Back in the Pannus Again

The pouch has been eating like normal again and that should please his one reader salivating for more toilet humor reviews. Shit, all this weekend's grub intake makes me wanna sing...

It's back in the pannus again
Out where a fried cheekan is a fried cheekan
Where the LongHorn's cattle feed
On the low rent blooming onion weed
Back in the pannus again

I didn't go to LongHorn but I will someday and y'all will get the real unbiased review of that dump. But in the meantime, I did hit a few oldies recently to see if their shit has been staying consistent or turned to total slop.

Hong Kong Harbour.

Beef Chowfun. This is one of my favorite dishes of all. It's great for breakfast, lunch, dinner or when you're hungover. HKH's version has been damn consistent all these years and it's a great standby when that urge for beefy noodles hits ya.

Beef Belly Wonton Noodle Soup. Still one of the best dishes on the menu that no one orders. Great broth, ultra tender beef belly parts, plump porky skrimp wontons and a nice handful of thin toothy wonton noodles... Plus, there's green veggies in there to make the vegheads happy. So comforting and satisfying.

Shrimp with Mixed Veggies. This was so gwailo-rized but I was craving it. They give you a shitload of pretty sizeable skrimpz. The mixed veggies were half cracker and half chino, a nice mix... Hey, because diversity! Just don't dangle your dongle in there but you can stir my tea with it.



Napoleon's.

Napoleon's Burger. Couldn't have asked them enough times to make sure it was cooked to temp at mid-rare. Came out all grey throughout the patty. Nothing like sinking your tooth into a dense tasteless patty. They did make it up be sending out another one cooked to the proper temp. So, that made the burger taste a bit better. It's a very average burger, pretty much nothing to write home about... Except on this stupid ass blog. Next!

Fried Grouper Sandwich. A pretty straight forward fried fish sando. Nothing spectacular but it was ok in a backyard party kinda way. The grouper filet was thin but fried nicely with a crispy crunch and delicate white fish inside. The LTP looked foolish like a clown underneath that top bun.

Cuban Sandwich. This is one ugly sandwich. It looks like it has leprosy. The bread flaking off pieces of itself. Reminds me of Robert the Bruce's father. I'm eating his face! This was no Cubano, it was just a hammy pork sando. It wasn't even prepared correctly, just tossed together and lightly pressed. Cheese wasn't melted, ham was falling out, the pork was bland and the spicy mustard was barely there. For $11, I coulda got 2 ridiculously good looking Cubans at Pan American Bakery with a dollar to spare. The rice and beans were ok.



The Grove.

Wings. They usually have some decent wings but on this visit they were kinda lackluster. They're smaller than I remembered but they did fry it just a tad bit more extra crispy for me. The hot sauce was as weak as the regulars here... There is nothing wrong with hanging out with other people's grandparents. I still like this place, it's a novelty.

Double Chocolate Cake... Or some shit like that whatever the server with the mushmouth said. It seemed old and dried out but I guess that's their demographics after all. Oh snap, you see how I worked that in.



GA RenFest.
I know... What's a sophisticated chap like the pouch doing here at such a low rent redneck event? Well, because I'm a low rent fat fuck so I'll fit right in... Speaking of fat, the carnie food served here are a real special treat. Like in dog treats. Thank god they didn't invent mirrors here, yet.

Foot Long with explosive shit on top. Looks exactly the same going in as it does coming out. That is some fucking awesome magic trick. I don't know why I got it with everything, guess that's the thing to do when you're in Rome or Fairburn, UK but the dog itself was actually quite good, I can't believe I'm even saying that... But the fake cheez whiz and sloppy shit stained chili was total garbage. Scrape that shit to the side with the spork and you should be ok. But after 45 minzies, it's fair game on your bowels.

Turkey Leg... How can anyone not get one of these when you're at this special event with really bad Engrish accents surrounding you. First off, there aren't even any turkeys in England. So how the fuck did this carnival item became so popular with the redneck knights. I gotta admit, I liked the turkey leg, it's so goddamn low rent, but not the price. For $8, you too can gnaw away on this beast of a leg for hours on end. I have yet to see someone work it down to the bone.


After all that slop, it's time to ride off into the sunset... To the closest porta-potty. Splash.