Pouch Dump

My one fan must be wondering where the pleasantly plump pouched one has been of late... The prolific eater and chicken scratcher of crass but yet accurate assessments of slop around town has seemed to be MIA recently. Fear not my one literate fan, the voluptuous fat one has been secretly indulging in oldie and newbie eateries out of the public view... Which is a difficult feat within itself to try to hide this muffin top from the curious and wandering eyes and especially, the unforgiving children that seems to watch my every move... Some of the insults they hurl from their mouths about my healthy girth are unrelenting. It woulda prolly hurt my feelings, only if I could understand what the fuck those little pricks were saying over my non-stop chewing noises. Some words that I did catch in between my crunching and grinding were... fat, rolls, smelly, bloated, marsupial, piglet... I assume they were negative in nature and not about the food I was inhaling... Well, there's no hiding the fact that I'm a slob unless I'm wearing a moo-moo, so, we might as well take a look at the vittles that were had recently...

Iberian Pig.
Haven't been back in bit and it seems like it's still one of the square's favorite.

Fermin Jamon Serrano. This place still packs in the whities on a daily basis... And one of the favs here are the cured hams. This serrano did it's job well and will be commended for it.

Pork Cheek Tacos. Of course, the taco shells were crunchy... Because it's all Whitieville up in this piece. The pork cheeks were tender and pretty tasty but the entire shell breaks apart on your first bite. Yeah, good luck with that without a knife and fork.

Coca de Seta, roasted wild mushrooms, white truffle, pickled onions, Tetilla cheese, Guindilla chili alioli. This shit was real good, the white truffle oil didn't hurt, either. This may look like a fancy tostada but the earthy woody flavor from the shrooms and truffle really made this a pretty kickass dish.

Pulpo. Yeah yeah, I see your fancyasspants plating but how does it taste...The octopus was actually quite nice and tender. It also came with a bunch of taters to give the plate a lil more volume visually in the corner and a circle of hollandaise brushed around 90% of plate to dip your puss in. The hollandaise doesn't do it for me with the octopuss but the taters works.


Kimball House.
Once again... The best oyster program in the entire state and a not too shabby cocktail program, either.

Appetizer. The preparation and presentation is flawless... And the variety and taste is superb.

Palate cleanser. Always excellent sazerac.

Dessert. You gotta have something sweet and briny after a big meal... More oysters, naturally.

Nightcap. The classic Kimball House.


Best BBQ.
The newly minted second outpost inside the new Asian Supermarket. The menu is similar to their kickass spot in the Great Wall food court but without dim sum. They may do it at this smaller location in the future but not yet confirmed.

Wonton Noodle Soup. This bowl now commands a premium, it's pretty pricey for this street food... It better be as good as Mak's in Hong Kong or else there will be trouble. The wontons were really good, stuffed with pork and two whole shrimp. The dough is thin and translucent. It had so much going for it until you get to the broth which was weak as fuck, watery and almost flavorless. The noodles were overcooked and didn't have that toothy crunch to it. I wish you could just get the wontons by themselves and pour some chili oil on it and call it a day... Because the broth and noodles sucked ass. The greens were good.

Congee, 1000 yr old egg and pork. They still kill it with their congee... While it was a bit thicker on this visit, it didn't take away from the overall taste, texture and umami at all. Still a damn fine specimen.


China Kitchen.

Beef Chowfun. Since, I was tryin Best BBQ's congee and wonton, I might as well try the beef chowfun next door at China Kitchen for a little variety. It came out lava steaming hot but it looked weak as hell. The color on the noodles were so pale that I knew it was gonna be pretty much flavorless. The sliced beef were a tad chewy. The Chinese broccoli was a nice touch and added a bit of color but it doesn't belong on this dish, dumass. This was a very lackluster version and I will never attempt it again. China Kitchen has failed me twice, now, I ain't gonna be a sucka and fall for their shit a third time... Or the banana in the tailpipe.


Sublime Doughnuts.
Their Briarcliff location is 24/7 which is fucking nuts. That could be dangerous for drunken motherfuckers at 3AM.

The doughnuts are still pretty good but they just don't taste as good as the original location back in the old days... Maybe I bought into the hype back then like a sucka, too. At least I have the balls to admit it... Now, I'm gonna eat this.

Some idiot will prolly get a tattoo of this sooner or later... Don't bring me here when I'm drunk or else I'll wake up with one the next morning. Motherfuckers.


Saigon Cafe.

Pho Dac Biet. I forgot about their location on Clairmont and N. Decatur road, so I stopped in for a quick bite to see how they're doing these days... I know it's fucking swamp ass season outside and even though, it's hot as balls but when you're inside with a cranking AC, sometimes you just can't say no to a hot mother pho-king bowl of beefy offal noodle soup. It's not the best or least expensive pho in town but for what it is and the location, it'll do. The broth is not as rich as it should be but the meats and rice noodles just works fine.

Bun Tom Thit Nuong Cha Gio.There's porks, shrimps, eggrolls and noodles... What is there not to like about this? Stir up all that crap in a bowl with the nuoc mam and you got yourself a tasty little treat.


Taco Mac.

Nekid Wings. I'm not a huge fan of their wings but I keep getting suckered in... Maybe I'm hoping one day they will get their shit together and surprise me with some dericious wings. It's not bad, it's just not great... Get them naked with the sauces on the side because most of their sauces suck pretty hard. Even their hottest slow burn one is just too cloying and syrupy. The TMI (three mile island) is lower on the Scoville unit scale but is actually better... Sometimes, it's just better to stick with the regular buffalo hot sauce.

Onion Rings. They're too big but the crispy crust was pretty good.

Sauces. These sauces should prolly never be ingested in to a human body but that's just a warning.


Walmart.

Fried Chicken. I have never eaten anything from the Walmart Deli... Never really thought about it because I never really noticed it. But they started putting those mobile heater carts out in the middle so you can't miss them... And I sure as fuck didn't miss the pack of fried chicken right in front of my snout walking in. It can't be that bad right? They remind me of Kroger's fried chicken which I'm not really a big fan of... But Publix on the other hand has some really good fried chicken. Kroger's FC has a thick crust which is crispy and crunchy, but it's just too much crust. Walmart's FC is very similar. You have to work your way through different layers just to get into the meat like some tunnel rat. Once you get to the meat, it's kinda dry. All that work for nothing... Like paying for a blind date and it turns out to be dry as a 80 year old woman. Unlike the hag, I can't spit on this chicken to make it moist again. The flavor is just ok, it's there but just not very distinguishable. Let's just say, I will not be giving this fwied cheekan a booty call ever again. 


Church's.

If there's no Popeyes around and you're desperate like me, Church's low rent cheekan will do in a pinch. You just gotta drown those motherfuckers in hot sauce to get any flavor outta them. Sometimes, they are pretty good and other times they taste like a filthy sewer rat. I suggest drinking a quart of ripple before eating their chicken... Don't forget the hot sauce packets.


Victory.

Twos-day Special, Fried chicken tenders on top of a baked potato... WTF is that? They have different specials for bike nights on Tuesdays, they are usually playful snacks but this one was truly a special kind of treat that no one in their right mind would ever order... It was kinda heinous and the taste of this thing rhymes with a body part... And it ain't eyebrow.


Hong Kong Harbour.

Dim Sum. This is the best dim sum you're gonna find anywhere intown when you're still piss drunk in the morning and can't drive that far to Buford Highway. Their dim sum is pretty much hit or miss but you can ask them to make it to order on many of the dishes instead of the cold stuff on the carts.


Jesus H. Christ, why am I so fat... Don't fucking answer that, Hank. I don't need your fucking preaching just because your dad is some big wig. Fat people need lovin', too... And more fried chicken, of course.