26 Thai Kitchen & Bar

"The Firkin and Lindbergh is temporarily closed for renovations." I'm still waiting for them to reopen... They promised 3 weeks, it's been over 3 years. I guess in the mean time they will have a Thai pop up until they finish up their new renovations... So, what's the fuss about this new authentic Thai joint I have been hearing so little about...
First off, never ever state that you have "Authentic" Thai within 500 miles of Atlanta... Never ever. Or else the pouch will take you up on that challenge. Look, we all know Thai sucks in this town, there is and never will be an authentic Thai joint... The white sheep will just not be able to handle it. I'm talking about the heat factor that is... I have yet to find a joint that will do authentic Thai hot. I'm not talking about adding fucking red chili flakes, paste or oil into my green curry and calling it a day... It will only turn it into a pink slurry which will make me shit in a hurry.
So, why would anyone in their right mind would open up a Thai joint in the city and boasting it as authentic Thai cuisine? Well, maybe because you're just barely out of college with all that knowledge you got brainwashed into believing that you can do anything and you're 26 years old and mommy and daddy totally backs you financially... But she's got passion and heart, so, what's wrong with that, Pouch? Ah, because she has no real commercial kitchen experience besides cooking at home with mom or helping out at her family's Wild Ginger resto. Fuck you, Pouch! ...You're just a hater. No, pal, I'm just a eater... A big fat obeast eater. I obviously like having a conversation with myself since no one reads this garbage anyways. Let's go check out the new authentic Thai joint straight from Bangkok... If this sucks, I'm gonna kick the first dude or ladyboy right in their koks.
The place is totally refreshed and not depressing like it was when it was the Firkin... I mean that pub could double as a funeral home. You should stay there for 3 days straight just to see if the people inside will wake up and walk out the door. It was so depressing that the owners just left town and people didn't even noticed. But now, the renovations are brighter and cleaner with an open space... And the original bar was mostly left untouched except for a new coat of paint which made a noticeable difference in mood. Speaking of moods, I'm fucking in the mood to stuff some authentic vittles into my mouth instead of all this chit chattin' out of my mouth...

Papaya Salad. It's tough to find a proper som tum in this town... Shit, I'll even settle for a half decently made one. This version came out quite impressive looking... Or rather gimmicky after looking at what it entailed. The pestle and mortar is sooo cute but there's no way in hell you're gonna be smashing that papaya salad in that tiny p&m in the traditional way... Shit most people wouldn't even know why the p&m is even there for. The papaya salad was totally decent, it was pretty tasty, could be a bit more spicy, wait, could be a lot more spicy, but overall, I was kinda impressed with it... I would be more impressed if they put it in a plastic bag. Would I come back here strictly for it? Prolly not but I would order it again if I mysteriously reappear in here again.

Old Fashioned and Pokemon Shot. So, the cocktail program is not exactly traditional or very exciting.. It is full of ridiculous colorful mixed drinks that Sorority sisters would die for. So, I settled on a classic OF that was not on the menu and the server asked me how I would like it because she will be making it... Come again? Ah, fuck it, if it's got brown juice and not muddled then I should be ok with it. It came out looking decent but it tasted watered down... C'est la vie. But the drink that perked me right up was their Pokemon Shot... Come on, who doesn't want a Pokemon Shot, I think you get points or something for it. It's coconut rum, orange liqueur and mango puree... And it was such a girlie drink that it took me 3 sips to get it all down... Even the server told me to take off my skirt.

Roti. I fucking love roti... Especially, the roti canai at Penang. This version, not so much. How fucking pathetic was this... $8 pathetic. Am I bending over with my skirt lifted up or something? Because I'm getting fucked from behind. The roti was the cheap frozen stuff... It was basically one pancake which usually comes like 6 to a pack for $2.49 at the market. They cut it into 4 pieces and stood them up like a pants tent to give it the illusion of girth... Believe me, there were no boners underneath those pants or mine, just all fluff and inedible material. The curry sauce was so watery and lacked any seasoning. What's with the shot glass of diced cucumber... Shit, I guess at least something was cumming on the plate. What a friggin' ripoff and insult.

26 Platter. Chicken Satay, Spring Roll, Butterfly Shrimp, Street Style Pork with Coconut Rice. The deal is that you pick 4 of any appetizers for this sampler plate... Good idea but every app is ultra Americanized, you just can't escape it... And I just had to do it. The chicken satay was so generic, the spring rolls were factory frozen and barely fried correctly, the coconut shrimp were tasty but also frozen and the one thing I hoped they would do right was the street style pork... Which were just lightly grilled and lacked the sweet flavor and char that you would find on the streets of Thailand. The coconut sticky rice was hard and dry in a few spots and lacked any coconut flavor. I didn't get what that squirt of brownish liquid was suppose to be, fish sauce, sweet sauce, duck sauce or some form of mae ploy? You can't dip anything in it and it didn't taste like anything either. Just stay away from the appetizers they are all so gringorized.

Golden Soft Shell Crab. Look at this specimen, it's quite impressive with the presentation... With all it's legs up in the air spread eagle like some cheap budget smut video. Actually, the crab itself was pretty tasty, a bit under seasoned but I thought the red curry would give it that boost it needed... Too bad the red curry tasted like rusty pipe water, it was so liquidity and flavorless that it rendered the entire dish useless. Luckily, they at least jacked that shit up above the plumbing water so that the crab was left unadulterated and uncontaminated. Moved the crab over to another dish and it turned out better than the original. The broccoli sacrificed itself and suffered a devastating blow, I tried to save as many as I could but some drown an untimely early death. I tried to soak up some flavor from the red curry with a couple of spoonfuls of rice but it just disintegrated when it touched the liquid. This dish sounded good on paper but in reality the looks are all for show... All style and no substance.

Pad Thai. They proudly state that their pad thai is as authentic as you can get and that they plate it a little bit different than all the rest... If they were going for sloppy then they hit the jackpot. What is so different about this than all the others in town that are not doing? Beats the fuck outta me. This version was neither authentic nor different. It was bland, muted and boring... It's all the same hue except for that one lonely sprig of cilantro. This coulda passed for a plate of cold sesame noodles at first glance... Or perhaps a detached weave after a vicious fight near a gutter on Boulevard. This was definitely not one of the better version of pad thai in this town. Skip it.

Fall Off The Bone Ribs. Jesus, why do white people always fall for this trick... Fall Off the Bone Ribs sounds amazingly flavorful and tender but c'mon, we know you ain't gonna find this at a Thai joint... Unless it was called Fresh Off The Boat Ribs. This was more like Ribs Laying on a Bone... An ugly grayish substance that could be tempeh... Yeah, it was not appetizing to look at. While it was tender and already off the bone, there was no way this was cooked in the green curry throughout it's life time starting when it was just a young short rib. I suspect a pressure cooker or poached in liquid first and then finished off in green curry. After eating your way through this bland meat flap which even the weak green curry couldn't revive, you will notice a large sheet of membrane or placenta underneath it, perhaps this was prepared à la water birth... Mmm, magnifique! This was such an ugly unrefined dish that it needs to be totally reworked ASAP or taken off the menu immediately. I shoulda just got the pineapple boat, instead... At least Spongebob's house would go well with my Pokemon shot.

Ok, it's a nice looking joint but we can pretty much conclude that this ain't "authentic" Thai grub... But if they want to pretend, that's ok with me because most people won't even know the difference. Those people might be disappointed that they don't have General Tso's cheekan on the menu. The food is totally pedestrianized and average at best... They even said that they listened to the local feedback to tweak it more towards the mainstream... Totally going against their “Believe in yourself, even if nobody believes in you.” mantra. I wished they woulda stuck to their guns and gave me the authentic version on my visit because the service and atmosphere was better than the food and drinks, but at least they got that going for them. I don't know how long they will survive with this caliber of food, but this 26 year old will learn what real life is running a resto/kitchen in this town real fast... I hope they can turn this slowly sinking ship around because they have all the tools they need in here to kill it with but if not, I hope her parents saved enough therapy money on the side... She will need it when "26 Thai Kitchen & Bar is temporarily close for renovations". But there's always grad school... For people who is not ready for real life yet.

541 Main St NE F170
Atlanta, GA 30324
http://www.26thai.com/

M572 Revisit

I remembered the first couple of visits were not too bad but it wasn't great, either... It needed work but it was definitely the most "upscale casual" joint around these here part of the woods in Tucker. There is nothing here except crappy chain restos within a 5 miles radius. They have been trying for that trendy city vibe in here... Which kinda looks the part but the people eating in here definitely don't look the part. I don't think anyone who lives intown even knows about this joint. I guess that's nice for the country folk up here to have something hip and cool of their own without all the millennial hipsters ruining it. They seem to be doing pretty well with decent traffic. I haven't been back for awhile because it wasn't that craveworthy... I remembered the cocktails were just ok and pricey for what it was. And they recently changed up their new southern menu to reflect a more global cuisine menu. I guess it's about that time to do another check and see how they're doing these days... Let's see if they got worse or better since I was last here months ago...

Their signature M572 Old Fashion... Fuck, I got suckered in, again. They're still using that convexed bottom rocks glass. It's an optical illusion that you're getting a decent pour... But even if the bottom of the glass was flat, it woulda still been a weak drink. You're losing a good ounce/ounce and half of booze in these glasses. But besides the fraudy trick glass, the drink itself sucked ass... The ice chips are garbage, they melt like in 2 seconds... Shit, the drink was watered down by the time it got to my table 10 feet away. Once, again, the drink was too sweet and weak and barely tickled my throat. Just stay away from the overpriced cocktails... It may be worth it if it was made correctly. The bar was empty once again. There's an old saying when it comes to bad pricey cocktails... "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me, you can't get tooled again." ...Ok, maybe perhaps 2 or 3 times, then maybe I'll learn my lesson. Stick with the beer and a shot of brown juice instead... They can't fuck that up.
Or can they....

Every single dish came out exactly at the same time... Imagine that. Get bombarded with 6 dishes all at once and the shit couldn't even all fit on the tiny table. Smart timing... Trying to eat all this shit as fast as possible... They might as well fuck me in the mouth with a giant funnel and pour all that shit in there.

Smoked Trout Dip. Dude, when the Saltines are bigger than the dip itself... We may have a problem here. I'm talking about one pack of Saltines, not the lot. The dip itself wasn't too bad, it was kinda smokey and creamy but it's nothing to write home about... I had factory packaged trout dip from my grocery's refrigerated aisle that taste just as good or perhaps even better. Skip this unless some hipster at your table is trying to be one with nature as if he humanely trapped the trout from a creek and smoked it out in the woods for you.

Cheesy Chicharrones. I heard a crackle or two when it came out... Sounded like it was freshly fried and it tasted pretty good, too... A decent small snack to start off the meal.

Shrimp & Grits. This may be their best dish... The grits are creamy and toothy, the sauce was flavorful and the shrimp and okra were cooked spot on. Not much to complain about and they even do half portions just to have a taste.

Boquerones. I lurv me some anchovies on crusty bread... Too bad the bread was not oiled and toasted. It was soft and chewy. The worst feeling is when you bite into these things and expecting some crunch to it... Nothing. It's all squishy. It was like biting into a pair of padded slippers. The white anchovies were decent but everything else was just plain sloppy. It had all the right parts, just the execution sucked.

Japanese Eggplant Fries. You can't fuck up battered and deep fried eggplant... Or can you? Well, luckily, they didn't this time. These were pretty tasty, crunchy and addictive.

Country Fried Steak. The server was so proud of this... It's two 4 ounce patties of steak, breaded and pan fried to perfection. Sure, sounds great, sign me up... Out comes one giant piece of heavily breaded piece of meat. Took me like 3 minzies to saw a piece off intact with crust and meat on the fork... Took a bite. Yes, crunchy, too thick... The meat, squishy and so chewy that it coulda flown the Millennium Falcon outta here. The mash taters were fine, can't fuck that up... But the orange gravy was flavorless and it draped over the mash taters like a cheap shower curtain from the dollar store. This was awful... I didn't even eat 1/4 of it... Boxed it up for the neighbor's dog... He ran off into the woods to hang himself I imagine.

I don't know about this joint... They want to be so hip and trendy in the woods of Tucker but the menu is just so unexciting and the execution is lacking. They need another menu refresh or something... Shit, they need more than that... They need a real cocktail program... They need a better kitchen... They need to start over. It could be something good if they looked at the problems from the outside and see what's wrong with the current operation... But like with so many resto owners, they are blinded by the people around them that kiss their ass and lick their balls just to appease them and not rock the boat. I really have no desire to come back here until they make a total change... There is no scene or vibe in here, it's just plain, boring and generic... But what do I know, the hicks up here seem to dig it.

2316 Main St.
Tucker, GA 30084
http://fiveseventwo.com/

Bocado

I have not been back here in many many moons... Literally, years since they first opened. I remembered it was pretty solid back then but their minimalistic menu never pulled me back in on a regular basis... There were just too many options that were opening every other week. Of course, their claim to fame was and still is the double stack created by Todd Ginsberg which is now called the burger stack after he left for greener pastures. Sometimes, coming back to a place after a long hiatus can bring some pleasant surprises and sometimes it could be a total fucking train wreck that will only cement my conviction of never stepping foot into a place ever again. On that note, let's go see how they're doing these days...
This area has been booming in the last couple years... Restos and bars galore opening up and down Howell Mill/Marietta. While the other scenes are usually packed consistently with millennials still living with their parents, this little OG of the area still quietly keeps churning day after day. Not much has changed on the inside, still clean and sanitary looking and smelling. I even stood in the back and watched the line at work for a minute or two... It's organized and clean. Time to head back out and start boozing and chowing down... I hope they don't disappoint the pouch because it's that time of the month... To start fattening up, winter is coming...

Bone Marrow. I totally didn't expect this to come out... The visual and presentation was spot-on. Really nice looking plate. The bone marrow itself was a generous amount and executed perfectly at the right temp and consistency, not too liquidity and not too dense, just the right amount of collagen gooeyness. It spread across the bread perfectly without dripping through the holes. Top it off with the parsley and radish slices and this became a top notch bone marrow dish.

Steak Tartare. They're killing it with the presentation, simple, clean, good looking and to the point. The chips were the perfect thickness and size for the delivery vehicle of raw manmeat and crunch to your facehole. Seasoned well and the texture and freshness of the meat was spot-on. I'm surprised by how well this is going so far... Don't fucking die on me!

Arancini. Jesus, looks like they are really trying to impress me... Not that I'm hard to impress. Looks kinda messy with all the parm shavings on top but underneath all that shit... The balls were uniform, had a nice crust outside and moist inside. Coulda used a little more marinara because we all like dipping our balls in bloody liquids. But overall, a pretty nice dish to nosh on with cocktails.

Deviled Eggs. These redneck hors d'oeuvre are found everywhere from trailer parks to fine dining establishments... People love these overpriced hard boiled eggs... Ok, I like them, too. You just pop them in your face gash and off you go to do something else like chopping fire wood. Their version here are very colorful but they were just ok tasting, nothing wrong with them... Just kinda common and ordinary.

Kale Salad. I saw the bartender with a full beard and suspenders and then I knew I had to sample this... It's a nice salad but the dressing was kinda bitter and too acidic. Still pretty good, though... I can't believe I'm saying this. Next...

Burger Stack. Ok, this is what I came here for... To see how the double stack has evolved into the burger stack... Not much has changed. Still tasted the like it always has... A really tasty burger. It's has the right amount of fatty juices just enough for your mouth but not down your arms. The gooey cheese was melted perfectly and the two patties were decent size and seasoned well. The fries were good but needed maybe a couple more minutes in the fryer to crisp it up a bit more. It's still a very tasty burger... Along with a few cocktails to wash it down.

Westside Burger. The fancypants burger stack version with lettuce, tomato and secret sauce... Every time I see the words secret sauce, I think of Guy Fieri in a closet spanking his donkey into a bucket and saying to himself, "The sauce is money! You could put it on a flip flop and it would taste good." ...Anyways, the secret sauce here is nothing to write home about, but the herb garlic fries was tasty all the way to flavor town. The burgers here are good and they know what they're doing, shit, they have been doing it for a long time now.

Unlimited cocktails... Every time a cocktail arrived, we ordered another one and it keep going and going until all the cocktails on the menu were had. Yeah, we took off the skirt and went there.

The joint is still pretty solid... The food and the cocktails were executed pretty well. This is a classic spot to go to if you know what you want and expect all the time. I might not wait years to come back again... Because that bone marrow was killer.

887 Howell Mill Rd
Atlanta, GA 30318
http://www.bocadoatlanta.com/

Jim's Smokin' Que

What idiot would ride a motorcycle over 250 miles to the north GA mountains just for some BBQ... You know who, this fat bloated retard would. This BBQ joint is way the fuck upstate in Deliveranceville... Wait, or was that Blairsville? What's the fucking difference... If you see more than 3 Dollar Generals within 2 miles of each other you're close, real fucking close to this joint. If you smell ass, you're within a mile of this place. This joint supposedly puts out some very decent BBQ... Well, at least according to the online hillbillies who live up here in the woods. They're only open from Thursday to Saturday and the rumor is that they run out pretty quickly. Shit, if it's that good, I better get my fat ass up here, STAT. The quickest way to upstate GA is on a bike, so, let's get on and ride... But there are no free rides... It's ass, gas or grass. I'll take brisket, pweez...

"You can smell our Butts for Miles!" Ah, fuck yeah, I took a long hard whiff of their ass 3 miles away... But I was down wind, though.

You can get a plate or sando and the limited sides are extras... But this was a very decent looking brisket sando. The bread really surprised me, it's football shaped and soft.

I asked them if they had sliced brisket, they said, that it's so tender that it just falls apart trying to slice it but they will do their best... Instead of getting the plate, I went for the sando. Look at it, it's a big heaping pile of chunky brisket in there... This is a real manmeat sando. The football shape bun was soft and had that consistent golden brown color all around, it was a really nice bun and it was freshly made, also. The brisket was tender, moist, smokey and had the prerequisite smoke ring and bark throughout... This was a very good brisket and they pack as much meat in the bun as they can, the sando was a good deal alone for $6.79. Add another buck for 1 side or 2 sides for $9.79. They have 3 sauces, hot, reg and vinegar based... All of them were kinda thick and sweet and the vinegar one was the same consistency as the other two but with just a hint of vinegar. The hot one was not even a bit spicy but it was the best of the three. But yeah, this brisket was worth the ride up. I had a taste of the pulled pork and that was damn good as well... It was really hand pulled, not all chopped up to hell.

Baked Beans and Brunswick Stew... They don't have mac n cheese just a mac salad which was a bummer and the other sides were basically salad based- coleslaw, tater salad, fries, sweet tater fries, banana pudding, peanut butter pie, and chocolate delight. The baked beans were surprisingly good, a bit sweet, a bit tangy, a bit smokey and a bit toothy. The Brunswick stew was really good, kinda reminds me of my version... Chunky and not too watery or over sauced. It was really nice, I would definitely get it again.... But will have to try their banana pudding next time. And the ribs were mighty fine looking as well... For such a small menu, you still need to make a couple of visits to try everything here.

Fattening up before they go into the smoker...

Can't believe there was no line on a Saturday... The local yokels say there's usually a line around the building. I guess they knew the Pouch was coming... And didn't want to make it mad. You don't want to make the Pouch mad...

Being the nosey motherfucker that the Pouch is, I went around back to look at their set up... They had a giant shelter for their variety of wood and charcoal and they had a few giant smokers going full blast, too. They got their shit together for sure... It shows in their end product. I keep telling my NYC friends that hillbillies are not all retards and they are good for something... Smoking meats until they are fork tender, ultra delicate and melts in your mouth... Then they said, that's because they have no teeth. 

Touché, touché... Now, stop being douches and just enjoy their sick manmeats...

4971 Gainesville Hwy 
Blairsville, GA
http://www.jimssmokinque.com/

Louisiana Bistreaux

The old dumpy Suburban Plaza shopping center has been totally transformed into a place that real human beings would actually go to... The newish Walmart has become the anchor in the renovated strip mall, along with a giant LA Fitness, The Comet bowling alley, Home Goods, Ross, a book store, Starbucks (of course) and now a real live restaurant... The second location of a New Orleans cajun/creole joint... And get this, it's owned by an Indian dude. Indian people like Koreans will open up any type of restaurant no matter the cuisine or ethnicity, they just don't give a shit... All you need is a buck and a dream. Speaking of dreaming, seriously, a cajun/creole joint in Decatur... Will this shit work? Do the hicks around here even know what kinda food this is? I love people watching inside restos... Especially, when they're fat and dress like shit. Ok,so we have an Indian guy running a cajun/creole joint in an area that is saturated with great Indian grub... Why the fuck not? He ain't gonna compete with the plethora of Indian cuisine here.
It's not a bad looking space and they were packed... The crowd was mixed, some rednecks, some families, some inbreeds, some old people and I even saw an emo girl with a shaved head, giant nose/ear piercings and awful tattoos wearing Pinhead's outfit... I thought it was Sinead at first but then realize she is a fat pig nowadays... This youngster obviously had her feelings hurt recently, perhaps even on a daily basis and she came here to be in a safe space... And for some New Orleans food. I don't know, cajun/creole food ain't exactly that popular in this town... And the places that do do it are pretty shitty at best. So, I went to the bar while I waited for my table... What a shit show that was. Asked for a Second Self Thai Wheat, skank looks at me and walks away... Yes, service with a smirk at it's finest, hooker. Asked her again and she sighs like it was her job to pour a beer or something... Would you like to be still sucking cock for $5 a head in the back of a Chevette, instead? When my table was ready, I went up to her to close out or transfer it, she was finishing a cocktail and running a lemon peel around the rim which was nice to see she was doing it somewhat right... Then she tried to toss the peel into the glass and it bounces off, she picks up the peel off the dirty drain mat and tries again, it totally missed the glass and now it's on the wet counter, she does it again and threw it on the drain mat again... She gets really pissed off and picks up the filthy lemon peel and dips the whole thing into the drink with her fingers in there... And off it went to the customer. Remind me not to get a cocktail here... As if I would in the first place. So, I transfer the beer to my table... Which was fucking wobbling all over the place. The Indian owner dude comes over with a credit card bill fold and sticks it under the table, still wobbling all over, he did this for 5 minutes. I'm like, dude, just give me another table. He keeps fucking with it and then realizes that there are adjustable screw foots on the bottom and then he finally got it. Jesus, I'm fucking exhausted already... Fuck it, let's just order some food and get on with it... The quicker we eat, the quicker I can get the fuck outta here... And then cry myself to sleep.

Lump Crab Cake, mustard cream. $12 for a single cake, that's fucking ballsy, yo. It better be full of lumps and no fillers. Server tells me that it's all lump and broiled in a mold/ring. Ok, doesn't sound too bad... Came out with saute marks on top. This thing was kinda small, compare it to the tiny lemon peel next to it. Jesus, I got fucked again... It's sitting on a fried green tomato to visually trick you that it's bigger than it is... Kinda like how dudes put socks down their pants, not that I do it... All the time, just once for research. It was just an ok crab cake, nothing that craveworthy... It needed more seasoning and it was barely warmed through. The crabmeat tasted worn out/old, no bounce to it. I would not get these again. Spend the money on something else.

Sampler Platter, coconut shrimp, cajun popcorn & fried okra. I fucking hate to say this but this plate of fried shit was pretty good. Those goddamn coconut shrimp gets me every time... There's something ultra redneck low rent about them that makes them so good. The fried okra seemed freshly battered and fried, the crust was nice and crispy and delicate, too, very nice. The cajun popcorn was crawfish tails, also nicely done. It also came with a bunch of thick sauces there were just ok but it's something to dip your fried shit in... People like dippin their shit into things. They love to cover up the food they're eating. How about this, just stick your finga into the sauce and suck on it... Same difference.

Seafood & Andouille Sausage Gumbo. This is an all roux gumbo, no file. They might have used a bit too much brown roux, it was pretty thick, almost like molasses... But the chunky pieces of crabmeat on top was a nice surprise. I was on the fence with the density of it in the beginning but after awhile it either grew on me or got thinner... There was a good bit of sausage and shrimp in there, too. It was seasoned pretty decent, no major complaints on that. Overall, not great but totally acceptable. 

Oyster Po'Boy. The first thing I asked was about the bread, server had no clue... Said, it may be a roll or baguette but I think it's local, I'll go find out. She comes out with a picture on her phone that said, "Heritage Ovens Artisan Bread" and on the bottom of the picture in the corner, I can see- 'mond, VA'. So, that ain't so local after all... I already had a feeling but I ordered it anyways, how bad can it be? ...Famous last words. The oyster nuggets themselves were nicely battered and fried but under seasoned. The potatoes were soggy and had a weird aftertaste to it. So, what about the bread... Oh, that's the fun part... It was greasy as fuck and hard. Come again? You heard me... The bread/roll/baguette thinger was awful. You try to bite into it and it's just cutting into your gums and sawing it with your teeth ain't gonna help, shit was like made out of kevlar or something. I just don't get it, why order shitty bread from a food vendor (Performance Foodservice) from Virginia when there's so many good local bread makers... Shit, even a day old Lee's Bakery roll woulda killed it.

Cajun Jambalaya, chicken, andouille and shrimp with Bayou seasonings and white rice. This may not look like a big portion from the pic but it is fucking huge... This plate can feed 3 easily since this jamba was pretty thick and heavy. It was actually pretty good, they said it was spicy... Spicy my ass. I asked them if they had ghost peppers in there... Or perhaps Carolina reaper, scorpion pepper? No no and no... Then it ain't spicy then mofo. There were a lot of shrimp, sausage and chicken chunks... I was kinda impressed they didn't chintz on the proteins. The rice was cooked spot on, too. This was a pretty decent jambalaya... For the price to portion ration alone, I would get this again. They will give you a special hot sauce if you want it spicy... Tried it, it was just ok, too liquidity... Jesus, that's what's gonna be in my toilet later on.

I have no problem with them opening up a NOLA restos in this renovated strip mall, this mall has zero restos and maybe this will help jump start the area with more local restos, no fucking chains please... One fucking Starbucks is more than enough for a lifetime. As for the food here, some hits and some misses but it's totally acceptable and I would stop by again when they get their routine and consistency down... But I'm still weary about the bartenders abilities behind the stick... Oh, wait, they don't even know what the fuck a muddler is. Stick with the beers... For now.

1495 Church St
Decatur, GA 30030
http://www.louisianabistreaux.com

Taiwan Special (Yong He Zhi Jia)

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Ticonderoga Club

This joint pretty much kicks all types of ass... The cocktails are some of the best in town, made to order and not pre-made sitting in a keg waiting to be squirted out (not that there's anything wrong with that). The food is creative, inventive and exotic enough to get most of the touristy sheep in this food hall to try it. I wasn't so sure about the location at first, a top notch first rate crew opening a spot in a touristy food hall? But I have grown to like the location more and more because the place is unlike any other in the entire place, it's like a tree/club house. Once you're inside, you forget about all the OTP hillbillies whining and crying about everything little thing in the hallways. Ok, maybe a handful of tourists do bring their bullshit in here but it's bearable... So, try to sit at the bar (the best seats in the house). But even at the bar, some of these suburban middle aged mossbacks will still annoy the fuck outta the bartenders with shitty drink "requests" instead of opening their minds to the cocktails they have recently custom tailored that is great alone or paired with their menu. You can tell who these yentas are... Asking for a vodka cran, redbull vodka, jack and coke, gin and tonic or some other fucking lame ass house frowl cocktail they drown themselves in everyday because they're are so stressed from sitting at home gossiping on the phone with Stacy about how great their kids are than the other kids. I encountered these creastures on a recent weekend night and adamantly refused to drink anything other than their daily standby cocktail... But luckily, they didn't stay long... Yeah, move along you friggin tourists, you got nothing on my Jedi mind tricks. Enough of my rants... Bring on the grub and booze until there's a lump in my pants.

The original TC cocktail.... Love the copper cup and the goodies inside. Makes my pouch all warm and fuzzy. This is giving me a blood flow...

I think this was the Bogans Run, so fancy pants looking... Developing a speed bump in my pants.

Sweetbreads 65, goat's milk raita, crispy shallots. These sweetbreads are giving me a chubby... Offal is my aphrodisiac. Coulda been a bit more spicier but it was still very tasty. Gobbled that shit down in like 64 seconds with 1 second left to spare... For what, who the fuck knows. Give me another cocktail, pweez.

Grilled Lamb Porterhouse, little carrots, spiced yogurt, tamarind jus. Boing! Houston, we have lift off... I have just been promoted to the rank of Major Lumpage... I'm pitchin' a pants tent. Look at that manmeat bathing in it's own jus...  It's giving me a raging boner right about now. Goddamn it, it's a good dish. Simple yet complex and full of surprising flavors. It tastes so good when it hits your lips. 

Poh's Eggplant. I love this side dish, it's always consistently good. Anyone who has had it will know what I'm talking about, if you haven't had it yet, get it... Done, son!

The place is amazing not because of the location, it's amazing because of the talented crew they have amassed in such a small space. They got some of the best and well known bartenders behind the bar and the kitchen is killing every dish on the small menu because they focus on quality and technique and not quantity and frozen shit like every other bar... It's ok if you don't get to have a burger, wings and fries with your beer here, you will live... This is not TC's MO... If you want that collegey type of crowd, just head down to the other side of the hall... You will have no problem finding cheap hookers hanging around the Hop City Bar.

Squirt.

Krog Street Market
99 Krog St NE
Atlanta, GA 30307
http://www.ticonderogaclub.com/

Big Dave's Cheesesteaks & Water Ice

I haven't been back here in a good bit, time to see what this gas station philthy shop has been up to lately... Always had some very tasty cheesesteaks from this place before, mostly because of the amazing Amoroso's rolls. Maybe I'll try some other nibbles as a snack while they're clanking away on the flat top on my philthy. The place hasn't changed much but they did change their name to Big Dave's Cheesesteaks from Dave's Philly's... The inside still looks the same but with more flies. The only place that was a fly free zone was in the shitter, imagine that... After I ordered, I stayed in there for a bit while I washed my hands from swatting them flies away outside. Came back out when they called my name with my order... Let's go eat some philthy smut.

Cheesesteak Eggroll. No no, we're not at Davio's with their filthy cheesesteak springrolls that you can buy them at BJ's... This is the philthy eggroll that you buy at a gas station. These sounded like a slumlord special that I just had to try it... Even comes with shitty duck sauce packets! I may be in love, my pants just got moist. The eggroll dough is so friggin Chico and Chang's, Americanized as shit but it has to be if it's gonna be a cheesesteak eggroll. It was crackling hot and crispy on the outside, the inside was steaming hot and gooey... It reminded me of a donkey sauce but I still ate it. Look, it's total trailer trash grub but it's kinda tasty in a stranded on an island kinda way... Would I order it again? Fuck no. The flies can have the rest... And did. It flew out the door.

Wings. I'm such a fucking ballbuster... Who asks for two styles on a 8 piece order? This fat fuck does... I know the hot hot sauce will barely tickle my sack with sweat but I'm always a sucker for it just to see how weak it is... It was actually a tiny bit spicy, gave me a sweat droplet or two. They're decent sized wings and were meaty enough for a place like this. The lemon pepper were surprisingly good, a nice chemical balance of lemon flavor and pepper. I can't believe these were better than I expected... But I prolly wouldn't get them again.

Dave's Way Cheesesteak. This is what you come here for... The philthy on an Amoroso's. Yeah, so it looks like a tube of turd... I wish they wouldn't roll it up in the wrapper if you're eating in but I guess they want to be authentic... Also, they don't have a plastic tray long enough to hold this beast in to be unwrapped. For $8, this was a good sized philthy. The minced meat ratio is good but the cheese ratio needs to increase by 65%. You gotta have that ooey gooey cheesy steak sando. The Amoroso's roll was soft, had good pull and strong enough to hold all that shit in there, there is no mistaken a proper A-roll. Every time I come here, I always say to myself that I'm just gonna get the classic steak and cheese and maybe a little onions but I end up getting suckered into the Dave's Way with peppers, too. It might not be the prettiest sando but the ugly ones are usually the tastiest... Sounds like some of the chicks I have been with. Did I say that out loud? Nevermind... It is a good philthy and the Amoroso's roll makes it even better.

Fries. Even though, they don't make the fries in house, shit, anything fried here is from the back of a truck... But these coated fries were pretty tasty. Nice crunch and crisp to them... Kinda addictive.

Box of Amoroso's rolls. There were just sitting on a table near the door... Dudebros, I will just buy the entire box of the Amoroso's, fuck the steak'ums, I'll put my own meat flap filler in between them bunz. Clank clank... Squirt.


This dumpy little place next to the gas station store may have the best philthy in this town... It's a bit OTP but it's worth the drive for a meatlog sando... Oh, and their water ice (mango/lemon) is not too shabby, either. Next time, take the food to go and eat outside or in your car or in the parking across the street to avoid the flies inside. Yeah, that makes the joint sound real hygenic. They're suppose to be looking for a bigger space, I truly hope they are...

5020 Winters Chapel Rd
Atlanta, GA 30360
http://bigdavescheeseteaksga.com/#/