Morningside Kitchen Restaurant

Rosebud was a neighborhood resto that succeeded because they had the vibe and energy to bring the locals in... They also had a brief PR shtick with the angry chef/owner who destroyed his paying customers on Twitter about the way they looked or what stupid shit they asked for. It's funny to a point but when you're the owner, that might come back and bite you in the lard ass later on... Their success and enthusiasm led to opening The Family Dog across the street, it had a good concept but the execution was sloppy. But their ego and zeal didn't stop them from over estimating and over extending themselves to opening more and more restos... Timone's put out disgraceful NY style 'ZA and Diner dished out ghastly NY style diner fare. And when the customers and money ran out... So, did their ego and chutzpah. They all quietly shut down one by one and sold off what they could... And then crawled into a corner and cried themselves to sleep... Sounds like a normal weekend for the pouch... God, my life is pathetic when it's put down in words.
With primo locations ripe for the pickin', the old Rosebud space has now become another local neighborhood inspired joint... It was a no brainer for the Murphy's crew to open up shop quickly in an already built out space. The interior layout has remained mostly the same, just a little facelift was all that was needed to erase all remnants of the previous failed business. A couple of friends raved about how good it was, then I looked at the menu... Meh. I was in no rush for a menu that pretty much consisted of standard and generic dishes found anywhere.
Weeks passed and I guess it was time to see what all the fuss was about... I walked in around 9:30 on a recent Friday night thinking that it would be jamming with aging hookers drinking shitty white wine and crying into their wine glass at the bar but to my surprise it was nearly empty... Good, I scored an easy seat at the bar. The server tells me that the kitchen closes at 9:40 but the bar will stay open to 11... What? Come again? The kitchen will shut down in 10 minzies so put in an order if you want food. What the fuck is this malarkey? What resto breaks down the kitchen at 9:40 on a Friday night? Did I walk into a Panera or some shit? And why at 9:40? Is that some resto code that I have never heard of? Since, I already knew the menu, I just put in a few classic dishes that they just can't fuck up... But since, the kitchen crew is scratching their sweaty balls to get the fuck outta dodge in 10 minzies, this might get interesting... Let the fucking hunger games begin.

Jumbo Lump Crab Cake, Bread & Butter Pickle, Remoulade, Shaved Spring Radish Salad. For a ridiculous $18 price tag, that crab better had just crawled into the boat that morning. The crab cake was pretty large so it didn't make me feel like I had been bamboozled. There was a decent amount of lump crab meat in there and not a lot of filler and fluff. It was seasoned well and it had a nice golden brown sear... But I don't know if that was remoulade or someone hocked a loogie next to it. The B&B pickles were MIA.. Unless they were inside the crab cake. While it was pretty good overall, it was still priced a bit higher than it really should be. Decent start, though...

Beef Tartare, Beet Carpaccio, Potato Chips. What the fuck is that... Pink slime? It's like the cow did a farmer's blow on that plate. Is that a freshly plucked eyeball next to it? Why on earth would you put a poached egg on there... Did they get confused with brunch? The meat was unnaturally pink and mushy like finely ground chuck from a plastic tube or a tub of Play-Doh. There was no texture to it, it was more like a spread. So, what do you do with the poached egg? You naturally mix it in and turn it into a clump of gooey meat mash, of course... A mistake that you will prolly regret later on the throne. Let's turn this around to the other side, it might look more appetizing...

Nope, it didn't help. Is thinly sliced boiled beets really considered carpaccio? They were ok but unseasoned. The chips were wonderful, though... The use of fingerling taters is just so adorable and cute... Too bad they break apart too easily when you try to spread on some of that meat spackle. I almost wanted to send that meat puck back to the kitchen to cremate it and spread the ashes in the Chattahoochee. I had no clue what kinda of cut they used for this tartare, it was just too pulverized to even try to guess. I don't mind spending $16 for a nice tartare but I could plate the same exact dish twice with a tube of 80/20 ground beef at Kroger for $2.49.

Wood Grilled Hanger Steak, Tricolor Carrots, Spring Onions, Jerusalem Artichokes, Red Wine Butter. This is like one of the most routinely executed dish on every menu across the nation... There's no way they can fuck this up. It looked good at first glance, like literally seeing something from the corner of your eyeball, then you turn your head fully to see the whole picture... All I could imagine was the dude from The Scream. I almost did a Home Alone when I saw the sauce... Was someone giving blood back there? It almost looked like a melted Cherry Garcia ice cream sauce. That's what happens when you use too much wine and too little weak ass stock/demi-glace. Besides the amateur sauce, the steak itself was cooked pretty much spot on at mid rare. Some will say it was too raw, you don't know what raw is until a great dane dry humps you from behind... Nevermind, that's another story. But why would you hack it up like that after grilling a beautiful piece of manmeat? It's fucking baffling... And it was a hideous presentation. Were they in such a rush to get the fuck outta there that they just used a hatchet? Looking at it now, it really does resemble a hatchet wound, someone get some Neosporin, STAT... Ooof, it almost looked like a girl I dated once... Talk about a raw beaver, woof. All the root veggies were good, a nice variety of colors and textures. Clean up the sauce and the presentation a bit and this would be a top seller.

Kale and Wild Mushroom Risotto, Arugula Pesto. What the fuck is this? Did someone with bad allergies blow their nose on a plate in the kitchen? It's like a mix of boil in a bag rice and Alien saliva... It's a wonder how this didn't burn through the plate... Because it's burning the fuck outta my eyeballs. This was absolutely horrifying and mystifying... Look at this gruel, even Oliver Twist wouldn't ask for more. Did they finger paint on the pesto... Don't touch it, the fingerprints are evidence. How can they put this on the menu and charge money for this... It's obscene. No one can look at this and tell you with a straight face that this looks appetizing... Even on Bizarro world. I took two bites... Once to see if I was dreaming and the other to confirm I was awake. It had the texture of wet rice crispies and it was amazingly bland. The few bits of wild shrooms were good but that was about it on this entire dish. The pesto was exactly not what you want with this 'risotto'... If you mixed this all up you can put it in a bucket and use it for the next episode of Double Dare. Needless to say this was pushed off the table.

The food was pretty much a letdown, the service was decent but the green bartender/millennial had no business being behind the bar. She poured a pre-made draft Old Fashioned and it came up to 1/4 of the glass with a giant ice cube in there... Imagine if there was no ice in there, you might as well just pump a few squirts of the OF from a spray bottle into my mouth and call it day. It was like pulling teeth to get her to fill it halfway and that was even short. Jesus, you're not even making the fucking cocktail (thank god)... But learn how to pour one at least. She was very sweet, though... Innocent and clueless at the same time. She took off the risotto with no fuss but was still trying to sell it like it was Guy Fieri's gift to the world... But then finally admitting that her boyfriend hated it, too. Talking to her was like talking to a vintage cigarette machine, there's lots of knobs and buttons to pull and push on but what comes out may be hazardous to your health. Will this joint be a beloved neighborhood joint? I would think prolly so because there's not much else around walking distance here. And with the Murphy's name attached to this place, they will do fine without the pouch... Just don't open a pizzeria any time soon... Or a diner... Then the pouch will have to get medieval on your ass.

1397 North Highland Avenue NE
Atlanta, GA 30306
http://www.morningside-kitchen.com/

B's Cracklin' BBQ

I know my one reader has been clamoring and cursing the pouch to write this shit up... Patience my young pouchawan eater... You'll get nothing and like it. I'll get to it when I get to it... Because when you're a fat fucking marsupial sloth, moving quickly is something that the pouch doesn't do well... That is a luxury only skinny people in Lululemon yoga pants can afford. Plus, this place is in the armpit of Atlanta called the westside. I have to plan this journey like 8 days in advance to this BBQ pit... Based on the reviews, this joint seems to be like a pilgrimage of sorts to the Mecca of smoked manmeats. Basically, everyone has been licking their taint since they opened... Like the useless stretch of skin that the taint is, this BBQ joint is also located on a useless stretch of road that produces an undesirable odor until you pull into their driveway with a cloud of hickory smoke that surrounds you like your grandma's bloomers. The glowing reviews are a good sign that this place is legit but after talking to some BBQ enthusiasts, I will remain neutral until I have tasted the goods.
Walked in and the first thing I got was a big puff of smoke like I was on the set of Friday 4... Puff puff give, Smokey... Shit, if this is gonna be that kinda party, I'm gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes! The heavy whiff of smoke was a real good sign of what the product could be... I was getting a major blood flow. Could all these rave reviews be spot on? Who the fuck knows, but I don't trust shit until that shit is in my mouth... Wait, that didn't come out right. Sat at the bar like the fat hooker that I am... Demanding meat to be rammed inside my facehole and pouch. Let's see if their smoked meats are certified, smokified or borderline certifiable.

Peach Mustard, Spicy Vinegar Sauce and the red ketchup bottle is their regular BBQ sauce. They were ok, but I don't really use sauce anyways.

Fried Pickles. Beautiful golden brown color, crispy and crunchy and they were pickled spot on. They were pretty good and kinda addictive until the manmeat sampler came out... Then they were reduced to a red-headed stepchild and forgotten.

Sampler Plate, pork, chicken, ribs, brisket ($4 up charge), mac & cheez, hash & rice, Cracklin cornbread. This was giving me the meat sweats already without even taking a bite... It's a raining manmeat up in this piece. The one day out of the year I wished I wore underpants. My taint was getting moist from these gorgeous looking smoked manmeat. And smoked they were, properly done and pretty tender throughout. The ribs had a nice thin bark on it and the pink smoke ring said it all.. They were teeth pulled off the bone tender but a tad bit dry, as much as I didn't want to I had to use a little sauce to lube it a bit down my gullet. The chicken was smoked and seasoned nicely as well but it was also a tad bit dry... Let's face it, no one really orders the chicken at BBQ joints like this, it's all about the ribs, brisket and pork. The pulled pork was a mix of new and old meat shreds, some were moist and tender while others were stringy and dry and even a bit off on the color... I'm not surprised that they would mix it up but I would have used the older stuff for stews or what not. Speaking of which I was kinda disappointed that they didn't have Brunswick stew... The mac n cheez was not filled with gooey goodness, it was kinda dry and tasteless, the hash and rice was something a little different than what you see on most BBQ menus. It was like a dry Brunswick stew (hash) on top of rice, not bad at all but not something I would order again. I shoulda prolly stuck with the beans and greens. The Cracklin' cornbread was like a flapjack with slivers of pig ears in it... They were hard as fuck to chew and after a few bites I was over it... It mighta been better with bits of crunchy pork rinds/skins in there for that "Cracklin'" factor, maybe they shoulda called it "Chewin' cornbwead" instead. Last but not least... The brisket, well, I'll let the pouch tell y'all about it next...

Brisket, up close and personal. Very smokey, nice bark, a faint smoke ring and pretty tender overall. They coulda trimmed the fat a little bit more at certain spots because they just didn't fully render but it didn't affect the overall end product. The brisket was pretty good but it was also a tad bit dry... Nothing that a little spicy vinegar sauce couldn't fix. But I was wondering what did they do with the drippings... I mean that juice is like the holiest of holy and I love juice from any hole. Any meat dipped or soaked in it's own drippings can turn a regular old piece of meat flap into an amazing piece of man meat. I wished they did that with the brisket and the other meats as well. It wasn't bad in any way, shape or form... It was a very nice specimen of what a smoked brisket should be but all I can think of was how much better it woulda been with the drippings.

Banana Pudding. If they got it on the menu, it's going into my snout... There's something magical about washing down all that manmeat with a proper banana puddin' rogering... And they did not disappoint. This was a creamy gooey banana pudding with the correct amount of nilla wafers incorporated just right, not too much and not too little, they were also just spot on with the softness of the wafers in there. It's a nice banana pudding... But I gotta say Community Q's BP might still be the best one in the city.

The BBQ here is legit and the service was surprisingly good, it's a great addition to the 'cue scene in this city which is getting better and better every year... But there's still only a handful of time tested BBQ joints that will end up on my regular rotation... This joint is on the bottom of that list which is not bad only because of the shitty location and the meats didn't hit it outta da park for the pouch on this visit. There's no doubt that they know what they are doing and the quality is there, you can smell, see and taste it... I will be back again but next time I will go earlier for the fresher meats that just came out of the smoker. I will report back and hopefully, next time, it will blow my mind... Then I'm going around the corner to get my other brain blown... Zippp... Slap slap squirt.

2061 Main St NW
Atlanta, GA 30318
http://www.bscracklinbbq.com/ 

Smokehouse Pizza

I have been seeing this goddamn Little Caesar's commercial for what seems like months if not years... What the fuck is this shit? I have never eaten a Little Caesar's pizza, ever... Never seemed like a good idea like flying a kite during an electrical storm with your manhood tied to the end of a string with a key dangling off of it as an experiment. This post is almost as absurd as this fucking mook on their new smokehouse 'ZA commercial but I gotta admit, it makes me laugh every time... I mean who the fuck is Big Moe Cason? Is he related to Big Toe Hulka? He's like a pitbull in overalls barking out shit behind a chain linked fence when a sassy poodle walks by... Certified, beefified! Certified, hogafied! Certified, baconfied!  Blah blah blah... It's like a yappy little chihuahua, makes you want to punt it off a bridge or something. Seriously, how fucking annoying is that douche nozzle... And exactly at that moment the fucking commercial comes on... Right on cue. This thing is insane, it looks so ridiculous.
I said to my pannus, we are not gonna eat that thing... Anyone that does should be considered borderline certifiable. Jesus, I may need to go back to my OS (Obesity Society) meetings again... Hello. My name is Flappy Pouchburger. My friends call me Pouch. You might have noticed that, uh, I've got a slight weight problem. Yeah, yeah I do. Yeah, I do. I went to this doctor. Well, he told me I swallowed a lot of aggression... along with a lot of pizzas!
Speaking of 'ZA... They claim that their new smokehouse pizza contains 8 hour smoked brisket, 10 hour smoked pulled pork and applewood smoked bacon, drizzled with tangy BBQ sauce plus a smokehouse seasoned crust... Certified, smokified!
Jesus, this is the stupidest blog ever... Who reads this shit? Anyone with any common sense just close this tab down, now, before you get cursed. God, I'm such a fucking loser and a failure in life... I can't even run to the mailbox without wheezing. Calgon, take me the fuck away... But then I realized that the pouch has never refused a gastronomical challenge, it has also never let my one reader down... And the pouch ain't gonna start now with this silly creasture. I will accept Little Caesar's heinous monstrous diabolical challenge... 9 for all pouchkind. Yes, this beast was $9... I am so fucked. I can already feel the IBS brewing in the depths of my offal.

Look at this beelzebub... How the fuck do they get it so perfectly round? I mean it's like a perfect circle... Scientists can use this to calibrate their instruments. Why is this spinning? The more I stare at it, the more it looks like it's moving. That is some real Jigsaw horror shit right there... There better not be a doll on a bicycle behind me... Imma skeered. Does it look like someone puked on it? I can't tell... It's like a trailer park version of Jackson Pollock. So many questions.. So little answers.

Close up of the incubus... I'm waiting for it to crawl out of the box. Look closely, it really does have almost three types of mystery meats on there... Give it a few jolts from a 9 volt, test it on your tongue first, it may come back to life. I don't think I have ever waited this long to put something in my facehole... It's fucking scary, yo. I broke a slice off and my fingers were instantly full of grease... Jesus, did they bake this in an old Datsun's oil pan? Why is it so friggin greasy? Still so many questions... I'm gonna have to bite the bullet sooner or later... I'm just waiting to make sure it's fully dead, not mostly dead, but fully dead. Ok, I'm gonna take a bite now... Gonna. Take. A. Bite. Now... Holy shit, it's not bad at all. What the fuck is this? Some type of sorcery? Who baked this 'ZA, Merlin? Took another bite... Why does this taste good to me all of the sudden? Before I knew it, I inhaled 3 slices... I ate 3 slices and don't remember tasting a goddamn thing. And how did 3 hours gone by so fast and now the box is totally empty... And I'm still hungry, WTF? This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy... Now, I feel like jumping into a pool, nekid and ordering a cheeseburger. Oh, wait, it was 4/20 wasn't it? Goddamn it, my taste buds got bamboozled again by that Sativa! I tell ya what, this smokehouse 'ZA, is a gift from god for any cannabis enthusiast... Stay lifted, y'all.

Chili's

After working for 13 hours on a Friday and getting home at 9pm... Sometimes, you just don't want to do jack shit except guzzle a gallon of party liquor and rail a 8 ball to get your groove back... And that's exactly what I did. I kept drankin' and opening different bottles of whiskey and was procrastinating big time on where to eat dinnah. By the time I checked the clock it was after 10pm and many places were breaking down the kitchen already... While I was breaking out the yey. This reduces my options to only a handful of joints in my hood because I didn't want to drive that far for some grub since I was kinda sauced up. Then my uncle called to ask me about some new BBQ joint on the westside and if I ever had the ribs there... That fat bastard fucking loves his ribs. I'm like no, tio, I haven't tried their ribs yet and then he starts singing softly... "I want my baby back baby back baby back ribs... Chili's baby back ribs... BBQ sauce." and click, that mofo hung up just like that. Now, that song will be stuck on repeat in my fat body for the rest of the night... Shit, come to think of it, I have never been to a Chili's. They didn't have that shit in NYC growing up... Do they even have them ITP? It's such a OTP kinda chain joint... Wait, there's one in Lindbergh but fuck that noise, I ain't going anywhere near Wet Willies on a friday night. Let me ask my cybernetic life partner... Alexa, is there a Chili's dump near me? Look in your underpants that whore replies... Touche touche you AI skank... I'm gonna give you a proper rogering later. Come to think of it, there's one in Toco Hills next to the Outback that's open late and not a slutty rainbow slushy frozen drink spot anywhere in sight but there's usually a bunch of little floozies in cheerleading rags licking on the head of their ice cream cones at Bruster's which is hidden in the woods behind Chili's... How fucking convenient. No wonder why their boyfriends bring them here- dense foliage, high skirts, gaudy lipstick, edible undies, dun and dunzo. Fuck, I can't believe I'm going to this joint, I have maintained to stay away for this long, I'm talking decades... But I will, no, I must go and report back for my one reader. And mostly because I'm buzzed off my ass and hungry as fuck right now.
Walked in for first time ever... Ok, this doesn't look that bad... If it was still 1988. Jesus, look at this place... I shoulda worn my acid washed jeans and tight roll those fuckers. It really does look like the commercials from the 90's and the waitresses... Woof. Sat at a booth, they got these tablets you can order from, how modern... I have no clue how to use these except to order drinks, out of all the things on this fucking gadget, I figure out how to get booze... Only if I could get booze out of a stone I would be set for life... But I'm not that lucky. Well, since I'm already here, let's just get it over with... Ooo, the cocktails are really cheap here... Fuck yeah, let's go...

Whiskey Ginger... For 3-fucking-$'s. C'mon, you can't twang your wang for cheaper... Just don't tell them you're Jewish, ok, fine. Speaking of cheap, I have no clue what kinda whiskey they were using but the server said, it's something like Mistor Bourbon.You can't even Google that shit, it's that exclusive or is that elusive... Who cares where it's from, for 3 clams, I'll drink it even if it had a beard on it... Hairy clam is back in style if y'all didn't know. Hey, sweetheart, bring me a cocktail every 10 minutes, if I pass out bring one out every 15 minutes, ok? I'm gonna get fucking lit tonight...

Triple Dipper. Fried pickles, chicken crispers, big mouth bites. This might be the biggest redneck sampler I have ever seen... It's like a buffet at a trailer park... And I'm totally digging it. It was so trashy, I friggin loved it... Totally fits the decor in here. I love how they don't even separate the slider buns, they just basically cooked one rectangular piece of ground beef and slapped it on there, you have to tear it apart like a savage in Deliverance... Squeal like a pig I say! They were nothing special, just plain old mini burgers. The fried pickles were pretty damn decent,though, did I just say that out loud? Fuck it, they were and the triple dipping sauces were not disgusting either, didn't find any nose hairs or flies in there, yay! The chicken tenders were crunchy as fuck but they were kinda dry because they were so skinny... Not terrible just pretty much as expected. This low rent deal-a-meal sampler was actually edible... Almost baffling.

Ultimate Smokehouse Combo. Sounds beefy doesn't it... It almost makes me wanna say "certified, beefified!" I did the $2 up charge for the half rack of house-smoked baby back ribs because that's what my fat bastard uncle would do... And I also wanted to see what all the fuss was about on their famous baby back baby back baby back ribs. This also came with the new smoked bone-In BBQ chicken breast, new jalapeño-cheddar smoked sausage new roasted street corn, homestyle fries, chile-garlic toast and house-made garlic dill pickles. Let's get right to the ribs... They are just covered with BBQ sauce. I get it, that's the only way to hide the reheating technique of the pre-fabbed ribs... Just open the vacuum packed bag, nuke it for a few seconds and toss it on the grill for a little charring and bathe it in sauce... "Certified, grillified!" The shit was so sweet and cloying that after six $3 cocktails didn't even cut through that HFCS wall. The meat was pretty tender though... But that's because it was prolly pre-boiled at the commissary. I have no clue why there's all the fuss about these riblets... It's basically a large bone-in McRib minus the bun. The chicken and sausage was pretty much plebeian spec. The street corn was actually pretty good and the fries were there as a plate filler to give it mass. For under $20, I guess it's worth trying at least once in this measly life. I don't know how they managed to sell this shit for as long as they have and make money doing it... Oh, wait, nevermind... I just remembered where I was. I blacked out for a minzie there. 

I'm glad to find out once and for all that I was missing absolutely nothing in my life with this place and the grub they're slinging... But I tell y'all what... Those fucking $3 cocktails could lure me back to the bar in here... Most likely with a skank that I picked up at Bruster's. C'mon, mama pouch taught me you gotta treat a lady pouchette right with a nice dinnah if you want some action Jackson afterwards... Then you can slay it six ways to Sunday in the foliage behind Bruster's. Now, that's a classy move right there... Eating here on a regular basis, not so much.

Royal Myanmar Cuisine

There is no shortage of ethnic cuisine on Buford Highway... That long stretch of road is basically a third world country with unlimited amount of ethnic grub that can be had... If you're lucky you might even find an UXO buried along the way as a souvenir. Everyone's been to all the main players on this stretch- Chinese, Taiwanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Malaysian, Indonesian, Mediterranean, El Salvadorian, Mexican, Bangladeshi, Indian... It's like the fucking United Nations. But a very not well known cuisine has been under-represented in this pretty diverse area that has exploded with more and more options in recent years... Ironically, you're not gonna find strictly Burmese cuisine on Bufo Hwy, but you can get it in the refugee haven of Clarkston. What's that... Where the fuck is Clarkston, you ask? Well, it's the same place where you will find the most sophisticated and world-class dancers performing their repertoire to the hottest new music in the most state-of-the-art and luxurious high-class club where discriminating gentlemen and couples can slip away into fantasyland... At the motherfucking world famous, Strokers! But we will not be eating there on this post or any other post... We're gonna be dining with royalty tonight... Because that's how I roll... And hopefully, I will roll out the door after consuming mass amounts of Burmese vittles. Let's see if we will feast like kings in this ex-hot winglanta joint... The funny thing is that they have wings on the menu, I bet they bought that inventory up for dirt cheap from the previous failure.
The place was dead except for a goofy roundeye couple in the corner table... He was wearing tube socks with mandals and his counterpart had on a moo-moo (sun tarps are so hot right now).... And then all of the sudden a kid pops out from underneath her stylish tarpaulin... It scared the shit outta me, literally, I think I was touching cotton. Grabbed a table and waited and waited... A little girl comes out from behind the counter and brings over some menus... She was like 3 apples high. How many more fucking little kids are gonna start popping out from nowhere? It's like a fucking sweatshop in Burma... But y'all know what that means... The grub will be crazy authentic. The pouch was excited like a peeping turtle.
Then the chef/owner dude comes out to take the order, he was super nice but could barely understand him... Ordered up the palata right away. He comes back 3 minzies later and says we are not making them right now, only for breakfast. I'm like what the fuck dude... Why couldn't you tell me this earlier? You're the cook and that was like the wackiest excuse to not make them. Then I said, let's get the eggrolls then... He says, that's breakfast food, too. We don't have any for dinner. At this point, I'm thinking maybe I shoulda ate at Strokers, instead... Because this joint smelled and looked just like the VIP room but at least I'll be popping bottles and models over there. I basically gave up and just ordered whatever he had available or was willing to make... I think y'all know how this will end...

 

Buu Thee Gyaw. What did you just call me? Oh, this is a bottle gourd tempura with tamarind sauce... Gotcha. Look at this sad display basket... I have seen better plating at Captain D's with their fish sticks and they give you fries also... All I got was this wack ass tamarind sauce that was more like Mae Ploy straight from the bottle and a few leaves of lettuce. The fried gourd was bland, I'm talking totally unseasoned... It coulda been a sliced up Nerf football tempura battered and fried and I wouldn't even known the difference. Weak start.

Lah Pet Thoke. Tea leaf salad- pickled tea leaves, fried peas, garlic, sesame seeds, peanuts, yellow dal and cabbage... Oh, it also comes with rice. This was the dish that I was most interested in to test their background. It was only decent tasting. It just seemed so rushed and the layers of flavor didn't compliment each other the way it should. Mixed it up and let it sit for a bit, still didn't make any noticeable difference except for the pool of oil at the bottom of the plate. I had high hopes for this dish with it's mixed textures and flavors, but it lacked the proper tea leaf fermentation and acidity to make this dish pop... They did top it off with a handful of small dry shrimp which was a nice touch. I don't know... Maybe I should come during breakfast for this dish like everything else.

Kyay Oh. Pork organ meats soup, vermicelli noodle, yu choy, tofu, quail eggs. Another classic simple comfy dish... It looked and smelled pretty decent but we all know looks and smells can be deceiving... Like at Strokers. The broth was light but flavorful enough to keep the pouch slurping for more. The ground pork was supposed to be offal but it tasted more like plain old ground pork than organ meat... The amount was kinda chintzy and the ragged wads looked freshly picked from the oinker's own snout. The quail eggs, vermicelli and greens were spot on. This noodle bowl was more like something you can make with the leftovers in your fridge than something you would pay for in a resto. It wasn't bad but the composition and execution was severely lacking. It also seemed rushed out without any care or attention to the details.

Fried Noodles. What in lord's name is this... Just open up your freezer and pull out a bag of Kroger mixed veggies, the precooked salad shrimp and chicken bits and a can of La Choy chow mein noodles... Throw all that shit in a wok and voila! This was not good on so many levels... I wouldn't even serve this to prisoners in solitary confinement. This was like something a college kid would make on a hot plate in the closet of a dorm room stoned out of his fucking mind. Jesus, I can't take it anymore, I can't even look at it... Send out some of that pickled tea leaves, I need to smoke something, anything to get high as a mofo. This was such an embarrassment... Maybe that's why they ain't on Buford Hwy.

I had such high hopes for this joint... And I really don't want to piss on them, but it was pretty much a shitshow dish after dish on this visit... Perhaps I ordered the wrong dishes but when the cook doesn't want to make it, you're kinda limited to what they can really do. I mean you gotta have something more than just a great back story behind your journey from refugee to becoming a small business/resto owner. We all love the rags to riches stories but the end product needs to be as good as you claim and it also needs to be available to paying customers. They seem like very nice, humble and hard working people but this visit was a total letdown... I have not written them off yet and if I ever get up early enough for breakfast on a weekend, I might stop by for that palata and eggrolls... Or I can just stumble in after Strokers closes.

1353 Brockett Rd
Clarkston, GA 30021

Magnolia Room Cafeteria

So, this place birthed from the demise of S&S Cafeteria... Like the phoenix rising out of the ashes of a hobo's dumpster fire under a bridge. The story goes a little something like this... A long time patron was so saddened by their closure because Kroger wanted to expand and millennialize their product mix into the S&S space that he said fuck this noise and opened up his own joint to honor it... And he also hired many of the ex-employees, too. I like his style but will the pouch like his moves in this southern buffet food clone in upstate Tucker... Only one way to find out... Jesus, why did Children of the Corn just started playing in my head movies?
As I was parking the fat mobile, I was mesmerized by the streams of Life Alert toting folks in second hand church gear and Dr. Scholl's footwear funneling into the front door like salmon going up stream to die... Shit, most of these people were not too far from it. I walked in and it was clean and sterile like a funeral home with a sprinkle of floral arrangements, turned the corner and hit the holy grail of steam tables... Come to think of it, some of the patrons wished they had the holy grail here to drink from. The menu is simple and to the point with the classic country noshery items. The Magnolia Plate with a drink for $8.50 is prolly your best bet to sample this middle school cafeteria style gruel. Well, naturally, I have to do two samplings because one deal a meal is just not enough beat off material if I was gonna be eating with the oldies.
Sliding the tray down the line on those metal rails reminded me of my days back at Faber college behind John Blutarsky... Boy, could that fat fuck eat. I could only aspire to his hunky physique and athleticism. The entire system here was efficient and moved quickly. After I got all the shit on the tray and turn the corner to the dining room... I thought I walked into a senior assisted living facility. Did I get on the wrong line? Fuck me, it was dead quiet... Except for the muffled sounds of Poligrip assisted mastication... You can't unhear that unearthly grinding. I grab a seat near the door just in case if there was fire, you do not want to get stuck in the middle of a geriatric stampede... Makes Pamplona look like a child's birthday party. They may move slow but they sure can eat the fuck outta some cafeteria vittles. The staff was ultra nice and they knew all the patrons by name as if they were registered senior caregivers... You can wipe my face but I'll pass on the sponge bath... Unless you turn off the lights and rub the pouch... It's the gas tank to my love machine. Enough of the pouch's sexual prowess, let's take a look at the gumable grub...

When people ask me if I want to do a line... I'm like, this is not the bathroom... The spread looks impressive at first but once you get up close and personal to the sneeze guard window pane, the items looked kinda worn out under all those heat lamps. Keep going down the line... The golden prize is near!

Fried Chicken, Turnip Greens, Broccoli Cheesy Rice. I get to the fried chicken and it looked pretty good. I ask the gal back there what pieces do you get with the Magnolia plate? She's like you will get a lot. I'm like, good mofo because I like cheekan. She gives me a breast quarter and a thigh. I'm like, I can work with that. I get the pre-checkout slip at the end of the line and I see an add-on for like $5, that's more than half the cost of the combo plate... I'm like what the fuck is this, yo? The guy is like you got a half a chicken there, fatty... No, super old dude, there's no leg on there. All I wanted was the Magnolia plate portion, so he takes the small thigh off. I'm like you were gonna charge me five fucking dollars for a pigeon thigh? Lord have mercy! And I got like 5 Amens in the background. Jesus is in da hizzy! For $8.50, the properly portioned Magnolia plate was more than enough food and you get free refills on sweet tea, prune juice or whatever. The fried chicken had a medium thick crust on there and it was quite crispy and the inside was moist and juicy. Not a bad fwied cheekan at all. The turnip greens were bland, unseasoned and tasted like soaked nori sheets. The broc cheezy rice was a lot better but mushy... I get it. All the sides are made to be easily slid into your mouth and swallowed... That's what Blanche Devereaux said. 

Chicken Pot Pie, Mac n Cheez, Corn. The cheekan pot pie is made in a giant hotel pan which was not surprising but there just ain't enough crust to go around with each order. They slop down a ton of the creamy filler but not enough crunchy crust which we all know is the best part of a pot pie or pan pie in this case. The filling was actually seasoned nicely, chunky and creamy. The mac n cheese was dry, almost powdery, and totally unseasoned... This was more like dry mac and cheese crumbles, awful... And this was supposed to be a southern joint? The corn mixture was a lot better and seasoned... Maybe they should just throw some cheese crumbles on top with a few squirts of mayo and dust it with cayenne and chili powder and call it a cobless elote... Since, you will never find a corn on the cob in this joint... Or else it will be just a room full of chattering teeth on the floor. The corn bread was acceptable, a little on the dense side but that's because it's been sitting under a heat lamp for lord knows how long.

It's nice that "Mr. Louis" with no prior resto industry experience opened up this joint to pay homage to the shuttered S&S cafe and to give the ex-employees a job so that they don't end up smoking crack under a bridge... But the food was really nothing special here, ok, maybe the fried chicken was pretty decent but this ain't no destination spot with or without said cheekan... They don't want to be. It's simple country cooking and it's cheap and it fills a niche within the blue hair crowd. It ain't hipster, trendy or gluten free... Even Yelpers aren't clawing all over themselves to be the first to review this joint... And that's the way they want this place to be and I'm ok with that... I prolly won't be back anytime soon in the next decade but it ain't gonna hurt their feelings or mine. Lord, bless the food on the table they're about to gum and their hearts.

4450 Hugh Howell Rd #10
Tucker, GA 30084
http://magnoliaroomtucker.com/

Nam Phuong

We all know that the best thing for a massive hangover is a big bowl of the all curing pho... And it looks like the roundeyes are starting to come out of their shell and self-medicating themselves with some ancient Asian secwets as well. After a night of self loathing binge drinking of anything that resembles brown party liquor, I usually require a few doses of my morning after pill... And that pharmacy is called Nam Phuong. The weekends are the worst time to come here because it's a fucking madhouse... Literally. Every fucking nutjob and cuckoo is present and accounted for here... And the lady running the joint could be a shoe in for nurse Ratched, commanding this institution with an iron fist and battleaxe. But I don't care... I'm fat, drunk and stupid... And I make terrible debilitating life choices... But this is not one of them. I have always been a cheerleader for this joint because they fucking slay it every time I come here... What nailed it for me was their fish sauce glazed wings that I had almost a decade ago, one of the sickest dishes I have tasted coming out of any kitchen. Their family menus are one of the best values around and no one knows about it. But this has become my go to hangover spot recently... It used to be Lee's but they have dumbdown their pho so much over the last few years, it's disappointing and dishonorable to their family that they really should commit seppuku, but their bread is still pretty kickass (buy a shitload for $1 after 4pm!).
Enough chitchat... Time to abort this hangover today... And then do it all over again tonight.

Rice Cakes. These little nuggets are some of the best nibbles on the menu... So many people just bypass these and they are missing out. These were the best execution I have ever had here on this visit. The crispy crust on the outside, tender rice cake inside and the scrambled egg tying this mess all together absorbs the boozy devil outta ya.

Pho, meatballs, tendon, tripe. A big bowl of cow offal is udderly awesome for any type of substance abuse the night before. The soothing silky beef bone broth will get you down from that high. There is nothing like filling my fat body with a gallon of this holy water to wash away the pain that is my measly meager and trivial existence. The tripe and tendon help replace my empty soul and the meatballs to fill my wrinkled satchel to make me feel a man again.

Bun Bo Hue. If you can't exorcise the demon within with the two previous antidotes then their spicy bun bo hue will burn that mofo to the bowels of hell... Ok, it's not that spicy, it's like a 5 out of 10. But it's filled to the brim with stuff only a cannibal could love... And the pouch. Pig blood cubes, shanks, oxtails, pig knuckles, pig nads, brains, ears, fingers, toes and taints... It's like the Vietnamese Prego, it's motherfucking in there, yo. A couple of years ago, I was on a mission for the best bun bo hue in this one horse town, I went all around and only found a handful of Viet joints that did this bowl and only two joints were acceptable in the end... This joint and another that was not on Bufo Hwy. It's not the best BBH I have ever tasted but for the convenience and price this will do to cure that hangover and clean out your bowels. 

My frivolous life is just one neverending vicious cycle... Drunk, sober, drunk, squirt, sober, drunk, flush, sober, drunk, burp. That's what happens when you make a deal with Louis Cypher at the bottom of the bottle. But luckily, Nam Phuong is my angel heart. I'm ready for more whiskey... Gulp, burp, repeat... And then cry myself to sleep again.

 4051 Buford Hwy NE
Atlanta, GA 30345

BoruBoru Sushi Burrito+Bowl

Sweet baby Jesus, their name is longer than their menu... Oh, this is gonna be a treat and a feast for my one reader's eyeballs. This whole poke fad is making me mad... When did people start to give two shits about poke in this one horse town? Tuna tartare is like the most adventurous thing on most menus that the roundeyes will eat. But have no fear, if there's a current fad or trend going on in the nation, the good old ATL will sprout up some joints that will cater to those tastes... Whether they have a developed palate or not, doesn't really matter when it comes to this kinda gimmicky grub. Ok, Emory Point in reality only has one real resto, which is General Muir, everything else in there is basically common gruel... But more than half of the places there are really there to cater towards the Emory children and their daddy's unlimited bank account.
Let's see what else is there to eat here... Papi's just opened and they are actually ok at their other locations, Marlow's, Tin Lizzy are both kinda trailer park-ish, Paradise Biryani was filthy inside and the food tasted like it, Chow Mei Mei is slutty as expected which is good in some ways, Fresh to Order snooze, Which Wich whatever, Burgerfi just quietly went belly up, remember La Tagliatelle and Marcello's that took over the space? Neither does anyone else. And then there's the newish Aladdin's which I may be tempted to try just because Halal Guys sucked so much ass but they were as dead as the person who did the Genie's voice inside (I didn't want to say Robin Williams and butthurt my newest reader's fweelings, oh shit, too late, sucka! but keep clicking, though). And last but not least... This gimmicky sushi burrito and poke bowl joint with the giant logo wall out front so you can take selfies as if you were somebody impotent... Wait, that's important.. Same difference.
So, you order at the counter and you can make almost everything on the menu into a burrito or a crap in a bowl... Ok, sounds simple enough. I gotta admit, they were pushing the envelope a little bit up in this piece with the salmon skin, BBQ eel and soft shell crab... C'mon, that's fucking ballsy for the college children eating in here. Yes, the entire place was all student children and a lot of them called in their order for pick up because they need to hide and study to become somebody one day and take a selfie in front of their wall of fame. Enough talking, more eating... Let's sample a few morsels.

Sake juice box... C'mon, what's not to like about this? And at $5 a box, yes pweez. It might take you like 6 sake boxes to do the trick but you will have fun doing it.

Salmon Poke Bowl Shoyu Style, cucumber, avocado, pickled red onion, crispy fried onion, pickled jalapeno, scallion, (poke dressing, sesame oil). Jesus fuck dude, look at this giant crap in a bowl... So, you can choose between salmon or tuna, or octopus for $1 up charge. I asked if they could do a mix of salmon and tuna for a little variety... Counter dude says I think so but let me check, comes back and says naw, they can't do it because it's all portioned out... What? Come again? It's portioned out? Dude, they're using a fucking scooper... Is it that difficult to do a half scoop of each? Neverthefuckmind, broseph, it's too complicated for Emory students to calculate 50/50 back there. Just give me the salmon since I had some rank ass tuna recently at Taco Cowboy... But that's another post (wink wink). Let's get back to the salmon poke bowl... Wait, where's the fucking salmon? Oh, it's buried under all that shit... I could find Jimmy Hoffa easier than the fish in this bowl. Once you have it all mixed up like flushing a toilet, it was somewhat edible... I don't know how people can find this appetizing... But what the fuck do I know about college dining these days. I love the heavy duty recycled bowls they use but every piece of sushi rice just sticks to it like how we used to use left over rice to seal envelopes... There's only a handful of people who knows what the fuck I'm talking about there. But this is what a poke bowl has become, a gentrified crap in a bowl. Ok, it wasn't total garbage but mediocre at best... I would not get this again, ever.

Soft Shell Crab, shredded cabbage, asparagus, pickled jalapeno (jalapeno dressing, garlic dressing). I love it that they have soft shell crab on the menu... Look at it, it's really real fried soft shell crab. That was good but the rest of the bowl was kinda of a snoozer. It's basically all cheap filler in there. There's really nothing else more to it than that. But some people enjoy this kinda stuff... I say have it your way suckaz!  

BoruBoru Chicken Burrito, shredded cabbage, asparagus, roasted mushroom, fried onion, (spicy miso, jalapeno dressing). Oh boy, look at this gem... Sooshee burreetoes will be the portable meal of the future... Look out Hot Pockets! C'mon, can you really call this a burrito? It's a giant sushi roll for crying out loud. It's gimmicky as fuck but I had to do it at least once in measly lonely fat body life... And it was terrifying even for the pouch who has eaten it all. The sheet of nori holding this beast together is not exactly bite friendly... It's like tearing foil with your teeth. I get it, it's cool to use nori as the wrapper for the sushi burrito, it makes sense in bizarro world... But what doesn't make sense is the eatability factor on this world. When you bite into it, it just smooshes down and squeeze all the filler out into your mouth or down your chin, the nori itself doesn't break unless you're Jaws from Moonraker. Hell, it kinda reminds me of one of those cheap ice pops in the plastic sleeve. The secret to eating this sushi burrito is to let it sit for awhile until the nori absorbs all the moisture and then it tears apart like wet loose leaf paper. The chicken tasted pretty good, it had good flavor to it. Everything else in it was just kinda there for bulk. This is like carnival food, you get it because you're there and in the moment... But no one is seeking this out purely because they crave it.    

The concept is cute and gimmicky, it brings in the students and the curious but after the shtick has worn off, I hope they have another gimmick up their sleeve to turn this space into... My feeling is yes, there will be another fad they can capitalize on in the future, there always is. The staff was nice and helpful... I hope it works out for them. But once is more than enough for this sad sack of pannus.

Emory Point, 1568 Avenue Pl #160
Atlanta, GA 30322
http://boruboru.com/

Petit Chou

I first noticed this little shack when I rode by to Brother Moto's grand opening party (their new space fucking rocks, makes me wanna whip my cock out for them in excitement but they might not see it)... Then I remember reading a little snippet about this joint in some local rag. A little Fronch bistro in this area? Who the hell is gonna come here for frog vittles... Then I remembered that's what they said about Home Grown years ago and look at them now. Shit, this area has been such a shithole for so long that it's finally getting the makeover it deserves recently with renovations and new builds all around this area. This little bistro gives the area a breath of fresh air and it will be the start of something bigger. I have no clue how the grub will be but I assume it will be a decent coffee breakfast lunch spot that will focus on the locals and sourcing locally. It's a small place with a large wrap around bar in the center with tables along the perimeter... I like it, it looks cozy and neighborly like. Let's take a first look on some classics... I hope it doesn't disappoint, please don't suck ass, baby Jesus, please...

Petit Dejeuner Ville du Chou/ Cabbagetown Breakfast Bowl, grits, Tillamook Farms sharp cheddar, bacon (chicken sausage, ham or veggie sausage), poached egg, argula, tomato concasse. That is some fucking long ass description for a simple bowl of grits with crap on top. It kinda reminds of Tupelo Honey's breakfast bowls... Hmmm, but don't tell them that... Shhhh, hush little fat pouch don't you cry, Petit Chou's gonna feed you now. It's a decent size portion for breakfast, if you're one them peoples who eat breakfast... I think breakfast is for wimps. So, I eat my breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon like a real man (or pretend to be). I was more curious about this bowl than I was hungry for it... Yes, I do stupid things like order food that I don't really want but I'm all about FOMO... You know, the fear of missing out... It's ok the pouch was prepared for at least 5 dishes for lunch today. The bacon was cooked spot on, like perfect color, crunch, fat content and grease factor... This bacon should be on a fucking commercial. The tomato concasse was peeled and seeded nicely but what stood out was that they had a little kick to them as if they added a little vinegar in there. The arugula was more for color and the bitter flavor to offset the heavy flavors in the bowl which wasn't really necessary but I get it that they needed color and filler in the bowl. The grits coulda been a bit more creamier but it worked with the cheddar lightly melted on top. The poached egg was not as runny as it shoulda been to coat all the goodies in the bowl. Overall, it's a decent breakfast bowl but there is a lot of room for improvement on this... Like adding some light gravy to it to give it that extra homey comfy factor to it.

Croque Madame, grilled ham & cheese melt, dijon, gruyere, poached egg. This is prolly the main reason I came here... I just can't say no to a croque. They had both the monsieur and madame... And since I'm an egg slut (oh, I wished there was an Eggslut here), I had to go with the one with egg. This was unlike most classic croque madames... It was stuffed with so much ham. The gruyere melted on top is a common thing now. You usually don't see it with a poached egg on top, mostly a fried egg to give it that slight grease factor and the little crunch on edges of the fried egg. If the poached egg was runnier, it woulda worked for me... I like runny yolks on top of the croque madame. It was kinda silly taking a bite of the sando and then a bite of the egg separately, when it should be all in the same bite. But as a whole, all the classic flavors were there... They may want to make a couple of minor adjustments to make this a craveworthy croque. I still liked it... But I would try the monsieur first before getting this again.

Biscuits & Gravy, housemade southern swiss dairy buttermilk biscuits, chicken sausage gravy, poached egg. This afternoon breakfast was beginning to look more and more like lunch and dinner combined for the pouch... But who can resist an order of biscuits & gravy on the side? It was either this or the morning biscuit... I know it's not exactly a fronch bistro type of grub but I had to have one or the other since they are the litmus test of a good southern breakfast joint. I know what y'all are thinking... Are you really gonna eat that too you fat fuck? Fuck yeah I am... I never leave a bowl unturned or behind. Ok, it's no comfy chicken but it's got what it takes to make the pouch smile... The poached egg was there again, even though it wasn't runny once again to layer the yolk all over everything, but what it lacked in yolkiness it had flavor, real tasty flavor from the chicken sausage gravy that drenched every bite. The biscuit had texutre and held together well unlike so many other biscuits that falls apart when you breathed on it. It was so tasty I even licked the bowl like a dog in front of everyone... With this crowd, there wasn't even a blink of an eye on what I did. Fuck yeah, I like this place already after only a couple bites of the menu.

It seems like every dish on the menu had a poached egg in it... They must really love poaching eggs... Or was Louis Cyphre cooking in the back? He loves eggs just as much as the pouch does. Even though, the poached egg was more on the solid yolk side, I was still ok with them putting them in almost every dish... At least there's a theme here. Overall, I like what I'm seeing and tasting here so far. A few tweaks here and there on the simple menu and I think it will be a hit with the locals. When this fucking rain stops in forty days and forty nights, their outside patio will be a nice little spot to enjoy your grub. They are only serving breakfast and lunch for now and will eventually do dinner when they're good and ready to... Can't wait to see what's on the dinner menu and booze list. 

662 Memorial Dr SE
Atlanta, GA 30312
http://petitchouatl.com/

Food Terminal

I know my one reader has been waiting ages and ages for this post...
The famous line, "If you build it they will come", did not get lost in translation up in this piece, not one goddamn bit, with the Sweet Hut crew and their newest hippest trending food hall spot... The Food Terminal. They know Engrish very well and this joint is evidence of it... Every motherfucker has been fudge packing this spot since it opened... You can't even get through the front door without someone bumping and grinding your ass cheeks with their junk. The excitement over this new spot just increased the Asian population by another 5 million... Who needs the little blue pill when you have FT. There's a lot of pumping and squirting up in this piece. Jesus, these slopes hit pay dirt with this concept... Why didn't I fucking invest? But there's always FT2 in the future...
The location can't be any better, the visibility from Bufo Hwy is right in your face. The space inside has an industrial look and feel... It's cavernous and spacious. The open kitchen out front is for show and there's also another kitchen in the back to handle the massive volume this place has been doing since day one. They ain't fucking around here... It's a goddamn slaughterhouse in here. They get you through the front door as quick as they can, sit your fat ass down and you consume and consume until you're bloated like a puffer fish.
 The menu book is ridiculous, it's like a Restoration Hardware catalog with a lot of pretty pictures and the prices are psychologically planned in advance and strategically sized and placed to look cheaper than it is... Like dim sum with those carts that you vaguely have an idea of how much it will cost you in the end. Having you order a ton of dishes is their goal and the shit adds up fast and furious... But giving you time to realize that you did gone done fucked your wallet up is not in their plans because the food comes out just as fast and furious to distract you and refocus your attention to eating the tasty morsels that just arrived at your table... And I fucking fell for it all like a portly sucka... Hook, line and sinker.
The hype is real, unlike the Halal Guys... Anyone noticed how the lines at that joint has died down considerably after only a few weeks. Don't waste your time and money on that has been... Waste it here, instead, on the new and shiny toy that just opened. Will the lines and long wait time continue to dominate your existence or will it all be worth the wait... Let's go check out the hype on this new Malaysian street food joint and see if the pouch will swipe left or right on the grub if it's hot or not... I didn't want to use "authentic" because that word doesn't apply anywhere anymore. It has all been millennialized... Speaking of which, there are a fuck ton of them in here. Just fucking feed me already, Seymore...

Unagi Bao. I love unagi... But inside a bao may not be the best delivery vehicle for it to your facehole. It gets real messy to eat it and you kinda get distracted from the overall experience and taste trying to best maneuver it into your mouth.

Bulgogi Bao. And I thought the unagi bao was messy to eat.. This bulgogi bao was falling out everywhere. You will end up eating it with a spoon like a bowl of Lucky Chans. It wasn't very bulgogi tasting, more like a smashed up burger patty. Skip the baos, just spend the money on the real dishes.

5 Spice Pork Belly. Now, here's something I can get aboard on... The pork belly smelled and tasted flavorful with the 5 spice rub. The soy braised tofu gave it the saltiness this rice dish needed. The egg was supposed to be soy braised too but it wasn't. The pickled mustard was not pickled enough to stand out from the other flavors in this bowl. It's a decent bowl but it wasn't as craveworthy as I had hoped for.

XO Sauce Cheong Fun. One of my all time favorite "dim sum" dish... And top it off with XO sauce? Get the fuck outta here, bro... Too bad the rice noodle was over steamed and came out soggy and a bit gummy. The overall flavor was pretty good but the noodle has got to be right with the perfect texture and bounce.

Shiitake Ground Pork Cheong Fun. Luckily, for them, all that sauce and toppings masked the soggy and gummy rice noodle. If the cheong fun was executed properly this woulda been a killer dish.

Szechuan Steam Wonton. The wontons were average and the chili sauce was weak as shit... Not spicy at all, just oily wontons. You will have to dress it up yourself with the other hot chili sauces they have if you truly want this to be a "Szechuan" dish.

Crispy Pig Ears. So far, this dish was the leader... The pig ears were ultra crispy and seasoned well, the weird sweet n sour sauce tasted a bit funky but after awhile it gets kinda addictive... Like you keep dipping the ears into it to see if that sauce was for real or just a imaginary.

Roti Canai, Curry Chicken. The roti was good, but not as good as the one at Penang. The curry chicken was pretty decent... But the roti keeps you busy with tearing it up and dipping it in the curry sauce and somehow that keeps me satisfied.

Thai Chili Eggplant. This was a good dish, simple and safe.. The "Thai chili" wasn't spicy, it was more like a flavor enhancer... Kinda like a red MSG.

Hainanese Chicken. The one dish that needs to be done right in order to be called a Hainanese cheekan... They were half way there with this dish. The chicken was tender and juicy but it didn't capture that genuine taste of a proper Hainanese cheekan. Close but still a work in progress.

Chicken Rice. There's not fucking way they can do this rice properly... There's just too much volume up in this piece... There's gotta be a compromise and short cuts... And you can taste it in this rice. Most people don't know but the main component of the Hainanese chicken is the rice like in sushi... It ain't about the fish, it's all about the rice. The rice here is fine but the chicken broth used did not have that true cheekan essence. You'll know when you eat it... It will make your legs buckle and pee your underpants.

Garlic Bone Marrow Noodle Soup with Pork. Sounded really good on paper... Bone Marrow? C'mon, dude, that sounds awesome. Then this little boner came out. The broth lacked collagen but it was flavorful... I don't expect them to make a proper bone marrow broth, it's way too time consuming and the amount of people and volume going through here every day is just insane to think this will be made properly. But it was not a bad bowl of bone noodle soup. I will wait awhile before I get this again... Maybe with time they will get this worked out properly. I think they will.

On another visit, I sat at the counter to observe their work in progress. The show kitchen was humming along efficiently but you can see the servers are overwhelmed at times and forget orders and drinks and everything else they just did a minute ago. But let's sample some more stuff to get a feel of the joint and see if this trendy concept will last.

 The show kitchen performing their act. Pretty efficient, even though the servers are not.

Nuomiji (sticky rice chicken). It was cold as shit but for what it was, I kinda liked it... Wait for it to come back to room temp and it will taste a lot better. You gotta rest this sticky rice like a good piece of steak just off the grill. Yeah, I know what y'all are saying... WTF, pouch? Trust me...

Curry Fish Ball Cheong Fun. I gave the cheong fun another try and yep, it was still over steamed and soggy. The fishball is the supermarket varietal... Not bad but the curry sauce coulda been a bit spicier. I think I had it with the cheong fun here, stick with the real dim sum joints for dim sum grub.

Pan Mee. It's a bowl of crap that needs to be mixed up properly to release the full effect of the flavors within... I like the noodles but once everything was mixed in, it kinda tasted indifferent and dry. Added some sambal belacan into in and gave it that kick it needed. You have to let the flavors sit a bit to marry it.  The pork and shiitake mix is the flavor punch in this bowl. I liked this noodle bowl enough to order it again.

Sambal Belacan. It was more just a sambal oelek vs. belacan style because it lacked the shrimp paste, citrus acidity and balance of salt and sugar. But it was fine for what it was for the pan mee noodle dish.

Grandma Wonton BBQ Pork. I don't know where this dish came from but it's obviously something they created... Because no slant would ever deep fry a wonton like that. Not that it was bad but it's kinda a gwailo thing to do. It gave it that crunch factor to a pretty average bowl of noodles. It ain't bad but I wouldn't order it again.. That's why I hesitated to order this on the first visit. It needed something else to complete it... Perhaps a sauce.

Sea Salt Beef Tongue. These little cubes of offal were great. It had the wonderful tongue texture but they weren't chewy. They had a great bite to them and were seasoned and grilled just right. Good stuff.

Teriyaki Chicken Wings. I like that it comes with 2 wings per skewer and an order is 2 skewers. Teriyaki is usually so sweet and gringorized but they don't drown those fuckers in the sugary sauce, just a few squirts on top with some sesame seeds. They were hot and tender right off the grill, pretty tasty wings.

Mango and Coconut Sticky Rice. The mango had nice color but they were not rip enough so it was bit crunchy and bitter. The sticky rice was pretty good when you pour the sweetened coconut milk on it. I can only imagine how much sticky rice they go through in just one day.

HK Style Milk Tea. They usually make it pretty well at Sweet Hut but the version here was just ok, it was way too sweet and tasted almost artificial. I still think Quickly has the better version and their cheekan nuggets are still fucking insane.

They got a huge staff to run this place... It's going through some growing pains with the front of the house staff but I tell ya what, the kitchen is slaying the fuck out of this ginormous menu in execution and timing... Only Asians would take on a giant menu like this on the first day and run with it. The kitchen is pumping out the food like a machine but the servers are still overwhelmed most of the time and they seem to lack leadership. I saw a few of them doing the Asian squat behind the counter and a gaggle of them huddling around a menu stand gossiping. The servers are basically all kids, so what do you expect from them? They may be FOBs but they're still millennials and we all know how hard they will work for that trophy at the end of the day. The kitchen is doing a good job with the volume but dishes are coming out inconsistent which is understandable so early into the game. Once they work out the inconsistency, they will absolutely slay it even more and will have a lasting business model... It ain't the best street food but shit, I'll take it for what it's worth... Plus, you don't have to drive to upstate GA, they're ITP, so that gives them extra brownie points. 

#B201, 5000 Buford Hwy NE
Chamblee, GA 30341
https://www.foodterminal.com/