There's just something magical and adventurous about tiny shithole food shacks... Because who the fuck really wants to knows what kinda mystery meat they use... But they usually tastes so goddamn good and cheap that you just don't give a fuck if you're eating raccoon ass giblets or lady possum bits. One of the best hole in the wall dumps was the original Las Brasas which was located in a late 1800's era jail cell... Their Peruvian roasted cheekan was so fucking good that the way I licked my fingers clean made the broads next to me blush and moist, it was like crack... Shit, it coulda been seasoned with crack by the looks of that place. Now, they finally moved to a bigger but not always better location pumping out mediocre yardbird after yardbird, long story short, their food fell short and that love affair was over after my first bite.
Shithole food shacks are a dying breed, there are not many left... Wyatt's BBQ, Anne's Snack Shack, Jamal's Wings are a few that comes to mind and then there's this joint... I fell in love with this chump-dump the first time I ever walked through the door and smashed my fat face straight into the glass of the buffet steam table just like a chump. There is more square footage on the menu on the wall than there is beneath your feet. I have seen prison toilets bigger than this joint. This dump was a tattoo shop before, imagine that shitshow in this ultra hygienic space. I have made a handful of visits over the four years they have been jerking their chicken and now, it was time to make another visit or did I just needed to take a wicked piss break since this rundown shack reminded me of the public bathrooms in Asia. There's no doubt they smoke their meats here. Make shift smokers of different sizes are sprawled around their compound and they go strong all day. For a tiny dump, they have a wide selection of dishes to be had but I usually stick to their strongest items... Anything jerk is always a safe bet here.
Let's see if they still have what it takes to make the pouch happy or else they will be getting a bunch of prank calls from Frank Rizzo. So, listen up, sizzlechest... Da pouch needs his Caribbean fix, STAT.
Beef Patty. They have one of the best beef patties around, even if it's store bought now, maybe... I remember them saying they used to make them in house when they first opened a few years ago but it took them forever to bake them. I waited 40 minzies one time for one of these Jamaican hot pockets and it was totally worth the wait. But most rubbernecks don't have the patience to wait for these incredibly tasty patties.
Smoked Jerk Wings. These are some of the best smoked wings in town, they are even better if they just came out of the smoker. The skin is a bit charred, a bit crispy and full of smokey flavor. The meat is tender, moist and pulls apart with ease. I hate watching people eat these wings and leave a ton of skin and meat on there... You need to get every bit of morsel out of the crevices or else you're just playing with their emotions. Just don't do it, numbnuts.
Goat Curry, Jerk Chicken, mac & cheese and peas & rice. I really like the goat curry here even though if there's more bones than ultra tender goat meat. The curry juice/sauce is just a nice balance of spices and it ain't spicy at all. The jerk chicken like the jerk wings are smoked as well and the char, crisp, smoke and tender dark meat slides down your throat with little effort and maximum flavor. You can't go wrong with the rice and peas but their mac & cheese is da tits. Everyone knows that the crispies on the top layer is the best part and I tried to get him to give me a lot of the cheesy crust... He was like I can only give you so much of the crust but since you're sporting a full blown hard-on staring at the food, I will give you more crust just to get you outta here quicker before you start poking needle size holes in my menu. They don't skimp on the portions here, you get a lot of bang for the buck... I can't say the same for the skinny skank working the corner. You will not leave hungry if you decide to eat on the elegant front porch but if you take it home, you can put on your favorite moo-moo and park your barrel ass in your well worn Lazy Boy chair and enjoy this hefty meal in your own flatulence... Oh, yes, you will have gas and lots of it. That's a positive sign that the grub was good. You know, like how you're suppose to burp like a beast after a feast with Arabs.
I ate all this on their front porch and they don't have a bathroom, the tasty morsels went through me like purple drank at a high school party in East Point and I was about to explode... Now, I know how Sol Rosenberg felt when he went in for laser surgery... It's tearing the ass outta me! And my shoes fell off walking down that steep driveway into traffic... But I still fucking love this dump. Next time, I'm going for the roti.
3358 E Ponce de Leon Ave
Scottdale, GA 30079
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