26 Thai Kitchen & Bar

"The Firkin and Lindbergh is temporarily closed for renovations." I'm still waiting for them to reopen... They promised 3 weeks, it's been over 3 years. I guess in the mean time they will have a Thai pop up until they finish up their new renovations... So, what's the fuss about this new authentic Thai joint I have been hearing so little about...
First off, never ever state that you have "Authentic" Thai within 500 miles of Atlanta... Never ever. Or else the pouch will take you up on that challenge. Look, we all know Thai sucks in this town, there is and never will be an authentic Thai joint... The white sheep will just not be able to handle it. I'm talking about the heat factor that is... I have yet to find a joint that will do authentic Thai hot. I'm not talking about adding fucking red chili flakes, paste or oil into my green curry and calling it a day... It will only turn it into a pink slurry which will make me shit in a hurry.
So, why would anyone in their right mind would open up a Thai joint in the city and boasting it as authentic Thai cuisine? Well, maybe because you're just barely out of college with all that knowledge you got brainwashed into believing that you can do anything and you're 26 years old and mommy and daddy totally backs you financially... But she's got passion and heart, so, what's wrong with that, Pouch? Ah, because she has no real commercial kitchen experience besides cooking at home with mom or helping out at her family's Wild Ginger resto. Fuck you, Pouch! ...You're just a hater. No, pal, I'm just a eater... A big fat obeast eater. I obviously like having a conversation with myself since no one reads this garbage anyways. Let's go check out the new authentic Thai joint straight from Bangkok... If this sucks, I'm gonna kick the first dude or ladyboy right in their koks.
The place is totally refreshed and not depressing like it was when it was the Firkin... I mean that pub could double as a funeral home. You should stay there for 3 days straight just to see if the people inside will wake up and walk out the door. It was so depressing that the owners just left town and people didn't even noticed. But now, the renovations are brighter and cleaner with an open space... And the original bar was mostly left untouched except for a new coat of paint which made a noticeable difference in mood. Speaking of moods, I'm fucking in the mood to stuff some authentic vittles into my mouth instead of all this chit chattin' out of my mouth...

Papaya Salad. It's tough to find a proper som tum in this town... Shit, I'll even settle for a half decently made one. This version came out quite impressive looking... Or rather gimmicky after looking at what it entailed. The pestle and mortar is sooo cute but there's no way in hell you're gonna be smashing that papaya salad in that tiny p&m in the traditional way... Shit most people wouldn't even know why the p&m is even there for. The papaya salad was totally decent, it was pretty tasty, could be a bit more spicy, wait, could be a lot more spicy, but overall, I was kinda impressed with it... I would be more impressed if they put it in a plastic bag. Would I come back here strictly for it? Prolly not but I would order it again if I mysteriously reappear in here again.

Old Fashioned and Pokemon Shot. So, the cocktail program is not exactly traditional or very exciting.. It is full of ridiculous colorful mixed drinks that Sorority sisters would die for. So, I settled on a classic OF that was not on the menu and the server asked me how I would like it because she will be making it... Come again? Ah, fuck it, if it's got brown juice and not muddled then I should be ok with it. It came out looking decent but it tasted watered down... C'est la vie. But the drink that perked me right up was their Pokemon Shot... Come on, who doesn't want a Pokemon Shot, I think you get points or something for it. It's coconut rum, orange liqueur and mango puree... And it was such a girlie drink that it took me 3 sips to get it all down... Even the server told me to take off my skirt.

Roti. I fucking love roti... Especially, the roti canai at Penang. This version, not so much. How fucking pathetic was this... $8 pathetic. Am I bending over with my skirt lifted up or something? Because I'm getting fucked from behind. The roti was the cheap frozen stuff... It was basically one pancake which usually comes like 6 to a pack for $2.49 at the market. They cut it into 4 pieces and stood them up like a pants tent to give it the illusion of girth... Believe me, there were no boners underneath those pants or mine, just all fluff and inedible material. The curry sauce was so watery and lacked any seasoning. What's with the shot glass of diced cucumber... Shit, I guess at least something was cumming on the plate. What a friggin' ripoff and insult.

26 Platter. Chicken Satay, Spring Roll, Butterfly Shrimp, Street Style Pork with Coconut Rice. The deal is that you pick 4 of any appetizers for this sampler plate... Good idea but every app is ultra Americanized, you just can't escape it... And I just had to do it. The chicken satay was so generic, the spring rolls were factory frozen and barely fried correctly, the coconut shrimp were tasty but also frozen and the one thing I hoped they would do right was the street style pork... Which were just lightly grilled and lacked the sweet flavor and char that you would find on the streets of Thailand. The coconut sticky rice was hard and dry in a few spots and lacked any coconut flavor. I didn't get what that squirt of brownish liquid was suppose to be, fish sauce, sweet sauce, duck sauce or some form of mae ploy? You can't dip anything in it and it didn't taste like anything either. Just stay away from the appetizers they are all so gringorized.

Golden Soft Shell Crab. Look at this specimen, it's quite impressive with the presentation... With all it's legs up in the air spread eagle like some cheap budget smut video. Actually, the crab itself was pretty tasty, a bit under seasoned but I thought the red curry would give it that boost it needed... Too bad the red curry tasted like rusty pipe water, it was so liquidity and flavorless that it rendered the entire dish useless. Luckily, they at least jacked that shit up above the plumbing water so that the crab was left unadulterated and uncontaminated. Moved the crab over to another dish and it turned out better than the original. The broccoli sacrificed itself and suffered a devastating blow, I tried to save as many as I could but some drown an untimely early death. I tried to soak up some flavor from the red curry with a couple of spoonfuls of rice but it just disintegrated when it touched the liquid. This dish sounded good on paper but in reality the looks are all for show... All style and no substance.

Pad Thai. They proudly state that their pad thai is as authentic as you can get and that they plate it a little bit different than all the rest... If they were going for sloppy then they hit the jackpot. What is so different about this than all the others in town that are not doing? Beats the fuck outta me. This version was neither authentic nor different. It was bland, muted and boring... It's all the same hue except for that one lonely sprig of cilantro. This coulda passed for a plate of cold sesame noodles at first glance... Or perhaps a detached weave after a vicious fight near a gutter on Boulevard. This was definitely not one of the better version of pad thai in this town. Skip it.

Fall Off The Bone Ribs. Jesus, why do white people always fall for this trick... Fall Off the Bone Ribs sounds amazingly flavorful and tender but c'mon, we know you ain't gonna find this at a Thai joint... Unless it was called Fresh Off The Boat Ribs. This was more like Ribs Laying on a Bone... An ugly grayish substance that could be tempeh... Yeah, it was not appetizing to look at. While it was tender and already off the bone, there was no way this was cooked in the green curry throughout it's life time starting when it was just a young short rib. I suspect a pressure cooker or poached in liquid first and then finished off in green curry. After eating your way through this bland meat flap which even the weak green curry couldn't revive, you will notice a large sheet of membrane or placenta underneath it, perhaps this was prepared à la water birth... Mmm, magnifique! This was such an ugly unrefined dish that it needs to be totally reworked ASAP or taken off the menu immediately. I shoulda just got the pineapple boat, instead... At least Spongebob's house would go well with my Pokemon shot.

Ok, it's a nice looking joint but we can pretty much conclude that this ain't "authentic" Thai grub... But if they want to pretend, that's ok with me because most people won't even know the difference. Those people might be disappointed that they don't have General Tso's cheekan on the menu. The food is totally pedestrianized and average at best... They even said that they listened to the local feedback to tweak it more towards the mainstream... Totally going against their “Believe in yourself, even if nobody believes in you.” mantra. I wished they woulda stuck to their guns and gave me the authentic version on my visit because the service and atmosphere was better than the food and drinks, but at least they got that going for them. I don't know how long they will survive with this caliber of food, but this 26 year old will learn what real life is running a resto/kitchen in this town real fast... I hope they can turn this slowly sinking ship around because they have all the tools they need in here to kill it with but if not, I hope her parents saved enough therapy money on the side... She will need it when "26 Thai Kitchen & Bar is temporarily close for renovations". But there's always grad school... For people who is not ready for real life yet.

541 Main St NE F170
Atlanta, GA 30324
http://www.26thai.com/