Thursday, February 22, 2018

Porch Light Latin Kitchen

I know what y'all are saying... What the fuck are you doing up here, pouch? Aren't you deathly afraid of mossbacks and country bumpkins in upstate Georgia... Yes, motherfuckers, I am... But there was a sale on HST 124 grain 9mm ammo at this local yokel gunshop that I couldn't pass up. You can't find that shit anywhere and when you do, you will drive OTP for it... Well, at least this fat dumb fuck would. So, since I was so far away from home anyways, I might as well do the touristy thing and grab a bite to eat at this hyped up Latin joint in cracker Cobb county. I heard good things about this joint... And so has the entire county. The place was packed on a recent weekend lunch rush... Shit was out da door. But the wait wasn't too bad, got a seat at the end of the bar which was great so I can see the line at work. They don't fuck around here, slaying it and pumping out a ton of grub... And of course, the ginormous PR fried pork chop can-can was in full effect. It was a sight to behold and so was the rotund creasture gnawing on that beast in the seat next to me... I swear if he farts in my general direction I will gut him like hogzilla. Wait, isn't he committing cannibalism? Oinkers really would eat their own if it was deep fried... Shit, so would I.
Ok, enough oinking and open up your snout, pouch... And show us what all the fuss is about here... I'm on a diet so I decided against the can can for lunch but I did sample a few things...

Plantain Empanadas, braised pork cheek filling, avocado aioli. When it first came out, I was like two  fucking Chihuahuas just took a shit on my plate... Then I realized it was the plantain dough that looked so unappetizing... True, it may not look purdy on the plate but it tasted purdy in your mouth. But that doesn't say much since dogs do eat their own poo. The pork cheek filling was savory and dericous but the aioli wasn't very avocado-y... It didn't even have a hint of green in there. I wouldn't get them again until I have tried all the other snacks on the menu... But that might be awhile unless they have another ammo sale up here in Deliverance country.

Confit Duck Fried Rice, soyfrito, farm egg, coconut yum yum sauce. I am such a fucking gringo sucka for this... Not because of the fried rice but because of the confit duck. I just can't say no to greasy fowl... Cheekan, yardbird, ghetto pigeon, duck... My bowels get weak just thinking about it. Look at that egg, it's a perfect circle just like George Michael's ass... Scientist can use that to calibrate their instruments. Now, I need to get that tiny frying pan made just for eggs the next time I'm at Marshalls. Break that yolk up and mix it all into the fried rice but don't you dare mix that coconut yum yum jizz anywhere near the rice... It ain't that good. The tiny pieces of duck confit were sparsely spread around. Not much in there but it still tasted pretty good. The portion was pretty small for $9... But the hicks up here were ordering this like crazy.

Pressed Cohiba, roasted pork collar, gruyere, hot dill pickle, cilantro mayo, mojo mustard, grateful bread. This was basically the Puerto Rican version of a Cuban sando. I should be upset about those panini press grill marks but I was ok with it since the bread looked pretty rad. This sando had me at pork collar... I like the play off a hamachi kama like at a izakaya. It's a nice looking sando and tasted pretty good, too... Savory, gooey and flavorful but it wasn't spicy at all even with all the spicy ingredients listed. If this was spicier, it would be on another level.

I only had a small sample of the menu but this joint is obviously pretty popular and I can see why... This Latin spot is pretty good and light years ahead from the Moe's and other shitty Mexican't joints a few doors down where flour tortillas and soccer moms rule. And also, you ain't gonna find many PR joints around town let alone around here in rustic God's country. I like the menu and the execution is pretty consistent and I need to try that beast of a can can next time... But getting up here for those who live intown may be a logistical nightmare. These bushwackers up here got a good thing going here and they know it... Lucky basturdz. Hector needs to do a can can night at El Super Pan... Por fav.

300 Village Green Circle SE
Smyrna, GA 30080

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Those empanadas look like something I'd deposit into a paper bag, then "light" the bag and leave it on a "porch"