LongHorn Steakhouse Toco Hills

Oops, I did it again...I played with my pouch, got lost in the bowels...
Yes, motherfuckers, I did gone done another filthy low rent chain resto again soon after I said I was done with them... And I know what y'all are thinking... Why the fuck are you doing another goddamn review of LongHorn? That is a nasty gross redneck hillbilly cum dumpster... Well, perhaps, but they do have their "Legendary Steaks" and there's also something about a joint that's been opened since 1983 and then suspiciously burns the fuck down and then uses the insurance money to build a newer, bigger and improved building with all the bells and whistles like Col. Steve Austin... Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first legendary steakhouse. LongHorn will be that steakhouse. Better than it was before: beefier, tastier, faster service. I hope that legendary steak ain't gonna cost me six million dollars, man...
I have never been in the original Toco Hills location, but I can imagine how filthy that dump has become over the last 3 decades. What better way to do a make over then with kerosene and a match?
At first, I wasn't really interested in going to the new and improved Toco Hills location because it would be such a shitshow but their motto got to me- "One visit and you'll experience our grill master's Legendary Steaks.." kept going through my head like an endless migraine from a tumor that won't stop growing... Just like my appetite. Now, how can anyone pass up them legendary steaks?! Also, my curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to see what kind of creastures would be grazing at this location. People watching here is priceless... And the place was fucking packed like an abattoir with all the oinkers in there waiting to be slaughtered. Let's go slay some manmeat...

Texas Tonion. This is their version of a blooming onion. I was yearning for a BO but I guess this will have to do. It ain't nothing special visually... Kinda horrific with that white line of jizz... Going through my mind, the more I see the more I don't want to do. They were just ok, after a couple of these cow patties, it's all downhill from there... Snooze.

Spicy Chicken Bites. I remember having these before and there were pretty tasty... C'mon, it's friggin fried cheekan with HFCS sauce all over it, plus more HFCS sauce on the side to dip them in.

Montana Mule. I like how they're riding on the whole mule train nowadays... But that train left the station years ago. I think it's still cute that the cows in here are partaking in the whole craft cocktail scene these days... I sure am. They weren't that good but it will fuck you up if you drink enough of them. Shit, if you drink enough Drano®, it will fuck you up, too...

Caesar. Surprisingly edible with decent flavor and freshness and a lot of shaved parmesan.

Mixed Green. This one was pretty boring.

Great American Steak Dinner... With a Legendary 6 oz. center-cut Renegade Sirloin, Steakhouse Mac & Cheese. So, this is the "Legendary Steaks" they were talking about... Hey, it was actually cooked pretty decent and the temp was spot-on mid rare. They don't source the most flavorful cuts but for the price and the volume they do here, it ain't too shabby. I can see why the piggies love this place.

Another Legendary Steak with the Smoked Gouda Green Beans.

Caramel Apple Goldrush. I think they dropped this on the floor and put it back on the plate... The 5 second rule applies to desserts, too. It's kinda ugly looking... If you put pins in it, it would look like Pinhead's brother... The pouch raising hell again up in this piece.

White Chocolate Turtle Cheesecake. No wonder everyone in here is obeast... There was so much sugar in this thing, it should come with a side of insulin.

The new and improved Toco Hills location seems to be a hit... I don't know where all these hillbillies  are coming from but I guess... If you build it, they will come. For places like this, you will want to come here when they are still relatively new and shiny because you know these dumps will get filthy real quick after 6 months or so... Maybe I'll have to report back to my one reader in 6 months and see how gross this dump has become... I should start that post now. But for now, it's still kinda safe to eat there. If y'all go and notice the staff's uniform are dirty with boogers and cum all over it and unwashed for weeks, get the fuck outta there... STAT.

2892 N Druid Hills Rd
Atlanta, GA 30329
http://www.longhornsteakhouse.com/home