Yebisuya Ramen

Ramen joints are a dime a dozen these days, they are fucking everywhere in every major city... That's even true for Atlanta which is kinda amazing. I see more ramen joints than I see chicken bones on the streets in Atlanta. Yes, if y'all didn't noticed, a ton of ramen chains, local and national, have been popping up everywhere in this one horse town. Ramen is on a fast track to replace the taco with the gringos who's eternal love for Mexican't slop is just plain perplexing... Now, all the hipsters are on a ramen and pho kick. This new ramen joint has been in the works for awhile... It was a bit surprising to find out that Shoya was behind this project which is only a couple doors down. Shoya already has a kick ass menu which included a plethora of ramen bowls and they are pretty damn good already...
 So, why open up a joint dedicated to ramen on a few feet away from their flagship and next to Kula, the newish conveyor belt sushi? After dominating this vacant strip mall for years since they opened, maybe they wanted to lock down another space before it gets all gobbled up with all the new recent activity this once dead mall has been seeing in the last couple years. It's like all of the sudden people realized this mall was here... And a bunch of new restos have been opening up shop, some doing well and others not so well. This new ramen venture could prove to be a godsend or a total fucking disaster for the Shoya team.
Since, I love shit shows so much, I couldn't wait to find out what's the deal was with this ramen joint... With Shoya behind it and known for their quality execution on their menu, this could be the next it ramen joint. Time for the pouch to make a trip to the goat rodeo.
Jesus fucking Christ, there was a line out front longer than the human centipede part 3. Walked in and put the pouch's name down on the list... They said it was about a 30 minute wait, fine, I'll just take a walk around Brandsmart and look for a new Tempur-Pedic because my shitty mattress is crushed, air coils and springs got nothing on me. Waddled back here and the line haven't moved an inch... It's even longer. At least the place was full of FOBs which was a good sign. Every one of those slopes were on the phone looking so serious like they were trying to negotiate a peace accord to disarm North Korea's nuclear program.

I hope they came to an agreement with some concessions... Speaking of concessions... Fucking feed me already, Seymour! I'm starving! I need blood... It's getting too stuffy in here with all this diplomacy going on, I'm going outside to check out the display window.

I love this shit out front. Plastic food displays are usually a good sign. They do this shit all over in Asia. We may be in for a treat, motherfuckers... They just need to hurry the fuck up and bus some empty tables.

Let's take a closer look at the details... This plastic food is making da pouch growl with hunger pains. Went back in and looked on his chicken scratch list, still fucking 4 groups to go before me... Pouch is getting upset! ...Wait, did someone say cheekan? Finally, after another 15 minzies of standing on the newly developed corns on my hoofs, they called for the pouch. First thing I'm doing is slamming down a couple of brewskis...

Papa Beer and Baby Beer. So, I asked them how big is the large vs. the medium... The answer was "I don't know" and then the server points to another table with the beer size. Ok, that's helpful, you fucking putz. Fine, I'll get one of each then. I need a beer chaser for my beer shot. The Asahi Super Dry large was pretty big but not worth $12. Even the medium for $6 was a rip... Am I in Buckhead? Shoya's house whisky is $6 and they pour like 8 ounces in that motherfucker. But whatever, let's get some grub...

Chuuka Karage, marinated jelly fish w/ veggies. This was a tasty little treat. It was seasoned nicely and had a great crunch to them. Coulda been a bit more spicy but it was totally acceptable. Next...

Yakisoba w/ pork. Look at this sad sack of shit. Putting a turd on a fancy white square plate doesn't make it look anymore appetizing. This was a sad sight to behold because over at Shoya, they put their yakisoba on a sizzler plate, hot and sizzling and fucking tastes amazing. This specimen looked like shitty lo mein from any hole in the wall Chino joint. It was liquidity and mushy and lacked any flavor. It was executed so half-assed that my fat ass barely got through a quarter of this slop. I threw this up later without assistance and it looked exactly the same as it did on the plate in my white toilet bowl. Skip this overpriced plate of worms, Michael.

Tonkatsu. Finally, something that looked correctly executed... And it was. It was crispy and crunchy on the outside and tender and moist on the inside. The Japanese hot mustard cleans you out so you smell all the yum yums about to come. Good shit... More, send more food.

Yulinchi Fried Chicken, Chinese ginger sauce. What da fuck is this? I knew I shoulda ordered the fucking regular chicken kaarage... But noooooo, this fat fuck had to be adventurous and order this soaking fried chicken dish. First of all, there wasn't even any hint of ginger flavor or aroma, it tasted like grated daikon with mirin sweetened soy sauce dumped all over the once was crispy crust. I liked that they used dark meat but this whole execution was so bad that the crust started falling off like that Nazi Gestapo agent's face in Raiders of the Lost Ark. You can tell that they just put the broken crust pieces back on top of it because it didn't even fit correctly... They prolly suck at Jenga. This whole dish was a soggy mess and lacked any distinguishable flavor... Which is baffling because it's friggin fried cheekan and we all know that all fried cheekan is full of flavor. This chicken must have been made in China because it tasted like a knock off. This dish coulda been so much better if it was done right, but for now I would just stick with the kaarage... If I ever make it back here for a next time.

Premium Tonkotsu Ramen. For a few seconds, I though about getting the tonkotsu black ramen... But my pouch said stick with the plan you fat fuck. They have a "powerful" bowl that is like twice the size... I was tempted but what if it sucked ass? Luckily, I stuck with the regular size bowl... Well, that's because I was thinking about getting another bowl to try after this one. After arriving in front of my snout, I was so damn glad I did not get the "powerful" bowl. Look at that egg.. It's totally hard boiled and had a faint hint of color from the shoyu on the outside. It's like they just dipped the egg in dark soy before throwing it into the bowl. Took a sip of the broth and closed my eyeballs... What the fuck, yo? Absolutely tasteless... Nothing. No collagen, no stickiness, no rich creaminess, no bone flavor. It was like a triple watered down can of generic cream of mushroom soup from Food Lion without the mushroom bits. They squeezed off a few squirts of oil in there to pretend it was collagen rich. Totally fucking weak ass bullshit tonkotsu broth... I can't believe Shoya would put this garbage out and charge money for it. Let's take a deeper dive into the rest of the ingredients... 

The straight noodles seemed legit for a tonkotsu but it tasted off, chalky and mushy... It's like a double kick to the nads with bad broth and bad ramen. I was so done with this tonkotsu ramen 60 seconds in... The chashu pork was fine, that had more flavor than anything else in this bowl. The fermented bamboo slices (menma) were acceptable as well. But that hard boiled egg was just a slap in the face from a place that should have known better. This entire bowl was truly a let down... Which really bums me out because Shoya has been killing it for so long. I just don't get why they could be so off the mark with this tonkotsu vs. Shoya's tonkotsu only steps away. I don't know if it's just opening kinks but I doubt it, they know the difference between a properly made tonkotsu broth and something slapped together with instant semi homemade shit. I would just skip this garbage and wait until they get their shit together... Well, let's hope they can get their shit together because this first impression makes me want to run over to H Mart and buy a month's supply of instant tonkotsu ramen before I come back here for it... Which the Nissin instant tonkotsu ramen is light years better than this dismal display. See below...

Jesus, I am such a fucking ball buster... But seriously, this instant tonkotsu ramen is legit for under a dollar. They also have the black garlic oil tonkotsu flavor, too, which is even better... Holy shit, I'm getting hungry again.

The best thing about this new ramen joint is the display case out front... Just stop by and admire the wonderful display of craftsmanship of plastic ramen bowls and then keep walking down to Shoya for a proper bowl of ramen and other izakaya goodies... And say, "Good luck, suckaz!" to all the dopes waiting over an hour to sample this slop. Come to think of it, I should have taken my own advice... But my muffin top clearly have cut off the blood flow to my tiny brain. Walking out of this joint afterwards was like doing the walk of shame after beer goggling a fugly heifer the night before at Five Paces Inn. And I am so ashamed right now for even writing this up... Bless Shoya's heart.

Flush.


6035 Peachtree Road, #A-105
Doraville, GA 30360
http://yebisuyaramen.com/