Bojangles' Super Tailgate

July 4th is the greatest day for our Republic and it gave us the freedom to gorge on unlimited Nathan's hot dogs and blueberry pies with Castor oil... But July 6th is the greatest day for the Pouch.... National Fried Chicken Day should be a national holiday. Shit, there is no set date to celebrate fried chicken in my book... I celebrate it almost everyday because I'm a true patriot. But mostly because I'm a disgusting lardass. Seriously, how much fried chicken can one person eat on a weekly basis? It's not natural or normal for anyone to consume that much in a week. Fuck it, I don't care... No one asks a smoker how many cigarettes is enough per week, no one asks a meth head how much molly is enough per week. Ok, I admit it, I'm addicted to fwied cheekan. That shit is like crack since we have all seen the videos of people going ape shit in Popeyes and other chicken joints.

Speaking of Popeyes... We ain't gonna be making a visit there for this post... Say what, Pouch?! No fucking Popeyes?! Are you high? I know I know... Don't fucking rank on me for this treasonous act. But it is fried chicken from my second favorite joint... Bojangles' is pretty good but they're pricey and they never have coupons, so, I don't go there as much... Listen, don't bust my balls about using low-rent coupons, especially, with the amount of cheekan I inhale... I can use all the help I can get. I only get so much benefits from the Fat Americans Disability Act. To celebrate this glorious day and occasion, Bojangles' did send out a coupon to their followers and this fat fuck totally took full advantage of it... Now, lookie here and take a gander at this ridiculous feast for this obeast... 

"Our 12-piece Super Tailgate includes twelve pieces of perfectly seasoned chicken, three picnic fixin's, six made-from-scratch biscuits and a half-gallon of Legendary Iced Tea."
Jesus, it was the size of luggage...I mean the check-in kind. It barely fit inside the carry-on dimension cage. There was so much shit in there that the handles started to buckle and collapse. It was easily 15 pounds worth of crispy, crunchy, fatty, sweetened goodness. It's BO Time! alright... Wait, it's more like PO(uch) Time! Let's open up this golden sarcophagus and see which god is buried inside and what curse I will be releasing to doom the earth.

The only curse I will be releasing will definitely kill anything within a 7 foot radius after eating all of this. Fuck me, tis was a vision to behold... Every fatso is drooling down their triple chins right about now. Who can resist 12 pieces of freshly fried yard bird, dirty rice, green beans, mac-n-cheez and a box of biscuits with a half gallon of "Legendary" iced tea. The only thing missing in this box was a dick. The staff asked me if I wanted to wait 15 minzies for freshly fried chicken they just put in... Dude, you don't have to ask me twice, fuck yeah, I'll wait. Believe me, if you have the option and time to wait for freshly fried chicken, totally do it... It makes all the difference in the world of deep fry poultry. When it came out, the shit was crackling like a chicharron. Oh, man, I must admit it looked damn good... Maybe even better looking than Popeyes. What, bitch? Shut yo blasphemous mouth! Look at this spread... I can feel my waistline expanding even before the first bite. The crust of the chicken was pretty damn amazing since it was freshly fried. Crispy, crackling and full of flavor. It broke away from the chicken with little effort. The dark meat was tender and juicy and melted in your mouth like butter. Damn, it was a good piece of fwied cheekan. Even the white meat was just as good. All the sides were pretty much the classics and they all hit the spot. The biscuits were freshly made as well and they were still steaming when you pulled it apart. I don't know how much this super tailgate box was supposed to feed but I ate half of it and I was done for the day... Luckily, I had the other half for the next day. It's always nice to get two meals out of one.

I'm guessing the big question my one fan has... Was it better than Popeyes? While it was a very impressive spread with a very good chicken and sides... Popeyes still wins by a hair because they have a spicy and regular chicken while Bojangles' only offers their regular which was still seasoned nicely. Popeyes is still number one and Bojangles' a very close second. I just wished they offered more coupons like Popeyes... Because my fat ass can't afford to pay full price with the amount I consume on a weekly basis and they don't take EBT. But the gas station next door does and you can't have fwied cheekan without beer...

Burp.