the handles started to buckle and collapse. It was easily 15 pounds worth of crispy, crunchy, fatty, sweetened goodness. It's BO Time! alright... Wait, it's more like PO(uch) Time! Let's open up this golden sarcophagus and see which god is buried inside and what curse I will be releasing to doom the earth.

The only curse I will be releasing will definitely kill anything within a 7 foot radius after eating all of this. Fuck me, tis was a vision to behold... Every fatso is drooling down their triple chins right about now. Who can resist 12 pieces of freshly fried yard bird, dirty rice, green beans, mac-n-cheez and a box of biscuits with a half gallon of "Legendary" iced tea. The only thing missing in this box was a dick. The staff asked me if I wanted to wait 15 minzies for freshly fried chicken they just put in... Dude, you don't have to ask me twice, fuck yeah, I'll wait. Believe me, if you have the option and time to wait for freshly fried chicken, totally do it... It makes all the difference in the world of deep fry poultry. When it came out, the shit was crackling like a chicharron. Oh, man, I must admit it looked damn good... Maybe even better looking than Popeyes. What, bitch? Shut yo blasphemous mouth! Look at this spread... I can feel my waistline expanding even before the first bite. The crust of the chicken was pretty damn amazing since it was freshly fried. Crispy, crackling and full of flavor. It broke away from the chicken with little effort. The dark meat was tender and juicy and melted in your mouth like butter. Damn, it was a good piece of fwied cheekan. Even the white meat was just as good. All the sides were pretty much the classics and they all hit the spot. The biscuits were freshly made as well and they were still steaming when you pulled it apart. I don't know how much this super tailgate box was supposed to feed but I ate half of it and I was done for the day... Luckily, I had the other half for the next day. It's always nice to get two meals out of one.

I'm guessing the big question my one fan has... Was it better than Popeyes? While it was a very impressive spread with a very good chicken and sides... Popeyes still wins by a hair because they have a spicy and regular chicken while Bojangles' only offers their regular which was still seasoned nicely. Popeyes is still number one and Bojangles' a very close second. I just wished they offered more coupons like Popeyes... Because my fat ass can't afford to pay full price with the amount I consume on a weekly basis and they don't take EBT. But the gas station next door does and you can't have fwied cheekan without beer...

Burp.

Kathmandu Kitchen & Grill

Clarkston used to be a dusty, low rent, one horse town that no one gave 2 shits about... Kinda like a red-headed stepchild. Well, it still is a dusty low rent dump that no one gives a shit about but in the last couple of years it has become to be known as the "Ellis Island of the South" with it's open arms policy of welcoming refugees and poor immigrants. The town has become a beacon for people who don't fit into the fancy schmancy Atlanta scene... Sounds like a perfect place for this fat fuck. Let's face it, the Pouch is not quite the looker anymore these days, nor do I have the deep pockets like the Buckhead trust fund millennials to buy my hideousness away. If you got the money, even Quasimodo can get into Halo Lounge... Wait, Halo is like a refugee haven these days. What the fuck happened to this once great Atlanta hot spot... It's like the old Gold Club in disguise these days but with fuglier broads. Nevermind, don't ask don't tell.
Let's get back to Clarkston... So, there is not much going on around this dumpy little town except for the small area that surrounds the Clarkston Thifttown...Which is the heart of the city (kinda like C-Town supermarket in the ghettos of NYC) and it's also a mirage... To keep the interloopers moving along. From the outside, it looks like a run down thrift store, but on the inside, it's an international market... Not as big as DeKalb Farmers Market but they carry stuff that caters to this community's diversity not found anywhere else. It ain't fancy and a bit dirty but I love what they're doing here, they created their own little utopia here. You will not find the Buckhead/Midtown 'look at me' douchebags around these here parts... I have yet to see a platoon of khakis and button down Polos marching around here and that is a beautiful thing.
The melting pot of cultures in this little town is evident in the food available only around here. These hidden in plain sight little towns put out some of the best authentic ethnic grub... They ain't trying to impress whities or Yelpers. They don't give a fuck about putting some dumbass Yelp Loves Us sticker on their window. They care about bringing a little piece of their homeland to comfort the other refugees and immigrants in this foreign land... And the best way to bring any community together is always through food, lotsa lotsa food. Walk down the Thrifttown strip mall and you will pass a couple of small restos, I was tempted to walk into the "Thai" joint to sample a couple of bites before my dinner here but I resisted the urge. I was laser focused on momos and spicy shit.
Walked in and it was dark as shit. After my eyeballs adjusted to the dimly lit room, I thought I walked into a sketchy bus station or the DMV. My eyes automatically went straight to the bar to see what brown juice was available... Sadly, the only brown juice to be had was Jack Daniels, not a very exciting beverage program, here. I could prolly get stronger brown juice from the rusty pipes in the bathroom. Besides a very limited booze selection, they also offered beer and wine.. Which you should prolly just stick to beer here. The menu was colorful and had a lot of dishes to offer from Nepal, India and even Chinese. Seems like there are a lot of fun stuff to explore here but they also have a lunch buffet that seems to offer a decent sampling of dishes for like $9. I have been to so many Indian buffets and they usually suck ass, so, I'm gonna just stick to the main menu and see what they can do before giving the lunch buffet a try. Let's go sample a few bites...

Veggie Samosa. Jesus Henry Christ, look at the size of these fuckers... I didn't know if I should eat them or stick them down my pants.... To give my manhood a boost. They were huge and looked incredible. The golden crust was flaky and warm and the tater filler inside was generous and tasty. These things were pretty damn good and totally worth getting again. The curry dipping sauce was fine, nothing special or spicy but it fills that dipping action void. We're off to a good start, let's hope it continues.

Chicken Momo. To the inexperienced eyeballs, these may look like monkey brains on a plate but they were actually the monkeys' sack that holds their other brains... The Nepalese elders claim that monkey manhood possesses magical powers like a liger... Shit, I have eaten unicorns before and that didn't do shit except give me weird colored shits like a soft serve, taste the rainbow bitches. I didn't care if it was magical, I was just popping these Monchhichi sack after sack into my facehole because they were fucking dericious. I don't know what that orange sauce was but it kinda looked like buffalo sauce and tasted like an Orange Crush reduction. It also came with an amped up chicken soup which was kinda strange... I used that as a dipping sauce for these tasty dumps, instead. Git 'em, you'll gobble them up like the Pouch did.

Wai-Wai Sadheko. I asked the server what kinda noodle was this... She says, it's uncooked and we all eat it here. Shit, then I will, too... Bring it on, hoochie mama. I was so curious about this noodle dish... Then it came out and I was like, WHA DA FUK... It was just crushed up Mi Goreng instant ramen tossed with lime juice, red onions, tomato and cilantro. And it tasted really fucking good. What's funny is that I have a few bags of Ottogi Ppushu Ppushu ramen noodle snacks at home that you just crush up and sprinkle the seasoning on it and shake it up inside the bag... The grilled chicken flavor is good but stay away from the bulgogi flavor. This dish was basically a ramen salad. It's low rent as fuck but I liked it a lot and it's fun to eat.

Mixed Chao Mein with Pork. I got this as a spoof because chow mein has become such a bastardized dish throughout the country but almost every local that came in here ordered it. This noodle dish was on every table, no fucking joke, true story. It's a strange version of chow mein but it was satisfying in a homey comfy cozy way. It's not a fancy dish and it's purpose was to taste good and fill the bellies of those who come in for a little piece of their homeland. I would have no objections of getting this again.

Lamb Vindalu. The shits and giggles are over, time for something fiery and spicy hot. I told the server to make this the hottest y'all can... No holds barred. I couldn't wait to see how spicy this was and then this came out... Looked like Deadpool's bed pan. First thought... Hey, Dopinder, where's the fries with my tomato paste ketchup? Mixed it all up and it was quite chunky, although, there were a lot more potato vs. lamb in there. It was a really thick curry and it was pretty weak in the heat level but it was pretty flavorful. The spice/heat level would be a 2 out of 10.  The portion looks deceiving but they give you a really generous portion. The rice was nothing special but it mopped up all the curry quite well. If they can get the heat level maybe to a 8, then I would get it again. Why can't anyone in this measly town make anything spicy to the Pouch's standards... I know, first world, errr, third world problems.

Sahi Paneer Korma. It kinda looked like the gruel Oliver Twist asked for seconds... The menu says, homemade cottage cheese cooked with nuts in a creamy tomato sauce with spices. Did they use the tomatoes from Linda Blair's garden? It looked more satanic than the pea soup they used in the movie. Let's mix it up and see how many fingers and toes we can find... Luckily, it was all cubes of cottage cheese in there. The gravy was so thick that it started to form a skin on top when it came out to the table. Like with the vindalu, the portion was quite hefty... Too bad it didn't taste that great. It wasn't god awful but it was pretty pedestrian, no nuts or spices were detected. This is the first fail of the night... Not a bad average but I was hoping for more on this classic dish. I would skip this one.

Garlic Naan. For the price, the portion was really good. Shit, all their portions for every dish was very generous. The pic does not do it justice, these were big pieces of naan but not very garlicky, it seemed like they were just seasoned with garlic powder and baked. The char blisters were really nice and gave it a nice contrast of flavors. As always, the naan is a great vehicle to sop up the curries and gravies.

I didn't realize how much food I ordered until the server made a subtle comment, she was like, you ordered a lot of food, is your family coming, too? I'm like, nooo... Boy, how embarrassing. I looked around the room to see what the other people were ordering... Everyone had one plate, mostly the chao mein. Jesus, why am I such a fat fuck... Even refugees have no problem making fun of me, that's how disgusting I am. Then I remembered that I did it for my one reader.
I liked the place and I liked the grub. I liked how they are a small mom and pop shop that serves up big portions. I like how they are giving the refugees a little piece of home. I am totally going to try the lunch buffet now. And then head over to Thrifttown for some weird ass snacks.

Burp.

926 Montreal Rd
Clarkston, GA 30021
www.ktmkitchen.com

Momonoki

Brush is one of my favorite sooshee joints. I wish I could go more often but I get out of control in there spending more than I should or could. They need to open a baby Brush with a limited menu... And so, they did. Ok, it's not really a mini version of Brush but they are focusing on a more casual menu of ramen, cooked and raw rice bowls and katsu sandos. If you're from NYC, you may find the name of the joint very similar to David Chang's Momofuku... There is no relation but I still find it interesting. The location selection was surprising as well... There is nothing around there except the new NCR building which they will hopefully get a lot of lunch biz. There is not a lot of foot traffic or driving visibility except for overlooking 85/75. I don't know if this was a strategic decision but I hope this location gamble plays out in the long run. But what will draw the people into this secluded area will be based on the menu... Shit, if the food is good, I will take my fat ass to almost anywhere that I can fit my fat body through. The parking situation kinda sucks around here for cars but the parking lot next to them is available for free... For now. I didn't take any chances, I just parked my motorcycle right on the sidewalk out front.
The space is modern and clean, not a lot of fancy décor to distract you from the product... I liked it. But what I didn't like was the counter ordering right when you walk in. I can only imagine the line going out the door because people always take forever to order... Even the mooks at fast food joints. I know how people are and they live in their own little world and they take 5 years to read the menu and then ask 20 questions about each dish. It's such an inefficient system. They need to put menus outside so people can decide what they want before reaching the counter. I have no fucking patience for retards that hold up the line, just fucking order your food and move along. Luckily, I went early on a weekend and it wasn't crowded... Yet.
Let's take a first look... And see if it will be worth fighting the shitty midtown traffic for future visits.

Tonkotsu Ramen, pork broth, seared pork belly, ramen egg, soy braised bamboo shoots, scallions, house chili sauce, black garlic oil. It's a good looking bowl but I noticed that the menma was missing... I asked a staff member to get me the bamboo and she was like, no, it's in there, probably under the noodles. WTF... This ain't Ragu, does this look like spaghetti and meatballs, motherfucker? Why would anyone put one of the main condiments under the fucking noodles? I literally flipped the noodles upside down and told her it ain't in there... She's like, oh, they must have forgotten it then... No shit Sherlock. The bamboo comes out and all was right with the world again. Ok, maybe not yet... The broth was pretty good but what the fuck is all that white blobs in there? Was it cabbage, radish, I had no friggin idea... Then I tasted it. It was pure fat blobs. Lookie here, I'm ok with some fat in there for flavor but this bowl was injected with fat like the badonkadonks found in Lenox mall. There was way too much fat and it really distracted you from enjoying the entire bowl as a whole. It wasn't bad overall but they really need to tone it down. I don't know if that was for filler but then I found out later on that Jason added it in for extra richness and flavor just for the Pouch. And of course, I told him, listen bro, sometimes trying to impress me with overkill will not turn out well... Just give me the same bowl that you give the other mossbacks. I believe in equality, inclusiveness, tolerance and I deserve to eat the same slop as the other pedestrians. It's a pretty good tonkotsu, the noodles are toothy, the pork belly dericious, the soy egg spot on but I don't know if I would fight the midtown madness for it when I get the tonk craving. But I'll put it on the Pouch's list for a very respectable bowl of noods in this one horse town. I'll have to try the tsukenmen next time... Dipping noodles is nothing new but it's a new gimmick for this gullible town.

Avocado Shiitake Katsu Sando. What's going on, Pouch? Are you having a brain fart? Why didn't you get the fried chicken sando? I know I know... I was trying to watch my girlish, err, ghoulish figure. I'm so fucking fat, I thought I would try something healthy... Then I realized that all the katsu sandos were deep fried as well, durr. Someone give me a stent stat, the fat is cutting off oxygen to my pea brain. They were out of the lotus root chips, so, I had to settle for these leafy green things. What a cheap substitute. The milk bread is from a local bakery and it's sturdy enough to hold a steaming deep fried filler without turning the bread into a mushy mess. The fried avocado shiitake patty was surprisingly tasty and I would prolly get it again... After I try the fried chicken sando, of course. It's a fun little sando... But the $58 A5 wagyu sando is just way too ridiculous to even try it once. Unless, some broad wants to pay for it... I put out on the first date.

Seared Pork Belly Don, scallion and onion salsa, ramen egg, cured cucumber. I was too excited and nervous when I was ordering this at the counter... I wasn't thinking straight and I didn't want to hold up the line, so, I just blurted this out of my facehole. Why did I get the pork belly again, when I just had it in the tonkotsu? I can't believe I didn't get the chicken kara-age once again... What the fuck is wrong with you, Pouch? Oh, yeah, the fat was cutting off the blood flow to my head which was causing excessive brain farts. Besides, ordering the same damn protein twice, this rice bowl was pretty good looking. The egg yolk was perfect to mix into the rice. The pork belly was just as good as it was in the tonk. It's a simple rice bowl but it will definitely fill you up.

Black Sesame and Matcha Swirl. At most places, the matcha soft serve is just way too overpowering but this version is just right. When swirled with the black sesame, this was pretty much a match made in heaven. It was pretty damn tasty, may be the best in town for this dynamic soft serve duo.

I liked the place a lot, it's clean and modern with a good simple tasty menu, but the location doesn't make me want to come back here often unless I was in this area for something else. I don't mind driving to a joint if all the stars were aligned with light traffic and easy parking... And we all know midtown is the new Buckhead and it totally sucks ass. The last thing I want to get is a ticket by some mook in a cheap uniform for some bullshit secret new parking ordinance. But as for this joint, I think it will do well with the lunch crowd from the new NCR headquarters. If they start doing pork belly buns and family style fried chicken, then I better see that chubby fuck, David Chang back there in the kitchen.

95 8th St. NW Ste 100
Atlanta, GA
momonokiatl.com/