Pouch Lives Matter

The Pouch has been kinda radio silent lately... Could it be that it may be fasting and protesting against childhood obesity? I mean, we gotta do whatever we can for the children, right? Fuck no, but it has been secretly and quietly eating an obscene amount of grub lately... The fat girl inside of me was screaming to come out. If you see an oinker in a moo-moo that looks and walks kinda like a manpig, you may have spotted the elusive pouch in the public domain. There is no doubt the pouch can eat but it has been eating more than an army's fair share of vittles recently... It musta been that time of the month. Winter is coming. It needs to be fatten up or else it will get hibernation sickness like that pussy, Han Solo... I would eat that carbonite, it's just like a giant bar of Hershey's chocolate. Let's see what this fat fuck has been noshing on lately...

Ton Ton.

Tebasaki. I have to keep an eye on Guy's ramen joint or else he will be slacking off in the kitchen, don't ask me about what he does in the bathroom. But these wings are made in the kitchen and they are still pretty good. I would get these over the gyoza.

Tori Shoyu. How the fuck can they be out of the tonkotsu? I fucking knew it, I told him many times before that he will not be able to keep up with the volume... Even with watering it down. But they have an unlimited supply of this shoyu bowl... I still like it but I was craving some creamy milky velvety gelatinous white liquid in my face hole.

Invincible Dan Dan Mazemen. Since, I can't get Guy's funky white juice in my mouth, I'm gonna have to settle for his spicy noodle, instead... And it's a very respectable version. It is more than spicy enough for the pedestrians in this hall, even some men will not be able to handle the heat because they have gone through the pussification process like an eunuch. Mix all that 'crap in a bowl' up thoroughly and it's a thing of beauty. It's an impressive bowl of Dan Dan found in this tourist hall, don't bother going across the way for Jia's version... Unless you want the roundeye version and a case of the shits.

Home Grown.

Comfy Chicken. I don't even look at the damn menu here anymore, I'm like a robot... Comfy cheekan comfy cheekan every time. Why? Because it's ugly and goddamn good and not fattening at all... Psst, winter is coming.

Chorizo Tacos. It was a cute take and a nice try, but not very interesting... I would just stick to the breakfast classics.


Craft Izakaya.

Sashimi. This was a very nice presentation and selection to sample their daily goodies. Don't forget to fry that fish skeleton up... Fried bones are so damn good.


Nam Phuong.

Rice Cakes. I didn't know crack came in fried little cubes... With a scrambled egg in the middle. These fucking rice are so addictive that you would sell your girlfriend for a plate of these beauties... If you sold your mom, you may get half a dish... If your mom is a milf, you get two plates' worth.

Bun, BBQ Pork and Spring Rolls. The summer heat really makes eating pho quite daunting... So, that's why the bun bowl may be a better choice if you're not all hankering up for a big bowl of pho. The bun is a lot lighter and don't forget to drown that shit in the nuoc cham sauce... To give it that sweet, sour, salty, savory and spicy flavor to this otherwise dry rice noodle bowl.

Shaking Chicken. Their shaking beef is tasty but how much shaking manmeat can a man endure waving in his face... I didn't even know they had such a thing as shaking chicken. All I was thinking in my pea brain was fried cheekan nuggets shaking around like jumping beans on the San Andreas fault. Bottomline: It was just stir fried chicken nuggets... It was decent but I would just stick to the shaking manmeat instead.


Plaza Fiesta.

The taco joint is amazing and cheap... 79 cents unless you like tongue and offal shit which will run you like a $1.29 or so.

The shrimp cocktail joint next door is a must stop... The clamato concoction with the shrimp is craveworthy. The small portion will more than satisfy your craving.


Fork In The Road.

Fried Chicken. Easily, one of the best damn fwied cheekan in the lands... Made to order and cheap as fuck. This spread was basically $8. You can't beat that deal with a stick at whitey. The crust is medium thick, crunchy and seasoned well. The dark meat inside was juicy as fuck and will run down your chin and arms like a pro, Jenna Jameson style.

Sweet Creamed Cornbread. This is prolly their best side dish. It's huge and makes your mouth happy... Yeah yeah, that's what she said.

Gyro. How many fucking cuisines can they do here? Apparently, almost all of them except Asian... But they would prolly excel in that also, well, maybe American Chino style. But c'mon, there's no fucking way they could have a decent gyro here... No fucking way. Now, it's time to bite my tongue because this gyro wasn't half bad... It was actually pretty damn tasty. Better than that shit you get at carnivals and festivals at the park. I can't believe how decent this was for a Southern greasy spoon joint.

Calamari Fries. Jesus Christ, is there anything that doesn't taste good after being deep fried to hell? Nope... These calamari fries are a prime example. It's kinda weird to eat squid in long form but they were crispy, juicy and tender... The jalapenos and banana peppers were pretty tasty as well. Damn, I love this dump.


Southern Art Bourbon Bar.

Pork Rinds. I was always just ok with the food here, nothing really special but if you're here by accident or just wanting a quick whiskey/bourbon/rye cocktail or two... The snack menu is you're best bet.

Charcuterie. Their hams are pretty good... For being local stateside cured hams. It's no Jamon Iberico or Serrano, but it will do just fine in this one horse town.

And more charcuterie...It's prolly the best thing to eat while slamming cock and tails up in this piece.

Thanks a lot, Pouch... Now, I'm bloated as fuck. Maybe I should smoke some weed to relax... Shit, that would be a terrible idea, then I would get the fucking munchies and crave snozzberries... On the other hand, I would be so high I wouldn't wanna drive anywhere, then I wouldn't eat anything else until after the winter thaw... That would be a wonderful idea. Yeah, right, like that's ever gonna fucking happen... I eat like a pig in my THC induced sleep. I usually find the fridge door wide open the following week... That's how long y'all gonna have to wait for the next eating marathon session.