Royal China

Royal China has been just OK for me over the years... The dim sum wasn't the freshest but the menu dishes were decent, not bad not great. It was a good back up... And boy, did this joint ever saved the night from a horrendous recent visit at Oriental Pearl. Wanna hear about it? Shit, mofos, of course you do!
OP has always been my go to joint for consistent and quality Cantonese vittles. The dim sum was always on par+ but Best BBQ has taken the #1 spot for dim sum the last couple of years. Their regular menu items were spot on most of the time, I have always had and said good things about OP... Until now. Made a large rez for 7PM one recent Saturday night before Chino Munkee New Year, they had no problem handling that, the place was pretty packed but only a few tables had food, wasn't really a concern in the beginning but I had that spidey sense tingling in my pouch. It took forever to get tea or water to the table, it's usually you sit down and out comes the tea pots and cups... Nothing came out for 15 minzies. I only spotted 4 servers for the entire place. None of them came by, had to wave down the fucking hostess/owner/monkey trainer... Said, she would be right with us. I called bullshit... And was right, she totally ditched us. Waved down a server and he got 1 pot of tea for a table of 11... Yeah, that sounds proportionate, motherdick. Water took another 9 minzies to come out. Ordered a bunch of dishes and waited and waited, the fucking bowl of soup finally came out after waving down another server. The fish maw soup was just ok, tasted like it has been sitting out for hours. Waited and waited some more like an hour after ordering. I scanned the room with the same people at their empty tables, waiting. I ran next door to the food court to get some dumplings to go and went back to the table, still fucking nothing. I mean this was like almost an hour and half already. The owner said to stay put, it's coming... Yeah, it's like a 90 year old woman saying she's cumming any second now, just keep pumping away, sonny... Fuck that shit, I told that dried up cunt owner this was the worst visit I have ever had in over 10 years here. No wonder why so many servers and cooks quit, she said I was lying, "don't say lies!". I don't have to say lies dumbfuck, I can count the number of servers on the floor and the cooks on the line. She told me to go back to the kitchen and see how many cooks she has back there... "People are getting food!" she says. I started pointing to at least 10 tables with no food since we got there and the people at the tables were laughing because they were fucking pissed off, too. I was the only retard with balls to speak up... With a little help from my friend, Whiskey, of course. We walked out and the owner tried to stop us... Fuck off, skank or else I will pour this pot of cold tea on your floppy fried egg titties and fart in your general direction. I will hiss and cut you if it demands it. Who you trying to get crazy wit, ese? Don't you know I'm poucho?
All that malarkey and hilarity lead me back to this back up joint... Old, Royal China. Still looks the same outside and inside but the menu is all shiny and new! A giant multi-level laminated menu full of professionally shot photos of Chino dishes... This made me suspect of the food. Almost. It reminded me of JIA in PCM with their shiny colorful laminated menu as well and their food sucked a giant donkey sauce squirting cock. But beggars can't be choosers at  9:30PM, yeah we sat at that shitshow in OP for over 2 hours for fucking soup... Soup ain't a meal, Bania can tell you that. It really was like an episode of Seinfeld at that goat rodeo. But... Royal China's new and improved menu didn't look halfway bad. It looked good and we ordered a bunch of classic safe dishes, didn't want to jinx the limited luck we had at this time of the night. The hot tea pots and water came out within 3 minzies... We're off to a good start. So far...

Eggplant, String Bean, Pork Belly. Goddamn, this looks savory, saucey and chunky... Perfect for this munkee. Shit was delish.

Scallop Nest. This was just ok... Decent amount of scallops but they overloaded the dish with too many stalks of celery and the nest was made with deep fried vermicelli noods. Skip it next time.

Pan Fried Noodles. Classic street food noods... Perfect toothy texture on the noods and the flavor was spot on. Good simple dish. Can't fuck this up but I have tasted worse.

 Chinese Fried Chicken. Can't fucking celebrate year of the munkee without some cheekan... Ultra thin and crispy crackling skin with a somewhat tender meat, a bit cool on the temp but hey, cold fwied cheekan from the fridge the next has always be killer. I wasn't expecting this to be made to order but it was still pretty good even ordering this late at night. I would get it again only if I came in earlier so they can make it to order... All crackling and juicy.

S&P Shrimp. Anyone who doesn't eat shrimp with the heads on is just a fucking putz. The best part of the shrimp is sucking out all the brains and juices within it's head... Then eating the head itself and chasing it with the body. Good stuff.

S&P Squid. Who doesn't like this Americanized dish... Lightly battered, fried to a crisp and generously seasoned with salt and not much pepper... But it was still tasty as fuck.

Pea Shoots. These damn things used to be so fucking inexpensive... Until the roundeyes started ordering this in mass and exhausted the supply. But this shit is still tasty... Tonight only. 

Tofu in Soy. Not exactly the most exciting dish in the whole but sometimes you need protein one way or another... Just not up the butt.

Beef Chowfun. The standard of all standard noodle dish... If you can make a consistent one over and over again, you will have a special place in my heart. This version was not too shabby. Correct size noodles, the right color, the right amount of grease and thinly sliced tender beef. It's a good beef chowfun.

Clams in Black Bean Sauce. This is another classic Cantonese dish... But they we a bit chintzy with the amount of clams, some shells were empty but the ones that had clams were pretty tasty. The black bean may have a bit thicker than usual for this dish. It's an ok dish, but better with more clams.

Royal China saved what coulda been a Popeyes night, not that Popeyes is bad, it's fucking amazing but just not for a pre-Chinese New Year's dinner. My go to Oriental Pearl turned out to be a fucking bloody goat abortion... We made like a fetus and headed out for the front door. I will fucking rank on those motherfuckers from this day forth until they have proven themselves worthy once again... And it won't be anytime soon. But until then, I will try not to bust Royal China's balls that much on their dated and gaudy interior design... Along with their history of really shitty health scores. But their newly designed menu deserves some recognition and their no bullshit service was able to seat a large party kinda late on a Saturday night quickly which was well appreciated. Is it the best Chinese vittles in town, fuck no, but they are a great back up skank when the bitch you wanted to slay is out fucking some other fat douche bag.

5399 New Peachtree Rd
Chamblee, GA 30341
770-986-9866