The Imperial

I like the Imperial... It's a good place to hangout and suck down some suds and brown juice... Ok, they don't have the best selection of booze, sucks actually, but the beers will suffice for a local watering hole and a quick drink. The menu on the other hand have their fans because they're friends with the cook... And y'all know how they like to tickle their taint and gently juggle their sack like a pair of Chinese metal massage balls and say that their food is soooo guud... And then there's the pouch, who don't give a fuck who cooked the food, all it cares about is how it was executed and how it tastes sliding down it's oral tunnel to the gas tank of it's love machine. No grub, no love...
So, it was burger week which no one knew about but it was perfect timing because I was hankering for a good burger. But during these types of events, restos that participate usually don't put out their best showing because of the higher pedestrian volumes from the attractive promo price for the advertised item.
I went twice, one during the weekday and the other on the weekend. Let's see how that panned out...

DAMN Gouda Burger. Had the same burger during the beginning of burger week and it was pretty damn good on that earlier visit... But this visit on a Saturday towards the end of burger week was awful. The burger was a total mess, the patty was half the size of the first one and was in the shape of a kidney bean. Requested mid-rare and got well, totally cook through grey because it was already cooked ahead of time and sitting in a hotel pan I assume (are you fucking shitting me?). The fries were left over old fries, limp and soggy. The burger week obviously killed them with this specific burger but putting out consistent and proper food should be a priority, burger week or not. Maybe the kitchen staff should put down the bottle of Jameson, pulled up their pants and pay attention to what's cooking on the stove. Literally, this filthy short order cook was walking around the bar with his jeans below his ass cheeks and his shit stained brown underpants for all to see... Those tightie whities went through some emotional distress to turn Chattahoochee water brown. My first reaction to his loin cloth was similar to a gag reflex by a Catholic school girl inhaling the priest's hog in the confessional for the first time... Say Our Father 2 times and suck me off 7 times and when I say Oh God 3 times, your sins will be forgiven, my child. Squirt.

Roast Beef Po'Boy Half, gravy coated and messy, mayo , lettuce, tomato, pickles, Lee's Bakery French roll. Another disgusting mess... Sounded good on paper but execution was just pathetic. The broccoli was good, though... Steamed and sitting in a cup unseasoned. When you see the words "roast beef po'boy", I think about the classic NOLA sando. This was far from it. Shit was all greasy, gooey and falling out on the sides... Can I get a pair of Depends here, STAT! This was no po'boy, this was chopped up meat with soggy after 4PM Lee's 6 for a dollar bread that you had to eat with a knife and fork. Dare to pick it up with your hands and take a bite will only result with juicy brown stains down your shirt and pants like you just had a case of the frontal shits... Wait a minzies, I figured it out, that short order cook musta ate of these earlier! The lettuce was totally wilted like it was boiled, the slice of tomato was mushy and I didn't find any pickles in there. Who the fuck came up with this slop? They should serve this wet feed in a trough... Stick to the theme.

Hot Dog!, kraut. Ok, they seriously can not fuck up a hot dog, right? No, the dog itself was pretty good but the bun was boring as fuck, they didn't even butter and toast that thing for maximum flavor effect. The kraut came from a bag or can but it was acceptable. The fries on this plate was fresh, crispy and hot... Consistency, people, consistency. You can't put out shitty old fries on one plate and freshly fried spuds on another plate with both orders going to the same table. Jesus, come the fuck on, bro... Wake up.

Look, no one is expecting to find culinary nirvana here with the menu but I do expect some sort of edible pub grub in form and function... I get it with their hip menu with the cool foodie buzzwords, but the execution and presentation really fucking sucked. Like I said before, this is a place to grab a drink... So, stick to the drinks... And when I say drinks, I'm not talking about a hand made cocktail here, I'm only talking about the tall boy with a shot of well whiskey... And that makes me happy.

726 W. College Avenue
Decatur, Georgia 30030
http://imperialdecatur.com/