Savage Pizza

The Savage Pizza in L5P really fucking annoys me like a dingleberry that's latched on to one of your ass crack hairs for dear life and you're crying like a little bitch trying to pull it off... This is not the time to do the bandaid technique because it can draw blood... Kinda like what I want to do to some of the dirty mooks inside the L5P pizza spot. But their Avondale location is totally the opposite, it's a stand alone location hidden a couple of blocks behind Pallookaville. The building looks like an old strip joint, you can almost smell the cheap perfume still lingering around the building and hear the clap clap of clear acrylic 6" stiletto platform shoes haunting the back rooms. 
This location appeals to me because I don't have to deal with annoying as fuck nitwits that think they just earned a political science degree after watching the RNC/DNC on the TV. Seriously, stop fucking trying to convince me why you are right and everyone else is wrong... I'm just here to eat some glutenized carb heavy 'ZA, subs and calzones... And perhaps with some animal bits on top. 
The scene was pretty quiet on a recent Saturday night... I assume this location gets more deliveries and take out orders than dine in because they only had one server working the entire place and she was pretty busy running around checking on the few tables that had people. I haven't had the food here in a very long time so I have no fucking clue what's in store for the pouch... Let's hope it's halfway edible.

Bolognese. This pie's got red wine marinara sauce, Italian sausage, sun-dried tomatoes, red onions, mushrooms, parmesan and mozzarella cheeses. Doesn't sound halfway bad... And it didn't look halfway bad when it came out. For a no style 'ZA joint, it was pretty decent looking and tasting. The preparation and execution was consistent but the only thing I did not like was that they cooked it on a perforated pan, you can see all the little holes on the bottom of the crust. Did I think this was gonna be NY or Napoletana style? Fuck no. But for a local pizza, it will do.

Italian Sub. Yeah, this is a sad motherfucking sight...It's all bread and they didn't even try to trick me with enough filler to jack it up. This was no Eyetalian sub... It's like a sando that you would make if you were out on a boat on the lake... It's just for survival or filler to soak up all the booze you have been pounding on Lake Lanier.

Spinach Calzone. This really surprised me when it came out... It looked really nice, like they actually gave a shit. I couldn't fucking believe how professional this looked... And it tasted pretty damn good too. The marinara was not too sweet and not too watery, it was just right... But I coulda used some more of that bloody goodness. They never give you enough marinara anywhere. I love calzones, there's just something about it that makes me giggle and wet like a school girl... Reminds me of eating one out, too. Jesus, Pouch, you are one sick bastard... Do I sound like I really give a shit? More sauce, Ma! We need more sauce, STAT. 

After all these years, Savage Pizza still pleasantly surprised the pouch with their pies and calzones... The subs, not so much, so forget that noise. But let's not kid ourselves here, it still ain't no NYC 'ZA or Napoletana pie made in an Acunto or Ferrara 900 degree oven. It's a decent acceptable product for the south but I would still never go near the L5P location because it's a total goat rodeo... But their country location in Avondale, I would come back again and try the other 'ZAs and ZONEs... But not too soon, though.

115 Laredo Drive
Avondale Estates, GA 30002
http://savagepizza.com/ 

Tupelo Honey Cafe

This southern cafe has been very popular at every one of their locations... My first visit was in Asheville which was pretty good. The line cooks were bad asses and did a great job juggling all the orders through their massive rush during brunch which even impressed me. Now, they are expanding  everywhere big time and their new "Sandy Springs" location is much larger than it appears from the outside. It has been a hit and destroying all the other competition in this new strip mall across from Popeyes near Wieuca. Let's go take a look at this Buckhead rodeo and see if it still has the soul that I found so exciting on my first visit in Asheville that got me hooked.

Biscuits. They are known for their biscuits and these were just as good as the ones in Asheville. Fluffy, firm but yet light and they don't fall apart when you bite into them. One of the better biscuits found in town. A nice piece of boneless hot dark meat chicken in there would be pretty fucking radical... Just a thought.

Southern Fried Chicken BLT. Appalachian Corn Soufflé. The souffle was decent but a bit gummy, I kinda felt like half the crowd here, old and eating early. The fried cheekan sando looked decent but also kinda flat... Let's take a closer look.

Under da hood... It turns out to be a decent size piece of boneless fried cheekan breast hidden under the bun. It's a pretty decent simple chicken sando, but nothing spectacular that I would wait in line for again, though. But I would come back and try "The Chicken Fried Love Tower" that's only available Wednesday and Sundays with limited quantities (35 to be exact)... I may even wait in line for it just to get my facegash around some hyped up fwied cheekan so I either squirt my pants or flush it down the toilette.

Super Southern Breakfast Bowl, salsa verde black eyed peas and SC stone-ground goat cheese grits layered with two all-natural, farm fresh over-medium eggs, apple cider bacon, cheddar and salsa. Jesus fucking Christ, this really is the definition of crap in a bowl... How can they fit so much shit in there? It's bright and vibrant and reminds me of the bowl I had in Asheville but the flavors were lacking somehow here in Sandy Springs. It wasn't bland but it didn't give me a blood flow, either. I got bored with this like 1/3 of the way through and I was yearning for some brown juice but sadly, I came too early... That's what she said. No, really, that's what the girl at the bar said... You came too early and now you need to leave after you finish... Your food. Touche, touche... Goddamn it, I hate it when women are right.

Rosemary-Peach Lemonade. It's pretty refreshing I guess... if it had booze in it, but I would put the money towards something brown that has alcohol in it, instead... But they ain't serving booze til 12:30 on Sundays.

This location is spacious and good looking but it also has too much corporate influence to lure in the tourists unlike the ones in Asheville which has more of a local feel... You know, a greasy spoon. I would come back during their all day happy hour for the booze and maybe try out their fried chicken tower one day but I kinda lost some interest in the menu here that I found exciting in Asheville, maybe it was the atmosphere that made it more exciting... But it doesn't matter what I think because there's no question that this joint is killing it and will prolly continue to do so. Look around this joint, it is the fucking epicenter of Polo, Toms, Nantucket Reds, braided leather belts, fleece including the Snuggie, Lululemon, Patagonia, LL Bean, Northface, basically anything that involves outdoor performance wear and of course, brunch... This is the stuff that white people like. And these motherfuckers have the disposable income to keep this brunch bullshit still relevant... And also keep this joint in business for years to come.

4600 Roswell Rd #110
Sandy Springs, GA 30342
http://tupelohoneycafe.com/

Hajime Japanese Ramen Bar

The pouch has been consuming mass quantities of ramen the past couple of weeks... Shit, someone's gotta update my one reader on the quality of the ramen scene that has recently exploded all over the place which is a good thing I guess. People love ramen or the idea of what ramen should be to them... But too many people just don't know what a proper ramen should be. They want tonkotsu because everyone is talking about it but have no fucking idea what they're eating... Bitches be like, this is too thick and tastes so fatty, blah blah blah. Shut da fuck up and get out of my presence, you skank. But anyhoo, I did enjoy my first couple of visits to the Umaido sister resto on Cheshire... So, let's go back and see if they have improved or gotten worse. I hope they haven't adjusted to the tastes of the pale infidels swarming this joint since they opened... Let's see if their tonkotsu has become as white and bland as some of these cracker ass complainers with their shitty low rent tastebuds.

Tebasaki, "Cook time Too long". Server said, it will prolly take 20 minzies and come out after the ramen if that's ok with you. Sure, whenever it comes out it's fine... It was the first dish to come to the table within 5 minzies. I stared at this cancerous thing in awe... What the fuck are in the holes? Am I suppose to finger this? These things look like alien heads... They were piping hot, came straight outta the fryer. Took a bite and it was totally bland... How the fuck is this possible? The skin was kinda crispy but besides that, it was pretty shitty... And the sauce splatters looked like 10W-30 that ran through 10,000 miles. These were fucking awful wings. Don't fucking get them, ever.

Takoyaki.There's no shortage of bonito flakes up in this dish... Twisting and curling all around scares the shit outta whities, you can tell them it's alive and they will shit their pants instantly. The tako balls were pretty decent, had a crusty-ish outside and tender octopus pieces inside. Not bad at all compared to those fucking nasty ulcerized wings.

Gesoyaki. The grilled squid were tender and seasoned well... Not bad but it ain't that exciting either. If you're hungry you will eat it but it's kinda boring after a bite or two. It needed something else to make this dish pop.

Cabbage Ramen with Spicy Noodles. You would think they would give you a shit ton of cabbage since it's cheaper than dirt. The tonkotsu broth base was pretty good but you don't really get the "powerful bonito" flavor in there. It's an ok bowl of ramen but this is a been there, done that kinda bowl. Next...

Honey Miso Ramen. This is a good starter ramen for the people who don't want to be too adventurous. It's pretty sweet and the tonkotsu broth is not fatty or thick. I like every once in awhile but I would prolly stick with the original tonkotsu ramen and add $1 for the extra rich soup option.

Ultra Spicy Ramen Level 100. The last time I attempted this demon spawn, it was the Level 100 spicy under 10 minzie challenge at Umaido many many moons ago... I did it under 5 minzies but all that shit brewing in the pouch caldron didn't stay down there for too long. I hurled that shit up right after they took my mugshot for the wall so people can put their boogers on my fat face. I supposedly get a discount forever but I never went back, it was just too goddamn far to drive to Suwanee. But how was this version? I guess about the same but greasier, it had a thick layer of oil on top. Besides, the surface lube, the bowl had a good amount of gochujang power, chili flakes and the thickness of the goo settling at the bottom. It also came with their spicy pinkish ramen which was not spicy at all, it was more just for visual effect and mental mindfuck to make you think it's ultra spicy. Overall, it was pretty spicy but no where near the level 100 that you would expect. Come to think of it, nothing is ever spicy enough for the pouch, why did I think it would be any different this time... Just stick with the classic tonkotsu ramen and you'll be happier with that. Trust me...

I like Hajime because it's intown and convenient... I like Umaido as well but driving up to buttfuck Suwanee is just not an option for this bloated fat thing. I need my feed ASAP!
The ramen here ain't gonna change the world but for what it is and a very decent tonkotsu it is, it will do. The snackery stuff on the menu is just for shits and giggles while you're waiting for your bowl of slurpness. I would suck on their noodle again.
Squirt.

2345 Cheshire Bridge Rd NE #101
Atlanta, GA 30324

Brockett Pub House & Grill

So, one of my little birds told me about this place a long long time ago... I Googled that shit and I was like where the fuck is Clarkston... Is that where that fat girl that does the car commercial from American Idol is from? I checked it again on the map and I was like this shit is way out in boonie central. I ain't going out there, I will get lynched by Barney Fife. But the pouch has no fear when it comes to recommended pub grub... If it's good I will risk life, limb and pouch for it. This part of town is fucking scary, it's like the Children of the Cornholio up in this piece. The pub is weirdly located basically in the center of a 4 or 5 way intersection and they even have their own package store attached to the pub on the other side... It's like bars in Florida, you can buy the booze but you can't drink it on the premises. It seems like this shack is quite popular with the townies around here... Let's go inside carefully and don't make any sudden moves... You never know who's packing heat up in this piece... Hopefully, I'll be packing the pouch with some tasty morsels...
Walked in... And it sure was a townie bar. Dingy, grimy and kinda dark for that Parisian ambience... But it was packed with mostly white people and even some families... What is going on in here? Sat at the bar and ordered a pint of Guinness for $5.50, that must the cheapest pint of Guinness in all over ATL. I'm kinda liking this shithole already. The menu was pretty much the greatest hits of the standard pub fare but with a couple of trendy ingredients tossed in there to be hip. I basically just ordered the classics... Just a couple of small samplers...

Look at this spread... How much fucking food can the pouch jam on top of the bar... Let's go find out.

Wings. Always get them naked because the hot sauce could be total garbage like at most places and then you're shit outta luck. These were as advertised... Jumbo sized. They were pretty decent, crispy outside, meaty and juicy inside. The hot sauce was nothing to write home about but the wings themselves were good enough to distract you away from that crappy hot sauce. The fries were pretty decent coming from a brown bag.

Fried Pickles. This was a giant portion of fried pickle chips... Nice crispy crust/batter and a healthy briny flavor inside. The home made ranch was pretty good. This was a very decent pub grub snackery.

Crispy Brussel Sprouts, apple, rosemary salt, apple cider reduction. Bless their country folk heart for missing the "s" on Brussels but they sure do know how to make a mean plate of B.S. It was also a very healthy portion and now, I am full of B.S... Like y'all didn't know that already.

Burger. Pretty much a very standard pub burger but the patty was quite large and they even got it to the requested temp, mid-rare. It's a tasty burger, seasoned well... It won't win any awards but it will definitely do the trick for a fat fuck like me.

Philly Cheese Steak. It ain't no Amoroso roll but for a dumpy pub with a tiny kitchen, this Philthy was not bad at all. A good amount of thinly slice meat (who knows if it's truly ribeye or not) which was tender and flavorful. The grilled onions gave it a bit of sweetness but the single slice of melted Swiss cheese didn't have the coverage power it needed to hold the meat together... For $10, another slice or two of Swiss won't kill them but I would have gone with a provolone or American white instead.

BPH Salad. With all that slop that I just ate, this salad ain't gonna do jack shit to counteract all that grease I just inhaled.. But in some fucked up alternate bizzaro universe, it will pretend to make me feel good eating something healthy... Kinda like a fat chick eating a 10 piece bucket of fwied cheekan and washing it down with a bucket of diet coke at the ghetto ass KFC next door.

If you're ever around this area (either, consciously or by mistake)... This dumpy little pub in the middle of bumfucknowhere may surprise you... It ain't the best food you ever had but when you're craving greasy junk food and some suds, it will do the deed. The bartenders were great, attentive and quick with the drinks and they don't stop for nobody, always doing something (cleaning, running food, etc) and not sitting around like so many other shitty bartenders at places of this caliber. As for the grub... Looking back at all the vittles I just ate, Jesus, this can't be healthy... Not even for a goat. I am so friggin bloated right now... I can feel my bowels in motion. I'm gonna explode pretty soon... I need TP for my bunghole!

4522 E Ponce de Leon Ave
Clarkston, GA 30021
http://brockettpub.com/

Under The Cork Tree

Taking over the old giant Joli Kobe space comes a new tapas venture from the people behind Hammocks in way upstate Sandy Springs... It's a nicely decorated and laid out resto (Jolie Kobe did most of the work for them) with a focus on their view of Mediterranean grub. This place will become a goddamn cougar heaven with all the middle-aged hookers up in this piece because they all love tapas and shitty wine... Wait, strike that, it already is. Fuck me, this joint is just calling my pouch because the pouch needs a sugar mama and I'm willing to do what it takes to be spoiled by their ex-husbands' money, even if I have to go downtown into their abandoned overgrown lots. Speaking of lots, the parking here gets filled up rather quickly with all the other shit in this strip mall. Walked in and looked around, Jesus, where the fuck am I... Is this Lululemon? It's like all chicks here, there's enough yeast here to make bread for a year. Then I saw the bar with a bunch of bottles behind it... I'm all good now... Let's check out the tapas...

Old Fashioned. So... Ready for this shit? I don't care, I'm still gonna tell my one reader this fucked up story... So, I ask what they use for their old fashioned... The manager goes, do you prefer gin or vodka? I'm like, WHAD  DA FUK... Where am I? Someone open the window because I can't breathe. Yes, there is such a thing as gin or vodka old fashioned... But that is usually found at more sophisticated cocktail bars, otherwise they will suck ass with a novice bartender... Kinda like the one at this cougar den. I watched the one bartender make my drink from afar and this thing came out. The first thing I noticed was the giant orange slice which I asked for a peel not a slice. That damn nuclear marischino cherry is standard issue and unnecessary. And the worst part was the ice, shitty tiny thin machine made ice chips that melted when you sneezed on it. Even with the Bulleit Rye in there, it tasted awful. Had to ask for more dashes of bitters just smooth it out. And what's with that glass... Jesus, let's hope the grub is better than the drinks...

Seafood Paella. So, I see their whole spiel about the paella and how it takes 30 minzies to make it and you better order it early and blah blah blah on the menu... Guess what I did? I put in an order before I even sat down. The pan came out in 5 minzies... I'm like WTF, again. It actually looked decent on first impression. Then the dissection of this creasture was initiated... Looking for the all important, socarrat. The layer of caramelized rice on the bottom of the pan, the dericious crispies that makes a paella... I found some on the first spot I hit and I'm giggling like a school girl that this could actually be executed correctly. After picking off the shellfish little by little, the rice was exposed, all wet and soggy. Scraped the bottom looking for more socarrat and I come up empty. What a fucking cock tease. It was like they cooked this pan on one side on the stove top and barely finished off in the oven with the amount of liquid remaining in there. This pan of paella was more for show than for eating... And I was squirting bits of when I got home... Fucked again.

Grouper Cheeks. This sounded great on paper... And believe it or not it was actually pretty tasty. The portion size was not large at all but it was kinda expected if they were really fish cheeks. A couple of bites does me just fine if it's executed properly.

Octopus ala Plancha. There's a lot of shit going on in there... It's like the scene when Swamp Thing was growing his new arm. Too bad, Thing dude, I'm eating your baby arm... And it was pretty good. The white bean salad thingy is all filler but it does give you that visual you're getting your money's worth.

Grilled Butcher's Steak, walnut, pomegranate, chermoula. The meat was cooked spot-on. Bright vibrant red color and pretty tender and seasoned ok... Not bad at all. Can't complain too much about it except for the plating of the meat planks and excessive juices swashbuckling around the plate.

Braised Lamb Agnolotti. Why is there so much fucking soup in there? Is this minestrone soup? This specimen was just slapped together, excessively liquidity and flavorless with pasta nuggets of what they call agnolotti. A couple or them didn't even have lamb filling in there, if it was even lamb. Just a nasty dirty sloppy dish... The cougars at the next table had it and loved it and said it was to die for... Just like your low rent white zinfandel, slut. Keep drinking and I'll bend you over the toilet in 10 minzies and make you blush like that shitty wine.

Black Pepper Pappardelle. Their vision of a black pepper pappa is to sprinkle some pre-ground black pepper on the egg. Why is all their pasta dishes so fucking liquidity? I actually watched the line cook in the back making the pasta and he was just drowning the saute pan with white wine and pasta water, then dumping the pasta in with a couple scoops of stock/sauce. The pappardelle was entirely too wide sheets of pasta that I could make my bed with it. It was like goddamn lasagna pasta. They also just threw in a couple thousand slices of raw garlic on one side... Do y'all have a fucking vampire problem up in here? The soft egg was the best part, it was actually at the soft runny stage... Even mixing the yolk up in this mess didn't help much to tighten the dish together. Do you have any Quikrete in the back? The entire dish was a let down, I shoulda just ate the egg by itself.

Guanciale Pizza, cured pork cheek, hot peppers, tomatoes. I got suckered into the 'ZA, again... I always get suckered into the 'ZA... Especially, when they use exotic words like guanciale and pork cheeks. Damn you, pouch, damn you! As you can see this was a very pathetic exhibit of how not to make a pizza... Well, besides The Comet's pizza. Why does it look like the margherita from DiGiorno's... Fresh from your grocer's freezer. The entire crust was hard and greasy (that's what she said) like Pizza Hut's pan pizza and the toppings were all flavorless and the cheese where fromunda. Skip the pizzas here, what a waste of pouch space. 

Bulleit Rye. I had enough of the food and asked for a simple neat brown juice with an ice ball if they could muster one up (they called it a scotch ball)... And this is what came out... With the works. Jesus, am I at a Wawa gas station in New Jersey? I didn't ask or need all that extra service shit in there... Too bad I can't self pump here and make my own drink. Once, I took all that shit outta there it wasn't too bad to finish off the night of hits and misses.

The place is like a brothel in the GoT full of gossiping cougars and sabertooths with no idea of what's really going except in their own little world and I love their innocence and obliviousness... Makes my basket of bullshit pick up lines and stories even more believable. The resto's food and beverage program is not disgusting but it needs a good amount of work still... I watched the cooks and expediter fuck around all night long and come to think of it, maybe they really shouldn't have an open kitchen after what I have witnessed. The servers don't know anything about food or cocktails, forget about pointing out the dish on the menu to them, they are still kinda clueless on what it is that you're looking at. If you're employing only one bartender to make all the drinks in the entire place at least get one that has been around the scene and demand proper equipment and inventory to do your cocktail menu competently. Tapas sounds like a good idea if you know what you're doing but it's boring as fuck if the menu and execution is not done right during the menu development stage... What they got here is a good start but it needs to evolve... Sooner than rather later. But judging by the mob, I don't think the food is a priority right now with the squawking crowd here presently... Keep those bots of Zin flowing...

5600 Roswell Rd NE #2
Sandy Springs, GA 30342
http://corktreerestaurant.com/

The Comet Pub & Lanes - First Look

I am so glad someone had the balls to take over and save the run down Suburban Lanes while the entire shopping center has been undergoing a massive modern transformation. The old bowling alley was dumpy but it still served a purpose and the ambiance had a vibe of low rent hipster cool. It was a great place to bring ugly chicks that you wanted to bang but didn't want your friends to see because no one gave a shit here, neither did the skanks because they looked as worn out as the balls... Getting fingered and thrown into the gutter was nothing new to them. The only scary thing was getting up the courage to stick your fingers into those 3 holes, it always reminds me of Timothy Dalton sticking his hand inside the giant scorpion holes in Flash Gordon, your digits just don't belong in there, bro, and don't smell it afterwards, either. The bowling was fine but the food sucked ass big time, the booze/beer was you get what you get and you're gonna like it... Sometimes, I got nothing and liked it.
Fast forward to present day and the people from Twain's have totally renovated the joint... And it's cool as shit, dudebros. It's fresh, modern, spacious, organized layout (except for the front desk where you sign in and get your gear, more later on that shitshow)... But overall, they did a great job on the space and even paid a lil homage to the old alley with the Suburban Lanes sign hanging on the wall in the giant sized shuffleboard area. Unlike Painted Pin, this is a bowling alley that normal regular people would prefer to hangout at without all the elitist bullshit you get over there in Buckhead. The staff at The Painted Pin act like they work at some exclusive celebrity club which is totally laughable and pathetic... Those motherfuckers even have a juice head bouncer out front to judge if you're worthy enough to enter. But enough of those toolbags, we're here to check out the new (dare I day "highly anticipated") local bowling alley with a very decent looking bar program and a "chef-driven" menu... Well, the pouch will see about that.
Let's go take a first look...

Nicely revamped with technology and stuff... It was $30 for an hour for up to 6 people on a lane, that's a pretty good deal. The colorful balls and ultra cool black shoes are brand new and I seriously want me a pair of them stylish bowling shoes, I need them, now. They need to work on the front desk and processing people in and assigning lanes more efficiently because the line was out their doors down the hall and almost to the outside doors. But I think they will get that shit straightened out soon rather than later... The long line ain't deterring anyone from leaving.

Weezy, how much for a Hitachino Sweet Stout bot? $5.50? What a deal! And it was good... Along with the Sazerac I had afterwards.

Decent cocktail and beer list for a bowling alley. The bar/bartenders are on point so far this early into the game... Let's see how they're doing on the grub front... Ordered a couple things to try out and the server almost knock over my drink... I yelled out, careful, man, there's a beverage here! So, how was the food you ask? You will see soon enough...

Georgia Hot Chicken. What is that... A flattened cheekan nugget? Broke off a piece to see how hot it was... Holy Jesus, I think Hell just froze over. This thing was SWEET... I said, sweet, like honey sweet, not a drop of hot sauce. I think someone on the line is illiterate, it's not honey glazed chicken, it's hot chicken. I wanted to ask for hot sauce packets, but that might be a bit insulting... So, I proceeded to eat it as is. The thigh was tiny, I mean tiny as in like it was the size of a quail's boner. The crust/batter was crispy and crunchy and gave it some girth but no chick would be proud putting this into their mouth. The decent looking bun was dense and woulda been great if there was red hot cayenne grease dripping off the crusty thigh but as y'all can see, it was quite dry and pathetic. The fries were acceptable nothing except for filler. I was hoping that this might have been just a minor hiccup due to the new menu and staff trying to learn and get up to speed on it. So let's try a simple pizza, instead and forget about the weak ass hot cheekan... This too shall pass... Or maybe not.

The Farmer, Comet tomato sauce, ricotta, Pine St. summer sausage, seasonal veggies. WHAT THE FUCK is this feculence... Is this a $19 joke, is this some type of corporal punishment? Why is the tomato sauce and "ricotta" all clumped up, it looks like the goddamn map on the Risk board game... Did they just send out "IBS: The Pie of Gastrointestinal Domination"? My bowels are surrendering as we speak... This ridiculous specimen may possibly be the catalyst to "The flush that launched a 1000 shits". Dude, this entire thing was a fuckin' travesty... Walter would have prolly still ate it. But not the pouch, every one of my spidey senses were tingling, including my dingleberries. The dough/crust was half baked and raw like the line cook who made this... I don't even know why anyone at the pass who even let this out. Look at the sauce, it's not even a sauce, it's tomato paste straight from the can and wiped on there. The zucchini was the plural of seasonal veggies because there were 10 slices. The supposedly "homemade ricotta" looked like the mini mozzarella balls from Trader Joe's. Pine Street Market should repossess the remaining inventory in their walk in because their sausage looked like it was hacked apart with a cheap blunt camping hatchet... Leave the butchering to the experts. I did not even take a bite of this, it was so retarded looking that even retards would say they went full retard on this 'ZA and you know you never go full retard. I sent this back with the Sean Penn look-alike server... And asked if anyone in their right mind would pay almost $20 to eat this slop, he said, Sam might. Durrr. 

I love the renovated space, the bowling and the drinks... They are packing in the crowds from families to hipsters on the first opening weekend and I think they will continue to do so... But they seriously have to address the food issue... It was insulting not only in presentation and taste but also the marked up pricing. If you're paying almost $20 for a pizza, you expect it to be made properly and edible... I know I know, I'm at a fucking bowling alley, what do you friggin' expect, pouch? Funny thing was, the overall menu read pretty well on paper with things that you would actually like to eat even if it wasn't at a bowling alley..  But as we have witnessed, the execution was extremely amateurish... I know they just literally opened for business but shit, c'mon, you had weeks/months to work on it and this ain't their first rodeo... Ok, maybe it was their first goat rodeo. The new bowling alley is still a great spot to hangout with friends, play a few frames, have a few well made cocktails and nicely priced Hitachino, just stay away from the food until they get that shit worked out. I will be back again but that pizza still haunts me hourly...

2619 North Decatur Rd.
Decatur, GA 30033

Jinya Ramen Bar

Somehow this ramen trend has been bumped back up again recently and everybody and their mothers are all about sucking on the big noodle right now... There has been a spurt of new ramen joints opening up around town that's fueling this conspiracy. This popular L.A. ramen joint has been busy marking their territory all over the place and just recently opened for business in Sandy Springs... And they are packing it in hard. The wait time on a recent weekend night was over an hour long with many choosing to eat hot ramen outside in the Georgia heat. Are you fucking shittin' me... I guess that's a good sign that the word is out about them. The bad part is that every gaijin is rushing over there on the same night that the pouch was making a discreet visit. When did whitie obsessed about a bowl of noodles as much as the pouch does? There's no fucking way anyone obsesses about food more than this fat fuck does... No one, ya hear! Finally, got a seat at the window bar staring straight at the table right outside... That's not uncomfortable at all for the two fat gaijins while I watch them slurp up their goodies like the pigs that they are. Luckily, they grew tired of me licking the window and left a few minzies later. Now, that I can concentrate on the feed in front of my snout without any further distractions, let's take a closer look at their slurpy slop...

Jinya Bun. I got suckered into this ubiquitous item, again... Pork belly buns are everywhere, they're even on southern restos' menus. David goddamn Chang, ruined our culture's secrets and shared our delicacy with the masses for profit, bastard. This bun was so plain and simple but the pork belly was ultra tender and a bit fatty. It's an ok version but I wouldn't get it again.

Brussels Sprouts Tempura. Will this damn brussels sprouts fad ever end... Ok, it should after I eat this tempura battered version. It's pretty tasty but really nothing special. It's a pretty small portion given the price... Maybe 5 whole brussels sprouts cut in half.

Tokyo Tonkotsu Ramen, thin noodles. This is what you come here for... The tonkotsu. It's not the best looking bowl of ramen I have seen... Hopefully, it will taste better than it looks. First sip of broth, it's not bad, it's not great... There was no instant stickiness from the collagen in the broth. As expected, it was diluted for the taste of the demographics. It's not a bad bowl of tonkotsu ramen... I did like the thin noodles in there. They were toothy and cooked spot on. The charshu was thinly sliced and tender. The soft egg was a nice surprise...It's a totally acceptable bowl of tonkotsu but I wouldn't wait an hour for it, though.

The soft boiled egg was a bit more runny than it should be but I kinda prefer it this way and it mixes up with the broth better.

Spicy Umami Miso Ramen, thick noodles. Had them put the chili oil on the side because I wanted to taste the unadulterated miso broth by itself. It's a bit sweet and even a tad thicker than the tonkotsu. Mix up all the ground pork bits in there and the broth gets even more tasty. The thick noodles really works well with the miso broth. I'm glad I put the chili oil on the side because it was just all oil, red oil. I tasted a little of it and it was pretty boring, I'm glad I didn't contaminated the bowl with it. The ground pork itself had enough spicy oil in it already. It's a pretty decent bowl of ramen but it will be at the end of the list until I have tried all the different bowls in their rotation.

I'm not surprised that this ramen chain has been packed since they opened the doors, they got a good corporate concept, the young staff seemed decently well trained and the kitchen staff has been on point from what I have witnessed during a very busy dinner service. Do I love it? No, but it's totally acceptable. Is it worth the drive all the way to upstate Sandy Springs? Not really, but if y'all are in the hood doing whatever that you're doing, this would be a very decent option for a quick bite.

5975 Roswell Rd B217
Sandy Springs, GA 30328
http://jinya-ramenbar.com/

Ton Ton Revisit

The oh so important revisit after they have been opened for a few days... And well, the public complaints are in. I have been hearing that the "foodies", ok, the crackers have been crying about the tonkotsu broth being too thick and rich or it's too Asian and ethnic and then sending them back only after a couple of spoonfuls. These foodie fuckbags really shouldn't put this shit on the interwebs because it makes them look like fucking amateurs, it's embarrassing for them to reveal their inept food knowledge to the world... But everyone is a goddamn food critic. I fucking knew this would happen. I called this shit out like the three-pouched raven before it even happened. Who doesn't want a real bowl of collagen rich tonkotsu? Shit, I know I do and I need all the fatty goodness I can get because winter is coming... But not these fools. This is the type of shit restaurant owners face when dealing with the masses who pretend that they are food experts but can't deal when they are served with the real deal Ton Ton meal. The first bowl I had during the preview was amazing, it was so fucking good I could still taste it a day later. My lips were all sticky like a pro after the money shot... And I didn't even get paid for it. Now, it's time to see if the operations have remained true and consistent or made big adjustments due to the tourists in the short time since they opened to the masses.

Hakata Tonkotsu Classic, pork belly, soft boiled egg, menma, wood ear mushrooms, butter garlic corn, scallions, sesame seeds. I could see it already in the color of the broth... The sheeple's complaints have made them dilute this down. Hakata, we've got a problem... The broth still retained it's milky creamy hue but the fattiness and collagen was cut in half. No more sticky lips, no more collagen for strong bones and healthy skin, no more teachers dirty looks... Collagen's out for the summer. Don't get me wrong, it's still a very respectable bowl of tonkotsu... Just less richness and less toppings. I had like 2-3 nice thick pieces of ultra tender pork belly before, now it's reduced to 1 piece which was still ultra tender. The corn, menma, et al were also less... It's all very chintzy but the silver lining in this bowl was the Sun Noodles, they were cooked spot on this time with that nice toothiness and chew to it. For $13, it's still a good price for a very decent bowl of tonkotsu for the curious pedestrians... But I'm not in mad love with it anymore... You know it used to be mad love, so take a look what you've done, 'cause, baby, now we got diluted broth. Thanks for nothing, you motherfucking tourists... I barely remembered this bowl the next day.

Yasai, stir fry veggies, spinach, soft boiled egg, scallions, sesame seeds. I guess this bowl is for the vegheads... Except for the egg. Can these herbivore creastures even eat eggs? I really don't care, I just care if my pouch will like it without meat essence. The broth is lighter obviously but it also had decent flavor... The contents were acceptable but overall, this is kinda like the bowl you would make at home with leftovers in the fridge. I would not pay $12 for this bowl, spend the extra dolla on the tonkotsu, at least you'll kinda holla after eating it.

Tebasaki Wings. The first time it had some sauce on the bottom, this time it's just the wings. They are tasty wings but four for $7 is kinda a rip... But they got the sky high rent to pay, so, I understand for the premium. I would just skip all the small bites and just stick with the tonkotsu ramen because that's what you're really here for.

Gyoza. They are not pan fried. I said, they are not pan fried. That's all I have to say. Skip it and stick with the tonk.

The first look was impressive with the collagen rich tonkotsu which made me happy but this revisit a week or so later didn't give me that much of a blood flow. Don't get me wrong, it's still very good for being right in the center of the city. But diluting it down so early into the inning was a clear sign that they caved in to the demands of pikers with very little food knowledge and didn't want to scare off any future customers from spending money here... Dude, I get it. The rent and percentage here is ridiculous, so every customer and every penny counts. You have to appease the masses in this environment... Look at Jia and everything else in here, it's all dumb down for the tourists. Maybe it's time to have two options for the tonkotsu- authentic and the novice. Just like Hajime's ramen bowls can be made extra rich for a dollar. I know Ton Ton will still kill it here inside the PCM, the pedestrians will eat this shit up and I will be by from time to time to check on their progress.

675 Ponce de Leon Ave NE
Atlanta, Georgia 30308

Gaja Restaurant

It's been a bit since I have been back here... I liked the funkiness and the adventurous small Korean menu they have been doing since the beginning, this may be the only place in EAV that has crossed over to the authentic-ish ethnic side for grubbery in this area... So Ba has been a big hit with their augmented reality of pho which still baffles the pouch even though their Octopus Bar is really good... Don't even get me started on that Buford HWY EAV... We Sucky Sucky is more like it. But anyways... Let's go see if the Gaja concept has caught on in this up and coming gentrifying area that will soon to be infested with the Buckhead army. Walked in on a Friday night... It was pretty empty. Hmmm... The pouch's spidey senses were going off the charts... But fuck it, I'm here already and I'm getting a drink at least and maybe a few nibbles... Who am I trying to kid... Of course, I'm gonna have a few nibbles.

Sweet Potato Noodles, bone marrow flavor, sesame oil and bone marrow with pumpkin seed and peppers. I saw bone marrow... Boom. Dunzo. Then this came out... Not exactly the best looking dish and am I suppose to use the bone as a spoon? The dish sounded great on paper but looks can also be deceiving... The tater noodles were toothy, perhaps a bit under cooked. The slices of green pepper looked like an after thought. The bone marrow flavor was definitely there but I didn't love it nor hate it as much as I thought... If was just something there to nibble on.

Korean Silkworm, kimchi juice, roast garlic, mung beans. Are those real silkworms in there? Yep, sure are... Ok, I'm game. Then this came out... Did they just shovel moist Georgia clay on a sizzler plate? There were a decent amount of silkworms on there but you really don't need a lot of it... The plate was covered in the cloying sweet sauce to hide the fact you're eating worms... Or is it just noodles, Michael? Just give me a box of maggots, err, I mean rice, instead.

Rice Cakes, made in the house, seaweed flavor, gochujang sauce, sacllions, hot spring egg. I preferred it when it was served splattered all over on a tray like how Allen used to make it. Since, he's not there anymore, this came out... I guess it looks cute in the steel bowl. The rice cake are still good but the gochujang sauce was all sweet and no heat. The soft egg was nice and runny. It's still a decent snack but not as good as it was in the beginning.

Scallion Pancake, buttered leeks with HITE beer batter and Korean sauce. You can't screw up a pancake... Or can you? There was nothing Korean about this... It was like eating a IHOP pancake with long scallions in it. It was fluffy but had no flavor to it... Even the 10x sugar barely did much to improve the overall flavor. This is great filler food with a few rounds of Hite and soju.

I don't know what happened (I do but I'm pretending not to) but it lacked the excitement that was here once before... It feels more like a sanatorium in here now instead of the funky underground vibe it once had. I guess the semi authentic Korean fast food has ran it's course and the curious hipsters have 'been there, done that' with this place and they're going back to their trusty burgers, pizza and faux, I mean, pho. Who knows how long this place will last but check it out sooner rather than later if it's still on your bucket list before they change the concept overnight like a magic trick...
As for me... Poof! And I'm gone for good.

491 Flat Shoals Ave SE
Atlanta, GA 30316
http://gajaeav.com/

Richards' Southern Fried

Even though, there has been many places doing their version of the Nashville Hot Chicken around town for years, no one has opened a truly dedicated hot cheekan shack until now... And of course, in all places, at the KSM... Which is the proper setting for a concept like this but make no mistake that you're gonna be paying for it out your brown eye. Speaking of brown things... Let's go sample some of the fwied yardbirds that the media and the sheeple have been hyping about...

I like the sign... I kinda want one that says, "POUCH'S CHICKEN LIPS". The lights remind me more of a Broadway box office than a cheekan shack... Walked up and looked at the menu, then the prices... 3 smallish whole wings without a side for $11! WTF... Hop's Chicken are a buck a piece for the same damn chicken. My knee jerk reaction was grasping my chest like Sanford having the big one... I'm coming, Elizabeth! The prices here aren't cheap for fried chicken and I don't give a shit if it's Springer Mountain... Once that shit gets dunked into a boiling vat of hot greasy fat, all that organic free range shit is out da door. Don't try to convince me that the chicken is still good for you... But y'all can believe that bullshit if you want to impress people with your humane and sustainable garbage. Psst, no one gives a shit, you sound like a #douchebag... On to the hawt cheekan!

Classic. Needed to see how just the plain fried chicken was... Well, it looked kinda depressing and dull. I watched their entire routine through the pass and I can't fucking believe that all the chicken was fried well in advance and they're just sitting there on sheet pans on an open rack and it's not even in a hot box. They are just pulled off the sheet pan and tossed into a box. The crust is dark, they obviously like to fry it a bit longer than usual, perhaps to keep the crust crunchy while it sits over time to be served, crunchy is good but when it hurts your tooth not so much. The chicken was room temp and a bit dry sitting on the sheet pans. Hot juicy fried chicken should be expected for the premium price paid. It's seasoned decently but a bit more pepper wouldn't hurt. It's a very average fried chicken in this state, maybe it would be a lot better if it was served somewhat freshly fried, crackling and juicy. The cornbread is cute and acceptable, nothing much worth mentioning except that it's a box filler for that visual effect. The tiny pickles are good. The little sauce bucket in there, I assume is the bourbon hot sauce which was not hot at all... Don't even waste your time on this, just 86 it and use the extra time to concentrate on the damn cheekan, instead.

Richard's Hot. Same deal as the plain... They are not re-flash fried, just taken off the pan, tossed in cayenne grease and served. The hot cayenne grease ratio was off, not enough cayenne and too much grease... Almost to the point of watery and it looked like it wasn't even properly coated all the way around. The scoville units here were about the strength of a jalapeno, it is not hot at all, maybe just a hint of heat on the end. They also gave me a little bucket of their ghost pepper sauce, said it's very spicy, it's made with ghost chili peppers... Turned out to be a snoozefest like a Sriracha mayo. The chicken itself, which are not large pieces, was the same as the plain... Room temp and a tad bit dry inside. I'm not even gonna pussyfoot around, the hot chicken needs work, it was simply not worth the $11 price for a leg, thigh and a side at this point. Am I disappointed with the product? Yes, of course, but I give them credit to have the balls to do a dedicated hot chicken shack. Until they figured out how to get relatively freshly fried hot chicken out to order, I won't be back any time soon... It's too bad that KFC stopped their Nashville Hot Chicken promo because for what it was, it was a really good version... Yes, I can't believe I'm saying that, too.

Cucumber & Tomato Salad and Jalapeno Creamed Corn. The creamed corn was pretty good except that there was zero jalapeno in there. The C&T salad was pretty pedestrian, the flavor itself needed a lot more of everything.

Hot Chicken Sandwich, pimento cheese, chow chow, lettuce. For $9, this fucking hot cheekan sando better rock my cock out... It looked pretty damn decent when I opened this beast. A giant crusty shimmery sizeable breast between a sturdy bun. The bun would have done it's job if the breast was coated properly with the proper hot grease but this looked way better than the hot chicken. Took a bite... Damn, this was good chicken sando. While it wasn't spicy at all like the hot chicken, the construction of this sando was very good. Even the fucking frilly lettuce looks like it should be on a commercial... Would it be sick if I wanted to pump pump squirt in it? There was just a hint of pimento cheese and crispy bits of chow chow on the bottom to give it just that lil needed texture and contrast. It's a good chicken sando, it would be even better if they can get that hot grease ratio right and bathe this boob the way it should be lubed.

I tell y'all what, the hot cheekan sando destroys the hot cheekan... It may be worth revisiting just for the fucking sando itself, don't even fucking look at the hot cheekan until it has been revamped... You'll be just as disappointed as the pouch was, unless you're a fan of Gu's slop, then you'll prolly love it. In the meantime, I'm just gonna wait patiently for Hattie B's...

99 Krog Street NE
Atlanta, GA 30307
http://richardssouthernfried.com/