Yummy Spicy Gourmet

There are many cursed locations on Buford Hwy but they're usually hidden in the back of some dumpy strip mall that gets no visibility. But then there are some that is literally sitting on Buford Hwy and still get the red-headed step child treatment... Especially, when you're right behind the original Sweet Hut. This stand alone location is one of the weirdest spots on Bufo Hwy... It has been repurposed more times than Bruce Jenner. Even with all the FOBs in this area, no business has ever seen any success in this cursed location... But now comes a new slutty Sichuan American joint... Huh? What the fuck is a SSA joint? I have no fucking clue, that's why I'm writing this ridiculous post... My one reader and I are going on this journey together... But the pouch will be the one in pain if this joint doesn't pan out.
The parking lot sucks in this place, who ever painted the parking spot lines needs a thicker prescription... The width of the lines are made for a Smart car. I was backing in and out like Austin Powers doing a 3 point turn just to center my car in the spot... I watched this one homely as fuck William Hung dead ringer parked his car all jacked up and over the lines and he didn't give a shit. You're not helping the cause that Asians are bad drivers. But a minzie later he decided to park all the way in the back. So fucking weird.
Walked in and it was kinda of a weird karoake bar/resto set up. But I tell y'all what... It was also FOB central which was a great sign. Sat down at a table at the front window to soak in all the beautiful scenery that is Buford Hwy with all the import tuners putzing around with their coffee can exhausts that does nothing except make me scream in horror like Khan's Ceti eel larvae gold-digging into Chekov's ear... Speaking of gold leeches, let's take a bite of the alien gruel and see if it's suitable for human consumption... 

Pickled Spicy Cabbage. Jesus, this looked like what came out of my nose from the Neti Pot this morning after boozing and bumping all night... Tasted like the molten exoskeleton of a cicada bathe in beetlejuice. It was so absurd to even put this out on the table. Almost made me scream but I definitely puked a little in my mouth. Pushed it aside and perused the 3 different menus they got... I shit you not, there were so many goddamn menus here and the server just kept coming back every 46 seconds- "are you ready to order?" on repeat.

Baby Wonton in Chili Oil. I knew seeing the word "baby" in this classic wonton chili oil dish was gonna be suspect... But I got nervous with the unrelenting waitress asking me what I wanted that I just blurted this out. Ok, it looked pretty good at first glance. But the wonton were a bit over-cooked and the skin was breaking apart a bit and the meat filler inside tightened up too much. The chili oil was not spicy whatsoever but I did liked that they added some red vinegar in there to give it a small bite. I would skip these, unless you're a pussy motherfucker that can't take the heat... But want to partake and look the part of a spicehead eating nuclear red wontons.

Beef Tendon and Tripe in Chili Sauce. I'm a sucka for these on any menu but look at this sad sack of brown sliced turd. Where's the fucking chili sauce, ese? And where's the tendon and tripe? It was just all meat scraps pressed, molded, chilled and sliced to pretend it was tendon and tripe. There may have been some tendon and tripe in there but it definitely doesn't showcase the title of this dish. I had to use the fucking wonton chili oil to lube these meat flaps down my throat. Skip. Next.

Dry Fried Eggplant. Jesus, this dish has jumped the shark, flounder and the Fonz like 2 years ago... But I'm a sucker for them nevertheless. It was a huge portion of it and the pic doesn't do it any justice. It looked pretty spicy with all that dried red chili peppers and Szechuan peppercorns on top. The logs were piping hot straight outta the fryer and right into the wok for a proper Rogering. Took a bite... Shit, they are hard as fuck. The batter was so friggin' thick that it wasn't even fun eating these and sweatin' to the oldies on the karaoke machine. I tried to let them steam themselves to soften it up a bit but they still tasted like loose drywall pieces. I took the left overs home and let them sit in the styrofoam box for awhile and it did soften up a bit but by then I had lost all my excitement and blood flow for these hooker logs. I pawn them off to a friend and pretended like I was thinking about them... Suckaz!

Yummy Spicy Chicken. So, they have a lunch special and it's gwailo as fucking all hell... Every hole in the wall Chino's greatest hits. But at the very bottom they had their Yummy Spicy cheekan lunch special... I was giddy as a school girl and I almost had a nip slip from the excitement. These fried little cheekan nuggets were pretty good and I even tasted a few chicken soft bone in there, that was a tasty little surprise but what didn't surprise me was that even with all those red chili peppers and Szechuan peppercorns in there it still had the heat level of a pocket warmer. It also came with a pre-fabbed frozen eggroll that was totally mushy inside, a corn starch laden hot & sour soup with no flavor and a bowl molded rice. For $7.75, I guess you really can't complain for the amount of filler to stuff your pouch.

Chicken with String Beans. I just can't stay away from my own advice, can I? Look, I wanted some stir fried string beans but I didn't want a giant plate of it for over $10, so, I got the damn cheekan and string bean lunch special which was pretty tasty in the all American slutty Chino way... I was thinking I will have left overs later when I come back home piss fucking drunk at 4AM... And boy was I right. It tasted fucking amazing after being roofied. The Cos can spike my drink any time if he has a shitload of slutty Chino grub in the fridge.

I came in for a quick lunch and really didn't explore the menu like I should have and ordered all the spicy ass Szechuan grub like all the other FOBs at the other tables... They had whole fish in chili oil, spicy garlic tunnel crab, hot pots, and a whole mess of other fiery red dishes... There was even a picture of a fish dish on the menu where it's supposed to be served alive like in those interweb videos. I don't think anyone ordered it but it seemed like they all enjoyed what they had. The place ain't bad but my mix and match lunch visit was just ok... But I will keep it on my radar to make another visit during dinner time and check out the talent on the karaoke... That is unless the location's curse shuts them down unexpectedly... Which wouldn't hurt my feelings either way.

5164 Buford Hwy NE
Doraville, GA 30340