Sweet baby Jesus, their name is longer than their menu... Oh, this is gonna be a treat and a feast for my one reader's eyeballs. This whole poke fad is making me mad... When did people start to give two shits about poke in this one horse town? Tuna tartare is like the most adventurous thing on most menus that the roundeyes will eat. But have no fear, if there's a current fad or trend going on in the nation, the good old ATL will sprout up some joints that will cater to those tastes... Whether they have a developed palate or not, doesn't really matter when it comes to this kinda gimmicky grub. Ok, Emory Point in reality only has one real resto, which is General Muir, everything else in there is basically common gruel... But more than half of the places there are really there to cater towards the Emory children and their daddy's unlimited bank account.
Let's see what else is there to eat here... Papi's just opened and they are actually ok at their other locations, Marlow's, Tin Lizzy are both kinda trailer park-ish, Paradise Biryani was filthy inside and the food tasted like it, Chow Mei Mei is slutty as expected which is good in some ways, Fresh to Order snooze, Which Wich whatever, Burgerfi just quietly went belly up, remember La Tagliatelle and Marcello's that took over the space? Neither does anyone else. And then there's the newish Aladdin's which I may be tempted to try just because Halal Guys sucked so much ass but they were as dead as the person who did the Genie's voice inside (I didn't want to say Robin Williams and butthurt my newest reader's fweelings, oh shit, too late, sucka! but keep clicking, though). And last but not least... This gimmicky sushi burrito and poke bowl joint with the giant logo wall out front so you can take selfies as if you were somebody impotent... Wait, that's important.. Same difference.
So, you order at the counter and you can make almost everything on the menu into a burrito or a crap in a bowl... Ok, sounds simple enough. I gotta admit, they were pushing the envelope a little bit up in this piece with the salmon skin, BBQ eel and soft shell crab... C'mon, that's fucking ballsy for the college children eating in here. Yes, the entire place was all student children and a lot of them called in their order for pick up because they need to hide and study to become somebody one day and take a selfie in front of their wall of fame. Enough talking, more eating... Let's sample a few morsels.
Sake juice box... C'mon, what's not to like about this? And at $5 a box, yes pweez. It might take you like 6 sake boxes to do the trick but you will have fun doing it.
Salmon Poke Bowl Shoyu Style, cucumber, avocado, pickled red onion, crispy fried onion, pickled jalapeno, scallion, (poke dressing, sesame oil). Jesus fuck dude, look at this giant crap in a bowl... So, you can choose between salmon or tuna, or octopus for $1 up charge. I asked if they could do a mix of salmon and tuna for a little variety... Counter dude says I think so but let me check, comes back and says naw, they can't do it because it's all portioned out... What? Come again? It's portioned out? Dude, they're using a fucking scooper... Is it that difficult to do a half scoop of each? Neverthefuckmind, broseph, it's too complicated for Emory students to calculate 50/50 back there. Just give me the salmon since I had some rank ass tuna recently at Taco Cowboy... But that's another post (wink wink). Let's get back to the salmon poke bowl... Wait, where's the fucking salmon? Oh, it's buried under all that shit... I could find Jimmy Hoffa easier than the fish in this bowl. Once you have it all mixed up like flushing a toilet, it was somewhat edible... I don't know how people can find this appetizing... But what the fuck do I know about college dining these days. I love the heavy duty recycled bowls they use but every piece of sushi rice just sticks to it like how we used to use left over rice to seal envelopes... There's only a handful of people who knows what the fuck I'm talking about there. But this is what a poke bowl has become, a gentrified crap in a bowl. Ok, it wasn't total garbage but mediocre at best... I would not get this again, ever.
Soft Shell Crab, shredded cabbage, asparagus, pickled jalapeno (jalapeno dressing, garlic dressing). I love it that they have soft shell crab on the menu... Look at it, it's really real fried soft shell crab. That was good but the rest of the bowl was kinda of a snoozer. It's basically all cheap filler in there. There's really nothing else more to it than that. But some people enjoy this kinda stuff... I say have it your way suckaz!
BoruBoru Chicken Burrito, shredded cabbage, asparagus, roasted mushroom, fried onion, (spicy miso, jalapeno dressing). Oh boy, look at this gem... Sooshee burreetoes will be the portable meal of the future... Look out Hot Pockets! C'mon, can you really call this a burrito? It's a giant sushi roll for crying out loud. It's gimmicky as fuck but I had to do it at least once in measly lonely fat body life... And it was terrifying even for the pouch who has eaten it all. The sheet of nori holding this beast together is not exactly bite friendly... It's like tearing foil with your teeth. I get it, it's cool to use nori as the wrapper for the sushi burrito, it makes sense in bizarro world... But what doesn't make sense is the eatability factor on this world. When you bite into it, it just smooshes down and squeeze all the filler out into your mouth or down your chin, the nori itself doesn't break unless you're Jaws from Moonraker. Hell, it kinda reminds me of one of those cheap ice pops in the plastic sleeve. The secret to eating this sushi burrito is to let it sit for awhile until the nori absorbs all the moisture and then it tears apart like wet loose leaf paper. The chicken tasted pretty good, it had good flavor to it. Everything else in it was just kinda there for bulk. This is like carnival food, you get it because you're there and in the moment... But no one is seeking this out purely because they crave it.
The concept is cute and gimmicky, it brings in the students and the curious but after the shtick has worn off, I hope they have another gimmick up their sleeve to turn this space into... My feeling is yes, there will be another fad they can capitalize on in the future, there always is. The staff was nice and helpful... I hope it works out for them. But once is more than enough for this sad sack of pannus.
Emory Point, 1568 Avenue Pl #160
Atlanta, GA 30322
http://boruboru.com/
2 comments:
omg i just fell out over the rice sealed envelopes haaaaaaaaaa memollies
1. Hilarious review of that sake juice box:
"now available in juice box form! Needless to say, my excitement only continued to grow.
…That is, until I tasted it. Presenting aromas of chemically treated cardboard, this sake lacked the melon notes I’d come to expect, replacing them with the unmistakable taste of packaging. Perhaps, I thought, the flavor would improve with time. It didn’t."
http://convictedforgrape.com/region/usa/wine-glass-juice-box-worst-japanese-sake/
2. "Salmon Poke Bowl Shoyu Style ... pickled red onion, crispy fried onion, ... scallion"
What the hell? Too much f**king allium.
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