Morningside Kitchen Restaurant

Rosebud was a neighborhood resto that succeeded because they had the vibe and energy to bring the locals in... They also had a brief PR shtick with the angry chef/owner who destroyed his paying customers on Twitter about the way they looked or what stupid shit they asked for. It's funny to a point but when you're the owner, that might come back and bite you in the lard ass later on... Their success and enthusiasm led to opening The Family Dog across the street, it had a good concept but the execution was sloppy. But their ego and zeal didn't stop them from over estimating and over extending themselves to opening more and more restos... Timone's put out disgraceful NY style 'ZA and Diner dished out ghastly NY style diner fare. And when the customers and money ran out... So, did their ego and chutzpah. They all quietly shut down one by one and sold off what they could... And then crawled into a corner and cried themselves to sleep... Sounds like a normal weekend for the pouch... God, my life is pathetic when it's put down in words.
With primo locations ripe for the pickin', the old Rosebud space has now become another local neighborhood inspired joint... It was a no brainer for the Murphy's crew to open up shop quickly in an already built out space. The interior layout has remained mostly the same, just a little facelift was all that was needed to erase all remnants of the previous failed business. A couple of friends raved about how good it was, then I looked at the menu... Meh. I was in no rush for a menu that pretty much consisted of standard and generic dishes found anywhere.
Weeks passed and I guess it was time to see what all the fuss was about... I walked in around 9:30 on a recent Friday night thinking that it would be jamming with aging hookers drinking shitty white wine and crying into their wine glass at the bar but to my surprise it was nearly empty... Good, I scored an easy seat at the bar. The server tells me that the kitchen closes at 9:40 but the bar will stay open to 11... What? Come again? The kitchen will shut down in 10 minzies so put in an order if you want food. What the fuck is this malarkey? What resto breaks down the kitchen at 9:40 on a Friday night? Did I walk into a Panera or some shit? And why at 9:40? Is that some resto code that I have never heard of? Since, I already knew the menu, I just put in a few classic dishes that they just can't fuck up... But since, the kitchen crew is scratching their sweaty balls to get the fuck outta dodge in 10 minzies, this might get interesting... Let the fucking hunger games begin.

Jumbo Lump Crab Cake, Bread & Butter Pickle, Remoulade, Shaved Spring Radish Salad. For a ridiculous $18 price tag, that crab better had just crawled into the boat that morning. The crab cake was pretty large so it didn't make me feel like I had been bamboozled. There was a decent amount of lump crab meat in there and not a lot of filler and fluff. It was seasoned well and it had a nice golden brown sear... But I don't know if that was remoulade or someone hocked a loogie next to it. The B&B pickles were MIA.. Unless they were inside the crab cake. While it was pretty good overall, it was still priced a bit higher than it really should be. Decent start, though...

Beef Tartare, Beet Carpaccio, Potato Chips. What the fuck is that... Pink slime? It's like the cow did a farmer's blow on that plate. Is that a freshly plucked eyeball next to it? Why on earth would you put a poached egg on there... Did they get confused with brunch? The meat was unnaturally pink and mushy like finely ground chuck from a plastic tube or a tub of Play-Doh. There was no texture to it, it was more like a spread. So, what do you do with the poached egg? You naturally mix it in and turn it into a clump of gooey meat mash, of course... A mistake that you will prolly regret later on the throne. Let's turn this around to the other side, it might look more appetizing...

Nope, it didn't help. Is thinly sliced boiled beets really considered carpaccio? They were ok but unseasoned. The chips were wonderful, though... The use of fingerling taters is just so adorable and cute... Too bad they break apart too easily when you try to spread on some of that meat spackle. I almost wanted to send that meat puck back to the kitchen to cremate it and spread the ashes in the Chattahoochee. I had no clue what kinda of cut they used for this tartare, it was just too pulverized to even try to guess. I don't mind spending $16 for a nice tartare but I could plate the same exact dish twice with a tube of 80/20 ground beef at Kroger for $2.49.

Wood Grilled Hanger Steak, Tricolor Carrots, Spring Onions, Jerusalem Artichokes, Red Wine Butter. This is like one of the most routinely executed dish on every menu across the nation... There's no way they can fuck this up. It looked good at first glance, like literally seeing something from the corner of your eyeball, then you turn your head fully to see the whole picture... All I could imagine was the dude from The Scream. I almost did a Home Alone when I saw the sauce... Was someone giving blood back there? It almost looked like a melted Cherry Garcia ice cream sauce. That's what happens when you use too much wine and too little weak ass stock/demi-glace. Besides the amateur sauce, the steak itself was cooked pretty much spot on at mid rare. Some will say it was too raw, you don't know what raw is until a great dane dry humps you from behind... Nevermind, that's another story. But why would you hack it up like that after grilling a beautiful piece of manmeat? It's fucking baffling... And it was a hideous presentation. Were they in such a rush to get the fuck outta there that they just used a hatchet? Looking at it now, it really does resemble a hatchet wound, someone get some Neosporin, STAT... Ooof, it almost looked like a girl I dated once... Talk about a raw beaver, woof. All the root veggies were good, a nice variety of colors and textures. Clean up the sauce and the presentation a bit and this would be a top seller.

Kale and Wild Mushroom Risotto, Arugula Pesto. What the fuck is this? Did someone with bad allergies blow their nose on a plate in the kitchen? It's like a mix of boil in a bag rice and Alien saliva... It's a wonder how this didn't burn through the plate... Because it's burning the fuck outta my eyeballs. This was absolutely horrifying and mystifying... Look at this gruel, even Oliver Twist wouldn't ask for more. Did they finger paint on the pesto... Don't touch it, the fingerprints are evidence. How can they put this on the menu and charge money for this... It's obscene. No one can look at this and tell you with a straight face that this looks appetizing... Even on Bizarro world. I took two bites... Once to see if I was dreaming and the other to confirm I was awake. It had the texture of wet rice crispies and it was amazingly bland. The few bits of wild shrooms were good but that was about it on this entire dish. The pesto was exactly not what you want with this 'risotto'... If you mixed this all up you can put it in a bucket and use it for the next episode of Double Dare. Needless to say this was pushed off the table.

The food was pretty much a letdown, the service was decent but the green bartender/millennial had no business being behind the bar. She poured a pre-made draft Old Fashioned and it came up to 1/4 of the glass with a giant ice cube in there... Imagine if there was no ice in there, you might as well just pump a few squirts of the OF from a spray bottle into my mouth and call it day. It was like pulling teeth to get her to fill it halfway and that was even short. Jesus, you're not even making the fucking cocktail (thank god)... But learn how to pour one at least. She was very sweet, though... Innocent and clueless at the same time. She took off the risotto with no fuss but was still trying to sell it like it was Guy Fieri's gift to the world... But then finally admitting that her boyfriend hated it, too. Talking to her was like talking to a vintage cigarette machine, there's lots of knobs and buttons to pull and push on but what comes out may be hazardous to your health. Will this joint be a beloved neighborhood joint? I would think prolly so because there's not much else around walking distance here. And with the Murphy's name attached to this place, they will do fine without the pouch... Just don't open a pizzeria any time soon... Or a diner... Then the pouch will have to get medieval on your ass.

1397 North Highland Avenue NE
Atlanta, GA 30306
http://www.morningside-kitchen.com/