Jesus Christ, this place is still open for business? You mean it didn't get swallowed up by the Shops of Buckhead on the Rodeo Drive of ATL? I have not been back here in years maybe decades... But I was suckered into coming here with the promise of brown juice. I never liked restos that's on the top floor of any building. You just don't have a proper exit plan... I don't want to be stuck running around from floor to floor like John McClane in the Nakatomi building. If the food sucked, I like to get my fat ass outta there as quick as possible and my opulent muffin top is just not built for quick maneuvers going up and down a flight of stairs with shards of glass in my elephant foots... The pannus is like a pair of fried egg titties slapping me in the face with any type of aerobic exercise. This "steakhouse" wants to be in the same league as Chops and Bones but it has the corporate chain decor funk smeared all over the joint which makes it smell cheap. But the lure of unlimited whiskey was too much for me resist... So, I'm gonna take another one for my team of one... The shit I endure for my one reader.
I had a few cocktails and then the appetizers started flying on the table all at once like drones controlled by dorks on dope with no timing whatsoever. The fucking savages at the table were like vultures devouring plate after plate of the morsels... Such as the Steak Tartare,
Lobster and Crab Cakes,
and Pan-Fried Calamari with Hot Cherry Peppers. The gang bang of grubby fingers went through them so quickly that I didn't get a chance to snap a pic of the vittles. The decimated plates looked like the face of an unsuspecting amateur teen after Ron Jeremy had his way with it. Oh, well, everyone knows what that craps looks like anyways... And it didn't taste half bad.
Wedge with Bleu Cheese and Applewood Smoked Bacon. Is this a joke? This is the ugliest wedge salad I have ever seen. It looks like a fucking avalanche... Someone call search and rescue, children could be buried alive under that bleu cheese jizzlobbery waterfall. What lazy motherfucking short order cook created this creasture? How is it that the diner is doing more work slicing this iceberg lettuce than the cook... I'm paying you top dollar to chew this shit for me. The presentation was unappetizing, shit just thrown up in the air and landed on the plate in a crop dusting pattern. Get this nasty shit outta my face, Pablo... For the children
Dry Aged NY Strip au Poivre with Courvoisier Cream - 14 oz. This was a big piece of hulking meat. No one needs to eat this much man meat in one sitting... Except for maybe Jenna Jameson. I know I can't put that much manhood in my mouth. And the color on that cream sauce... I knew I shoulda asked for it on the side... Flush. Let's turn our attention to the sides for a minute...
Joined by the Strip's fwends- Roasted Wild Mushrooms, French Beans with Heirloom Tomatoes, and Sam’s Mashed Potato. I'm just gonna let this sit here for a bit and survey the land on how to attack this. Prolly good idea to slice it all up.
Post Bobbitizing the man meat... Ordered mid-rare and it was close, just a tad bit over... Nah, it was medium. Looked decent but here's the thing, the meat was kinda chewy, dry and had a grainy texture and that ain't from the peppercorns. It wasn't bad by any means but for a semi high end steak joint you woulda thunk it would be juicy, tender and melt in your dirty piehole like buttah. That is why I always asked for mid-rare, shoulda asked for rare, shit, even blue. Some cooks still don't know the difference between medium and mid-rare. Overall, it was acceptable but when you're paying these prices, you don't want just acceptable... You want motherfucking mouthgasms. The sides were good, though.
Seared Citrus Glazed Salmon. It looked properly executed but it also looked boring as fuck. The haricot vert were snappy and decent. The salmon was as expected, tasted like salmon at every other steakhouse... Boring as fuck and semi dry.
This chain ain't gonna win any awards for the food but if you want mediocre/acceptable grub at lofty prices this is the place for you to impress some dumb broad or a client you're trying to slay. It's an old school Buckhead joint that's been around for a long time and it prolly will continue to be with the Buckhead locals' taste for pretend high end food. It will be another 10 years before I even consider coming back here.
Snooze.
255 East Paces Ferry Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30305
http://www.thecapitalgrille.com
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